You guys are going to hate me (Or love me? Hopefully the latter?) ^_^;
There's some cheese in this chapter... A bit of Brie... maybe some Limburger, but I'm sure you'll be able to get through it without retching ;)
A/N: There are still major problems with this chapter. But it was starting to make my eyes hurt so I gave up for the night. I'll be revising later this week. Sorry about poor quality.
Guys I really appreciate all the love and reviews! I've been stressed lately and getting you guys' reviews really helps me calm down and chill and focus on the good and not the rage inducing! :)
UPDATE 05.18.15: Revised most of the chapter lol and then I gave up. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own GMW, but Lucaya is bae.
"Maya, your teacher called me today at work." Katy said, frowning as Maya closed their apartment door looking worse for wear. "Did you get in trouble again?"
"Only because that dumb boy tried to steal Riley's crayons!" Maya said, crossing her arms.
"Maya, you know how I feel about you fighting. I don't send you to school so you can get into trouble and sit in timeout all day." Katy scolded, "If someone bothers you or your friend, ignore them."
"But then he made fun of me and said I didn't have a real family because there's no daddy in my pictures!"
Katy pinched the bridge of her nose tiredly, "I'm sorry, Maya. Mommy's had a long, rough day at work. Go play in your room, please."
Maya's expression fell, and she pouted, irritated that her mother wasn't paying her any attention.
"Mommy?" Maya asked, clambering onto the couch and trying to use that sweet little girl voice that she knew drove adults crazy into giving Riley whatever she wanted, "How come I don't have a daddy right now? You know Riley? Her daddy is a teacher. And that other kid Farkle also has a really rich daddy."
"You don't have a daddy period, Maya." Katy set her magazine down with a sigh and pulled the little blonde girl on her lap, "Because your father was scum of the earth and left us both."
Maya's eyes widened immeasurably, a little bit scared by the dark tone laced in her mother's words.
"He didn't want to take care of a kid. So you know what happened to Mommy?" Maya shook her head, blonde coils bouncing around her face, "Mommy had to leave school to take care of her baby girl. And then when you were three, I had to get four jobs so we could afford a place to live and have food to eat. All because your deadbeat dad couldn't handle the pressure and left us."
"Daddy left us?" Maya had always thought he was on a long business trip and a very busy man.
"He doesn't care about either of us." Katy said sharply.
"Then why did he send me a dress last week?"
"Just because he has a little humanity, doesn't mean that he's a good man or a caring person. That dress was supposed to be a birthday gift for you." Katy responded bitterly, "Your birthday was months ago."
Maya looked down at her booted feet, wondering why her mom sounded like she hated her dad so much.
"You may not get it now because you're young, but you'll learn." Katy took Maya's pudgy chin in her hand and turned her face so she was looking at her, "That's why I need you to promise me to never make the same mistakes that I made. Don't let yourself get fooled by some idiot guy's promises of a beautiful future and everlasting love. Don't let him fool you into thinking that he'll cherish you, because the second he sees an out, he'll run with his tail between his legs. Men are cowards. Loathsome cowards and dream breakers. You'll fall for many guys in the future, baby girl. But never give your all to them. Preserve yourself. I want you to promise me, Maya."
Maya frowned, not really understanding why her mother was so mad.
"Promise me!"
"I promise!" Maya exclaimed, lip quivering in fright by the unnatural gleam in her mother's eyes.
"Good."
Maya's eyes widened as her stomach dropped to her feet, "Wait Mom, I can explain–"
"Explain what?" Katy hissed, her eyes gleaming with fury, "That you couldn't keep your legs closed despite me begging you to? That you deliberately disobeyed my orders? That you broke our promise?"
"I didn't mean to." Maya's voice shook, her heart racing rapidly as her lip quivered in fear, "Mom listen."
"Do you even know the father?" Katy continued, undeterred. "Or let me guess, there are multiple prospects?"
Despite her efforts, Maya's vision blurred with tears, "How can you say that Mom? It was just a mistake!"
"A mistake, she says." Katy scoffed sarcastically, "Just a mistake?! Do you realize what this will cost you? I sent you to school to make a goddamned living for yourself! To give you your best shot so you wouldn't end up like me! Pregnant at seventeen with no one to help raise your child. Do you know how much I suffered because of the pregnancy? And now here you are, doing the exact same shit!"
