Castiel sighs, swirling the water around in his glass. He's tempted to ask Ellen for something alcoholic, but he refuses to let Dean drive him to that after what had happened last time.
"You gonna be fine?" The older woman asks him, concern in her eyes.
Castiel nods. "Yes, Ellen. Thank you for asking," he says, because humans thank each other for their concern, even when Ellen's is slightly stifling right now. She's been standing behind the bar for the last two hours, after Dean had stormed out and Castiel had sat down where he is sitting now.
"You'll get through it," she tells him. "Everyone has relationship issues every now and again."
"But this is…" Castiel trails off.
"The first time you've fought with him?" Ellen finishes, one eyebrow raised. Castiel nods slightly, looking down at the glass in his hands, fighting not to look at the door that Dean had slammed after him.
Ellen finishes wiping up the glass that's in her hands and puts it down on the counter with a sigh. "You'll work things through. Dean has a good heart."
Castiel runs his hand through his hair and wonders how it all went so wrong.
Dean gets out of the Impala and goes to help Sam with Anna. The red haired angel waves off his help but leans on Sam and Charlie. Sam has bandaged up her stomach, but her shirt still has dried blood on it. They've arrived in the peak of the night, so Dean has parked near the back entrance so they can try to avoid the attention of the regular patrons. The hunters may not question the blood, but Dean doesn't want Ellen's normal customers to avoid the Roadhouse.
He sees Cas putting some plates down in front of some customers for the brief second he can see through the window. Cas jerks slightly and looks around but by the time his eyes go to where the group had been standing, they're already past the window.
They've left Ellen and Jo behind, Dean stopping for nothing but gas. He'd driven the entire way, and his eyes are heavy and his back has a kink in it from the long trip. Charlie and Sam had taken turns to watch over Anna while the other got some sleep, so neither of them are in as bad a condition as Dean is.
He opens the back door and Charlie helps Anna into the building. He leads them to the panic room, only just remembering that it's warded against angels before Charlie walks in.
"Wait," Dean says, and Charlie pauses. He gets his angel blade out and cuts the back of his arm, and uses the blood to smear the ward. He feels it dissolve around them, and then motions for Charlie and Anna to come in. Sam isn't far behind them, with more medical supplies, and he immediately starts to check over the angel's injuries.
"How's it going?" Charlie asks Anna softly. Anna smiles weakly at her, and sighs softly.
"Well, I could have managed without the stab wound in my stomach, but other than that, I'm fine. Dean, where is Castiel?"
"I'll go grab him," Dean says. "He's out in the restaurant, working."
Dean ducks around to the main part of the building, waiting until he catches Cas's eye. Cas widens his eyes and immediately puts down the food that he's carrying, and then comes over to Dean.
"Dean, the angels –"
"I know," Dean says. "Anna told us."
"Anna?" Cas says, stunned. "Where is she?"
"In the panic room," Dean replies, and Cas is pushing past him before he can say anything else. He hurries after him, but Cas is basically running down the halls, and Dean is tired.
When he comes to the doorway of the panic room, he can hear Cas's low rumble of a voice and Anna's higher pitched one. He pushes the door open to find Cas kneeling near Anna's head where she's resting, and Sam attempting to stitch up the gash on Anna's stomach for the fifth time. The strands of the thread keep breaking apart, and when she'd been lucid, Anna had told them it was because of the Grace in the wound.
"… escaped, but it was no easy task. Remmael was one of my guards, and I had to kill him to get out of the prison ward. Beriel was the one who injured me. Castiel, things have happened since you left. I heard about that – Zachariah was extremely angered by your disappearance. He threatened me, saying that I must know where you had gone, but I honestly had no idea. The demons found the other half of Raziel's key, and that's most likely why they have not moved upon the island where the Sword is. They know that the first layer of the shield cannot come down without it, and they are planning their move so that they will be able to have the shield down on their terms, not the angels."
"But they cannot take the Sword without Dean? Did you hear anything of what they are planning on that end?"
Anna purses her mouth. "I know that the angels planned to first find the Sword and then find Dean. With the Sword found, all of the energies will now be focused on the Righteous Soul." Her eyes find Dean in the doorway. "I would advise against doing anything that would draw attention. The angels will notice it, and they will find you."
Dean nods sharply, and Anna's attention turns back to her brother. "I do not know about the demons. Perhaps they think that if they can find where the Sword is, get close enough to it, they can take all of the surrounding materials to gain the Sword?"
"Perhaps," Cas says softly. "Anna, you should rest. Your Grace is still severely injured."
"You can still see that?" Anna asked, surprised. Cas nods, and she lets out a breath. "Very well. But you should start preparing for an incursion. We are the ones who have to make the final, deciding move, and we will make it with him." Anna nods at Dean, and Dean feels a touch of unease at being referred to as such.
Cas doesn't say anything in response, but he does stand up. Charlie follows him out the door, but Dean waits for Sam. Even as he's closing off the final stitches, Dean can see the ones at the beginning starting to break apart.
Anna has her eyes closed, and Dean isn't sure if she's asleep or not, but he's not going to disturb her. Sam seems to have the same idea, because he packs up the supplies and silently leaves. Dean closes the door after him, and follows Sam down the hall. They pause at the entrance to the restaurant, where Cas is serving again, but he has a worried look to his face, and he isn't smiling. Jo and Ellen haven't made it back yet, but Bill is waving them over from where he's standing behind the bar.
"I'll fill him in," Sam says, going over to murmur with Bill. Dean uses the time to watch Cas as he walks around.
Cas hadn't talked to him besides trying to tell him about the angels, hadn't looked at him while he'd been talking to Anna. While he wants to reason that off as being near a sibling he hasn't seen in months, he knows that that's not the case. Cas could have at least looked at him, could have lingered in the hallway to talk, but he hadn't. Dean sighs. The angel is mad, and he can't really bring himself to blame him.
He watches Cas walk around, and even though he must know that Dean is there, he doesn't glance in his direction.
Dean rests against the doorframe, in no mood to move. The patrons gradually trickle out, and nearly two hours after they had come in, Ellen and Jo pull up outside the Roadhouse. Bill looks happy to see them, and both women immediately go over to him when they enter. Soft words are exchanged, and Dean surmises that they're making sure that everything went alright in the time that they'd been gone. Then Ellen seems to launch into an account of what happened, and Cas comes over to listen to it. Sam still hasn't come out, and Dean thinks that he's checking on Anna, or is asleep.
