Chapter 13

8 long draining weeks had passed since Pen had that first nightmare, and flipped out on Morgan. She was on the verge of a major breakdown. Because of this Morgan painfully agreed with the dr. advice about transferring her to the psychiatric wing of the hospital. Tearfully he signed off on it, being her next of kin defiantly was taking its toll on him. Thanks to the daily in patient therapy sessions each session was held in her room with Morgan lingering close by in the lounge down the hall. His mom stayed by his side they rotated shifts. So Pen was never alone especially at night. The rest of the team returned to their normal shifts and routines with of course visits to pen when the schedules allowed. Morgan had taken a leave of absence he had made his mind up he would not return to the BAU until she was well enough to walk through those doors with her hand in his. Today was a huge day for Pen depending on how well this session went it would be decided if she should remain inpatient in the psychiatric dept. or switched to out patient status with home visits and office visits alternating. The final decision would be made by her primary dr., rape counselor, and psychiatrist.

So much has changed in her eyes. She now knew that the delusions she was having were due to the drugs in her system. She had to relearn that Morgan and those she held dear in her life would never hurt her. Thanks to her sessions reconfirming what he repeated to her on a daily basis. He was so patient with her and she knew she was exhausting him. She still didn't want him to touch her. She would sit there and talk with him about anything under the sun and his mom was so sweet and considerate. But even with all the progress that was made she still couldn't bring herself to let him fully in. her bruising was just about gone, thankfully so far all of STD blood work came negative. She was still a nervous wreck about the pregnancy issue. Even though she was on the pill, abstinence is the only thing that is 100% full proof. He brought pictures and her laptop from their home that they shared. It was a pleasant reminder of what they had.

Morgan wore the engagement ring on a gold chain around his neck that's where it would stay until it went back on her finger. When she had that flashback and snapped on him being in the bed with her that day she hurled it at him full speed from across the room as Reid, JJ, and the nurses wrestled her down and sedated her. She put so much strength into that throw it felt like a bullet whizzed by his head. That was the moment the doctor pulled him into the hall, and Morgan signed the papers for the transfer. He knew they were far from ok. The pregnancy fear wasn't over. And really the STD issue wasn't either he knew from countless rape cases repeat testing was required for sometimes more than a year. He didn't know what kind of mental setback his baby girl would face if she turned up pregnant by that bastard. One thing was for sure he would be by her side whatever decision she made in regards to her body.

"Excuse me agent Morgan we have a little change in plans" the nurse interrupted his thoughts

"Is there something wrong with Penelope?"

He asked as he stood up.

"No just an adjustment her doctors don't want to make a call on her release until her most recent lab results come back"

"You mean her pregnancy test am I right."

"Yes Agent the doctor wanted me to let you know that and to tell you she is done with her session and she is asking for you"

"Tell her I will be in a minute thank you"

He didn't realize how scared he was. Just as scared as was the day she disappeared. But this wasn't about him not by a long shot this was about his love she needed him and that's where he would be there for her.

He stood in her doorway watching her look at the slideshow he made for her of her godsons Henry and Jack. "I miss them"

She whispered, she felt his presence instantly.

"I know you do baby girl they miss you too."

"Um I don't know how to feel"

"What do you mean?"

He asked as he sat on her bed.

"What if he? What if I? what if?..."

She couldn't bring herself to say it even though she talked about in her sessions she still couldn't say it in front of him or to him directly it felt like the ultimate betrayal to carry another man's child while Morgan was devoted to her and them.

"What if you're pregnant by him?"

He saw her struggle to say it and it was killing him to see her fall over her words it wasn't necessary he pretty knew her thoughts even before all of this that how close they were and vice versa.

"Yea that"

She hung her head and sat back in thought.

"Baby I have told you and I will continue to tell you nothing will change my feelings for you I am not going to leave your side."

He stood up and walked over to her and leaned down in front of her he knew his boundaries that she set for him and he respected them. He put his hands on the armrest to her left and right. He heard her take in a sharp breath and stiffen. This was as close as they had been since that day she snapped on him. He prayed she could handle his closeness but he had a point to prove.

He pointed to her stomach.

"No matter what may or may not be in there, no matter what you decide to do about what may or may not be in there I will ALWAYS BE RIGHT HERE"

He pointed to his chest to solidify his point and that's when she saw the shimmer in her view. She reached up cautiously to lift the chain out of his dress shirt. She had no idea he was wearing the ring she was at a loss for words. She looked at and then looked at him.

"I don't think I can keep his child and bring a decedent of Carl Buford into this world. I know I don't believe in abortion but when I think about what he did to you and what his son did to me I really don't want to carry on that bloodline."

She continued to play with the ring on his chain he took it from around his neck and sat back down on the bed giving her time with her thoughts.

"There is always adoption baby."

She looked up at him in slight shock.

"Are you serious right now "

"There is seriously something wrong with you Morgan!"

She chuckled as she stood up and walked to the window.