"Mom, I'm sorry! Please just hear me out!"
"Now you'll spend your days working morning through evening just to support this child of yours and you'll never get anywhere in life. You've ruined all your chances because you were too stupid to wait like I told you several hundreds of times!"
"Mom, please!"
"I warned you, Maya!" she yelled, "I told you to preserve yourself time after time after time, but you didn't listen!"
"Just hear me out!" Maya cried in distress.
"I don't want to hear it!" Katy screeched. She took a deep shaky breath, shaking her head in disgust, "You're a lost cause. Get the fuck out of this house. I want nothing to do with this."
Katy flung the wrinkled picture out at Maya, and then slammed the door shut, leaving Maya standing there in shock at what had just happened.
"Mom please don't do this! Just let me in! I'm sorry!" Maya banged on the door, but was only rewarded with the sound of the lock clicking in place. "Please… I'm begging you… Don't abandon me…"
Maya sank down onto the floor, bringing her knees to her chest and breaking down sobbing in front of the door. She didn't care that a few of the neighbours had opened their doors, wondering what all the commotion was about. She didn't care that a few were gossiping amongst themselves about what could have been the possible cause of this argument. All she could think about was the fact that she had lost her home. She'd officially been kicked out by her mother. And what hurt the most wasn't the fact that she had gotten kicked out. What hurt so badly was the deceived way with which Katy had looked at Maya as if she was a stain on her ledger. The one imperfection on Katy's otherwise perfect life resume.
"Why…" Maya whimpered, hand shaking as she gripped her ultrasound photo.
Why does shit always have to get fucked up for me? This is all your fucking fault!
Maya had imagined that when she did tell Katy about her pregnancy, she would be mad and a little disappointed, but she would understand. Never had Maya imagined such an extreme belligerent response.
Katy had rejected Maya completely. And now, she'd thrown Maya out on her ass to fend for herself. It was something Katy had threatened on and off in the past, like when Maya kept coming home with blackened eyes in her youth or the first time Maya had let a boy chill and hang out in her room unsupervised. But this was the first time she had acted out on her disgust. Maya didn't even know if this was temporary or not. But judging from the fact that the suitcase was near full to the brim with her clothes and some shoes, this was likely to be a long term arrangement.
Sniffling, Maya swiped her sleeve across her face, clearing it of the twin streamlets of tears trailing down her cheeks. Her stomach growled painfully in a request to fill it with some food, but Maya paid no heed to it, unable to muster up an appetite to satisfy her stomach. She knew that anything she put into her mouth would only come right back out in a few moments.
But that did remind her of the ten bucks Riley had given her.
And she needed a place to stay for the night.
Maya pulled her phone out to call Riley, only to remember that it had died the night before and she hadn't had a chance to charge it. Sighing, Maya pocketed the phone and stood up slowly, trying to fight the tears that wanted to rise once again. She squeezed the shoes on top of the suitcase inside her school bag before tugging the suitcase along behind her.
As she walked down the street, the already dark night sky darkened to an ominous purple with gray clouds, and with it came the threatening grumble of thunder and the humid stickiness of rain. But that didn't stop Maya from dragging her feet on the sidewalk, despite the fact that she was bound to get caught in the rain. She didn't even bother taking the subway as she normally would to get to Riley's. She walked right by the station entrance, not wanting to have to deal with inquisitive looks and questions regarding her red rimmed eyes and snot running down her face. Tears kept leaking out of Maya's eyes, and she was almost certain mascara was running down her cheeks and her eye liner was smeared from her rubbing. She knew she probably looked like roadkill as she walked by people, but at least the people on the street would be less likely to confront her about her current condition. She did get some pretty concerned looks from people scurrying along the sidewalk to get away from the impending rain, but for the most part, she was completely ignored, and Maya was grateful for it.
The sky rumbled dangerously and not a moment later, it opened and a torrent of rain cascaded down from the clouds, drenching Maya almost instantly. Around her, people scrambled to hurry to their destinations, running around the strange blonde girl who was walking slowly in the rain. But she ignored it all and continued her slow pace to the only place she knew she could go.