He goes back to the panic room to find Sam in the doorway, watching Anna silently. He draws his brother away from her and back into the main room, where Ellen is ushering everyone out of the restaurant, despite the early hour. With everyone helping to clean up, it's all done quickly, and they can gather around a table to talk about what Anna had told them.
After Ellen finishes her story of what went down, Dean picks up, talking about their next move. He tries not to feel anything when Cas won't look at him.
"The angels are as of now, contained in a small area, with few people around. The longer we wait, the more chance there is of the fighting getting out of hand and the small area that it's in becoming a very large area that could hurt hundreds of people. We need to move as soon as possible."
There are nods, and Dean continues, rubbing his eyes to try and keep his growing tiredness at bay. "As well as the fact that only the angels are currently at the site. Anna said that they're trying to keep it secret form the demons, but I don't think that that's going to last for long, so we should be prepared for demons fighting angels when we get there. We need to call in all of the firepower that we can, and we need all the back-up that we can get. I'm sure that there's more weird shit going on in that town than what's on the news, but I'm also sure that someone's covering it up, so we shouldn't have to deal with people coming to see what's going on, just the people of the town, who are probably smart enough to stay away." Dean pauses as the door opens and Anna walks in. Cas immediately goes over to talk with her quietly, probably trying to tell her that she needs to rest more than she needs to talk to everyone, but she shakes her head and Cas reluctantly helps her over to sit on one of the stools in front of the bar.
"Anna, you shouldn't be out here," Ellen says, and Anna shrugs.
"You need to hear what I heard while in prison. If I die of my wounds tonight without passing that information on, I've failed. You all need to hear it."
"What did you hear?" Bill asks.
Anna sighs quietly. "Dean did a good job of summing up what we need to do now. Our best chance of retrieving the Sword will be after the demons have unlocked the first shield and Heaven and Hell are occupied with each other. Dean will have to sneak in and we will have to distract them even further with a third side in their fight. All of the hunters that you have will be needed to fight."
"You keep saying Dean will have to grab the Sword, but what does that mean?" Charlie says.
"It means that –"
"Anna."
Anna looks over at Cas. He shakes his head slightly and she sighs softly.
"Castiel," she says, and Dean can hear the softness of the tone, and wonders at it. "You knew that this was coming."
"No," he says, firmly. He looks at Charlie and continues. "The objective of this will not be to have Dean retrieve the Sword, but will be to retrieve the key from the demons before they have the chance to use it. We will then hide the key, and with neither side able to unlock the first layer of the shield, they will look for the key, and not Dean."
Dean narrows his eyes at the differing plans. Around the circle of people, the others are also looking confused.
"Castiel, you know that that is not the most efficient plan."
"It's the plan that keeps Dean alive," Cas says determinedly, and Dean can't really argue with that.
"It's the plan that fails," Anna rebuts. "There is no chance of it working."
"It can if we plan it right," Cas stubbornly returns.
"It will not work."
"It will."
"Okay!" Dean says loudly over the top of the two of them. "Anna, Cas. I was under the impression that we needed to get the Sword to stop the fighting?"
"Yes, we do," Anna says at the same time that Cas says, "No, we don't."
Dean narrows his eyes. "Cas, why don't you want me to get the Sword?"
"You know," Cas hisses at him. Dean purses his mouth and looks away while the others start asking questions.
"Why?" Charlie asks.
"What's going on that you aren't telling us?" Bill says.
"What will happen if Dean gets the Sword?" Ellen asks.
"Dean? What is it?" Jo is the only one to ask him, and Dean flashes a quick smile at her.
"Cas is just worried about what he thinks will happen if I touch the Sword," Dean mutters quietly to her. Cas must hear it though, because he replies before Jo has the chance to say anything.
"It's not a thought – I know," Cas assures.
There's a silence. Anna is looking at Cas, and she sighs quietly.
"We will talk about this in the morning. Castiel, will you come with me, please? Everyone else, you should get some sleep. We will have a more detailed discussion in the morning, when everyone is rested and ready to think clearly." She looks at Cas when she says the last sentence, and Dean can't help a swift smile as everyone moves to do what she says. The way that Anna just assumed authority meant that she got it, and Dean puts it down to leading a garrison of angels for a few millennia.
After everyone is gone except Dean, Cas and Anna, Dean moves over to the angel and former angel. Cas is looking at anything that isn't Anna or Dean, and Anna only has eyes for Cas. There's pity in them, and Dean can't help but wonder at it. After all, if what Cas had said, all those months ago, is true, it's him that's going to die. Perhaps it's only because Anna and Cas are brother and sister, and it's because Anna is feeling for her brother, who she's closer to, rather than Dean himself. Dean wouldn't blame her for it.
Dean thinks back to what Cas had said to him – that his soul would be completely used up in the ritual to retrieve the Sword. He knows that Cas doesn't want him to do this, but he needs to accept that it's something that Dean needs to do.
"Dean, Castiel will come to you later. I wish to speak with him about something before then. Alone," Anna adds, as if Dean needs anything else to tell that he's not wanted. He nods, brushing his hand along Cas's as he walks towards the door that leads to his bedroom.
He gets ready to sleep as slowly as he can, wanting to talk to Cas before they're in bed, but the angel doesn't show. Dean waits for half an hour, but when it becomes clear that Cas isn't coming back anytime soon, he slides under the covers himself and tries to go to sleep. It doesn't come easily, like always, but he still drifts off before Cas comes in.
When Dean wakes up, shaking slightly from a dream, Cas is curled up in on himself on the other side of the bed. Dean watches him for a while before he gets out of bed and takes a shower. There's already movement around the restaurant, and Dean heads out to the main room.
There aren't any customers around, because the Roadhouse doesn't serve breakfast. Ellen and Charlie are eating, however, discussing something lowly over their cereal. Sam is on the laptop, clicking around on some sites, probably looking up Soda Springs and the island that's in the reserve there. Dean takes a deep breath in and goes to find some food to eat.
By the time he comes back in, Jo is up as well, sitting with her mother. Charlie has migrated over to sit next to Sam, and Dean sits down next to her. Charlie looks up at him and smiles slightly.
"Hey Dean," she greets.
"Morning," Dean replies.
"Cas and Anna up yet?"
"Cas was still sleeping when I left," Dean replies, starting his food. "Dunno about Anna."
