He was here. He was here, and he was alive and breathing as she wrapped herself around him. She cuddled closely to his right side, avoiding any contact with his left shoulder, but all Meredith could think about was the fact that her husband was alive and able to hold her, even if it wasn't as tightly or fully as he usually was able to.
She'd woken five days earlier in the hospital, her leg bandaged tightly and causing her lots of pain, but that had paled in comparison to the panic she'd felt as she tried to find out what had happened to Derek. As she clutched his hospital gown tightly in her fists, she squeezed her eyes closed, remembering the terrible days that had preceded him waking up.
XXXXX
"Meredith," Addison said softly as Meredith's eyes opened. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
"Where am I?" Meredith asked hoarsely.
"You're at the hospital," Addison said as she handed Meredith a cup of water to sip through the straw. "Everything's okay, you're safe now."
"Derek," Meredith frowned. "Where's Derek?" If she was in the hospital he would never have left her side, and she frowned, trying to remember what had happened after she'd collapsed onto the ground.
Addison sighed as she sat down on the edge of Meredith's bed, squeezing her hands tightly. "Meredith," she said softly, her eyes sad.
"No," Meredith breathed. "Addison, he can't...is he...there was a gunshot."
"Derek was shot," Addison whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
"Derek," Meredith breathed. "He's...where is he? He's okay, right? I need to see him."
"He's alive," Addison sighed. "They had to take him into surgery to get the bullet out, but he's alive."
"Why isn't he here?" Meredith whispered. "Even if he had surgery...Derek would demand that they put us in the same room or something."
"Mer," Addison sighed. "He never woke up."
"What?" Meredith asked, tears filling her eyes as her breath fell from her chest. "But you just said..."
"He's in a coma," Addison said softly. "He had a reaction to one of the medications, and he's in a coma."
Meredith struggled to sit up, frowning at her leg. "I need to see him," she said. "He needs me."
"Meredith, you need to take care of yourself," Addison said softly, easing her back onto the bed. "I'm going to call for the doctor."
As she leaned forward to press the call button, Meredith shook her head. "He's alone," she whispered.
"He's not alone," Addison replied. "Emma's with him. And Mark's been hopping back and forth between the two of you."
"He needs to know that I'm there," Meredith whispered. "I had to tell him that I wanted to leave. I don't want to leave him, I never did, but he had a gun and...he thinks I don't love him anymore."
"That's not true," Addison shook her head. "And you've got to calm down. If you're hysterical there's no way they'll let you see him."
Meredith swallowed hard as she tried to calm herself down. A few moments later, a doctor entered her room, and the next hour or so was a blur. Through the questions, tests, and attempts to get out of bed and use crutches, all she could think about was Derek. When she was finally granted permission to visit him, she had hobbled down the hall so fast that Addison practically had to run to keep up with her.
Meredith swallowed hard as she pushed the door open to Derek's room. She stared at the sight before her, suddenly feeling as if it were four years ago and Derek had crashed his motorcycle. Emma sat beside the bed, a look of worry and exhaustion on her face as she stroked her son's hand gently. Machines beeped gently in the corner of the room and Derek...her amazing, perfect husband lay in the hospital bed, pale and still.
"Derek," she whispered as she moved closer, stopping right beside the bed. She stared down at him, taking in the heavily bandaged shoulder and the somber expression on his face. Derek never looked like this when he slept. He always had a small smirk on his face, one that always made her smile because she knew that his ability to smile even in his sleep meant that he was truly happy in his life.
But he wasn't smiling now. Because he'd been attacked and shot, and it was all her fault.
"Derek, I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching out to run her hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry. I love you, Derek. And I don't want to leave you. I never wanted to, and I'm sorry I had to say it. And you were right. I should have listened to you from the beginning and I'm sorry. Because if I hadn't been so stupid...you'd be awake and you wouldn't have been shot and we'd still be happy."
