Chap 12 Silence and Happiness
It was dark by the time Eragon and Luka came back to the castle. Saphira and Thorn hadn't come so they had to come back walking. They entered the dining room holding hands talking about anything and everything. They stepped inside and took their seats and started to eat. Eragon noticed that Kali and Murtagh weren't talking and they looked vivid. He dropped off in mid-sentence. "Did something happen?" he asked.
"The vows of silence," Galbatorix chuckled. Murtagh and Kali carried on eating as if he hadn't said anything. "Come on, you two, knock it off. You've been like this all morning."
"She's the one who's not talking to me!" Murtagh said childishly.
"Kali, why aren't you talking to Murtagh?" Galbatorix sighed.
She just shrugged her shoulders, "He's being a prick. So how did you two spend your day?" she smiled at Eragon and Luka.
Luka smiled, "It was...interesting you could say," she blushed.
"You spent the whole day?" Kali asked. Luka nodded shyly while Eragon had a little colour rise in his cheek, "Oh, come on, it's not embarrassing. Well, it is if you're caught in a cupboard by your own father but you don't have to worry about that. Could I stay in your room tonight?" Luka nodded before Murtagh could protest, "Thanks."
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"So how was it?"
Luka and Kali had gone straight to Luka's room after they had finished. They had changed into their bed clothes and were now sitting on the bed. Kali sat cross-legged with a pillow on her knees. Luka was sitting with her headboard to her back in a similar fashion. "It was amazing! He's a really good kisser!" Luka squealed.
"Considering that you've never kissed anyone before," Kali smirked.
"So what's with you and Murtagh? You haven't talked all day, according to your father," Luka asked curiously.
Kali shrugged, "Call it childish but I'm not going to talk to him until he takes the anklet off. He's being really stubborn!! I told him that I don't sneak out!! He doesn't believe me!!"
"Do you find that surprising?" Luka asked, "He knows that you lie but that is beside the point. You lied to him. How can he trust you if you don't let him in on your life?"
"But I do, Luka!! I do!! I let him every single day! One or two of the things I do I don't mention because they're not important!! I know he hides things from me too! I bloody hate it when he does something like this, making me look like the bad guy! He's not a saint! How could he be?! He was the reason that I practically committed suicide! He was the one that tortured me! He was the one who...raped me," she whispered. She felt her eyes start to blur with tears.
"Kali? Let it out. You've been hiding your anger, your hate, your disappointment for the last two years," Luka said quietly, "I won't judge you. I won't tell anyone. You helped me, now let me help you. Tell me how much pain he inflicted. Tell me."
"He hurt me. Every time he hit me, every time he flicked the whip at my back I felt part of me was dying. But the one thing I hated to most was that he apologised. He said he was sorry!! Sorry for what he was doing!! WELL HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT THEN!!" Kali burst, "IF HE LOVED ME SO MUCH HE WOULDN'T! BUT NO! HE WAS UNDER OATHS!! GALBATORIX USED HIS TRUE NAME! AND YOU KNOW WHAT??!! I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO SAY SORRY!! I FELT SORRY FOR HIM!! I HATED HIM! I HATED MY FATHER! I HATED ALL OF THEM! AND I STILL HATE THEM BECAUSE I LOVE THEM!!" she took a deep breath, not noticing that tears were streaming down her face, "They made my life hell," she whispered, "And I still love them. I hate Murtagh because I love him so much it hurts but I can't do anything about it. Sometimes I think I'm not needed anymore. Maybe I should just have stayed and let them do what they wanted and let them get rid of me."
Luka held her as she cried. Kali sobbed letting out everything since they had captured her outside Aquila. Luka rocked her back and forth comfortingly until she stopped. Kali hiccupped and wiped her eyes. She hated breaking down. That was why she hardly ever let people know. Kali sniffed. She sniffed again as she smelt something wonderful. She sniffed and realized it was coming from Luka. She felt the mad urge to bite her, to feel her warm blood down her throat.
