Meredith sighed in frustration as she threw her magazine onto the floor beside the bed. She was finally feeling better, after two days of sleeping, coughing, and a nauseous stomach anytime Derek brought any kind of food into the room, she was finally feeling better, but she still didn't have as much energy as normal, which led Emma and Derek to insist that she stay in bed until she was fully recovered.
"Hey," Derek grinned as he walked into the room, sitting down beside her and reaching to press a kiss to her forehead. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Can't I just get out of bed?"
"Just one more day, Mer," Derek said softly. "We're going to the church tomorrow. If you want to go downstairs, we can watch some movies or something."
"I'm bored," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I want to do something exciting."
"Okay," Derek nodded, dropping a newspaper onto her lap. "How about we house hunt?"
"House hunt?" Meredith asked, picking up the paper.
"We'll need a place in the city," Derek replied. "And I was just looking through the classifieds in the Times to get an idea of what's available around campus."
"And?" Meredith asked, a smile playing on her lips as she looked down at the papers.
"And I realized we should talk about it," Derek replied. "I guess it makes the most sense to get another apartment, especially since we don't know where we're going to be after med school. But at the same time, the idea of renting a condo or something sounds… amazing. Having a real home, instead of a temporary one."
"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Okay, well, did you find anything impressive?"
"Here," Derek nodded. "I thought it would be a good compromise between the two of them. It's an apartment five blocks from campus, but the bedroom is lofted. It's got an open living and dining room, and great views of the harbor."
"Can we see it?" Meredith asked, a smile playing on her lips. She tried to hide the coughs that were coming up from her throat, but she was unable to do so as they came out in harsh, wracking sounds.
"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, reaching out to cup her cheek in his hand. "We'll see it soon, I promise. But you've got to get better first. We have to be back in Boston next week for graduation, but I thought you could use a day of pampering in the city before that."
"A day of pampering?" Meredith asked curiously.
"Mmmhmm," Derek nodded, reaching for her left hand and pressing a kiss to her engagement ring. "We can see the house. And, there is one other very important piece of planning our wedding that we have yet to take care of."
Meredith frowned. "What have we missed?" she asked. "We have dresses, flowers, a church, reception hall, food, minister, invitations were sent…Derek, what are we missing?"
He smiled softly. "We need rings, Mer," he said softly. "So once you're feeling better, we can go check out the apartment, and have a day for just the two of us in the city. Maybe stop by Tiffany's."
Meredith smiled. "You," she said, leaning forward to wrap her arms around his neck. "Are the most amazing man in the world. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to marry you."
Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to her lips. "I'm pretty lucky too," he whispered, twirling a strand of hair around his finger. "I know it sucks to be sick, Mer. But you'll get better soon, and we'll be back to being us."
"I know," Meredith sighed. "You know….I'm feeling a lot better."
Derek shook his head as he pulled back from her. "Mer, you're not going to convince me that you're feeling well enough to go out," he said. "And even if you somehow managed to do so, my mom would never go for it."
Meredith smiled as she grabbed his collar and pulled him closer to her. "Who's talking about going out?" she asked seductively.
"Oh no," Derek shook his head. "You're sick, Mer. And as much as I love you, I'm not going to have sex with you while you're sick."
"I'm not sick anymore," Meredith insisted, feeling stupid as she immediately felt another round of coughing coming along.
Derek laughed as he leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "You're cute, Mer," he said. "But I'm still not having sex with you."
"Fine," she pouted. "I'm at least going downstairs."
"Alright," Derek said, moving back to help her to her feet. "Let's go."
Meredith sighed as she leaned into Derek, knowing that he was right. As better as she was feeling, her body still felt heavy and tired, and she knew she would never be able to handle a day in the city right now."
"Derek?" Meredith asked as she sat down at the table, watching him move to get some tea for her.
"Hmmm?" he asked.
"You're going to think I'm crazy," Meredith whispered.
"I always think you're crazy," Derek laughed. "What's up?"
"Do you think it's a sign?" Meredith asked. "Because I got sick when I tried on my wedding dress. Do you think that's a sign that maybe things aren't going to work?"
Derek frowned as he turned to face her, staring at her for a moment before he moved to sit in front of her. "Is this you freaking out?" he asked.
"What?" Meredith asked.
"I've been waiting for it since I proposed," Derek nodded. "Waiting for a ramble filled with metaphors that don't make sense and worst case scenarios that end up in you saying that you're scared."
"Oh," Meredith nodded, wrapping her blanket tighter around her. "Um…I guess I feel like…what if it means something? That I got sick when I tried my wedding dress on."
"Meredith, I highly doubt that the dress caused you to get sick," Derek laughed softly. "And it sucks that you got sick this close to all these big things that are happening in your life. But that doesn't mean that things are going to be bad for the rest of our lives. If there's one thing that I'm sure of, Meredith Grey, almost Shepherd, it's that we're going to make it through anything. Together."
"I'm scared, Derek," she whispered. "Not because I don't love you, because I do. More than anything. But…I guess I still have some issues with my parents and their completely messed up life."
"I know," Derek nodded. "You want to know something?"
Meredith nodded earnestly, taking comfort in the vulnerability in his eyes.
"I'm scared too," Derek whispered.
"You are?"
"Yeah," Derek nodded. "Marriage is a big step. And even though we pretty much live like we're married already…it will be different. And starting med school as newlyweds…it's okay to be scared, Mer. But we'll do it together."
She nodded as she leaned forward to kiss him. "Thank you," she whispered.
"For what?" Derek asked.
