Hey, thanks to all of you, who reviewed added this to story alert and favorited the story! I'd hug you all, but I don't do hugs. So e-cookies instead? And a very grateful author? And, I was told that some of you would like my chapters to be longer, and I'm seriously going to work on that. But, I'm still in need of a Beta, so if you can, thanks! And, I had planned on getting this out earlier but thanksgiving is when my grandmother died three years ago, and it was recently the anniversary. I've been quite depressed lately over it, as I am every year. So, this chapters for her, although I'm not sure how much she's going to appreciate a chapter about a psychopath slowly gaining a grip on reality… probably question my sanity… anywho, thanks for listening to my rambling!
Chapter 6
Gripping Reality.
Naruto frowned. He gazed out at the fast scenery ahead. The forest of death was much larger than you'd think. He slowly inhaled, then exhaled. He knew he'd need all the sanity he could muster if he was going to try and learn some non-demonic attacks. His inner turmiols had festered all of his life. He had used the Kyuubi and it's hate to cover his own feelings, and burn them. It's easier to deal with someone else's emotions than your own.
Dealing with your emotions when they happen is the easiest thing, but can sometimes be a bit daunting, and hard. Especially when you have no one to turn to. After all, who wants to involve themselves with a demon's container? Even if you're a normal person, bonds can be hard to make. Naruto had gone his whole life with avoiding it. He had taken his emotions, and shoved them deep into himself. Never looking at them, not even sparing them a glance.
He had taken the kyuubi's feelings; they were easier. Only wanting, needing, desiring; hate, and death. The never-ending want for blood lust had helped to keep his emotions at bay. But, every death, every gory thing that happened. The small, frail minded child that lay within him carefully recorded it all. Inside, that small child wept. It wept for everyone that was hurt, who lost their lives, and most importantly, to it's own fucked up existence. Naruto, the one everyone saw, was a shell. A body, with no one completely inside, operating it.
There was the kyuubi, the violent, blood lusting monster. The small child, desperately wanting someone to hold him. The adolescent, who wanted to deal with this, and grow into a person people, could admire. Then, the small, twisted psycho who had developed from the cruel happening of the things the shell witnessed. No one had full control. The kyuubi's blood lust was the most dominate its emotions taking its toll. The psycho committed the acts, but the small child faltered. And the adolescence, so scared, and anxious, that it gives in, not knowing right from wrong.
The small child learns how to act from there parents, siblings, and family. When that small child has no one, it looks for anything. Kyuubi had been there, and it had gladly shown the child what to do. Not all influences are good though. The kyuubi corrupted the vessel that stands today. It divided it, splitting the mindsets up. The ones it wanted it desired, where the ones fueled by hate, and blood lust. The more dominant traits. It nurtured them, and while the boy's instinct wanted the other ones to grow, and take over, they weren't nourished. They where starved, losing any hope for control. The lesser traits where cast aside, absorbing any human traits that wanted to take control. The sadness, the grief, the horror- they where all given to the human side of the boy. A feat that would break anyone. No one is so strong willed to take all of the acts Kyuubi had the boy do. The psychotic side festered, and helped the kyuubi push the others back.
Anko had struck the child hard. She had found the adolescence. The one that secretly knew what it wanted but couldn't take hold. She forced it forward. And now it was bared, in front of the world. It had no defenses, after playing victim in the mind for so long, it had nothing to protect it. It was out, and it wanted to remain out. So the psychotic side and the demon side where attacking it. Making its already daunting task, terrifying.
Naruto took in a sharp intake of breath. He looked as if he was going to cry, to break. But, he couldn't. Not yet, the psychotic side still remained a strong hold. The child's desire to become who he wanted to be and the small child's fears had repressed the kyuubi. But, the psychotic side built by the kyuubi after 12 long years, was ever the problem. It had its own desires and they where quite different from the person the adolescence naturally strived to be.
Naruto growled, his inner turmoil from just two of the personas where giving him a migraine.
"I've got to think," he spoke.
While most people feel safest in there own minds, Naruto found no such solace. His mind was more dangerous than the world outside him. So, when he was alone, he opted to speak aloud. It gave him an opportunity to put thoughts together without the opportunity of other mindsets bursting in. His mind was dividing even more. Which would just keep adding to his misery.
"I'm a complete failure at originality," He mumbled.
It was true, deep down he may have been very creative, but he couldn't reach that part. At the surface, there was only a blood lust, and a drive to not rely on anyone else. A sense of independence. He had nothing else to go on.
"My father," he whispered, the word foreign on his tongue, and he couldn't help but cringe. He spat of to the side.
Even the adolescence side couldn't say it. It didn't understand it. Not yet. That lay with the child, which may never have time to break free from its traits.
"That man," he said, the words didn't hurt him as much.
He never thought words could feel like a needle, but the non- evil sides knew they could hurt. Worse than a sword through your side.