Charlie nods, and then addresses Sam. "What are you doing on that computer?"
"Just looking up the place," Sam mutters. Dean looks at his brother's soggy cereal, forgotten at Sam's elbow.
Just as Dean finishes eating, Charlie turns to him. "So what was Cas and Anna talking about yesterday? You looked like you knew what it was."
Dean sighs. "I should probably talk it through with Cas before telling you," Dean says. "But basically, when he was telling me all about this a few months ago, he told me that if I did the whole thing to get the Sword while Michael possessed me, he'd use my soul up as extra juice to power up the entire thing."
"Damn," Charlie says. Sam's eyebrows are lowered, and he leans across the table slightly.
"While Michael had control of you, though, right? It'll be fine if you do it yourself?"
Dean shrugs slightly, and leans back onto two chair legs. "I don't know. But I think Cas thinks that if I touch the Sword at all, then my soul will get sucked up for energy."
There's a sombre silence at the table.
Anna and Cas walk through the door coming from the back. Cas still looks worried, like he thinks that Anna shouldn't be up and tiring herself out, which is something that Dean agrees with. She looks alright though, with only a slight paleness to her, and Dean hopes that that means that she'll be fine.
Dean gets up to go and help Anna sit down. She accepts the help, but only because Dean won't let her do it by herself. Cas sits down opposite her and Dean sits down on the third chair between them.
"Did you eat anything yet?" Dean asks Cas. He shakes his head and Dean resists the urge to sigh. "You should," he just says, and Cas nods, probably brushing the thought off, focusing on his sister.
"Castiel, we need to discuss what is going to happen with Dean, so he can make his own choice in the matter."
Cas's jaw clenches, and Dean already knows that this isn't going to be a good conversation.
"Dean, you cannot retrieve the Sword. I've already told you that it will drain your soul of all of its energy, and ultimately will kill you. We need to get the key before the demons use it, so that they can't unlock the first shield to get to the Sword."
"That's not going to work, Castiel," Anna says. "First of all we have no idea when the demons will launch their attack. And we do not know which demon will be holding the key. The angels will be fighting to get it as well as stop the demons. And the key only needs to touch the shield to be activated, so it can be used very quickly. And when we are left in the middle of the battle with no way to get out, and having failed to get to the key before it is used, the angels and demons will then be fighting over Dean. And whichever side gets to him first will be the one to ultimately control Raziel's Sword, and tip the balance between the spheres."
There's silence as Cas stares down his sister and Dean goes over both their points in his head. Sure, he doesn't want to die, but if it meant having a chance at getting the Sword out… Well he doesn't see much of an option. He has to do it, and whatever Cas has to say about that doesn't matter, because it's the only option that Dean can see that's open to him.
"Cas…" Dean says softly. Cas looks at him, and he must see something in his eyes, because he goes pale and starts shaking his head.
"No. Dean, you cannot be considering her plan."
"Cas, it's better than yours. She does have a point. Yours isn't going to work."
Cas sucks in a breath and then lets it out slowly.
"See, Castiel? Dean agrees with me."
"I haven't exactly heard your plan in detail," Dean says.
"Of course," Anna replies. "What will happen is that we will gather all of the humans that we can, and will use them as a diversion as you enter deeper into the woods to gain access to the barrier. We will only start an assault after the demons have lowered the first shield, and thus you will be able to enter the barrier with no one else able to follow you. You will find Raziel's Sword, say the ritual to bind the Sword to you and then you will come out to destroy whatever angels and demons remain on the island. This means that the Sword is out of either of their grasps, and the balance between them that's been occurring will continue."
"She's leaving out the part where trying to claim the Sword kills you," Cas says flatly.
"We don't know that it will," Anna tells him. "Dean could come out unscathed."
"The Sword works by channelling energy straight from the Grace or soul, Anna," Cas says. "It is why it is so powerful. Dean has a potent soul, but he will not be able to sustain any drain for long."
Anna purses her mouth. "Castiel, even if Dean does die," at this she casts a reassuring look at Dean, "They will not be able to complete the ritual themselves until another Righteous Soul is born, which could take another few hundred years. So our goal will be reached anyway, because neither will be able to claim the Sword."
So if you fail spectacularly, it doesn't really matter. You just die. How comforting.
Cas's eyes have grown cold, and his jaw is still clenched.
"I value Dean's life more than that," Cas says, and Anna nods.
"I know. That is the problem. You cannot see past him. I should think that it's Dean's decision, no? Dean, what do you think?"
Cas and Anna look to him simultaneously.
Dean looks down at his hands before answering. "I think that Anna's right, Cas. We need to get the Sword."
Cas blinks, and Anna nods slowly. "It is Dean's decision, Castiel."
Cas doesn't look away from Dean. "Dean, rethink this. It is most likely that the Sword will use up all of your soul's energy before you can do anything with it. You will die pointlessly."
"You've got no proof, Cas. Only guesses. I can do what I want, and I want to follow Anna's idea."
"You cannot do this," Cas tells him lowly, not breaking eye contact between them.
"What the hell, Cas?" Dean says, standing up. "You don't have that kind of say over my life."
"I was the one who healed your soul and saved your life! I feel like I have some say in it," Cas argues back. He stands up as well, and Dean takes a step towards him, standing in his personal space. He can feel the others start to pay attention to him, but he ignores them.
"Yeah, well it's still my life, and I can do what I want with it."
"Not when your choices are clearly suicidal!"
"We don't know that, Cas! You only think that that might happen!"
"All the evidence points to that happening, Dean!"
"Even if we knew for sure that I was going to die if I tried to get the Sword, I would still do it, Cas. I would still do it. Like Anna says, it's our best chance at keeping the balance between Heaven and Hell."
Cas takes a step back and Dean sees the hurt and confusion on his face before his mask comes back in full force, shutting down Cas's emotions and hiding them from Dean and everyone else.
"Cas…" Dean starts, squirming as he realises that that probably wasn't the best way to say it.
"You don't mean that," Cas says softly. "You wouldn't leave me after what I've done for you."
Dean grits his teeth, and he feels his shoulders come up defensively. "Yeah, well, some things are bigger than you, Cas. Are bigger than me, are bigger than everyone. This is one of those things."
Dean turns around and stomps towards the door. He pushes past Charlie and Sam, who look shocked, and slams the front door behind him, fumbling for the keys to the Impala. He gets in and shuts the door, putting his forehead on the steering wheel and taking a few deep breaths.