She lost track of time as she walked through the streets of New York, dragging her squeaky wheeled suitcase behind her the whole way. Gradually, strip clubs and hookers waving for clients in the streets turned into classy nightclubs and people waving frantically for taxis. She continued on her way, paying no regard to anything aside from her destination.
Maya wasn't sure how long she had been walking or for what distance, but when she arrived at the Matthews' apartment building, there were barely any people out and about anymore and the stars had come out to play.
She buzzed several times for their apartment, hoping someone was up to let her in.
"Hello? Who is it?"
It was Cory, sounding put off and bewildered at who could possibly be ringing in so late at night.
Maya sniffled, her voice hoarse. "It's Maya. Please let me in?"
There was no response, just an automatic unclicking of the apartment's gates to let her in. She trudged through the lobby and up the stairs to Riley's floor, mentally apologizing to whoever cleaned the building for dragging water and dirt in all over the place.
When she got to their door, Cory was already standing there, the same perturbed look on his face that she had heard in his voice. She could just tell whatever words he had for her vanished as soon as he saw her.
"Maya! You're soaked!" He fretted in concern, pulling her in quickly. "What are you doing walking in the rain without an umbrella?"
He disappeared down the hall momentarily before returning with a towel and throwing it on Maya.
"Here. Come sit down."
She let him pull her to the couch, and she plopped down on it next to him, her lower lip quivering.
"Maya, what's going on?" he tenderly wiped away one of her tears, "Have you been crying?"
Maya felt ridiculous. She thought she had already exhausted all of her tears as she had been walking, but seeing Cory's worried and caring face made a whole new bout of fresh tears brim on her lower eyelid. And before she knew it, she was sobbing once again, head in her hands and shoulders shaking.
Cory immediately wrapped Maya in a hug, shushing her gently and rocking her back and forth, "Maya, it's okay. What happened?"
"I-I got kicked out…" Maya said, sniffling deeply.
"Katy kicked you out?" he asked in alarm. Maya nodded in confirmation, still collapsed into herself. "Why did you get kicked out Maya?"
"I'm pregnant…" she blubbered, "I'm pregnant and my mom found out, and she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore after I broke our promise."
She felt him stiffen and his breath hitched after those words and she closed her eyes, bracing herself for yet another rejection. He was silent for several seconds and each excruciating second elevated Maya's fears.
Great… Now he's going to kick me out too…
"It must have taken you a lot of courage to tell me, Maya." He finally said quietly.
To her horror, she realized his voice was carefully blank. In her experience, a blank expression and voice devoid of any emotion was always a precursor to trouble.
"Maya, how long have you been keeping this a secret?"
"About four weeks or so."
"Four weeks?" he sounded shocked, and undeniably, Maya found traces of disappointment in his words. She was right. He was angry with her and completely disappointed. "You kept this to yourself for four weeks?"
"Riley knew… So did Topanga."
"Well that explains the whole ketchup cravings…" he said, rubbing his chin pensively. "And eating all the food in our fridge."
"I'm so sorry…" she whispered, her voice breaking, "I know I failed you… I understand if you never want me over here again or if you don't want me near Riley anymore. I'm a terrible influence and a complete failure–"
"Maya stop." He said abruptly, startling her into rapid silence.
She looked up, expecting to see an angry Cory, but instead, he was looking at her benevolently, if not a little sadly. There was disappointment in his expression and a little annoyance too, but somehow, it didn't seem like it was directed towards her.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier? I wish you had."
"I was scared…"
"Scared of what?"
"Scared you would be disappointed in me. Scared that you'd be angry with me and that you'd want nothing to do with me." she wiped her nose with the towel, scoffing at herself. "I know you are. Why wouldn't you be? I'm a fuck up."
"I am disappointed in you Maya." He said carefully, "But not because you made a mistake. I'm disappointed in you because you didn't believe in me enough to know that I would never ever reject you. You're one of my daughters. How could I turn you away?"
"And I am angry." He continued, giving Maya a comforting squeeze, "But not because you're pregnant. I'm angry that all this time, you've been keeping such a big secret and dealing with it on your own. I'm angry that Katy left you to fend for yourself when you need the most help right now. And I'm angry at myself, because what kind of father am I if I can't even pick up on the fact that my daughter is going through something so difficult on her own."
