A/N: So happy some of you guys got Spencer's 'for til college' reference. Literally I was giddy for like a week. And as promised, patented Tiramisuspice Bear Hug© for anyone who guessed it/knew it/etc!

I finally finished up this chapter because I have an exam later today and felt like I needed to relax before it. This chapter has been a long time coming. I've been restarting it for a while because I was trying to get back into a proper Enceinte angsty mood, but I was way too messed up and the chapter kept coming out way too dark and grim. I think I fixed the tone though. Let me know if it feels different. I can rewrite it if it doesn't match the rest of the story.

Thank you everyone for the support guys! I know it's been a long time with a lot of ups and downs and a lot of waiting for Lucas to come back and I want to thank you for your patience and waiting for the story to unfold! I really appreciate it and I thank you for all the sweet words you have given me through it all! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own GMW, but Lucaya is bae.

Maya wasn't sure how long they remained in the hallway, Lucas holding her in a tight embrace as if the thought of letting her go terrified him, Maya clutching onto him because she wasn't sure if she let go she would be able to stay upright. Her legs felt like they were about to give out, and her heart was hammering so wildly in her chest she was having trouble breathing.

He was here.

Lucas came back.

"Miss Hart?" The nurse finally said, clearing her throat and sounding a little uncomfortable. "Did you still want to see your baby?"

"I do…" she mumbled through a soft sniffle, her face still buried in Lucas' chest. "Can I… Can I have a few minutes to talk to him?"

"Take all the time you need. Let me know when you're ready to go."

Maya heard footsteps leave from behind her, but she remained in place, revelling in the comfort and warmth she felt in Lucas' arms. She hadn't realized how much she had needed it. How much she had truly missed him.

Which only served to remind her of the fact that he'd left.

Lucas must have sensed her hesitation or felt her stiffen, because he slowly pulled back from her the slightest bit, gazing down at her with a tender look in his eyes that it made Maya's heart lurch in her chest. A look so full of sheer relief and care and love that it made her chest hurt.

"Maya…" he murmured.

She said nothing, averting her gaze from his. She was still angry at him. Even if he came, she was still mad, and she was hurt, and she felt guilty. Guilt like nothing else for crushing his heart to pieces when he never deserved those kind of lies.

Why the hell was he here?

With a soft sniffle and a frown, Maya pushed away from him, and Lucas loosened his grip, giving her a little space to back away from him.

"Lucas… We need to talk."

"I know…" he said softly, wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb before stroking it gently, his gaze affectionate and warm, "I know we do. I know we have things to discuss, but I just… I needed to confirm…"

That I was alive.

Maya nodded, but she stepped back from him completely and out of his reach and stooped, picking up her crutches and steadying herself. She saw the hurt but resigned look flash momentarily through Lucas' eyes as his hand fell slack against his side, but she kept her gaze on the ground, forcing herself to keep some sort of distance.

She had desperately wanted Lucas here to support her, but now that he was here, the only thing going through Maya's mind was that he shouldn't be. Was how him staying would only bring more pain and anguish in his life. She'd already caused him so many problems. She couldn't do this to him again.

Her mind was telling her to end things for real, even if it truly hurt to think about that.

But she didn't want Lucas to suffer any more pain because of her. He needed the distance from her. She needed to protect him.

"Maya—"

"We'll disturb other patients if we stay out here talking." Maya said, moving past him and into her room, "We should go inside."

Lucas nodded and followed her inside the hospital room, though he didn't say anything. He looked a little uncertain now, his expression a little more guarded than before, and Maya knew he had picked up quite a bit on the distance she'd very quickly put between them. She hated doing this to him, but she didn't want to let him in again. She'd make life for Lucas worse.

Maya's very existence was a curse.

She broke things, made everyone's lives worse. She was trouble walking on two legs and she would be damned if she let anyone else experience hardships because of her. She'd already managed to wreck her mom's life, and Mia was also in the hospital too because Maya was inadequate as a mother.