"Luka. Run." She looked at Kali as if she was insane. "NOW!" Kali just managed to suppress lunging out at her. Luka ran to the door just as Kali jumped out to grab her. She missed. Luka flew out of the door, slamming it shut behind her.
"MURTAGH!!!" Luka screamed as she felt Kali bang into the door, trying to open it. She heard a roar coming from inside the room. "MURTAGH, PLEASE!!" Kali kept banging against the door until Murtagh, Eragon and Galbatorix came running down the corridor. They heard Kali slam against the door again before everything was quiet. "She told me to run," Luka whispered frightened, "I didn't know what to do."
"No, it's alright," Murtagh whispered. He hesitantly opened the door and looked inside. No one was inside. "Oh, no. Eragon, get to your room and lock the door of the Dragon Hold and your own. Take Luka with you and make sure not to open it until Saphira says so," he said urgently. He turned to Galbatorix, "Lock all the Dragon Hold doors."
He nodded, "Done."
Eragon grabbed Luka's hand and rushed to his room. They ran down the hallway hearing a strange jingling sound above them. He looked up as he ran and saw Kali following them, running on all fours and stuck to the ceiling. Without warning he threw Luka over his shoulder and used his elven speed. "Murtagh! The ceiling!" Eragon yelled as he reached the door to his room. He heard Murtagh running their way. Kali dropped from the ceiling just as Eragon reached to open the door.
She grabbed Luka from his shoulders and threw her to the floor. Before Kali could do anything, Murtagh jumped on top of her. Kali growled. Luka and Eragon saw that their eyes had become slits. Eragon rushed to Luka and helped her up before rushing into his room and locking the doors.
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Kali and Murtagh fought to gain the upper hand. They rolled on the floor until Kali pushed him away from her and quickly stood up. Murtagh got to his feet and slammed Kali against the wall. She growled at him, trying to get free. He knocked her against the wall again. She whimpered slightly but it didn't stop her from fighting him. Sensing his advantage, he did it again and again, every time making Kali whimpered more and more, her fighting slowly creasing to nothing.
Murtagh looked at her before slamming her to the wall a final time. Kali whimpered, no longer fighting and exposed her neck to him. Murtagh looked at her before picking her up and throwing her into their room. He roughly threw her onto the bed and held her in place so she couldn't move. Kali whined as she tried to struggle again. Murtagh snarled and pushed her harder into the bed.
Kali slowly exposed her neck. Murtagh looked at her before gradually clamping his jaw where her shoulder met her neck, exposing his own neck to her. She felt his teeth elongate and pierce her skin. She whimpered again and instinctively bit down on his neck, drawing blood. She shook with delight as his warm blood travelled down her throat. Murtagh sucked and lapped at her neck. The wounds healed by themselves but they kept on biting and kissing their throats until Murtagh's lips slowly travelled upwards.
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Luka woke up with Eragon's arms wrapped around her waist. She turned her head and saw him staring at her with a smile. "How long have you been watching me?"
"Maybe the last few minutes," he replied kissing her temple. He looked at the door, "Do you think that Kali and Murtagh are fine?"
"They should be. They should be in the dining room by now," she slowly got out of the bed and reached for her shoes. On the other side, Eragon did the same. They made their way to the dinner room and sat down. Galbatorix was there but the other two hadn't arrived. They ate breakfast quietly until Murtagh came in.
"Where's Kali?" Galbatorix asked.
"She's asleep," he replied sitting down heavily.
"At this hour?"
Murtagh shrugged his shoulders, "I couldn't wake her."
"What do you mean?" Luka said standing up very quickly.
"I tried to wake her up but she didn't even stir. I even screamed at her." Luka bolted out of the door before they could say anything. The men looked at each other before quickly following her to Kali's room.
Kali lay in the bed seemingly asleep. Luka was shaking her furiously but Kali just dropped back onto the bed. Luka checked her pulse before opening one of her eyelids. Kali's eyes were staring. They didn't move but only shrunk slightly when Luka placed a candle near her eyes. "Kali?" Luka whispered brokenly, "Kali, wake up. Please. Don't do this to me, not again." She shook her again, "Please. What about Murtagh? Your father? Me? Hell, Eragon as well?"