He just needs some time to clear his mind. Yeah, that's it.
He ignores the feeling in his chest and drives out onto the street.
Dean comes back into the parking lot slowly, only the fact that he hadn't taken his wallet with him stopping him from spending the night at a hotel somewhere. He turns his baby off and sits in the dark, trying to calm down. He sucks in a breath and breathes it out slowly, feeling the tension seep from him as he does so. Leaning back against the chair, he closes his eyes to block the light coming from inside the bar.
Cas is just worried about him. Cas is still getting used to being human and the limitations that come along with that. He's just freaking out because he can't use his powers to defend Dean anymore. It's just a hyped up version of what Dean feels for everyone around him. Cas just needs to understand that Dean has been hunting for the majority of his life, and that he can handle himself.
Okay, so angels and demons in a giant battle together with Dean throwing himself into the centre may not be the norm, but still. Dean can take care of himself.
He gets out of the Impala and starts walking towards the building, his hands in his pockets. There aren't any people in the bar, and everything has already been packed up for the night. Dean winds his way through the room, turning the lights off when he passes them.
He opens his door slowly, standing in the doorway when he sees the body huddled under the covers. He can see a few strands of Cas's mess of dark hair, but not much else.
Dean rubs his hands on his jeans for a few seconds before stripping the outer layer of his clothes off. Standing in just his boxers, he slowly lifts the covers and slides down beside Cas. The angel looks troubled even in sleep, his face lined. Something twists in Dean to see that, and he hesitantly wraps an arm around the angel to pull him closer.
Cas sighs and opens his eyes. They look at each other for a minute, neither speaking.
"Sorry for storming out like that," Dean says, the apology grating his throat, but he says it anyway, knowing that he had been wrong to do that.
Cas looks away from him. "I am still… getting used to this, Dean."
"I know, I know," Dean reassures him softly. "I get it."
Cas starts rubbing his hands together in different ways, a sure sign of nervousness, even if the angel doesn't know that. "It just feels wrong to not be able to protect you."
Dean fights off a frown. "I can take care of myself, Cas. I don't need you looking over my shoulder, ready to fight my battles. There's a reason that they're mine."
"I do not like it," Cas grouses.
"That's humanity," Dean tells him, voice quiet. "You put up with things you don't like, because you can't change them. You know I can fight with the sword that you gave me. You know that I can protect myself. You don't need to worry."
"Yes I do!" Cas growls. "It should never have come to this; I should have done something else to stop it."
"Hey," Dean rebukes. He tightens his arm and drags Cas towards him. "Don't start that, Cas. It's not healthy. Things are how they are, and we'll work through it, no matter what happens. Don't wish to change to past. Nothing good ever comes of it."
Cas presses his head into the hollow of Dean's throat and tightens his hands on Dean's skin. Dean drags a hand up and down his back, trying to calm the shaking angel down.
"I'm here, Cas," he tells him gruffly. He isn't into the touchy feely stuff, but Cas is obviously freaking out, and he isn't going to be a giant douche and push him away.
"It is too dangerous," Cas says, stubbornly holding onto his argument. "You cannot do it."
"I have to, Cas. I'm not gonna let Michael get a piece of me, and Alastair can go stab himself with a knife, because he's not getting in here again either. It has to be me, because someone has to do it."
"So I cannot veto you from doing something dangerous, even though you stopped me from coming to fight with Madison?"
Dean purses his lips and moves his head to frown at Cas. The angel is staring him down, eyes demanding an answer.
"Cas, I would have taken you along, but you were passed out, and I didn't want to move you. I knew that the SPN unit were already in Oklahoma, and I knew we would have back up in the form of what was left of Madison's pack. I wasn't going in alone, and I knew that you aren't fully up to speed on your whole human thing, so left you here."
"Where I would be safe." Cas's voice has gone flat, and Dean looks away uneasily for a second before answering.
"Yeah," he finally says, not wanting to go through the backlash of saying that, but knowing that it's going to come anyway.
"And I cannot do the same with you?"
"It's a different situation," Dean pleads quietly.
"Yes. It is." Cas's face is unreadable, and he looks like when Dean first met him, nearly a year ago. "This is far more dangerous. As you say, in Oklahoma, I would have had the FBI, Madison's pack, as well as you, Sam and Ellen. We would have been facing down werewolves, that can be killed in several ways, instead of angels and demons, who are much more powerful and who are much harder to kill. The werewolves would not have been going after me specifically, and they would not have the ability to teleport you away so that you have no allies, and be at the mercy of whichever side stole you. I would not have been going to try to claim something which would most likely kill me, even if I got to it in the first place. So yes, the situation is different. You will be in far more danger in any second than I would have been in at all if I had accompanied you to Oklahoma. I Fell to stop you from getting hurt in this conflict, Dean." Cas's eyes bore into him. "And not only do you leave me when I could help you fight, but you plan to make my sacrifice mean nothing. How can I trust that you will include me in future conflicts when you think that I am not 'fully up to speed on my human thing?' Will I ever be capable of taking care of myself, or will you always think that I am unable to defend myself?"
Dean swallows. He hasn't really thought about what they would be facing when they got to the battle around the Sword, but Cas had just laid it out rather nicely. He knows how to reply to the angel's words, but it takes him a few seconds to clear his throat.
"Cas. I know that you can kill anything that tries to hurt you, but you were… I dunno, larger than life when you were an angel. I knew that nothing could hurt you, and I still worried. And now that you're not an angel, I just worry more." Dean sighs and twines his fingers through Cas's hair. "I worry about everyone, not just you. Sam, Ellen, Jo, Bill, Charlie… Everyone that I know." Dean pauses, trying to find the words that he needs. He's never been good with them, and he swears internally at the lack of them. "But you're… You and me… We're…"
"Together? Closer?" Cas suggests. His eyes are thawing from the icy glare that Dean had been receiving.
"Together," Dean says, taking his suggestion. "If I lost you…" His heart squeezes and everything in him riots at the thought. He can't lose Cas. Hecan't.
Cas lets out a breath. "I'm human now, Dean. I've accepted that. You need to accept it as well."
"I know," Dean mumbles. "I know, but it's hard." I love you, he wants to say, but he can't make his mouth form the words. He tightens his hold on Cas, hoping that the angel gets the message that way.
