AN: Look, backstory! :D Some of you guys have been asking for it, and I was getting to it, and... and here it is! I hope you guys like it, I had... looots of fun writing this eheh...
I like being evil =w=
Where am I going with this? aha... Well, you'll see. The chapters will be coming in a bit slower, I had the first two already written out. Be patient with me please, I love writing this, so hopefully I can finish it soon.
-o-o-o-
Day Fifteen - Monday, April 14th, 2014
I've been busy with school and projects and avoiding everyone in my household. I couldn't let them touch my notes - but I wasn't all that worried, no one bothered to talk to me most of the time.
Our parents have been making sure that one of them is at home most of the time. And even when both of them are out, Mabel just looks at me sadly and holes herself up in her room. I knew that sooner or later she would have caved… That she would give up trying too. I'm surprised she even lasted for as long as she did.
But that's okay, I still have Max, and Mabel has all of her friends.
My notes concern things like my condition. I've been documenting things about Max and how I feel and how they react and stuff like that. This is some of the things that I've gathered so far:
When I'm happy: Max is happy too; soft buzzing in the back of my head; I feel uplifted [this does not happen often]
When I'm angry: Max is annoyed; buzzing gets louder;I get a small headache; I feel pissy and pissed off at everything
When I'm sad: Max is down; buzzing is loud, pretty much drowning out Max; I get a massive headache that even pain medication can't fix; I feel disoriented and lost and hopeless and depressed [this happens often]
When I write in my journal, I don't really feel anything, just a numb feeling of understanding really.
I have been overdosing lately too. I think that adds to my moods, but I'm not sure which one as of yet. I think it's happiness because I feel sick and disgusting and how I should feel, how I deserve to feel all the time. I took five pills before class today, and I was disoriented for all of math. I slept in the nurses station during my lunch break because I felt so dizzy, but I was okay in the end sadly.
I feel like a drug addict. Maybe I am… I take pills wherever I go and I take them whenever I want, be it on impulse or something else. Hah. A druggie and a psycho. Very fitting for the creep of Piedmont.
Xx-xX
Day Sixteen - Tuesday, April 15th, 2014
I don't know what to do. My head is spinning and I can't stop laughing. My head hurts so, so much… I honestly can't see anything, I'm crying so much.
Am I happy? Am I sad?
I don't know.
I just know that I'm freaking the fuck out. Max is just rambling on and on about my journal and then they started laughing like a maniac. My everything hurts, and I don't know what's happening….
I think everything will be okay Dippy! Nothing to worry about, just gotta test this out love!
Hello! This is Max, coming from inside ya Dipper! I know that this is my first appearance, but don't you worry Dip, I just want to make sure you're alright. My friends and I have been thinking, why are you still here? These people fucking hate you!
You should just go back to Gravity Falls, it seems like a nice enough place!
Plus, maybe you can actually find some friends you fucking loser. :D
Well, I'm gonna go for a bit, bother Bill some more haha. See ya in a bit hun~!
Xx-xX
Day Seventeen - Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
I feel so sick.
I passed out, and when I woke up, I was shivering and hot all over. It was the strangest sensation - my heart was beating slowly, my chest was tight and the rest of me was cold. My face was flush and burning and my mind felt numb and achy.
When I got my bearings I… I opened my journal and found that.
Needless to say, I threw up. My parents didn't really care, they just went to work as usual. Mabel stopped by, leaving the pain and cold medication on my bed side table. She even kissed my forehead before telling me she'd skip her club today to look after me. I wanted to say "No, it's fine, you can go, don't worry about me." but.
But I wanted to be selfish… I know that that's wrong, but. But I just… I'm so Scared.
I know that Max is in my head, I know they know everything that I know, but he… He has conscious thought? He can control my movements, my body? Oh lord, I'm so terrified.
So I was selfish and I told Mabel that I would really like that. And she grinned that beautiful grin of hers before leaving me some toast and heading for the bus.
What is this? Why me? Max, I know you're in there, so please, tell me, why me?!
