And another installment of the T.H.E.A.P.f.t.O.W.!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter franchise, which is soon to be renamed the United Elvish Communist Regime. Also, try not to inhale too deeply while reading. While the results from the last few rounds of tests aren't finalized yet, this story has been proven to contain trace amounts of crack.

Dumbledore stared in silent astonishment at his lemon drop bowl. It seemed that he had, yet again, run out of the delicious little candies. He sighed and called for his elf.

"Mitsy!"

Mitsy appeared with a quiet pop and curtsied.

"What can Mitsy be doing for the Headmaster today, sir?"

Dumbledore smiled benevolently at the elf.

"It would seem I have run out of lemon drops again. Would you please-"

He was cut off as the elf grabbed the empty bowl, popped away, and then reappeared moments later with a full bowl in hand.

"Thank you."

As Dumbledore sat back down at his Headmaster's desk, he unwrapped one of the small yellow hard candies and began to suck. As the sour, sweet lemony taste spread through his mouth, it quite effectively masked the taste of the addictive and inhibiting agents. The great Albus Dumbledore's eyes slightly glazed as he fell into another psychotropic drug-induced haze.

Minerva McGonagall looked around the staff table. She pursed her lips as she observed her fellow educators. Something seemed… off, to say the least. Albus hardly ever showed up for meals anymore, and when he did, all he did was sit at the Head Table with a bowl of those confounded Sherbet Lemons.

Filius Flitwick, her longtime friend and drinking buddy, had grown quiet in the past months, only ever breaking his self-imposed silence for his teaching duties and periodic twitching fits, which were accompanied by silent sobbing and rapid, low mumbling. She wasn't sure what had happened to him, but it seemed personal, so she felt it wouldn't be right to impose.

Delores Umbridge had grown less and less smug ever since her appointment as High Inquisitor, slowly retreating into herself and spending less time doing her 'Inquisitorial Duties as appointed by Cornelius'. Not that Minerva was complaining, but that was certainly out of character. The toad-like woman was also developing deep shadows underneath her eyes, and her wand hand would occasionally twitch towards her pocket, as if on nervous instinct, if anybody spoke too loudly out of her range of vision.

Pomona Sprout was cheerful as ever, but now there was a hard glint to her eyes, as if she was secretly plotting your disappearance as she spoke to you. Also, McGonagall could have sworn she caught a glimpse of blueprints in Sprout's office, but couldn't be sure. The Hufflepuffs in general were acting strangely, but they were all an odd bunch anyways.

And Severus Snape was, well, Severus Snape. Nothing much had changed there, unfortunately.

It was all slightly distressing, almost as concerning as the strange packages she'd been receiving in the afternoon mail. Honestly, who on earth would send her five gallons of petroleum, a gardening hose, and what seemed to be an empty tin can was beyond her. For now, she'd just taken to putting the random items outside her office door for the elves to collect on their nightly cleaning rounds, and by morning the strange deliveries were always gone.

Surely it was nothing.

Meanwhile, in the Room of Requirement, another meeting of the HEA was called to order. Comrade Beardy stood to the podium, waving his hand and clearing the rather realistic game of Battleship that some of the other elves were waging across the hall. The regular seating appeared, and the staff of Hogwarts sat at attention.

"Thank you all. Now, Beardy would like to say that it has been a successful month since we all be meeting, and in that time we be making much progress towards the final goal."

Cheering sounded throughout the chamber.

"Settle down, settle down. Now, there be some updates to make. Comrade Blinky, please take the floor."

All eyes stared at the famed House Elf who had so fearlessly risked his safety in the grand plan.

"Thank you very much, Comrade Beardy," the small, yet inexplicably debonair House Elf began. "Professor Flitwicky be now re-educated, and be mostly intact!"

He paused for the tumultuous applause.

"Blinky be thankful to serve the cause, and be ready to serve again if he be needed. That is all."

To more deafening applause, Blinky stepped down from the podium and took his seat. Comrade Beardy stepped back up, and continued with his announcements.

"The connections with the Puffleups be going smoothly, and negotiations be still underway, according to Comrades Inky and Parley. The ultimatum for Voldy be ready to be delivered, and is being copied for the Minister of Magic as we be speaking. And now, Beardy will cede the floor to Comrades Tufty and Blitsy, who have been heading the Toad Removal Squad these past weeks."

More applause. The charismatic Comrade Blitsy took the stage, while his faithful companion Tufty stood to the side.

"Thank you, thank you. Toad Removal, while progress be happening, be going slow. The toad be determined, but we be determineder. The sleep-prevention be going well, and she only be finding, on average, seven of the spiders a night. The Elves assigned to stand at the edge of her vision be doing their duties perfectly, and she still isn't detecting the Elves who be rearranging her furniture and decorations when she be out of the office."

With a winning smile, Comrade Blitsy waved and strode off back to the side, exuding the power and confidence expected of a Comrade of his standing. Tufty followed close behind. All of the Comrades in attendance paused in reverence for a moment before exploding into wild cheers. What a leader! What an incredible, capable, honest, hard-working specimen of a House Elf!

Beardy stood back up for the final time, looking on proudly as Blitsy took his seat.

"Thank you Comrade Blitsy. Now, for our last piece of business, Beardy be hearing that Comrade Shanky be developing some new armaments for the good of the Comrades. Could he please step up to demonstrate?"

I'm on a roll.

First Shadows Chapter 10, then the next installment of the Comrade Dobby series?

On a roll.

Anyways, this is the longest chapter yet! They're slowly gaining in length as this originally silly and simple idea grew into a silly and complex idea. Even so, we'll probably be wrapping up in a few chapters. Any thoughts? Hit that lovely review button! Really like the story? Hit the Favorite button. Tell all your friends about the story. Begin quoting random passages. Spend hours analyzing dialogue for your next English thesis.

And remember- check your candy. Lemon drops are not to be trusted.

-Ambiguity