Mr. Friar had been an asshole, yes. But he had definitely been right about one thing:

She would only drag Lucas down.

Maya sat down on the edge of the bed, resting her aching limbs and turned to Lucas, waiting patiently as he rubbed the back of his neck in the doorway, clearly deliberating whether or not he should sit beside her. He hesitated, briefly tightened his grip around Mr. Flopsy's arm, and then he walked over to her, settling beside her. There was a fair bit of space between them, but Maya made no attempts to close the distance.

They sat there silently for a moment, awkwardly staring out of the window at the city's buildings in the distance, neither knowing quite how to start the conversation they needed to have, neither knowing what to say to break the unease that had settled between them. There was so much to say, and Maya wasn't even sure where to begin. Lucas was fidgeting with Mr. Flopsy's checkered bowtie, his inability to remain still an obvious sign of his discomfort.

"You uh… You brought Mr. Flopsy."

"Yeah."

"So you were going to go see Jellybean, I take it?" Maya asked, fiddling with her hospital robe and glancing at him.

"I was." Lucas turned his gaze to her, and Maya's breath almost hitched in her chest from the heated gleam in the sea-foam green. She quickly averted her gaze once again. "I made a promise to always be there for Jellybean, Maya. And I wasn't. I can never forgive myself for that. I was gone for so many days in her life because I couldn't get my act together."

Maya nodded, understanding that feeling all too well. She had done the same to their baby girl. She'd been so caught up in her own problems and life that she had forgotten the most important thing, first and foremost, was that she had to take care of the baby she'd given birth to. That as a mother, it was her duty to put her life second to her child's. But she had put herself first. And that was unforgivable.

"I saw Mr. Flopsy under my bed when I was looking for something." Lucas continued. "And I realized I had forgotten about Jellybean. That I'd failed. I made a terrible mistake. I neglected her, and I'm supposed to be her father. What kind of deplorable father forgets about the baby that was brought into a strange new world before she was ready? I know she has to be scared out of her mind. I know she's probably terrified, and she didn't have either of us supporting her. And when I realized that, I knew I had to come back."

"…Why did it take you so long?" Maya muttered crossly, if only because she wanted to lash out.

She wanted to latch onto some of her anger, but Lucas sounded so apologetic and remorseful and disgusted with himself that she knew the lingering irritation with him had pretty much dissipated. Maya had a feeling he might have had the same fears she did about seeing Mia alone. But deep down, she knew she wasn't asking about Jellybean.

Honestly, Maya was asking why he hadn't come back to her sooner. She was asking why she wasn't important enough for him to deem someone he would have to come to quickly.

"I was going to go see Jellybean all these days. I wanted to, but I lost my nerve and got scared. I couldn't do it without you. And I couldn't go see her without you because we're supposed to see our baby together. We made her together. It didn't feel right for me to go by myself, especially when I felt so guilty. And that's when I knew I had to see you no matter what, Maya. Even if you rejected me."

He was watching her carefully, clearly trying to gauge her reaction. Maya stared at the tiles on the floor, her heart beating faster in her chest. He'd opened the door first. The door to figuring out what their relationship was now. There was no way to avoid it anymore.

"Oh…"

She didn't say anything else, choosing not to respond in full. She knew if she responded, he would easily be able to sense how much she just wanted to be engulfed in his warmth once again. But she couldn't have him knowing that she wanted him so badly it was tearing her heart apart because it would make it that much harder for him to let her go.

When he picked up on her decision to remain relatively silent, with a sigh Lucas set the white rabbit on the hospital bed and turned more fully towards her, facing her directly, a frown on his face.

"Maya." Lucas said seriously. "I love you."

Maya's gaze shot to his, her brows rising in slight shock at his sudden confession. Her heart started pounding faster in her chest, and she inhaled sharply, a sort of panic gripping her heart from his words.

It scared her.

"I do, Maya. Even if you don't believe me after everything that has happened, it's true. I still love you. You mean more to me than you could ever imagine. I thought you breaking up with me was painful, but that was nothing compared to not being able to hear your voice while you were in a coma. Nothing compared to almost losing you. I was lost without you."