"Luka? What's wrong with her?" Galbatorix whispered. Kali would never have been asleep at this time, not even when she was sick and she wasn't moving at all.
"She had an emotional outburst last night. A really bad one," Luka sniffed, "Last time, she fell into a coma for six weeks. I promised not to tell anyone unless it happened again. It was when she was seven; I can't remember what happened but she was affected badly. No one knew about it, not even Lisa. She barely made it and...and I thought she was going to die but she made it saying she wasn't going to tell something like that take everything away. But...but now..." Luka burst into tears.
"Luka, please," Murtagh said quietly. His eyes were overly bright.
"S-she told me i-it would have been b-better if she had d-died!" Luka screamed as Eragon hugged her.
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Murtagh stared at Kali's unconscious form. They had moved her to the infirmary three weeks ago but Nayara had said there was nothing they could do but wait it out. In the three weeks Murtagh barely moved from the bed scared that she might die if he went away. Kali was pale. He reached for one of her hands and found it slightly cold but not cold enough to tell she was dead. Her breathing was regular but after spending three weeks by her bed, Murtagh could tell they were slowly becoming further apart.
"Kali?" he said quietly, "I don't know if you can hear me or not but I want you to know that if you have to go, t-then do so," he choked, "Don't stay there in pain because of us if you don't need to. I won't...I won't judge. You deserved a better life so if...if...if you know you'll be happy then...just don't stay because of us, okay?"
Murtagh didn't hear the door open quietly nor did he hear Luka come in until she was standing right behind him. She placed a hand on his shaking shoulder. He couldn't look up, his eyes glued to Kali's practically lifeless form. "There might be a way," Luka whispered, "Coma's are by the mind, not by illness. She wouldn't let me in last time but maybe you can." She dropped her hand and looked at him, "I need to go but give it a try. If it doesn't work then we have to wait." He heard her leave quietly after giving Kali a quick look.
After the door closed for a few minutes Murtagh finally looked away. He couldn't watch her lying there with him helplessly doing nothing. Slowly he reached out with his mind. He met a solid steel shield. Just as he was about to retreat the shields opened slightly, letting his conscience in. Before he could do anything, the steel shield slammed shut, trapping him in.
Everywhere was black. He seemed to be floating in midair. There was a slight fog swirling around him. He looked around but Kali was nowhere in sight. "Kali!" he yelled. Silence met his answer. He walked around yelling her name but he was met with nothing. The fog swirled around his feet and he look around after a few minutes, hopelessly lost. "Kali, please!"
"PLEASE?!" a voice screamed to his left, "PLEASE WHAT, MURTAGH?! PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?! PLEASE COME BACK?! DO I HAVE A REASON TO GO BACK??!!"
Murtagh followed the screams, "Yes you have a reason to come back!" he shouted, "You have a family that loves you!"
Flashes started to engulf his vision. Flashes of Kali being tortured, being raped, her loneliness as she served to guards, her hatred, her disappointment and her helplessness to do anything. The visions assaulted him and he felt her pain coursing through his body. He yelled as he felt himself being ripped apart. "IS THIS THE FAMILY THAT LOVES ME??!!!" The pain increased and visions of himself torturing her surrounded him. Murtagh screamed as his head felt like it was about to explode.
Everything stopped. Murtagh look up from the place he had fallen. He hadn't even realized he fell or that his eyes had closed. The fog disappeared and the place started to lighten. Trees started to appear in the darkness, sounds of a waterfall tinkled in the distance and the sound of animals reached his ears. He looked around and realized he was at the very edge of the meadow. At the end of the meadow was a giant waterfall falling into the lake below. The lake stretched up to the left side of the rock jutting out of the ground a little ways of. Kali sat on the rock facing the lake, her back to him.
"Kali?"
