...So, it's been over three years. I actually watched those years pass me by T_T I didn't know where to start with this, but I knew it deserved better than three years! All my fanfic update speeds have been a year average, but this one suffered the biggest blow. ...Well, I'm back though xD

If you haven't ever read it, I REALLYYY encourage you to go read Teen Titans Go! Issue 47 - Regarding Robin/One Morning, which is available for free on the Teen Titans wiki. This chapter takes the events word for word from it, you'll see how soon enough ;) What prompted me to write spontaneously at 4am was in fact one page from that whole comic I randomly came across - Raven's face after Robin tells her she's like a sister. It broke me. And based on this comic alone, shoot, it really does seem like everything angsty I write here is true :( Anyway, I won't keep you any longer. Happy reading!

Chapter 8

There was one morning I never forgot. It was a different kind of morning, one that happened once every year.

The anniversary of my parents' death.

No one is ever the same, I would think, after going from cheering on the Flying Graysons with the rest of the crowd, to suddenly going dry in the mouth and feeling your chest turn to solid ice as your parents, your fellow performers, plummet to their deaths right before your eyes. It's on this morning every year that I remember why I started hunting criminals, why I eventually ended up here with my friends in Titans Tower.

It's a tough morning to be alone.

Still, I always went at it alone anyway. At least until one of those mornings, Starfire came up behind me as I gazed over the rooftop of Titans Tower, asked if I was okay, and then held me as all the tears I'd bottled up for years came flooding out. We shared a very touching kiss on the roof that morning; I'd already had my mask off and didn't even bother putting it back on when she first spoke behind me.

But wait – instead of starting at the end of that morning, I'm ashamed to tell you that there was someone hurting as much as I was at the start of it. Invisible, unlike me. Now, as I backtrack to the other beginning of the story, I realize that outside all the hugging and kissing, my memory of this morning now comes with a second shot of pain in my chest every year when I remember the luxury I never gave Raven.

This isn't even a romantic kind of luxury I'm talking about - which, by the way, I can guarantee you I'd give Raven for the rest of her life if Slade hadn't… Well, this other luxury was one that she had deserved as my friend at the very least. I – (sigh), it's better if I just start at the beginning of that stupid morning.

~o~o~o~

It started off the same as it did every year. I'd take a long, long gaze at my old, treasured poster of the Flying Graysons, probably at least an hour before actually leaving my room.

Cyborg, the bravest of us in terms of bold moves, was the first to pop into my room. Behind me, I could hear the note of hesitation in his voice as he began, "Hey, isn't today –"

"No," I quickly cut in. "I was just…um… thinking about this move my…uh…dad once taught me…" For some reason, I couldn't face my friends. They were there for me, they would go to hell and back for me, each and every one of them, but – I just couldn't do it. There are things too dark and miserable to express out loud.

Cyborg, though, being as cool and supportive as he was, almost put on a convincing smile of belief and even got me to spar a bit with him, to get my mind off of things. It worked for about five minutes, after we finished. He kind of saw that coming, but I was still grateful for those five minutes, any minute really, so he was satisfied.

The next pitiful attempt came from Beast Boy, whose first words to me in the hall were – of course he would, "Hey, Robin… Knock, knock."

It's a good thing the mask hid how completely dull-faced I was.

In the silence, Beast Boy whispered, "Psst! You're supposed to say, 'Who's there?'"

More silence. But eventually, I told him stiffly, "Not now, Beast Boy."

"Aw dude, I'm just trying to cheer you up because, you know, today is—"

If it's one thing you gotta admire about that guy, it's that nothing phases him and he never stops trying. Even if he knows his attempts are probably the worst of the team, those attempts are somehow endearing every time they fail.

"Yeah. Thanks. But I'm okay." It wasn't as if I was going to appreciate those attempts at the moment.

Next thing I knew, I opened a door that flung into my face a bucketful of motor oil. Exactly like the time Starfire was pranked accidentally in place of Cyborg…except, mine wasn't an accident. I'm pretty sure I appreciated it about as much as Star, too, but I just sat there in the silence instead of exploding. After all, Beast Boy only meant the best.

He gave up for sure at that point, and I think he snuck/ran away as I headed to the nearest bathroom to get the oil off. Beast Boy never expected to be of any help.

And…that's when Raven began to watch me from the open door.

She had been watching me for a long time, I think the whole time I was washing out the nasty oil until the last traces were gone. It was only after I was done staring at myself blankly in the mirror for about 30 minutes that I finally noticed her in the reflection behind me.

It caught me by surprise, even if she herself wasn't surprised at all. "Raven? How…how long have you been standing there?" I stammered, whipping my head around. I was away from the sink and facing her outside the entrance within seconds. "Do you need to use the bathroom?" I asked, scratching the back of my head embarrassedly and trying hard to avoid her knowing eyes.

Raven looked back at me quietly. "No, but…" The air went still, and I knew that she also remembered the horrible images she'd seen in my head from the ordeal of trying to cure my Slade-hallucinations. Every year on this day, these mornings, she remembered what I remembered. "Do you need anything?" When I didn't answer, she went on, quieter than ever, afraid of something I didn't yet see. "I mean, if there's something I can do for you, just…" She was beginning to stutter as she held her gaze on me, on the eyes she couldn't see behind the mask. "Just let me know. My healing power can also help with emotional –"

"Thanks." I was already halfway down the hall, walking faster than ever when I answered. To top it off, I barely flicked my head around to glance back at her as I waved. "I know I can always count on you," I called back to her (now so far that I needed to speak louder). "Like the sister I never had."