No.

She was scared.

It wasn't supposed to go that way.

Lucas wasn't supposed to confess to her and look at her in a way that made her feel like she was something precious and beautiful when she knew she was disgusting. A waste of space. Unworthy of him. It would make it so much harder to finally end this thing between them.

Maya chewed on her lower lip silently, staring at Lucas' Adam's apple because she couldn't look in his eyes. Not with the way he was looking at her like she bettered his life or something. She was the antithesis to Lucas achieving a productive life. Everything had gone bad because of her.

"Stop doing that. Please, Maya." Lucas said, taking one of Maya's hands in one of his own, almost pleading with her to give him a reaction, anything. "Don't. Stop doing this to me. Every time you do, part of me dies inside because I keep thinking you want nothing to do with me!"

"Doing what?" She swallowed thickly, goosebumps rising on her arm from his touch.

"You're closing yourself off from me! You kept trying to do that all throughout your pregnancy. You did that to me after Thomas got involved. But enough. Aren't you tired of holding everything back and trying to shoulder your burdens on your own?" Lucas reached up, cradling Maya's cheek, heartache in his eyes that made Maya feel guilty because she knew it was true. "Maya, please talk to me. Even if our relationship is a mess right now, we're still friends at least. I still care about you. And I'd like to think you care about me too. So can you please stop closing yourself off?"

"I have no choice now, do I?! Because this is going to happen again if I don't Lucas. I open up, I'll wreck everything between us again because it's only a matter of time until I do, and you'll leave."

"I won't leave!"

"Yes you will!" Maya hoped he couldn't see how close to tears she was. "The only reason you stayed in the first place was because we had a baby. It's why you came back too. Because of the baby. So when Mia is older, you're going to leave."

"Yes, I came back because I have a daughter. But Maya, I also came back because I love you, okay? Not just because we had a kid. I've loved you for years." Lucas frowned, staring at her incredulously like she'd lost her mind. "Why would you ever think otherwise? Your entire pregnancy, I told you time and time again I wasn't going anywhere."

"Lucas… I don't want you to be held back by me. Don't feel bad." Maya's voice cracked dangerously. "I-I was meant to get left. So… so it's better if we just—"

Lucas stopped her abruptly by pressing a finger to her lips, his jaw clenched and expression clearly displeased. He took her chin, lifting up her face so her eyes were on his. Maya bristled, her eyebrows rising in slight trepidation from the anger in his gaze.

"Does this have to do with whatever Thomas did to you?" His eyes narrowed dangerously.

Maya stiffened immediately.

"No," she said quickly.

"Maya, what did my father say to you?" Lucas growled through grit teeth. "I know he talked to you the day you broke things off. And I know my father. I have no doubt he said something terrible to you. So what did he say or do? Tell me, or so help me Maya, I'm going to kill him."

"Lucas, calm down." Maya frowned, wrenching her chin from his grasp. "It doesn't matter what he said to me, because the things he said were all true. He didn't lie. He didn't make anything up. He just told me what I already knew about myself. I'm dead weight. I'm meant to get left. I ruined your life by telling you about the pregnancy. And if you stay with me, you'll end up resenting me for ruining your life. Then he told me if I stayed with you, he would pull strings and wreck your future and make life harder for you and Lila. He gave me money to move to Boston."

Lucas stared at her incredulously, stunned by her words.

"Goddamn…" Lucas muttered under his breath after an extended period of silence. He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. "That's what he said to you?"

"Basically, yeah."

"How the fuck could you ever believe a word coming out of his mouth?!"

"Because they're true okay!"

"No they aren't!" Lucas took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily and looking like he was trying to control himself. "Maya, why do you always have to discredit yourself? You've done nothing but better my life. How can you not see how happy I am when I'm with you?"