He takes a few deep breaths before he answers the rest of Cas's question. "The stakes will be far higher when we go to get the Sword, Cas. In Oklahoma, we were just trying to help Madison escape from the Alpha's grasp. If we had failed there, it would have been sad, yes, but overall, there would be little difference in the world. If we don't go to Idaho, then much, much more will be lost. You know better than any of us what would happen if either Heaven or Hell gets their hands on it. You were the one who laid it all out for us. We need the Sword, Cas, and I'm the only one of us who can get it."
Cas lets out a shuddering breath, and Dean can almost see the stubbornness leave him and fear fill him.
"I don't want you to go," he whispers.
"I know," Dean says softly into his hair. "I don't want to either. But I have to, Cas. I have to."
Cas holds him tightly the entire night, and Dean returns the grip just as fiercely.
Cas and Anna band together after that. Cas writes down the words of the ritual, and Anna coaches him through the correct pronunciation and cadence of the words. It's not work that he's very comfortable with, being more like the type of thing that Sam can memorise easily. His brother helps – after Dean's assured him that he's apologised to Cas – by getting him water and listening to him swear when he stumbles over some of the words. Sam learns it just by listening to Dean say it over and over again, and he helps when Dean stumbles over the Enochian.
Dean knows what most of it means – the words that he's learning are an ancient song, created by Raziel when the archangel forged his Sword. It was something that all seven of the archangels did, which made the Sword personalised to them. The archangel Sophia was the one who came up with the design for the rest of the angels when they were created, but of all the archangels, even Michael and Lucifer, Raziel was the first one to craft his Sword. He had sung the song that Dean is learning, while forging it out of stardust and Righteousness (however you did that), and the words had been part of the crafting process. The entire thing takes about four minutes to recite, and Dean is struggling through it, memorising it one sentence at a time.
While Dean is stuck in the back rooms of the Roadhouse trying to commit ancient Enochian to memory, the rest of the hunters are organising people who they could trust who are also willing to fight against creatures they had no way of killing as a distraction so that Dean could maybe get past all of the angels and demons and get the Sword that they probably don't believe in. It's a tall order, but by the end of the week, Ellen has a list of people who are willing to put their lives on the line.
Dean doesn't like it. He doesn't want any people coming into the entire mess, and he thinks that if he sneaks in by himself, with no one else, there's a higher chance of him succeeding. He doesn't need more lives on his conscience.
Anna and Cas, however, disagree. They both think that the more chaos there is, the more chance there is of Dean getting to where the Sword had set up it's perimeter unharmed. Everyone but Dean seems to agree with them, and he's come to the conclusion that he's not going to be able to get away without them coming after him. They're all determined to accompany him, no matter what he has to say on the matter.
The Roadhouse's rooms gradually fill up until there's no more space. Tamara and Isaac are here, as well as Jo and Charlie needing a place to stay. Cas and Dean stay in his room, and Sam in his, but he moves to one of the rooms that has two beds in it when Bobby arrives, making sure that the older hunter knows that Sam isn't moving back in there. Bobby takes it, but not without complaining. Caleb arrives as well, and he takes up the other bed in Sam's new room. The SPN unit haven't arrived yet, although Dean knows that all of them are planning on coming up when they actually have a time for their attack.
After making sure that the transcript that Dean is reading from is correct, Anna doesn't spend much time around the Roadhouse. When she does, it's either with Cas or with Jo, and what time she does spend around Dean is taken up with her coaching him through some of the more difficult sections of the speech. When she isn't around the Roadhouse, she's trying to keep tabs on what's happening around Raziel's Sword and the angels that are surrounding it, trying to get in without the key or Dean. It's hopeless, but they're still trying, and Anna says that it's good that they are, because when they stop, it will be because all of their attention has turned towards finding Dean.
Another week passes, slower than cold molasses. Dean gradually wraps his tongue and mind around the song, although there's still one part that's troubling him. He also works to get him and Cas back on track, even though the former angel probably thinks that everything is fine. He works on the trust between them, and he can feel it as their bond deepens day by day.
By the time Anna comes in one day, looking worried, Dean is more than ready to get the entire thing started. Just by looking at her, he smiles slightly, imagining that her wings are probably as ruffled as her hair. Thinking that gives him pause. What colour are her wings? What colour was Cas's wings? He shakes the questions off as unimportant, listening to Anna instead.
"The demons have decided to make their move. They are currently attacking the angelic forces that are guarding the Sword, and the surprise of it means that they've been pushed back. I would think it likely that the demons get to the shield within a few hours and as soon as they're there, they should unlock it. Alastair is there, leading the raid, but I could smell Azazel's stink around. They are probably hoping that when they take the shield down Dean will appear to go inside. They most likely have a plan to capture him when he arrives."
"So it's a trap," Dean says, frowning.
"This is why we need all of the humans that we can gather," Cas tells him. "Most of the less powerful beings there won't be able to read your soul to figure out which human is the one they want, so the more humans there are, the better our chances of getting Dean to the shield."
"When would be the best time to move?" Sam asks.
"As soon as possible," Anna answers. "Call your friends – we will need their help."
Sam nods and goes to fish his phone out of his pocket.
"So should we aim to leave tomorrow morning?" Bill asks, looking thoughtful. "The others can fly up."
Cas and Anna nod. Cas is looking worried, but as everyone else trickles into the main room and are told about what's happening, there's mostly only firm resolve on everyone's faces. They've had over two weeks to prepare, and they're more than ready to face what's coming. Dean wants to feel that way – he wants to be as assured as Ellen, giving out orders calmly, wants to be as confident as Tamara and Isaac, firm in the belief that they'd come out of this in one piece because of the faith they have in each other, wants to be as calm as Anna, who looks like she's already accepted everything that's about to happen. Instead he feels adrift, cut off from his family and friends, and not ready at all to face the upcoming battle.
He feels a hand touch his gently, and he looks over at Cas. He's smiling in that way of his, eyes crinkling at the corners, and there's reassurance in his eyes. Dean just wants to lean down against him and wail 'It's not fair' at the roof, but it's not going to change anything that has to happen. As if he can hear what Dean's thinking, Cas takes his hand and drags him to a dark corner, where they're not going to be noticed unless someone comes looking for them. Dean rests his head against Cas's shoulder and takes a deep breath.
"We are going to succeed, Dean," Cas tells him softly. "You are going to remember the song, and retrieve the Sword. Do not stress about what is coming."