"Meredith," Emma said gently from behind her. "This isn't your fault."
Meredith ignored her as she continued staring down at Derek. "You just have to wake up," she whispered. "Please, Derek. I know I let you down, and I'm sorry. But I can't...I can't do this without you. So you have to wake up. I know it sounds selfish, but I promise I'll do anything you need me to. Just...come back to me. Please, Derek."
XXXXX
"Mer," Derek whispered into her hair. "Oh, Meredith."
"Derek," she whimpered into his chest, and he could feel tears seeping through the thin material of his hospital gown. "You're awake."
"I'm awake," he murmured . "I'm going to be fine, Mer."
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Derek, I'm so sorry."
"Hey," Derek frowned, pulling back to look at her. "What in the world do you have to be sorry for?"
"I...it's my fault," Meredith whispered. "If I had listened to you, if I hadn't called you paranoid we wouldn't be here and you wouldn't have been shot and put in a coma for nearly a week. So I'm sorry."
"Meredith, none of this is your fault," Derek whispered. "I should never have left you alone in that apartment. I should have been there, to protect you."
Meredith smiled slightly. "We were driving each other crazy, Derek," she said softly.
"I know," Derek sighed. "And rationally, I know that it's not either of our fault. But...I just hate that I couldn't protect you."
Meredith shook her head. "Derek...let's just not talk about it, okay? Because we're both okay, and he's in jail because he killed those cops and...let's just not talk about it."
"We're going to have to talk about it," Derek whispered. "We can't let this consume us and ruin our lives."
"I know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "They're already made me talk to a therapist. It's procedure or something. You're going to have to do it too."
"I will," Derek nodded. "Because I'll do anything to make sure that this doesn't ruin us. It will take some time but I think we can get back to the way we were before any of this happened."
"I want to," Meredith whispered. "I just want to be Derek and Meredith again. No creepy stalkers or people trying to kill us. Just...us."
"We'll get there," Derek nodded firmly. "Mer...I know you don't want to talk about this, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I need...did he...were you assaulted?"
"Oh," Meredith breathed. "No," she whispered. "I think...I think he wanted to. Because when I heard him coming up the stairs I thought he was you and I made myself all sexy but he didn't."
"Good," Derek sighed, his body relaxing. "That's...that's really good."
Meredith sighed as she sat up, her leg throbbing in pain again. "Do you feel okay?" she asked. "Your shoulder...does it hurt?"
"Yes," Derek sighed. "I...I can have morphine now."
"You refused pain medicine?" Meredith frowned. "Derek, I know you're an idiot, but that...that's stupid even for you."
"Hey, I'm sick, you don't get to call me an idiot," Derek frowned. "And the only reason I refused is because I didn't want to be high when I saw you."
"Oh," Meredith said softly. "Well...you've seen me, and now you can get some pain meds."
Derek frowned. "Why do I think that the only reason you want me to get pain meds is so you can see me high?" he asked.
Meredith rolled her eyes. "You really are an idiot," she said. "I want you to take pain meds because you're my husband and I hate seeing you in pain. And I was scared enough a week ago, I don't want you to hurt anymore."
"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her close to him. "God, I love you."
"I love you too," she whispered. "You know that, right? Because I really love you, a lot, and I know that I said horrible things but I didn't want to, I had to because there was a microphone in my pocket and..."
"Meredith," Derek laughed slightly. "Yes, I know that you love me. And I know you didn't mean any of the things you said."
"Good," Meredith nodded. "Because when you were...sleeping, all I could think about was the fact that you thought I didn't love you anymore."
"I knew that wasn't true," Derek whispered, a smirk coming over his face. "How could you not love this..." he gestured to his own body, causing Meredith to roll her eyes.
"Maybe if you get some morphine in you, you'll act like a normal person," she said as she reached for the nurse call button, smiling as she realized that maybe getting back to the way things were wouldn't be so hard after all.
