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"What if I trip?" Meredith asked, turning to look at Liz. "I'm going to trip and fall and break my ankle and Derek will think I'm a completely lame ass loser…"
"Meredith, stop," Liz groaned. "And keep your head still, otherwise I will never get your hair right."
"But I'm going to trip," Meredith sighed. "And tear my dress and…"
"You're not going to trip," Addison said, leaning forward with eye shadow. "Close your eyes."
"I can't close my eyes!" Meredith gasped. "If I close my eyes I won't know where I'm going and then I'll…knock Derek's grandmother out of her chair or something."
"Oh my God," Caitlin rolled her eyes as she set her own eyeliner down. "She means now, Mer. So she can put your make up on. Obviously you're not going to close your eyes when you walk down the aisle."
"Oh," Meredith nodded, suddenly feeling stupid. "I'm sorry if I'm driving everyone crazy, I just…I'm terrified."
"It's okay, Mer, we get it," Kathleen said, resting her hand on her stomach. "But don't worry, Derek loves you. And that's what this is all about, right? Marrying Derek?"
"Derek," Meredith breathed. "Right. Right, it's about him."
"How are we doing?" Emma asked as she stepped into the room where the girls were getting ready.
"Emma," Meredith sighed in relief. "I mean Mom. I mean…crap."
"It's okay, dear," Emma said, leaning forward to kiss her check. "You have bigger things to worry about today."
"Oh," Meredith said. "Um…thank you." She paused for a moment before she asked, "Have you seen Derek?"
"I have," Emma nodded. "He's very excited."
"Good, that's good," Meredith said. "Because…I miss him. It's stupid and pathetic but I hate that you Shepherds are so set on tradition that I couldn't even spend the night with him last night."
"It's not the end of the world," Nancy laughed. "And don't pretend that you both didn't try to sneak out and see each other. You can't be mad if Liz falls asleep at the altar today, she was up all night making sure you two weren't sneaking around."
Meredith giggled. "I thought it was funny," she said. "I've never seen Derek try to scale a building before."
"You'd think he would have learned something after he tried to sneak out when he was in high school," Emma sighed. "Anyways, I have to get back to Derek. I promised him that I would make sure you're alright."
"You're going to see him?" Meredith asked, standing suddenly.
"Meredith," Liz sighed. "You have to stop moving, or you're going to get married without styled hair."
Meredith ignored her as she opened her purse. "Can you give these to him?" she asked, handing Emma a small jewelry box. "I wanted to give them to him last night, but your daughters are insane and I didn't get the chance, but I want him to wear them at the wedding, so…can you just give them to him?"
Emma smiled as she reached out to take the box. "Of course, dear," she smiled. "Do you mind if I look?"
"No, of course not," Meredith smiled.
Emma opened the box, smiling as she looked down at the golden cuff links. "Oh, Meredith…" she whispered. "They're beautiful. Derek will love them."
"You think so?" Meredith asked. "Because I saw them, and I thought…they have the claddagh symbol on them. It means love, friendship, and loyalty, and I looked up where Michael's family is from in Ireland and had them special made there and sent over, because I figured…." She took a deep breath as she inhaled sharply, trying not to cry. "I figured Derek would want to have part of his dad here with him today."
Emma stared down at the cufflinks for a moment before she looked at Meredith, tears filling her eyes. "They're perfect," she said softly. "And I know that Derek will love them."
"Good," Meredith nodded. "I um…I should finish getting ready. And you should get back to Derek."
"I will," Emma nodded. "And when I get back, we'll get you into your dress. It's almost time."
"Okay," Meredith whispered, turning back to Liz as Emma walked out of the room.
"Mom!" Derek ran to Emma as soon as she stepped out of the room. "Is she okay? She's not freaking out, is she? Because this is big, and she's probably going to freak out, and I'm the only one who can calm her down, so I need to see her."
"For goodness sake, Derek, you're the one the needs to calm down," Emma rolled her eyes. "She's calmer than you are."
Derek frowned. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Because she…she freaks out a lot, and I know how…"
"Derek Christopher, calm down, take a seat, and listen to your mother," Emma said firmly, pointing to a room across the hall.
Derek ran a hand through his hair as he entered the room and sat down. "Mom, I just…"
"She wants you to have these," Emma said, handing him the box from Meredith. "And… your father wanted you to have this."
"What?" Derek asked, taking the box quickly before reaching for a yellowed envelope with shaking hands. "Dad?"
"Whenever we updated our wills," Emma said thickly, holding back tears. "Your father and I wrote letters to each of you, explaining our hopes and dreams for you, in case anything should happen. Naturally, we wrote them in the expectation that you would receive them on a graduation day or something equally important in regards to your success, but…I think your father wrote this letter more about Meredith than anything else. He wrote it after that first Christmas she came home with you, right before the accident. So I think he would have wanted you to have it today. Your wedding day to Meredith."