"I'll use his jutsu's. I'll teach myself them, and use them. He was powerful. Attacks are everything. His techniques were powerful, that made him powerful. That will make me powerful. I won't be weak. I can't be!"
He clenched his eyes shut, but promptly opened them when the things he saw over-powered him.
"Think," he demanded of himself, "What was one of his techniques?"
He remembered one of the speeches the old sandaime had given him.
"Your father was quite the genius." Sandaime said, smiling at the small boy, only 4 years of age. The boy could already see when something was fake. The smile clearly was.
"He created this technique, called shadow clones, where he'd create more of himself, physical copies, not just an illusion. They were excellent with many types of shinobi work."
Naruto frowned, his eyes already dead.
"I'm going now." The child said, then left the man behind, to rub his temples, and scowl.
"Shadow clones." HE breathed, then smirked.
He remembered the man had shown him the sign, so he had to figure out how to work the chakra manipulation.
He frowned, that wasn't exactly his forte. He never really used the chakra inside of him. He had used the red chakra, and it naturally leaked out of him, and the kyuubi controlled it. He told the kyuubi how to control it though.
Naruto's scowl deepened, if at all possible. He knew he would have to start at the beginning. For a moment fear clenched him. He had remembered how one of the academy teachers had said that chakra circulation had to be started at a young age. If not, the coils could not grow, and the chakra would sit idle. Eventually becoming solid and meshing with the person's spirit, to be taken with them to the next world, and feed the body's nutrients.
He formed the sign used to gather chakra. And his worries ceased. It seems that the existence of the kyuubi's chakra had kept his own chakra moving, and the naturally high reserves had slowed the process down. But, he could feel that he could not use all of it. He knew on instinct that his coils would never grow now, and he would have a constantly lower reserve than other people would. He would never be able to do much with it.
He growled in irritation. More road obstacles kept appearing. Naruto hated not being able to head straight forward. He would heave to make detours. He pushed that further back onto the "to-do" list. He had more oppressing matters.
He thought for a moment in his mind, only to have his other personas attack him, so resumed his talking aloud.
"With the regular clone, you form your chakra based on you own details. You look at things individually. Like facial expressions. So, if you want it to be solid, maybe you only need to concentrate on the shape."
He liked this idea, and proceeded to do so. He kept failing, being a ninja, you where trained to look at little details.
"Maybe I need to stop concentrating, and just do it."
He tried, quickly formed the seal, and shaped the chakra quickly. A moment later there stood a gray blob next to him.
His eye twitched.
"What the fuck is that?" he screamed, disappointed.
The noise sent birds flying from their perches.
He took a deep breath, trying not to gaze at the horrifying person shaped blob next to him. It looked like someone had given a child about 50 tubes of gray play-do and said,
"Here you go! Create a person shape, go wild!"
Naruto punched it where it's gut should have been.
It dispersed.
Naruto took a deep breath.
Then stopped himself. It seems a light bulb just went off.
Naruto smirked wildly,
"When you're fighting you go for the real one. If I have blobs, they'll know who I am. They will head for the real me, and be caught up in that task. If there were a bunch of faceless blobs of play-do around you, naturally you'd ignore them. They then could sneak up and kill you." He would have danced in glee, but he wasn't that kind of person. Obviously. "I'll refer to it as form clone."
Aww, our cute little psychopath has had an idea.
Naruto sighed, getting back to his current task.
"That didn't work. Let's try a different approach. This time, I'll focus on the chakra coils."
He formed his chakra into the shape of a person's coils after making the necessary sign.
"What the fuck!?" Naruto screamed again.
He wanted so bang his head into a tree.
There, before him was a chakra system, that moved on it's own.
'Hmm, useful. You can only handle your own chakra if it's in its raw form. If I where to have it inject the chakra into another, it would kill them.' He smirked devilishly.
Naruto had created two new techniques in his failure.
He dispersed the coils. He decided that he was going to focus on all three things together, since separate they did him no good.
Naruto went to try again, but his reserves where gone. He had no usable chakra left. He had tried many, many times to get those two things down. It had taken his lots of wasted chakra to get even the blob down. And since he was new to the motions, they had ended up dispersing lots of chakra into the air.
Naruto frowned. He felt more chakra in his coils, but could not use it. It had already turned solid. The only good this gave him was he could not die of chakra exhaustion.
"Well, since I'm done working on that for now, I need to be able to have enough chakra to use these techniques. I have enough to do them, but not enough for very many of each clone. I need to find a way to store chakra so I can use it later."
Naruto smirked, remembering what his father was most gifted at.
"Seals."
Okay guys, that's it. I know I said it would be a longer chapter but I'm sorry. I don't want you guys to wait any longer for this, and it's really late. I'll try to get Fanwhat? Up tomorrow and then the next chapter of this up on Friday!