She stared at him in stunned silence, knowing her eyes were crawling with tears once again.
"Maya, this goes without saying, but you know you always have a home with us, right? You can come to us if you ever need anything. All of us."
Maya nodded quietly, biting her lip to stop it from quivering violently. She was shivering almost uncontrollably, but Maya couldn't tell whether it was from her cold clothes sticking to her skin or the fact that she was seconds from bursting into tears once again.
"How can you just accept it so easily?" she asked, "I made such a stupid mistake. I'm pregnant. At seventeen."
Why is he not reacting like Mom? It doesn't make any sense.
"Maya, the mistakes we make don't define who we are as people. You're still a good girl and an excellent best friend with a great big heart." Cory smiled kindly, "So you're pregnant at seventeen. The world isn't going to stop because it hasn't given up on you. So you don't give up on yourself."
She nodded, though she couldn't help feeling ashamed nonetheless.
A tired Topanga and Riley walked into the living room, worried looks on their faces, "Cory, what's going on here?"
"Who was at the door, Dad?"
"It's Maya." He responded, gesturing to the towel ball next to him, "Katy kicked her out."
Maya gave them a weak wave from the couch, smiling tight lipped and unhappily.
Riley looked horrified, "Your mom kicked you out?"
"She found out about my pregnancy…" Maya replied, her voice breaking again.
"Oh you poor baby." Topanga said, rushing over and carefully pulling her up to her feet. "Maya, you're drenched! Did you walk all the way here in the rain?"
Maya sneezed loudly before she could respond, blowing her nose with the towel. That was all the answer Topanga needed.
"You're going to catch a cold if you stay in these wet clothes! Go take a warm shower okay. We can figure out what's going to happen tomorrow, but you're sleeping here tonight." Topanga gestured to Riley, "Riley can you get her something clean to wear?"
Riley took Maya's hand and ushered her rapidly to the bathroom where she all but ripped her clothes off of her and shoved her under the scalding water coming out of the shower head.
"Shower. I'll be right back."
As Maya washed the grime from her skin, another round of tears began, and she sobbed, feeling nothing but cold despite the fact that she was standing in a steaming shower. She had no home anymore. She wasn't even sure if she had a mother anymore. What was it about her that screamed that she should be left? Was she really that much like her own mother? The kind of person who deserved to be left? The kind of person who didn't deserve good things in life? It seemed like every time something good happened to her, some shit had to hit the fan to even out the world and keep it balanced.
Her thoughts were broken when Riley walked in with the pair of flannels Maya always borrowed during sleepovers.
"Maya? Are you hungry?"
"Not really…" she sighed, turning off the water, though her stomach grumbled in annoyance.
"…Alright. If you're sure." Riley hesitated, dropping the pajamas on top of Maya's towel, "I'll be in my room in a little bit, okay?"
Maya toweled herself down before slipping on the bed clothes. She stared at herself in the mirror as she wrung out her tangled mess of hair. Her eyes were gaunt and a little hollow. Even the vibrant blue she was used to seeing in the mirror was dull. She looked pale and scrawny. Like she'd lost a lot of her spirit.
I guess I have.
Maya scoffed at her own disgusting reflection and headed to Riley's room. She could hear hushed voices discussing something animatedly in the living room and scurried on her way to avoid listening in on anything. She didn't want to hear it. She was scared of what they would say. It was one thing to give her a place to stay for the night, but she knew eventually, she'd become a burden. She'd probably lose a home again. She'd be left.
And that did seem to be the theme of her life.
She laid down on Riley's pillow, not caring that her hair was still a little bit wet and was creating an uncomfortable damp spot. Her eyes rested on Riley's identical Hello Kitty clock, watching as it took ages for the minute hand to change.
Riley walked in, dragging Maya's wet suitcase behind her. "Dad said you can skip the rest of the school week if you need to. And I'll stay with you."
Maya didn't respond, staring at the clock, eyes half lidded and tear drops staining the fabric of the pillow. A few weeks ago, she'd watched this clock earnestly as she waited to see if she was pregnant. A pregnancy that was slowly, but surely fucking up her life.