Dean looks over to where Ellen is saying that they'd leave in the morning. The SPN unit is already on a plane, and they're going to meet them tomorrow. Anna has disappeared for the moment, and Dean wonders if she's looking at the situation on the island.
"I dunno if we're ready, Cas," Dean admits.
"We're ready," Cas says.
Dean links his arms around him and sighs.
"To us," Ellen says, and everyone clinks their glasses together. Dean throws back his shot while Cas lifts an eyebrow at the apple juice that he had poured into his shot glass.
"Amen to that," Dean says, and there's a chorus of agreement from around the circle.
While the rest of the group keep pouring glasses, Dean has something else to occupy his thoughts. Cas has turned to talk with Charlie, but with a bump of his shoulder, the angel's attention turns to him.
"Yes, Dean?" Cas asks. Charlie looks at him as well, which makes Dean slightly self-conscious, but not enough to back off.
"So… There's a chance that this could be our last night on earth," he starts, and Charlie raises her eyebrows at him.
"Yes, there is," Cas replies solemnly. Charlie rubs a hand over her mouth, but not before Dean sees the smile there.
"Yeah. So I was wondering if you'd like to make it memorable," Dean continues. Charlie looks like she's trying not to laugh now, and Cas is still not getting it.
"It already is, Dean. With everybody here, as well as the circumstances, this is not something that I'm going to forget."
Dean leans over to whisper in his ear while running a hand down his leg. "That's not the type of memorable I'm talking about."
"Oh," Cas says. He looks startled for a second before he stands up. "I would like that." He turns to Charlie. "Good night Charlie. I believe that Dean is inviting me back to our room. Have a good night's rest."
"Thanks Cas," Charlie says, voice wavering slightly as she nods at Cas and winks at Dean. Dean rolls his eyes but stands as well, catching Cas's arm and leading him back towards the bedrooms.
"Shouldn't we say good night to everyone else?" Cas says, eyebrows drawn together.
"We'll see 'em in the morning," Dean tells him. Cas nods, and Dean locks his bedroom door behind them.
Cas is there when he turns around, and Dean kisses him softly, feeling Cas's hand come up to cover his shoulder. He doesn't try anything immediately, just savouring the touch of Cas under his hands. After having their argument, they hadn't done anything in bedroom beside sleep next to each other, and Dean doesn't want that to be the case when they roll out of here tomorrow. But that doesn't mean that he needs to rush it, and so he keeps things simple.
Cas pulls back and Dean opens his eyes to stare at him. The angel slowly pulls his shirt up over his head, and Dean lifts his arms so that Cas can strip him of his shirts as well. They fall off his fingers, and then they're stepping together again, and the kiss is deeper. Cas runs his hands over Dean's back while Dean feels the soft skin of Cas's stomach. Cas bites his lower lip and Dean groans at the sensation.
"Dean," Cas murmurs. Dean has a hand on the back of his neck and one is gradually making its way downwards. Dean lifts his eyes to Cas's.
"Yeah?" Dean asks, because Cas wants to say something, not just Dean's name.
Cas stares at him silently for a few seconds, just long enough to make Dean start to get nervous. Then Cas's eyes flick down and he licks his lips. "Will you… have sex with me?" He asks shyly, looking at Dean from lowered eyelids.
"Yeah, Cas," Dean says, raising an eyebrow. "That's why I brought you in here early."
"No," Cas starts, and then he blushes slightly. "Sex as in sex, sex."
"Oh," Dean says quietly after a pause. "Cas –"
"I know about everything that happened in the past, Dean," Cas tells him earnestly. "And we can go as slow as you like. But as you said, this could be the last time that we're together, and I want to share this with you. We don't have to if you don't want to, but I am open to the idea."
Dean wets his lips. Cas is looking at him, eyes soft, and Dean knows that whatever he decides, Cas will go along with it. Dean leans their foreheads together and then nods slightly. "Yeah, Cas. I'd like that," he says, and Cas smiles at him. "But I can't…"
"I know," Cas says. He kisses him again, quickly. "I don't want that anyway." He flushes slightly, red staining the tips of his ears. He leans over and whispers, low and deep into Dean's ear. "I want to feel you inside me."
Dean stares at him for a few seconds before the corner of his mouth twitches up. "Yeah, okay. I can do that."
Their lips find their way back to each other and there's purpose in their movements now. Cas steps backwards slowly and drags Dean down onto their bed. Dean doesn't let his weight rest on Cas, supporting himself on his elbows instead of resting on the angel.
Cas hasn't stopped kissing him, and Dean has to admit, that over the course of their relationship, he'd gone from a timid kisser to a very aggressive one. Cas licks into his mouth and Dean sucks on his tongue, feeling the rasp of Cas's stubble. He doesn't really like shaving, since he almost always manages to nick himself.
He can feel Cas starting to poke him in the stomach, but that's fine, since he's poking him right back. Except his jeans were never meant for this type of activity, and he makes the executive decision to take them off.
Of course, when he goes for Cas's belt, the angel dives straight for Dean's, although Dean makes it harder for him to take his off when Dean moves his head to start sucking at his neck. Cas's startled gasp and sudden butterfingers on his belt make Dean smirk. Cas lifts his hips up so that Dean can free him of his belt and undo his button. Cas isn't that far behind him, and Dean hears his own belt hitting the floor soon after that.
But when he goes to pull his jeans down and throw them away, he realises that they're both still wearing their shoes. "Shit," he mutters, and pulls Cas up so they're sitting next to each other. He starts unlacing his boots, and Cas does the same, but he stops half way through to keep kissing Dean, and Dean has to kiss back because he can't really deny Cas anything, but that means that hands don't undo laces, going back to feeling the soft skin of Cas's back. He hears one of Cas's shoes hit the ground, and forcibly pulls himself away so he can yank both his boots and one of Cas's off to chuck on the ground. Socks follow soon after, and Dean is too busy sucking hickeys onto Cas's collarbones to shuck his jeans off. Cas gasps as Dean's tongue flicks out over his pulse point, his hands tightening where they grip Dean's skin.
"Hang on a second," Dean mutters into his skin.