She sighed, "What do I have left? What do I have to do before I have peace? We know that Varden is going to win; we're helping them without them knowing! They'll kill us the moment they see us," she turned her head to look at him, "Come here," she shifted on the rock so he would have space to sit. He did so slowly. "I'm guessing Luka told you what happened." He nodded. Kali stayed silent and looked out the meadow again. "This is my imagination, not my coma," she stated.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
The scene before him started to shift. The waterfall, meadow and trees disappeared but the lake stayed. Everything became darker and the sounds disappeared. In front of them were two doors; one was made of solid oak, the other was a barred black door, hanging in midair. Kali stood and looked into the lake. Murtagh followed her curiously. The lake was blank until Kali waved her hand over it. Pictures started to appear, flashing passed until it stayed in one in particular. He saw himself on the floor beside Kali's bed. Luka was shaking him. "She's worried," Kali stated.
"Murtagh, I swear to god, wake up!" they heard Luka scream. They saw the door to the infirmary open and Eragon ran in. Luka swirled around, "He's in her head!"
"What?!"
"Murtagh get out of there!" Luka yelled, "If you stay too long you'll start to drift!" She slapping him. The Murtagh on the floor did nothing but stare blankly at the ceiling.
Kali waved her hand over the water and the scene blurred into the king's study. Shruikan was lying on the huge cushion by the open doors. Her father was reading some papers, looking at others and looking back on the reports. Suddenly he lost his temper and threw the papers everywhere making it look as if the papers were raining from the ceiling. "I can't do this, Shruikan."
You should rest, Shruikan said quietly, you haven't stopped for the last three weeks.
"I can't rest! I have too many things to do! Kali-"
Leave Kali out of this! You might not care to ask what is wrong with her but others do and they realize what is happening to her! Shruikan hissed. I care more about her than you do and you're her father!
"Don't talk to me like that!"
I WILL TALK TO YOU HOWEVER I LIKE!! YOU ARE PARTLY THE REASON AS TO WHY SHE IS LIKE THIS!! Shruikan rose to his feet, I'm disgusted! I'll let you suffer by yourself. He turned and walked out of the double doors that slammed shut after he left. Shruikan made his way back to his hold, blocking out his Rider. He flopped down onto his large cushion and stared out into the lowering sun. He closed his eyes and they saw a tear trickle down his scaly cheek.
Kali waved her hand again and the water turned to normal. "Everyone is worried for you," Murtagh whispered, "If they didn't love you, they wouldn't care."
"Yet it's the ones you love and cherish the most that are the most painful ones," Kali stated quietly as she turned back to the doors. "The door to peace," she pointed to the black barred door, "Or the door back to hell," the oak door. "What to choose," she laughed coldly as she sat down on the stone again and looked at him.
He looked at the doors, to Kali and back again before looking at the floor, "It's your choice. Like I said, I won't judge you whichever one you pick," he sniffed, "I'll let you choose on your own." He saw everything fade and felt himself back into his own body. He blinked at Luka.
"Oh, thank god, you're fine!" she said. She suddenly looked at Kali then back at him, "And..."
Murtagh shook his head as he felt his eyes smarting, "I told her it was her choice," he cursed himself as his voice shook slightly. "If she's happy then let her be." He stood up and looked out of the window. The sun was just resting on the horizon. "I'll be in my room," he turned tail and fled.
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Murtagh kept to his room for the next week, not bothering to let anyone in or go out to eat. Thorn tried to talk to him but he was blocked out. No one could get to Murtagh. All he did was lie on his bed, thinking or staring at nothing in particular. He never heard anything from Luka or Eragon when they talked through his door. He considered it good and bad; good because Kali hadn't gone through the black door and bad because she still hadn't chosen.
His stomach rumbled in protest to the lack of food but he ignored it. He had been through worse and he didn't think he would be able to swallow either. He sat on the window ledge staring out of the window with his forehead resting against it. His breath fogged the window but he didn't care. Nothing mattered. He smirked to himself, Exactly what Kali thought when she was going to jump. What did anything matter anyway? Kali hadn't woken and she was bound to pick death over life. He practically told her to go to the black door!