"I'm not worth it, Lucas. I'll only bring you down. I'm not the kind of person who gets good things in life, and everyone who associates with me ends up with misfortune in their lives too." Maya's throat tightened dangerously and she turned away from him. "Besides, it's easy for you to say this stuff now, but once we're—"

"Maya stop!" Lucas snapped, shooting up to his feet. "Enough with this self-deprecating bullshit! Why do you do this to yourself? How many times do I have to tell you you're not going to bring me down? How many times do we all have to tell you that you deserve everything you've ever wanted and more?"

Lucas' voice broke, and he stooped in front of Maya so they were eye level, holding her gaze and begging her with his eyes to listen to him. Maya's heart started beating erratically in her chest, her eyes glistening with tears.

"Maya… what the hell do I have to do to make you see that? Why can't you understand how much I love you? How much I need you… You're the love of my life, Maya. And when you pushed me away, when you broke up with me, when you were in a coma, I couldn't function. Because you're everything to me, Maya. Why can't you see that?!"

"…Lucas." Maya sniffled. "I don't want you to get hurt by me… If you stay with me, you'll only get hurt. Bad things will keep happening to you. I'm a burden to you."

"Has anyone ever told you how selfish you are?" Lucas growled hotly.

Maya's eyes narrowed, indignant from his words.

"What?"

"You're always, always making these terrible, selfish decisions regarding yourself for all of us because you think it's best for us, but in the process you hurt us all! You always try to carry burdens on your own, but it just makes everyone unhappy. Especially you! You deserve happiness too, you know. You are not a catalyst for other people's happiness, so stop acting like you don't deserve something good in your life as well. Accept the fact that I want to be with you because I care about you. You're not a burden!"

Maya couldn't speak, her breath catching in her chest as she stared at Lucas.

"Yes, I know raising a daughter when we're barely adults will be hard. Yes, I'm prepared for a difficult future and a lot of ups and downs and problems. I would be lying if told you I wasn't scared about what the future will hold. We're not perfect, Maya. And we're going to make mistakes as parents." Lucas continued, "But none of those things matter to me. Because we'll be together. We'll make mistakes together. We'll raise Jellybean together. When I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything."

"But your father—"

"Enough about that! I've fucking had it!" Lucas barked. Maya's brows rose in surprise. "He's wrong, okay?! None of his words are true, and you shouldn't let them get to you like that. I want to kill him for even saying them to you in the first place when he doesn't know shit about how I feel. If you were a burden to me, why the hell would I stick around so long, huh? Why would I keep coming back to you?"

"…Because you're deranged?" Maya said calmly, half joking.

Lucas was not amused.

"Maya, listen to me. I will never let him come between us again. If I have to work ten jobs just to support us, hell I'll do it. You need to accept the fact that I love you, and I want to be with you no matter what." Lucas said. "But this thing we have? Our relationship? Our future together? It will only work if both of us make an effort. If both of us try."

She chewed on her lower lip, not sure if she should say anything. Even if Lucas told her to believe in him to stay and as much as she wanted to, she just knew deep down that things would get hard for him, and she honestly could not put him through that kind of life with her. Yes, it was selfish, but could he blame her? Lucas meant the world to Maya, and she didn't want him to suffer. She didn't want anyone she loved in her life to suffer. If that meant sacrificing her own happiness, she would do it without a second thought.

"Maya, do you love me?" he asked suddenly.

Yes.

"Lucas…" she hesitated, her voice wavering.

She couldn't tell him the truth. She just couldn't.

"Please… I just need to hear how you feel. It's tearing me apart okay!" he said shakily, the anguish in his voice making Maya's heart break. "You broke my heart, Maya. You stomped all over my heart and my feelings. You broke me. You told me straight to my face that you didn't love me, and I know my father threatened you, but how much of what you said was a lie? How much of what you said were your actual feelings? I can't help but feel like… like you were…"

Lucas exhaled slowly, tapering off as he met her gaze. Maya let out a soft sob with a whimper, her heart squeezing painfully in her chest from the damaged look in his eyes.