"I think you might to be a patient here too"

She turned quickly and looked at him

"What man in their right mind is going to stand by and go through the throws of pregnancy and labor and delivery with his woman who is carrying and preparing to birth a rapist baby? Oh Not just any rapist baby but the grandchild of the man that RAPED YOU MORGAN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

Morgan shook with disgust and shame at the crudeness of her statement he felt the tears burning in his eyes all of a sudden he felt the old shame come back over him he hadn't felt that shame in some time. Even in his recent confession to the world of his abuse he didn't feel this shamed. His mind instantly started to race all of the pain of those past violations were flooding back. He could feel Carl touching him, kissing him; he could again feel the heaviness of Carl body on top of him. He felt like he was having a panic attack, food poisoning, and a hangover all at once. He broke out in a cold sweat as he thought back to all of those times he smiled and lied right to his mother's face about how great the extra practice time was going with Carl and the trips with Carl. All the sneaking and scheming he would do around the house to hide his shame. He abruptly demanded that his mom stop cleaning his room, and stop doing his laundry. There was no way in the world he was going to let her see his bloody underwear. Or his sheet soaked in urine, from the night mares. He worked so hard to hide it and just like that the woman know the person who means the most to him brought it all back with that one statement. That alone was a true testament to how much power she had and how close he held her. He didn't know what was happening to him. These feelings that he never really dealt with because he was putting her first as any good man would do for their woman. He needed to leave to get some air he couldn't let her see him like this, broke down again she already picked him back up and started to try to piece him together the day she was taken. He couldn't face her; he didn't want to see the shame and coldness in her eyes. He was so supposed to be her backbone right now, and sitting here crying like a bitch wasn't helping.

She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She stood by the window watching his face and body language change right before her eyes. That's when it really truly sunk into her head. She and he were both rape victims. Yes she already knew it but it never really sunk in until that moment. The same thing she went through he also went through but as a child he had no one he could turn to. Shit at least she had him and her team but for a child to go through this shit for years and years. She felt like a total ass. He managed to deal with this for decades, and yes he had his own way of dealing with it but over those years he developed into an intelligent, caring, protective, loving man. Who still managed to be there for those he held close to his heart.

"Derick wait don't go"

She called out to him just as turned the knob to leave. She started to walk over to him. He rested his head on the door as she walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. He froze he waited weeks for her to be strong enough to touch him, strong enough to allow him to touch her. He sure as didn't think it was going happen this way. She turned him around, she felt like she was looking in a mirror. He refused to pick his head up and look at her straight on. This was the same habit she had fallen into.

"I had no reason to lash out at you all you have tried to do is make me better and be there for me and I threw it back in your face. I am so very sorry."

She trembled as she lifted her hand to his cheek. He sighed as he reached up to place his hand on hers. She began to wipe his tears

"Baby girl please don't apologize I wasn't leaving because I was mad I was leaving because I'm supposed to be the strong one for you. You shouldn't see me breaking down again. Oh baby girl I have missed your touch."

They just stood there in a comforting silence. She broke the silence first.

"We are both victims of Carl Buford now."

"Penelope never in this lifetime of the next one did I ever fathom that we would share that horror. For that baby I am sorry that I brought this into your life. And your right I do need to see someone for my issues."

They were so caught up in the major turn their relationship took they didn't see the doctor trying to come in the room. They both moved out of the way she sat down and Morgan turned his back to the room for a second to wipe his face.

"Good afternoon agent Morgan"

The doctor spoke softly

"Hello Penelope I heard you had a good session today."

"Yes I did and I am ready to go home so I hope you have good news for me today can I please leave"

"I want to discuss you newest lab results with you first."

Morgan came and stood behind the chair that she was sitting in.

"I can only imagine how nerve wracking this must be for the both of you, so I will cut write to the chase."

"Something is wrong isn't it because all the other times you have had my results you just came right out with it? You never had to sit down like this before."

"All of your STD's are still negative, as your pregnancy test it was positive now by our … "

She cut the doctor clean off mid-sentence after she heard the word pregnant she stopped processing all info. Morgan knelt down next to her. He could tell she was in shock.

"Baby we can get through this"

He whispered in her ear. As she started to cry.

"Uh Penelope you didn't let me finish, it is imperative that the two of you please let me continue. Now as I said yes you are pregnant but you have been here 8 weeks tomorrow. And you were held captive for a less than a week. Now when we draw blood for pregnancy tests we are looking at the hormone called HGB. It is a full proof method of testing because urine can give you a false positive or negative. Every week that a woman is with child the hormone level rises gradually. I said all of that to say this. There is absoulty no way your assailant is the father of this baby, because your HGB level is reading strongly at 11 almost 12 weeks pregnant! You two are going to have a baby!"

Morgan felt like the wind was knocked out of him. He stood up and shook the doctor hand.

"I will give you two some privacy but the ultrasound tech will be by in about an hour to do an ultrasound"

The doctor left and Morgan returned to her side. She was still awestruck. She had her hands on her stomach. As tears ran down her face, he knelt down and intertwined his hands with hers.

"Did you hear that Penelope? Our baby this is our baby!"

For the first time in forever she smiled the brightest smile through her tears.

Just then Morgan phone rang. The caller id read Hotch he had to take the call even while he was leave he agreed to help the team via phone if they were on a case and needed his brain for something.

"Hello Hotch"

Morgan spoke as he helped Penelope get back in bed

"Morgan I know you are with Garcia sorry to bother you two but I have some news about Mark"