Murtagh jumped. He looked out of the window and noticed it was dark, possibly around midnight. He lighted the candles with magic, squinting as the flames lightened the room and turned his face back towards the window. When he saw his refection he almost jumped back in shock. His hair was unwashed and sticking out at odd angles, his eyes looked slightly shrunken and bloodshot and had dark circles under his eyes. He had a short scruffy beard from a week of not shaving and his clothes were dirty from being wore a whole week. He looked horrible!
Knowing that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anytime soon he decided to take a bath. He grabbed clean clothes from the draw and made his way to the bathroom. The clean bathwater from a few weeks ago was still there. He hadn't drained it nor had he let any of the maids come into his room. He murmured a spell under his breath and placed the clean clothes next to a towel. He stripped his clothes and lowered himself into the warm water. He grabbed a bar of soap and a washcloth and scrubbed the week of dirt off of him. After the bath he used magic to remove the beard and changed into the clean clothes.
He looked at the made bed as he walk back into the room. Again, he had barely touched it since barricading himself in there and he hadn't had a lot of sleep either. He decided to bury himself under the covers and let his mind wander. He turned and looked at the empty space where Kali would sleep. He reached for her pillow and swapped it with his. Murtagh breathed in Kali's scent and lay his head down. He placed a hand under the pillow. It was hard.
Sitting up in confusion, he reached inside the pillow cover and pulled out a strange leather book. He opened it and saw Kali's handwriting. She keeps a diary? He looked around the room but of course there was no one there. He lay back down and looked at the writing halfway through the book.
...but I'm scared. What if I am? Maybe he doesn't want to have children. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him if he would hate me if I told him I'm pregnant. Could you imagine what father would be like? Shruikan probably wouldn't mind. He'll probably make me keep the baby! Sometimes his better that dad; he actually understands sometimes.
You know, I found out that Shruikan was the one to convince him to let me be with Murtagh. To say I was shocked was an understatement but I thanked him. He just said it was nothing and I had to take care of what we shared. Confusing right? I guess that he was just using one of his riddles again. It could mean two things. 1) take care of our love for each other or 2) take care of what we're going to get.
Well, my lovely diary, I have to go. Murtagh's stomping down the corridor. I'll try to ask him without being too forward.
The writing ended and he flicked back to the page before. Kali wrote that she thought she might be pregnant and whether she should check or, if she was, whether to get rid of it before anyone knew. In the very next sentence she had completely dismissed the idea and said she would rather have the baby and be penniless than to give up her child. Murtagh flicked the pages to where he was.
I'm back now. He's snoring his head off as usual so I thought I'll fill you in with what happened. He said he wants a family but in the future. Alright so, if he actually finds out he wouldn't be mad at me, surely? I still haven't checked. I'm too scared to know if I am or not but the sickness doesn't go away and I've missed a bleeding. If I ever find the time to get away from Murtagh I'll go to Nayara but the chances of him leaving me while I'm "ill" is zero to none.
Back to what I was saying about Shruikan. I think he knows that I am with child even if I'm not sure myself. He said that I can tell him anything and that it was safe with him. My father will never know. So...I decided to tell him of the dream I had, the one years ago. Remember, the one the day Durza said that father would let me do what I wanted? The one when father just barged into Murtagh's room? Shruikan just started to brood and say that wasn't going to happen but I could tell he was hiding something. I hope that if it was important he would tell me. He would right?
As I forgot to mention earlier, my day was the usual. Training, lunch, more training, dinner. Nothing strange although I was staring out of the window for no reason before I asked him but, you know, I'm crazy so random zone outs are expected. Hehe. Let us see how tomorrow goes shall we?
The writing broke off again. I snore? Murtagh wondered. He looked at the window before marking the page and setting it on his bedside table. He blew out the candle and snuggled under the warm covers. Before he could think, he was fast asleep.
N/A: Well, I'm finally done! After three days of staring at a blank page!! Review! And I'm serious. I won't update for a hell of a long time if you don't. (btw, if you were like me once that didn't have a membership for fanfiction you can still review!! I allow anonymous people!!)