XXXXX
"Mom!" Derek exclaimed as Emma walked into the room the next day. "Hi! How are you? Did you bring me presents? Because I'm in the hospital. You can't come visit people in the hospital without bringing them any presents."
Emma raised an eyebrow at her son before she turned to her giggling daughter in law.
"It's the morphine," Meredith explained. "It's making him...a little more talkative than usual. Which I didn't even know was possible because Derek talks all the time, but...it is."
"When are we going home?" Derek asked. "Because I feel really good."
"Probably in a couple days," Meredith said, leaning forward in her chair to grab his hand. "Der, your mom's here."
"I know," Derek rolled his eyes. "Mom, do you think you could sign me out? Because you're my mom, they'll listen to you if you tell them I need to go home."
"You're twenty three dear," Emma said softly. "I stopped being able to do that five years ago."
"Oh," Derek sighed dramatically, staring down at his lap for a moment, his brow furrowed. Meredith giggled as she watched him knowing that he was trying to think of another way to get out of the hospital. He'd been doing it all morning.
"I know," he suddenly shouted. "Mer, you should tell them that you need to take me home so we can have sex. And we can't have sex in the hospital."
"Derek," Meredith hissed, her cheeks turning bright red as she stared at his mother.
"What?" he asked. "Oh, you're worried about my shoulder. Don't worry, I'll let you be on top. I like that anyways."
"Oh my God," Meredith said, burying her face in her hands.
Emma smiled slightly, happy to see her children getting back to normal after the terror they had gone through. Or at least as normal as possible when her son was grinning widely in the same way he had when he was seven years old and had caught his first fish.
"Derek, dear," she said calmly. "Your sisters wanted me to give you this."
Derek's eyes lit up as he reached for the bag in Emma's hands. "Presents!" he exclaimed.
Emma laughed as she handed the bag over to him. "I'm pretty sure that's what he sounded like every Christmas until he was ten," she said to Meredith.
"Oh," Derek said, his voice coming out softer than it had since the previous day when the morphine had started.
"What is it, Der?" Meredith asked.
"Nothing," Derek snapped. "Mom...come here."
Emma smiled softly as she stepped closer to the bed. "Yes, Derek?"
"You can't get me a...teddy bear when my wife is in the room," Derek whispered loudly, causing Meredith to giggle. "She won't think I'm manly anymore."
"I'm sure your wife thinks you're manly," Emma said. "But if you want me to take him back..."
"No," Derek gasped, clutching the bear to his chest. "Beary's been with me since I was born."
"Beary?" Meredith asked from her spot in the chair, her eyes sparkling.
"Crap," Derek frowned. "Okay, Mer, I know it's weird, but my dad got him for me when he finally got a son because there are way too many freaking girls in this family. And I know it's weird but he reminds me of Dad. And you should know that I'm very manly. Like the time when we were moving in and I was carrying all those boxes and you stopped me because you wanted to..."
"Okay, that's enough," Meredith said quickly. "You, Derek Christopher, are never getting morphine ever again."
Derek scoffed. "The morphine hasn't even effected me at all," he said. "And my shoulder doesn't hurt either. Which is why we should just go home."
"You'll be home soon enough, dear," Emma sighed. "But right now Meredith has to go to physical therapy, so I'm going to stay with you for a couple hours, okay?"
Derek sighed as he watched Meredith struggle to her feet, aided by her crutches. "Do you have to go, Mer?" he asked.
"Yes," Meredith smiled, leaning over his bed. "Because I want to be able to walk normally again. But I'll be back as soon as it's over. And maybe I'll bring you a surprise."
Derek's eyes lit up again. "I like surprises," he said as he smiled widely. "Mer?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I kiss you?"
Meredith giggled as she leaned down to kiss him. "You don't need permission, Der," she said.
Emma smiled as she watched her son and his wife take far too long to say good bye to each other, but she knew it was a good thing. They were going to make it through this just fine.