Wait...my last update was in March? Isn't that like...5 months? FIVE MONTHS? WUT? When did it become that long? D: I mean, I know I had kind of a writer's block and all, but wow! I really dragged it this time. MY APOLOGIES. Heheh.
Anyway, thank you all so much once again for the support. I'm really grateful to those of you who periodically ask me about my updates and who wait so patiently. This chapter explores more of the emotional side of things, sooo there's not much action here. I thought it was about time to start addressing Robin's feelings about Starfire versus Raven...the switch doesn't just happen overnight, ya know!
There're some parts that I felt could be better, but you be the judge! Hope you like this ^^
Take it metaphorically or literally, but life isn't always sunny. My life in particular was prone to a lot of rain. Storms, even. And people change when it's raining. You can't laugh and enjoy the breeze blowing into the sandy shores of the beach. You can't explore the city with friends. You can't do a lot of things. All you know is that the water is cold, and that you want to get out of it; you just want to see that beautiful sun again.
Starfire's smile...it's like the sun. It appears after the world has been ruined around you by endless black and grey, and it dries away the flood pouring down from the sky. It's the bright, warm light you've missed for so long.
But what can you do while you're waiting for the sun to come back? Everything's still cold. Your clothes and hair are all soaked, trailing rivers of rainwater wherever you walk. You can't see through the heavy sheet of droplets fogging the air. You're trapped.
Then...you remember that you have an umbrella.
Such a simple device it is, the umbrella. You hardly remember it exists, but the moment you pull it out and raise it over your head, the rain suddenly isn't so bad. You can see clearly again, you can walk through the streets just fine, and it's like a whole new world exists. It finally hits you that there're many great things to do in the rain as well; you just needed that handy umbrella.
And then the sun comes back out. You forgot that the umbrella made such a difference, being the small and insignificant device it was. You're so happy to see the light again that you toss the thing back to the corner of your closet and rush outside. There it lies, forgotten in the darkness, simply waiting until the next time it can protect you from the rain. Waiting...like Raven.
No matter how much you forget it, however, the truth is still there. The sun can brighten your life, but there's nothing it can do for you during a downpour, no matter how much it tries. The dark clouds are too thick, and they keep you out of its reach. Only the seemingly small things like the umbrella can help you then – meaning they're not so small after all. But it's up to you to realize it.
For with Raven, the rain can be beautiful. With Raven...there truly is no rain.
Chances are, though, you'll still end up forgetting about the umbrella in the back of that storage closet you never pay attention to.
…
"Mega Monkeys…10?" I raised an eyebrow as my fingers lifted the multicolored and messy wrapping paper out of the way.
"Isn't it awesome?" yelled Beast Boy, who'd been eagerly awaiting my reaction. "Do you know how long it took me to save enough money for a legal copy?" he added indignantly, upon seeing my slightly skeptical expression.
Cyborg threw a glare in his direction.
"I mean – I worked hard for it, okay?" Beast Boy smiled sheepishly. Cyborg's grudge against Mega Monkeys was incurable after our green friend had nearly ruined his system with a virus from trying to play it illegally. "I didn't screw anything up this time!" continued the changeling. "But trust me, you'll love it. We'll have so much fun playing versus mode, RPG mode, online battles, infinite monkey madness – "
"Are you sure this wasn't a birthday gift for yourself?" Raven cut in dully.
"Tell that to the IGN charts!" Beast Boy replied triumphantly. "The – uh – online game network review website…thing," he quickly explained to a puzzled Starfire. "Critics all agree that Mega Monkeys 10 is the hottest new release. The hottest," he made sure to emphasize as he turned back to Raven (who rolled her eyes).
We were all scattered about the long, curved couch of our living room, amongst colorful streamers, piles of confetti, and balloons of all shapes and sizes strung everywhere. I sat in the middle of it all, trying my best to ignore a strange trickle of red fluid dripping down the back of my neck. It was leaking from the thick and rather slimy crown of raw meat – the traditional Tamaranian Throknar. I didn't have the heart to refuse Starfire's cultural birthday ornament and had placed it boldly atop my head with a squelch, much to everyone else's pity.