Riley cut the lights of her room and slid onto her side of the bed, all the while watching Maya morosely. She took Maya's hand and squeezed it. Maya kept her gaze on the covers, silent tears leaking from the corner of her eyes as she stared blankly, sniffling every once in a while. After an extended period of silence, Riley finally spoke.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Riley asked softly, a little bit hurt by Maya's dismissal. She knew Maya's general behaviour when something bad happened to her was to withdraw from everyone around her and avoid issues, but they'd been best friends for so long. It hurt that Maya would even try the same thing with her.
"Mom says I ruined my life…" Maya said monotonously. "And I know she's right."
"She's not right. Your life isn't ruined."
"She is right Riley. She's the only one who has the guts to tell me what a fuck up I really am." Her voice wavered, and she swallowed thickly to control herself. "Me, keeping a baby? There's no way the kid would grow up right… I'd just be subjecting another life to being a fuck up in the future as well."
"Maya enough with these self-destructive thoughts!" Riley hissed vehemently, startling Maya into meeting her gaze. Riley's eyes were shining with tears through her glare. "Why do you act like you hate yourself so much? I just don't understand. You're the best person I know. And Jellybean is lucky that you're going to be its mother. We all love you so much. So why can't you love yourself?"
"Riley. I'm pregnant. Do you think this is fun and games anymore? I was kicked out of my house. My mom hates me." Her eyes welled up again, and she took in a deep, shuddering breath, "And eventually, if I stay here, you all will too."
"Nobody hates you Maya. And nobody will ever hate you." Riley frowned, "You're our precious honourary family member. Do you know how much we need you in our lives?"
Maya looked away in disagreement, chewing on her bottom lip.
"Riley… I'm a lost cause." She said miserably, "Give up on me."
And then her cheek stung with the pain of a sharp slap to the face from Riley. Maya's eyes snapped to Riley's in stupefied irritation.
"Ow." Maya growled in annoyance, "What the fuck?"
"Good. There's that spark in your eyes. You're coming back to me." Riley smiled. "I don't know why you would ever think it's okay to ask me to give up on you. You know I never will."
"Did that really merit a slap to the face though?" Maya grumbled, "Your hands are cold."
"You didn't want to listen." Riley shrugged, but she patted Maya's face gently, rubbing the light red mark she had made, "Maya. I know you're spiraling right now. And I'll do my best to help you get out of this funk, but you need to remember that things—no matter how bad they are—will always get better."
There was a thick and long silence that fell after her words.
"How Riley? How…?" Maya finally asked, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes, "Maybe I should have just had that abortion…"
"Would you have been able to live with yourself?" Riley's eyes were starting to droop shut. "Would you have been able to get through each day without thinking about the child that could have been?"
Maya remembered seeing Jellybean for the first time and the elation she got from seeing her precious heartbeat. She remembered how beautiful the heartbeat had sounded. One of the most defining and happiest moments of her life. She knew she had resented Jellybean tonight. Accused it for all the problems Maya was having now, but Jellybean had done nothing to deserve that kind of blame. The fault completely lied on Maya. Maya rested her hand lightly on her abdomen.
I'm so sorry Jellybean. I know it's not your fault… I know I'm being a bitch. And I know I'm not perfect, but I'll work on being better to you... I promise.
"No. I wouldn't have." Maya finally responded honestly. She snuggled closer to her best friend. "You won't leave me right?"
"Never. I told you, didn't I? I'll always have your back."
"Thank you… I love you, Riles."
"Love you too, Maya Papaya." She said, yawning loudly.
"Did your dad ask about the father of my baby?"
"Mmhmm…" Riley responded sluggishly, eyes closed and breathing even, "We didn't tell him…"
"Good. He'd probably kill Lucas during school."
Riley's lips curled into a slight smile, and then a few seconds later she was snoring softly. Maya watched her sleep for a moment before turning on her back and letting her thoughts take over once again.
I'm pathetic.
Abandoned by her father. And then abandoned by her mother… And the worst part was that Maya couldn't even find it in herself to resent her mother. She just wanted her back.
Riley was right. Things would get better eventually, but then they'd get bad once again, just like that. That's the way it worked in her life. Maya was a stray. Things would never stay good for her because no matter what she did she would eventually get rejected, pushed away, or left.
Tears began to pool in her eyes again, but Maya forced her sniffles down so as to not disturb Riley.
Nothing but a pathetic failure…
She cried herself silently to sleep.