"Oh," Derek breathed. "I…thank you."
"I'm going to help Meredith into her dress now," Emma said, squeezing Derek's hand. "But I want to see you open her gift, then you can have a moment alone with your father."
Derek smiled as he opened the box, his eyes widening. "Oh," he breathed.
"They're specially made from Tipperary," Emma said softly. "The town where your father's family is from. Meredith had them ordered just for today."
Derek smiled softly as he moved to put the cuff links on. "She's amazing," he breathed. "Can you…I have this for her." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a jewelry box. "I want her to wear it today."
Emma smiled softly. Her son was nothing if he wasn't a hopeless romantic, just as his father had been. "Of course, dear," she said. "I'll see you outside."
Derek nodded as he sat back down, fingering the envelope from Michael.
"Alright, I'm back," Emma smiled as she entered the room, smiled as she noticed Meredith's hair and make up were finally perfected. Addison was just being zipped into her lavender bridesmaid gown, and Meredith was seated in the corner of the room, staring at the white dress hanging from a hook in front of her.
"Meredith," Emma said softly. "Derek wanted me to give this to you." She placed the box in her hands, and watched as Meredith opened it with shaking hands. "Oh," she said softly. "It's beautiful."
Emma smiled as she looked down at the Celtic knot made of emeralds and diamonds in Meredith's hands. "He wants you to wear it today," she said, reaching out to take the chain and hook it around Meredith's neck. "You know Michael gave me a necklace just like this when we were married."
"Really?" Meredith asked.
Emma smiled as she moved back to stand in front of Meredith. "See?" she asked, pulling the necklace out from under her dress. "I still wear it every day. It makes me feel closer to him, like he's here with me. Especially since…" she trailed off as her gaze trailed down to Meredith's hand briefly.
"Since I took your engagement ring," Meredith finished, twisting the ring around her finger.
"You didn't take it," Emma shook her head. "I want you to have it, and so did Michael. He surely would tell me I was ridiculous for missing it."
Meredith nodded. "Thank you, Mom," she whispered. "You've been…more than amazing over the past few weeks, and I just…thank you."
"There's nothing at all to thank me for," Emma smiled. "You're a daughter to me now, Meredith. Now, let's get you into this dress so you can get married."
Meredith giggled as she reached for the dress, trying to ignore her nerves as she stepped into the dress.
XXXX
Derek paced the small room where he was waiting for the wedding to start, trying to calm his racing nerves. He had not been expecting to have such a strong connection with his father, and now he couldn't help thinking about the words that had been in the letter.
No matter what anyone says, Meredith will always be the most important thing in your life. Work hard in med school and become an excellent surgeon, but don't put that before her. Make sure to spoil her when she needs it.
When she gets pregnant, she will always be right.
If your mother hasn't given up her engagement ring for Meredith yet, make sure she does so. Meredith deserves something special.
When you have children, make sure to have at least two days off a week to spend with them. Teach your son to fish, just like I taught you, and make sure your daughters know that they're your princess.
I'm so proud of you, Derek. You have turned into such an amazing man, and I'm sorry that I won't be able to watch you become a doctor and have children. But I know you'll do fine, especially since you've got Meredith now. I love you, my only son, and you have made me so proud.
Derek knew he was supposed to be thinking about Meredith and how amazing his life would be in a few moments when she walked down the aisle towards him, but now he couldn't figure out how he was supposed to be a husband, doctor, and father without having his father's guidance.
"Shep, you ready?" Mark asked, stepping into the room.
"I…I don't know," Derek said.
Mark blinked in surprise before he asked, "excuse me?"
"I can't do this without Dad," Derek gasped. "He…I need him to tell me what to do."
Mark rolled his eyes. "Are you serious?" he asked. "All I've heard for the past four years is about Meredith and how you want to marry her. And now you're saying you can't do it?"
"I want to," Derek said. "God, she's everything. But I don't even know how to be a husband. I need...I need someone to tell me what to do."
"You're an idiot," Mark said. "Derek, you grew up watching your father put your mom before anyone or anything else. And you know how to be a husband. You were willing to give up your dream school for Meredith, and every single time she's needed there, you've been there. This…it's just a formality. For all intents and purposes you're already her husband. So just think about Meredith. This is about her and you, and it sucks that Dad isn't here, but you need to just think about Meredith. Because she's getting ready to walk down the aisle, and the last thing you should be doing right now is freaking out. It's Meredith, Derek."
Derek took a deep breath, Meredith's face flooding his head for a moment before he nodded and sighed. "You're right," he said. "It's Meredith. I'm ready. I want this."
"You sure you're okay?" Mark asked with a frown.
"I'm fine," Derek nodded. "Meredith's waiting and…I can't wait to marry her."