"You might not see it now, but this game will be the best thing that's ever happened to you!" Beast Boy went on. "Anddd there's a little surprise for you!" he suddenly exclaimed, pointing to the back of the flat, colorful box in my fingers.
I flipped over the metallic faces of the strange warrior monkeys and realized that there was a little card taped to the other side of the case. Peeling it off and peering at the scrawled writing, I read aloud, "Free dishwashing from Beast Boy. Will take over your turn. Good for one month. Use anytime. Not valid when Beast Boy is playing Mega Monkeys." Laughing, I tucked the little slip of cardstock into my pocket. "Wow, this actually helps me a lot, Beast Boy!" The changeling grinned widely. "And thanks for the game. I'm sure it'll help me relax during breaks…I'm going to need all the time I can get in the office, with Slade still out there and all."
There was a heavy pause among the whole team.
"Guys, I'm taking things easy this time. Seriously!" I sighed. They were all just worried I'd lose my head over Slade again, and that was understandable. But it was still annoying how I couldn't even mention him without worrying that they'd throw me into a mental facility.
Cyborg cleared his throat loudly. "Alright y'all, forget about Beast Boy's monkeys. It's my turn!" He whipped out a flat rectangular box, wrapped in silver and tied up neatly with blue ribbon.
Beast Boy picked back up the Mega Monkeys game as soon as I'd placed it down, marveling over the cover as if he still hadn't had enough time with it. I leaned over and took Cyborg's gift into my arms. The box was heavier than it looked, yet not too heavy…most likely an electronic. I was blinded from the glare of metallic red as soon as I untied the ribbon and pried open the lid. The reflection of my own face greeted me, blocked partially by a shiny yellow "R" centered inside of a black circle.
"It's the latest, Cyborg-patented, custom-made Titans Laptop!" boomed Cyborg's voice beside me, though I was too busy staring with my mouth open to listen. There had been nothing wrong with my old laptop, but this one just had Cyborg's high-tech, almost godly engineering written all over it. The sleek, rectangular device was the thinnest that I'd ever seen, lined on the sides with streaks of his blue, trademark glowing patterns. I lifted its sheet of paper-thick lid, wondering how any circuits or wires would even even fit into the thing. Knowing Cyborg, though, I was sure it had endless functions hidden inside.
"Of course, it has all the necessities," Cyborg began. "Eye, voice, and fingerprint identification, self-destruct mode, police scanner, local security camera access, chemical analyzer, Titans communicator caller, HD camera, global GPS system…" As he listed each of these things, he reached over and pressed each of the appropriate keys on the laptop to demonstrate. The professional display screens of each function flashed before my eyes as my jaw hung lower and lower. "But of course," he went on with a grin, "I've added some extra special features. And the best one? A PORTABLE WAFFLE IRON!" He brought down his thumb on a gridded and circular button next to the power switch. A horde of folded, mechanical extensions miraculously popped out to the side, arranging themselves into – sure enough – a perfect yet freakishly thin waffle iron. "Don't worry, it's completely sturdy!" Cyborg laughed, watching me poke slightly at the material in disbelief. "Comes with a store of water-free detergent, too – to get rid of all the grease and all. Cleans itself automatically upon retracting!" I jumped when he suddenly pressed the button again, causing the entire iron to lurch and fold itself back into its impossibly small compartment. "Thought you might need a little something for all those times you forget to eat in the office," he finished with a smug smile.
"Cyborg – I…this is…" I closed the lid again, holding up the laptop to examine the symbol of my badge on its cover. "This is…unbelievable! T-thanks so much!" I finally managed to stutter. "Waffles, too? You've really outdone yourself – this is just great!"
"Most glorious!" Starfire agreed, leaning closer and peering curiously at her hazy red reflection on the lid.
"You had me at the waffles," even Raven commented from her corner of the couch.
"Dude…you never gave me anything like this for my birthday," muttered Beast Boy.
"That's 'cause you probably would've crashed its system with a nasty virus," Cyborg replied with a dirty look.
"Heheh…" Beast Boy went back to examining the Mega Monkeys game cover.
Starfire spoke up, smiling brightly. "My friends, it is now my turn to present to Robin the gift of the birthday!"
We all looked curiously in her direction, mostly to see what kind of interesting contraption she would pull out this time. My face went a little red as she smiled at me. I knew that she'd put extra thought into this gift, and I promised myself to love anything she could possibly give me, no matter how bizarre it could be.