"The way we left things off was so bad. And then I thought I lost you… And the thought of losing you and not knowing whether or not you actually were lying. The thought of losing you after I'd said such horrible things to you, and we never got the chance to reconcile. It shattered me. I couldn't take it.

"Can you blame me for thinking you don't love me?" Lucas took in a shuddering breath. "I ruined you, Maya. This is all my fault. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting you in danger. I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry for running away. I'm sorry for putting you through pain. I'm sorry for not coming back when you needed me. I'm sorry for everything."

And Maya broke down and started crying heavily, her wretched sobs wracking her whole body and echoing throughout the room. Lucas sat down closely next to her, gathering her in his arms and pulling her to him, his face buried in her hair. She went willingly, falling into him and letting him hold her, rubbing her back gently as she cried into the crook of his neck and shoulder.

"Lucas, it's not your fault. How could you ever think so?" she murmured, clutching the front of his sweater, "I couldn't have made it through this pregnancy without you by my side. Every time I was scared, you were there. You didn't ruin me. I was happy with you. I really, truly was happy."

She lifted her head, gazing up at him. She looked at him—really looked at him—and for the first time since he'd come back, she could see just how clearly Lucas was messed up by this. The exhaustion and fatigue in his eyes and on his face, light scruff on his jaw and upper lip from clearly not having shaven. Lucas' eyes were red rimmed, the sea-foam green shining from his tears, the pain evident. And Maya suddenly could clearly understand what Riley and Lila had meant when they said Lucas was in bad shape.

There was something broken in his gaze, something broken and empty and his eyes were full of despair, like his life was devoid of meaning. She couldn't imagine how terrible it must have been for him. First, she'd broken up with him and then she'd disappeared from his life only to reappear in a hospital bed about to die. And then she hadn't even woken up for more than a week. No wonder his eyes looked like that. And it broke Maya's heart.

She didn't deserve him. But dammit, she couldn't stay away even if she tried.

She loved him.

She loved him so much just the thought of possibly ending things for good was scaring the shit out of her. She needed him too. Desperately.

Maya lifted her trembling hand, lightly tracing Lucas' face. He leaned into her hand almost involuntarily, as if he couldn't help it.

"Lucas… I love you." Maya brought her other hand up and cupped Lucas' jaw, steadily holding his gaze. "I love you. And I never stopped. Because you make me really happy. Happier than I've ever been before."

Her voice broke halfway through the statement, and her eyes welled with tears, obscuring her vision towards the end, but she saw the smile on Lucas' face. The smile of relief and sheer happiness at her words.

"I love you, Lucas." she repeated, more to herself than to him.

"Maya, will you let back into your life? I know I fucked up, but I need you in my life. Please say yes."

"Yes." she whispered, letting out a breathless laugh.

She leaned forward and closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to his and sliding her arms around Lucas' neck. He pulled her closer, his hand tangling into her hair as their kiss deepened. Maya whimpered into his mouth, pouring into the kiss everything she felt for him, trying to let him know just how much she loved him. How much she needed him too.

It wasn't just a kiss of reconciliation. It was also one reaffirming just how important they were to each other.

And she knew they both could feel it. The love they felt for each other.

"Maya, can you make a promise to me?" Lucas asked, pulling away slightly, his fingers gently threading through her hair.

"Lucas, I don't like promises…"

They always got broken in Maya's life.

"Please. Just this one. Promise me, no matter what happens in our future, even if our relationship gets wrecked again, we can't let that get in the way of us being Jellybean's parents." Lucas stroked her cheek. "She needed us both, Maya. And we failed her."

"You're right… Okay." Maya nodded, sniffling and feeling her eyes well with tears once again, "I promise."

Lucas smiled, leaning forward and pressing his lips chastely to hers again. Maya smiled into the soft kiss, chuckling slightly when the stubble on his face tickled her.

"Hey," he whispered against her lips, resting his forehead against hers, "Let's go see Jellybean."

"Yeah." Maya let out a breathless laugh. "Let's go be her parents."