"For…being honest with me," Meredith whispered. "For understanding me, because sometimes I don't even understand me. And just…for loving me."
"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered, pulling her close. "I can't help but love you. Every single part of you."
Meredith closed her eyes tightly, squeezing her arms around him as they sat locked in an embrace for a long time, finally feeling normal for the first time in three days.
XXXXX
"Are you sure we can afford to live in this neighborhood?" Meredith asked as she clutched Derek's hand, allowing him to navigate her through the bustling streets of New York City.
"I'm sure," Derek nodded. "My uncle is subletting it, and it's under rent control. It's a steal."
"Good," Meredith nodded, her eyes wandering over the luxurious buildings lining the street.
Two days after she had felt to feel better, Emma had given her the all clear to go to New York, and she and Derek had left early that morning, catching the ferry from Long Island to the city to spend the day together before they had to head back up to Massachusetts to prepare for graduation.
"Here it is," Derek said, stopping in front of a large white building. "What do you think?"
"It's beautiful," Meredith breathed. "Let's go inside."
Derek laughed as he pulled her towards the door, pressing the intercom to allow them to be let into the building. "Derek Shepherd," an older gentleman said with a smile as he stepped out of a door to their right. "Your Uncle Andrew told me you would be showing your face around here sometime soon."
"Hi, Jake," Derek said with a smile. "It's good to see you. This is my fiancé, Meredith."
"Pleasure to meet you, Meredith," Jake said with a smile. "Congratulations."
"Thanks," Meredith smiled as she ducked her head down.
"So you want to see your uncle's apartment," Jake said, leading tem towards the stairs. "I must say, it's pretty nice digs for two students."
"Med school students," Derek laughed. "And we'll be right near Columbia."
"Of course," Jake nodded as he unlocked the door to the apartment. "Here it is."
"Oh," Meredith breathed, taking in the surroundings of the apartment. In front of them was a wide, open area, half covered in carpet and half hardwood floors. To their right was a kitchen, separated from the dining area by a small island counter. To their left was a set of stairs that presumably led to their lofted bedroom, and a large picture window looked over the city in front of them.
"It's…amazing," Derek said.
"So we've got the kitchen and living area down here," Jake said, heading towards the stairs. "And the bedroom is up here." They followed him up the stairs, stepping into an open area with two closest to the right and a bathroom to the left. Another picture window mimicked the view of the one downstairs. Meredith turned to look over the balcony, smiling as she looked down at the rest of the apartment.
"So we've got two closets," Jake said. "A bathroom with a stand up shower and Jacuzzi tub. There's a balcony downstairs as well, and the building has both storage and laundry facilities. Your uncle still has the lease on this place, so it's yours if you want it."
Derek turned to look at Meredith, whose eyes were wide. "Yes," she said. "I mean, if you want it. But I definitely do."
"Good," Derek nodded as he wrapped his arms around her. "We'll take it," he said to Jake.
"Wonderful," Jake said with a smile. "I'll go get the paperwork so you can sign a lease, and move in at your earliest convenience."
"Thanks," Derek nodded, eyeing Meredith's pale form. "Hey, you okay?" he asked in concern as Jake made his way down the stairs.
"Yeah," Meredith nodded as she breathed in deeply. "Yeah, I'm just dizzy. But it's probably just because I'm still a little sick and we're going to live here, and it will be our first home, a home for just us. And we're getting married in over a month, and…I think I need to sit down."
"Okay," Derek nodded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice as he helped her to sit down, leaning against the wall. "Just take deep breaths. Do you need some water?"
"No," Meredith shook her head, clutching his hand tightly. "I'm okay, Derek. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm just…there's a lot going on."
"I know," he nodded as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Maybe we should go home."
Meredith smiled slightly as she leaned in to press her forehead against his, still trembling slightly. "Derek," she whispered. "We are home."
Derek laughed as he laced his fingers through hers. "Mer…you just almost passed out. And I can't have that."
She leaned forward to kiss him. "I'm okay," she whispered. "I need…we'll get some food, and I'll feel a lot better. But I've never had a real home that's just mine before. And it's all just hitting me. We're graduating and getting married and becoming real people, with real lives. And I freaked out."
"You're good at that," Derek laughed.
"But I'm okay now."
"Good," Derek smiled. "Because we've got to get another ring for that finger of yours."
Meredith smiled as she reached out to take his left hand, running a finger over his bare ring finger. "You need one too," she smiled. "So all those single girls won't steal you away."
Derek laughed and got to his feet, pulling her up with him. "Never going to happen," he said. "Come on. We'll go sign the lease, and then we'll get you some food so you don't freak out again."
Meredith sighed as she leaned her head against his shoulder. They made their way down the stairs, signing the lease quickly before they walked out of the building, Derek's arm securely around her waist.
"How are you feeling?" Derek asked as they molded into the busy pedestrians of the street.
"I'm fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Let's just go get rings. I want to get your wedding ring."
Derek smiled and squeezed her hand. "Alright," he nodded. "Tiffany's?"
"No," Meredith shook her head. "I don't want fancy or modern. Your mom's ring…my ring is classic, and I want something to go with it."
"Okay," Derek nodded. "I know just the place."
"Good," Meredith smiled, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment as he led her to a less busy side street, pointing to an antique store. "They have older jewelry in here," he said. "We'll see if we can find something."
Meredith smiled as she pressed her lips to her cheek. "Perfect," she smiled. "Come on, let's go."
Derek smiled softly as he watched her pull him towards the shop, glad that she seemed to be feeling okay again. She was happy, he knew she was happy, but he still couldn't shake the nagging worry he had about her.