To our surprise, the Tamaranian pulled out a plain, pink envelope from behind her back. She stood up from the couch and made her way in front of me. Her fingers fiddled embarrassedly with a colorful card as they gently pulled it from the envelope. I looked up at her as she cleared her throat, ignoring the slimy Throknar threatening to slide down over my eyes. "Dear Robin," she read, glancing affectionately at me. "I had so much trouble deciding what to get you for one of the most special days of your life. This day means more to me than you'll ever know, and I feel like no gift is enough to express the joy it brings me."
The rest of us stared bewilderedly at one another as she continued. Starfire speaking without mixing up words sounded almost like a foreign language.
"You see, it's friends like you that made me realize what a wonderful place Earth can be, and friends like you who make me feel at home here. Your kindness and patience with me has made such a difference in my life, and I've lost count of how many valuable things you've taught me." She blushed as Cyborg and Beast Boy began smiling slyly at me, both of them giving me raised eyebrows. I grumpily ignored them, though my face was growing warmer every second. "Every day, Robin, you give me the gift of feeling welcome here, and you brought us all together with the gift of friendship. That's the greatest gift anyone can give. How can any birthday present of mine compare?" I began to scratch awkwardly at the back of my head as I smiled sheepishly, though my fingers ended up hitting the slab of raw meat still sitting there. "So I just want you to know," Starfire continued, beaming, "that the day of your birth is both a blessing for you and for me, who is forever grateful to have met you. Thank you so much for everything, and I hope you have the most glorious of birthdays." She hesitated. "L-love, Starfire…"
"OHHHHHH!" Cyborg whistled as my face went red. "Wow Starfire, that was poetry right there! How long did it take for you to write all that?" He and Beastboy shared the same evil grin, just as before, though Raven was strangely silent.
"I…I sought assistance from a knowledgeable girl of the high school," Starfire explained. "She believed it best to express my feelings in such a manner, as well as how to write the signing off of the card." She looked away as she rubbed her elbow, still clutching the little card in her fingers. "I wanted to present Robin a card of the highest accuracy – one that reflected popping culture and with appropriate words of the slang."
"You did great, Starfire." I stood up to join her as I gazed into her bright green eyes, though the Throknar partially obscured my vision. "This is one of the sweetest gifts I've ever gotten. Thank you." Our fingers brushed for a little too long as I took the card into my hands. Starfire beamed at me as I carefully straightened back out its edges, which she'd bent slightly while reading.
"My gift is still cooler!" Beast Boy piped in, holding up his game indignantly. "You can't defeat the evil Gorillzilla with a card!"
"Actually…there is more to the gift than my writing," said Starfire, smiling brighter than ever. "You have not seen the entirety of its contents, Robin."
I looked back at her for a moment in surprise before opening back up the card. "A gift card…to Jump City's Extreme Fitness Equipment Center. For…ten thousand?"
Starfire nodded, giggling a little. The entire team stared at her.
Anything from the Extreme Fitness center probably cost no less, and Starfire knew that I'd been saving to get my hands on some of the top-quality workout equipment it offered. She also knew that I preferred not to touch our team's central funds, used for things like tower security, weapons, and T-ship accessories. But still! "Starfire…you didn't have to get me this much...I mean…"
"I was told that the best gift is one that you have the ability to purchase yourself," explained the Tamaranian, "and I have been saving for a long time, like Beast Boy. The girl of the high school told me that males of Earth appreciate currency, so I desired to give you currency of the greatest value! You are fond of the Extreme Fitness, are you not?"
"I…yes, I am," I stammered back. "B-but…this is a lot, and…" The worry had already begun to creep over her face, the horrible fear of giving me the wrong gift. It was obvious that she would never hold any regrets about the gift card…even if it was a painfully high amount. "This is amazing," I finally finished, smiling again. It always amazed me how far she would go for me. I'd have to think of something when her birthday came around…
Starfire gave me one of her bone-crushing hugs as the rest of the team slowly recovered from the shock of the gift card. Then again, I reminded myself, Cyborg's crazy laptop probably would've added up to the same amount. And even though Beast Boy tended to be bad at saving money, he'd been willing to give up the video game of his dreams just for me. My friends were just too much…
"Um…" Raven spoke up very quietly. "I…you know…also kind of have a gift for Robin…"
We all looked back at her with a jolt. Beast Boy's eyes popped out of its sockets. "But you hate birthdays!" he exclaimed.