He rolls off the bed and stands up, legs shaking slightly. He kicks his pants off and goes to his bag, which had been sitting in the corner of his room for the last few weeks. He digs through the side pocket, coming up with a bottle of lube. He hears the rest of Cas's clothes hitting the ground, and when he turns around, he's lying on his back without a stitch of clothing on, chest rising and falling faster than his normal breaths usually come, legs planted so that his feet are flat on the bed and his knees are up in the air. Dean slowly crosses the room to stand next to the bed, finding Cas's eyes and keeping them as he lowers himself onto the bed, reach up to kiss Cas, who welcomes him by kissing him back frantically.
Dean takes a deep breath and pops open the cap, squirting some of the gel onto his fingers and trying to stay calm and in control. The last time he did this it was on himself, and it was to go out to earn money for himself and Sam. Cas is looking at him with nothing but trust in his eyes, and Dean isn't sure if he has earned that. Dean bites his lip as he closes the tube and lets it slip out of his hand, his fingers slick.
He touches Cas's knee lightly and Cas lets his legs part easily. Dean lets out a shaky breath and slides up to kiss the angel. Cas kisses him gently, but Dean can feel the tension in his limbs and how he carries it in his shoulders.
"Relax," he whispers softly against Cas's mouth, letting their lips rub against each other. Cas's eyes go wide when Dean starts rubbing his fingers over his entrance. "Relax for me, Cas."
Cas swallows, and Dean makes soft, calming noises, kissing his nose and cheeks and jaw and lips. Dean can tell when Cas lets go, because the tension bleeds out of him and his hands come up to touch Dean's back.
He pushes one finger in, just a little bit, to see how Cas takes it. The angel blinks a few times and some of the tautness returns to him, but Dean kisses it away, firmly resolved to take all the time they would need.
"That's it," Dean praises, as Cas relaxes around him. Fuck, he can feel it now.
He pushes in deeper, and Cas's eyes slide closed. "Dean," he whimpers softly, and Dean takes it as an encouragement. He kisses Cas one more time before sitting up slowly between his legs so he can see as Cas comes undone. He opens him up slowly, not rushing anything, simply watching Cas writhe and grip the sheets as Dean moves his fingers. He finally finds Cas's prostate, judging by the way the angel suddenly spasms and half sits up, supporting himself on his elbows. He's panting, and the blue of his eyes had turned into a darker hue, the black of his pupils overtaking the cerulean of his irises.
Dean kisses his knee softly, smiling as his toes flex, grabbing the sheets where they're planted on the bed.
"Dean," Cas gasps. "Get up here, or I will likely do something we will both regret."
Dean scissors the three fingers inside him one more time before deciding that it should be enough. He pulls them out slowly, trying not to let the heat swirling in his gut as he watches his fingers slide out of Cas get to his head and make him do something crazy.
He wipes as much of the excess lube on himself as he can manage before wiping his fingers off on the sheets. Cas growls at him, and Dean happily crawls up him to get to his lips. Cas kisses him desperately, and Dean is more than willing to get lost in the heat of Cas's mouth.
He pushes Cas's legs up, and the angel willingly wraps them around him, his hips trying to thrust up against nothing. Dean lowers his weight, and they both groan as they both have something to rub up against. Cas starts muttering in Enochian, some words that Dean had learned, but most that hadn't. He doesn't try to translate them, simply rocking them together gently.
Cas tries to speed things up, but Dean calms his down by kissing him until he gasps for air when Dean breaks away. The angel is clearly more worked up than he is, his gasps and groans encouraging Dean to wriggle down so that he can slide his cock into the crease of Cas's ass. Cas whines when the head of his dick catches on his rim but doesn't slip inside like he wants it to.
"Please, Dean," Cas says, voice rough and low. Dean kisses him again and then slides a hand down his side to grip his cock so he can guide it where they both want it to be.
Cas hisses as Dean presses inside him. Dean doesn't rush things, pausing to let Cas get used to the sensation. After a minute passes, Cas tightens his legs and pulls Dean in further, Dean biting his lip to stop himself from pushing in all at once. Dean rests his head on Cas's shoulder and tries to breathe as the tight heat surrounds his dick.
"You okay?" Dean asks him, voice rough. Cas has his eyes closed, and Dean doesn't know if that's good or bad.
Cas's eyes flutter open and lock on Dean. "Yes," he murmurs. "Feel full."
"Yeah," Dean replies quietly. Cas leans down and Dean tilts his head so they can kiss. Cas tilts his hips up and Dean slides all the way inside him, hips bumping. "Fuck," Dean mutters, more to himself than Cas.
"I agree," Cas says breathily, and Dean has to laugh. Cas looks confused for a second, like he doesn't understand why Dean's chuckling, but then one of his rare smiles breaks out across his face, and Dean takes a second to stare at it before it disappears. Dean takes a breath in and nuzzles into the soft skin of his neck, nipping at it lightly. He pulls out slowly and then pushes in, listening to Cas's quiet inhale. He pushes in again, a bit faster, repeating the motion.
"I'm not going to break," Cas murmurs to him. Dean looks at him and starts building up energy in the movements of his hips.
Cas isn't quiet – he's never been silent in bed. Dean supposes that it's because he doesn't have the social norms integrated into him since he'd been young. He's always liked noise coming from his partner, and Cas never disappoints. Every time Dean pushes into him, Cas lets out a small whine, bucking up against Dean.
As things between them get hotter and hotter, Dean keep catching Cas's eyes, only to have him throw his head back when Dean hits something inside him. Dean keeps pushing into him, watching as Cas comes undone, whining and groaning, hands trying to grasp something to hold onto on Dean's back and then knotting in the sheets. Dean can't keep in the groans that he's making either, but really, he doesn't want to. Dean reaches down between them to start jerking Cas, which makes the noise coming from the angel get even louder. He takes one of his hands off Cas's hips to wind its way through his hair, and pull him down to kiss him, which Cas breaks when he gasps loudly, shaking and pushing back against Dean even faster.
"Dean, I'm –" Cas's sentence is cut off with a low groan.
"Close?" Dean asks him, not saying anything else so that he can conserve what breathe he has left.
"Yes," Cas pants.
"Okay," Dean replies. He's getting there himself, and can feel heat coiling in his stomach.
Cas's nails scratch into his back as Cas tries to urge him closer. Cas pants into his ear and Dean moves one arm so that it's around Cas, squeezing him tightly and biting his ear lobe gently while speeding his other hand up where he's gripping Cas's cock. Cas thrashes under him and Dean meets his mouth for a heated kiss. He must hit Cas's sweet spot on his next roll of hips, because the angel sucks in a breath under him and his arms contract around where they're holding Dean.