And with that… Raven was the only one who didn't even get a chance to try.

It was only a few years later that I realized how badly it had hurt her. Starfire told me – the look on Raven's face as I left her there. Star had seen it only because she'd come pacing into the hall a few minutes after I left, and Raven was still just standing there, staring at the blank passageway. It had lasted only the one second Raven wasn't aware that someone was looking, and her face immediately switched back to its perfect composure when she turned to Star with a simple comment: "I think you should go check on Robin. He's up on the roof."

Sure enough, I was standing on the roof with doing some more good 'ol blank staring at the sea. It's funny now that I think about it – Raven resorted to mournful sea-staring too, the morning she was going to cause the world to end in flames. She already knew where I'd be. We're so similar, and it hurts knowing that the one person who truly understood me was the one cut off before she could start healing me.

Anyway, I was on the roof. Mask-less. Then came Star's beautiful voice, ever so softly behind me. "Robin?" I started to turn my head around. "Are you all right?" She was taken aback when she saw my naked face, complete with tears. "Are you…crying?"

Raven has never cried again after the Trigon days. At least not out loud.

No one ever sees my tears. No one should see my tears, pretty much the way no one should go into Raven's room. Starfire saw, though, and I'd let her. "No…no, I'm fine," I told her, which couldn't possibly be any less true since they were still streaming down my face.

"Are you certain?" Starfire asked gently.

I immediately dropped it. "…No, I'm not." And suddenly, I threw myself into her arms like a small child, sobbing my head off.

"Here, here, Robin. Let it all out," I heard Starfire say as I buried my face in her shoulder. "On Tamaran, it is acceptable for even the fiercest warriors to be tearful on such…anniversaries. There is no shame in displays of sadness."

Someone else inside the tower is even better at hiding sadness.

"It honors those we have loved and lost…"

Today, that's me for Raven.

"It is the same here on Earth, yes?"

At this, I finally looked back up to face her, and I grasped my hand over hers on my cheek. "Yeah, you're right," I replied, still sniffling. "But it's not always easy to stop hiding behind the mask. To stop playing hero and just…be human." Smiling, I stuck back on my mask after that statement, and looked straight into those brilliant green eyes. "But luckily, I have you to remind me…" I took both of Star's hands into mine. "…There's more to life than chasing clues, solving mysteries, and beating the bad guys."

There's also more to life than falling for the first girl who distracts you from sadness with a sunny smile – the one who doesn't actually know how to heal you.

Starfire and I kissed in front of the sunset. It was a picture-perfect moment, everyone agreed (the rest of the team was spying through the windows). And yes, even Raven agreed.

Because Raven can never take off her mask. No one makes sure she's okay after she pretends that she is; she's too good at it. But how can she be bad at it? The only one that she ever admitted being upset that she was different to was a monstrous dragon in disguise, only using her as a chance to escape. The one who let her inside his head asked to be let into hers, too, but he himself didn't consider confiding in her for one second - the one she thought knew her better than anyone else.

How could she possibly take off her mask? Who was there to tell, to let it all out to? I'd been her one chance to open up – which understandably, I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to break the news that they're going to destroy the world with you in it. After that though, the chance never came back. I never tried again, because unless the world is ending, Raven is okay, right? What probably guaranteed her permanent mask was that moment I walked out on "the sister I never had." And I'm pretty sure that if I actually had a sister, she'd still get a few more attempts to help me than that.

I don't know if I was scared of admitting to myself, then, that Raven was actually the one who knew me, who could heal me and make me stronger from my past, the way she's grown from hers, the way she learned to deal and even smile after every sad morning as the clocked ticked away to the end of the world at her hands. Maybe I wasn't ready to acknowledge such an amazing presence, a force that could make me remember life outside the mask whether the mask was actually on or not, to always see past the bad and look to the future with hope… Or at least, the way she used to be able to look to the future with hope before – (sigh)…

Either way, Raven was the only one that morning who'd been ditched before she even finished saying "Tell me if there's anything you need." For someone who knew me so well, she got the short end of the stick. The most pitiful end.

So that morning, I remember as one of the anniversaries of my parents' death, but also as the morning I kissed Star high above someone who couldn't even cry, because she could hide tears behind her mask, too. I hurt with Raven every time I remember this morning, and fine I admit it, I always wonder nowadays what it would've been like if she were the one with me in front of the sunset on the roof, in my arms.

All I can think is, she would have been so happy. I would've been even happier. She probably wouldn't have even dreamed of it and would take some convincing to know that it was real. The longer we'd stand there, simply letting her rest against me as we watch the stars rise into the sky, she would slowly but surely be assured…

Not that it matters now. That one morning is gone, and so are my chances to tell Raven that I'm sorry. For a bunch of things, but most of all…for strengthening her mask.

Author's Notes

Yeah if you couldn't tell, I'm pretty peeved at Robin too for the way he treated Raven in that comic. Seriously, man? But anyway, since it's been three years, I do wonder if and how my writing has changed, hopefully for the better if so. I plan to revise the early chapters some, seeing how my tone is too prominent and not Robin's natural tone. I started to try to get into the habit of trying to hear him narrate these things out loud to write him more naturally. Anyway, I promise I'll try harder to update this story more often, but I guarantee you, no matter how hopeless it seems, I will NOT drop it!