"I hated my birthday, Beast Boy," Raven muttered back. "But it's not like I don't think people should get gifts…or something…"
"Oh yeah? What about the time you forgot to give me a birthday present?"
"Stop whining, BB," Cyborg laughed. "No one wants to give someone birthday presents that they know he'll break."
"Hey! I'm telling you, it was Silkie who knocked over the –"
"Guys, let her talk!" I cut in, motioning at Raven to come over. She suddenly seemed very interested in the ground as she slowly made her way towards me, and she still looked down as she pulled out a little package from inside her cloak. It was a simple cardboard box, wrapped in plain, navy-colored paper with no ribbon – though everything had been taped in place with utmost care.
The box was no bigger than my palm as I took it from her hand, which she immediately withdrew back beneath her cloak. All of us were strangely silent as I carefully undid the wrapping and looked inside.
It was familiar, yet unfamiliar. A flat, perfectly circular disc, textured for a firm grip and sized conveniently for any pocket. This one, however, was black instead of silver like my other ones, with a dark blue ring lining its edge. Raven didn't say a word as I examined it curiously, her violet eyes still staring away.
Beast Boy was the first to speak again. "You gave him…something to blow up people?"
"Most intriguing design!" Starfire added supportively, seeing how Raven looked ready to hide.
"I didn't know you knew how to engineer those things!" Cyborg joined in, giving Beast Boy a sharp kick. "Seems you've learned a little somethin' from me, eh? Very nice!"
"Raven…" I began, smiling. She finally looked back up at me. "This is the coolest grenade I've ever seen. Thanks! Want to tell me about it? I'd hate to waste it by accident." I was just as puzzled as the rest of the team, but a gift was a gift, and no one would leave here without my appreciation for their thoughtfulness.
"It's…for emergency purposes," Raven tried to explain, though the team's staring eyes made her very uncomfortable. "I thought that every once in a while…when things get really bad…it could help you. It's a lot more powerful and dangerous than your other ones, so you probably shouldn't use it unless…yeah. Emergency."
"What does it do exactly?" asked Beast Boy. "All grenades explode…so…" Cyborg glared at him again. "I mean, it's cool and all, but you basically gave Robin a grenade with…a bigger explosion?"
"Not exactly…" Raven replied. "But it's complicated. Well – I wanted to give him something simple and practical," she continued, straining to keep her tone detached. "He uses weapons a lot, so I thought I'd just add another one. It'll be useful, anyway, if he ever needs it. Besides, it's his birthday. I'm not going to be the only one who didn't show up with something. I did my part."
Beast Boy still eyed her curiously, though he soon shrugged it off. "Well, the more gifts, the merrier!" he finished cheerily. "Anddd for my next birthday, be sure to drop off the moped outside my door, Raven. It's very practical, so –"
"You already ruined your last one," I laughed, pocketing Raven's gift separately from all the other disc grenades. "Raven, I really appreciate all the work you put into this." She smiled faintly at me before turning back around to sit on the couch. "Anyway, I'm grateful for everything you guys did for me today. You're the best friends anyone could have."
Cyborg had been waiting for the gift giving to end. "Alright, who wants cake and ice cream?" he yelled. All of us immediately huddled around him as he pulled out his famous eight-layer cake, its candles high above our heads.
"I can't wait to try out everything!" I remarked as I sat before towering mass of icing. Grinning at Beast Boy, I added, "I think I'll give Mega Monkeys a try after this – on my new laptop!" I heard Cyborg's voice yell out "Oh yeah!" from somewhere inside the kitchen. "Then afterwards we can all visit the Extreme Fitness Center, now that I can actually afford it." Starfire giggled. "And..." I suddenly realized that I had nothing to say when I turned to Raven, who was watching me quietly. Her violet eyes soon turned away again when the silence only stretched on. "Well – the next time we fight, whoever pushes me far enough is going to get it bad, that's for sure!" I laughed nervously. What else could I say about a special grenade?