"Dean!" Cas cries out. He throws his head back and Dean's hips fall out of rhythm as Cas tightens around him. Their movements spread Cas's come between them as Dean follows Cas over the edge.
"Fuck, Cas," Dean gasps. He thrusts a final time into Cas and shudders as he comes. He slowly collapses onto Cas, feeling his head spin as they both come down from their high. Cas whooshes out a breath and Dean tries to work up the energy to roll off him. He gradually moves over to his side, both of them moaning when Dean slides out of Cas.
The sound of their panting is the only thing that fills the room, and even that fades away until only the quiet of the night remains. Dean could almost fall asleep right now, except for the fact that he can feel the stickiness on his stomach starting to set in. He sighs softly and looks over at Cas.
"Come on Cas," Dean mumbles. "Have to get cleaned up. You've got spunk all over you."
Cas looks like he wants to pass out right there, but Dean sits up and pulls on his boxers lethargically, passing Cas's to him. Cas grumbles but stands when Dean goes around to pull him to his feet. And if Dean pulls him close to nuzzle up against him and maybe kiss him a little, well, who can blame him?
For once very glad that his room is only just down the hall from the bathroom, Dean leads the way, pulling a tired Cas behind him, their hands joined. He flicks the light on in the bathroom and turns the shower on. Cas leans on him while he adjusts the temperature, his arms wrapped around Dean's waist.
Dean tugs Cas into the water when it's warm, and isn't surprised when he simply stands there, looking exhausted. Dean grabs the cloth and puts some soap on it before beginning to rub at the patches of white that he can see all over Cas.
"I can do that," Cas rumbles.
"It's fine," Dean tells him. "I can tell you're worn out." He doesn't try to stop the smirk that comes over his face.
Cas looks up at him and sees it. He lowers his eyebrows. "You are happy about that," he comments, obviously trying to figure out why.
Dean shrugs. "It's a compliment Cas. I know have proof that I can rock your world."
A glint enters the angel's eyes. "I see. And does that mean that because you stumbled over your own feet while you were walking up the corridor, I have definitive proof that I can 'rock your world?'"
Dean grins at him. "Yeah, you could say that."
Cas takes the cloth from him and rubs it over the places that Dean can't see. Dean grabs the other one and cleans himself up, even though there isn't as much on him as Cas had gotten all over him.
When they're done cleaning, they stand under the water. Dean's arms are around Cas and Cas's hands are on him. Dean finally reaches out to turn the water off when he's fairly sure that the danger of both of them falling asleep right there is a fair risk.
Cas finds a towel for both of them and they hurry down the corridor to their room. Dean is sure that no one would be in this part of the building anyway, since he and Cas hadn't fought to be quiet, but he's sure that his family doesn't need images to go along with sounds.
Cas pulls the covers up over them both when they're back in the bed, and falls asleep quickly, his breathing deepening. Dean can't help the soft smile that appears on his face when his angel starts snoring softly. He closes his eyes and cuddles closer to him, waiting to fall asleep as well.
It doesn't come.
Dean sighs as he opens his eyes after some time has passed. An hour has gone by, and he's still awake. He sighs softly, because if he doesn't do anything, he won't get to sleep. He's spent enough sleepless nights in his apartment in Phoenix to know his own body.
Dean shifts slightly. Cas is pressed up against him, so he kisses Cas's forehead before slowly getting out of the bed, trying not to wake him up. The angel moves slightly when Dean finally stands up, but doesn't do anything beyond a small frown coming over his face. It hurts Dean to see it, but he turns his back anyway, picking up his clothes and putting them on.
He closes his door softly behind him, so that no one will walk in on Cas and wake him. Then he pads down the hallway towards the small kitchen, hoping that some alcohol will calm his restless nerves.
He isn't expecting to see Sam sitting at the counter, but it doesn't stop him from crossing to the fridge and taking out a beer. Sam already has one in front of him, but it looks warm, like he hasn't touched it in a while. He has his computer up, and is looking over maps of the reserve, as if that could prepare them for the next day.
"Hey," Dean says softly. "Stop that." He slowly closes the laptop, and Sam doesn't do anything to stop him.
"It's just…" Sam doesn't finish his sentence. Dean doesn't know how it would have finished anyway.
"We're prepared. We've got this, Sam. Don't worry."
Sam looks up at him and absent mindedly takes a sip of his beer. He grimaces at the taste, and Dean gives him open one that he hasn't drank from yet, and goes back to the fridge to get himself another one.
Dean pops the bottle open with his ring, and takes a long drink, the taste calming him somewhat.
"Why aren't you with Cas?"
"He's sleeping," Dean replies, looking at the beer bottle.
"You should be with him. If Jess and Alicia were here, I'd be with them."
"Well they're not. So I'm the best you're gonna get." Dean smiles at his brother, but it drops off his face quickly. They sit in silence for a few minutes, drinking their beer. Dean tries not to think about what the next day is going to bring, focusing on his brother next to him.
"You ready?" Sam finally asks.
Dean shrugs. "As much as I'll ever be, I guess."
"You know the spell?"
"Yeah, Sam, I know the spell. Anna and Cas only had me repeat it like fifty times."
"Well you wouldn't want to forget it."
"No." Dean pauses before he continues. "You… You think everything's fine, now?" Do you think we're ready?
Sam lets out a shuddering breath. "I don't know," he says uneasily, looking at the bottle he is rolling around in his hands. "Does it just feel like… Does this just feel like the calm before the storm?"
Dean swallows. Yeah. It does. It feels like everything's about to come crashing down around our ears, and I'm scared. I'm not ready for what's coming up, and I don't want to face it. People are going to die, Sam. I know they are. And I don't know how to deal with that.
But he doesn't say any of that out loud. "Nah," he says, dismissing Sam's statement. "It doesn't feel like that at all."
Sam Looks at him, like he can see through Dean's bullshit easily enough, too easily, if Dean's being honest. He drains the rest of his beer and sets it down on the table, the clunk of it louder than it should be. Sam watches him silently as he gets up and comes back with the bottle of whiskey and two glasses, but accepts the drink that Dean pours him.
They clink their glasses together, Dean's smile maybe a little too forced.
"To the future," he says.
"To the future," Sam echoes quietly.
Together, they throw back the amber liquid.