"Yeah, leave it to Raven to give you things that kill people," Beast Boy teased. The rest of the team started to chuckle along, but we suddenly paused when Raven stood up abruptly and began to pace away. "I said something wrong, didn't I?" Beast Boy slapped his face.
Raven stopped right before she reached the doors to the hallway. "No, I just remembered that I have something to do. Forgot about it until now." Her back was still turned.
"You don't even want any ice cream?" Cyborg called from the kitchen.
"No."
Beast Boy, as usual, didn't give up. "Come on, Raven, I'm sorry for…whatever I said wrong! Just stay a little and -"
"Parties are pointless, anyway. I have to go."
We all went silent as the doors slid shut behind her. Sighing, I slowly stood up. "I'll be back in a second, guys." I finally lifted the Throknar off my head, placing it onto the table with a little shudder as I felt the cold air conditioning on my dampened hair.
I found her still standing in the hallway. She'd stopped as soon as she left our sight. "Raven…" I began. "What's bothering you?" I hadn't seen her like this since the day Slade had returned to remind her of her destiny to destroy the world. Which was weird, considering it was my birthday this time…
"You're not going to believe me if I say 'nothing', are you?"
I smiled a little, watching the back of her lavender hair. "I'm afraid not."
"Well…don't worry about it. It's nothing personal," she replied, turning around with a dull expression. "I just didn't want to tell everyone that I needed to meditate some more. You know, with my powers…"
"Oh." I knew that she didn't like to show her instability to the team, but there was still something else going on… "That's perfectly understandable. You need to do what you need to do." She nodded and began to turn around. "But I hope you're not upset over the gift," I added boldly. It was a wild guess, but I couldn't think of anything else. "I really do appreciate it, and it was really thoughtful of you."
Raven went a little still. "I know you do," she said softly. "But…I just couldn't explain the whole thing while I was out there – I'm just…"
I approached her slowly until I could see her eyes clearly. They seemed embarrassed – but in a dejected way. Ashamed. "What is it, Raven?" I asked gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"It just…makes me look so pathetic…" she murmured, looking away.
I was taken aback. "What? No, your gift is just as great as the others! Really! I'm sorry if I didn't show it, but I don't want you to feel like –"
"That's not what I mean," Raven interrupted, looking down at the ground. "When I said that the grenade has special properties…it's more than a powerful explosion." I listened patiently as she paused for a moment, though she seemed reassured by my hand still resting her shoulder. "I…I placed some of my power inside of it."
My other hand felt unconsciously at the new grenade in my pocket. "Wow – I don't know what to say," I finally admitted, breaking the silence. "That's perfect for emergencies, all right, but…what for?"
"Robin…I don't know when I might lose control of my powers again," Raven sighed. "Whatever I transferred to the grenade won't react if you throw it at any regular enemy, though the explosion's probably still powerful enough to wipe them out. But the powers inside will activate if…if I ever hurt you."
My eyes widened, both from the shock and horror at what she'd just implied. "Raven…"
"I can't risk that happening, Robin," she continued. "I need to protect my friends…even from myself. None of you know the horrible things I can do if I lose control completely. So…your gift, if you ever have use it…it'll save your life." She suddenly turned sharply away, causing my hand to slip from her shoulder. "How was I supposed to tell everyone that out there? Look what I'm starting to become, losing grip of my own powers. It's just…pathetic…" Her shoulders shook slightly.
The weight of the world seemed to hang above us. "Raven…" I began from behind her. "Raven, I'm going to promise you right now that I'll never have to use this grenade. You're the strongest person I've ever met, and I know you would never hurt us. Don't ever doubt yourself again. If you need anything, we'll always be there for you. We'll get through it every time, like always."
After several more comforting words, I somehow managed to return confidently to the living room with Raven by my side. And though she still claimed that she needed to meditate, she had a good helping of ice cream, waffles, and eight-layer cake. It was a pretty sweet birthday party.
As for the grenade? I'd spoken my heart when I told her it would never have to be used. So it lay there in the back corner of my pocket, separate from the rest of the weapons. As time passed, my thoughts rarely drifted towards it, but it was always there. Waiting…like the umbrella.
Like Raven.
A/N: I'm going to try my hardest not to make the next chapter in five months, lol.