Xx-xX
Day Eighteen - Thursday, April 17th, 2014
Yesterday, I was empty. Well, not empty, it was just quiet. I was left alone and I would pop in and out of sleep. Mabel woke me up around 2:30 in the afternoon. I was sweating and apparently crying and Mabel was just sitting there, shushing and holding me. It was a nice thing to wake up to, but when she asked what I dreamed of, I had no answer.
I feel more paranoid then usual, Max can read my thoughts, they're my thoughts, or whatever the hell this messed up situation is.
Mabel took care of me, and the silence from Max was both welcoming and scary. I didn't and don't understand what the hell Max is and. What if they're "powering up" to take control of my body again? What are they doing in there, are they really a figment of my imagination anymore?
Psychosis can... cause you to hear and see crazy things, but Max had said something about a "Bill"? I feel so scared and confused, like what the fuck is this?
I wanted to tell Mabel, but I was scared I would push her away again. I didn't want that, not after not having her months after that stupid summer. So, I just talked quietly with her, pretended to sleep at times, and we ate and watched movies in the living room. It was like the other night, except we were cautious of time and she was coddling me.
It would have been nice if I hadn't been so worried...
When I woke up this morning, my ears were ringing, and everything seemed too bright. I don't know, it was a horrible episode and a bad time for my fucking sensory overload. There was no one even there.
Except for Max when they made their appearance. They said that I was. Never fully alone. And god did that scare me. I shut my eyes and calmed myself down before my alarm clock rang this morning. Apparently Max wanted to play with me today...
They said they took away my unease and sickness.
But how? Is this some kind of placebo affect?
I know I'm insane, but this is just too much, you know? I don't understand it at all...
Max kept rambling on and on about Gravity Falls and this "Bill" guy he wants me too meet during lunch and it just gave me the weirdest headache - I had a sense of elation and my head was throbbing. It wasn't like when Max is happy or sad or angry, I think they were a bit frustrated and elated and weird. The feeling still made me throw up in the bathroom later on.
I can't figure out my own feelings and I'm trying to figure out what the voice in my head is feeling. I'm a fucking Genius.
When I came home, Max was being weird. He kept talking about how much... I ate? I eat a fairly small amount but apparently I'm a pig for wanting an afternoon snack. I didn't get what he was getting at, so I just ignored him for once, [sadly] getting used to their strange antics.
When I went to my study, I had to run to the bathroom to throw up... again. Max said they didn't like being so full, so... They calmly told me it as for the better. I wanted to scream and cry, but then Mabel would notice, and I knew Max already knew how I was feeling.
I had a "conversation" with him while I was still gasping for breath, heaving in the toilet. It went like this:
Me: Will... Will you please stop?
Max: Begging already? I like that kid!
Me: Max - what are you doing? Stop doing this to my body, how are you even doing this?
Max: Maaaaaybe, I'm just your subconscious dropping in to say hello! OH, or, I could be controlling your body with some weird voodoo magic! *laughs*
Me: That's... not really funny.
Max: It's not, it's Hilarious! You're anxiousness and fear - my god, I could live off of it. Don't worry too much kid, you just need to be less fat, so I'm helping you along.
Max is... strange. I can't help but wonder where the nice person went? Are they really my subconcious? Are they really just a fragment of my imagination because I can't even get any friends? Why is he here...
I... I'm gonna find out.
Xx-xX
Day Nineteen - Saturday, April 19th, 2014
I took a look in some places I never thought I'd revisit - The Journals.
I had them stored in my secret compartment under my bed. My dad would freak out again if he saw me with them, since I've been "practicing witchcraft and going against god" and all that... And mom would be just as terrified.
I let these books get to my head once, and I pushed away the only person I could trust with my life. I won't let it happen again...
My depression and anxiety and sensory overloads have been happening more often than not. Mabel is getting worried over me [what a nice feeling], and I have yet to call Grunkle Stan or even contact him and his brother in their shack again. I blame the first part on Max, but the second part is just something I should get to work on... Maybe they could. Help me.
That is, if they don't shun me away first...
Stanford [the author] had given me all three journals to use and keep safe. I did. I kept them the entire summer. And when I was alone in the attic, I... I practiced. Witchcraft, like my parents accused me of.
I was so consumed by the power rushing through me, and I just... It was wonderful. The words were elegant, stained by curses and blood and red. The symbols were beautiful, stunning when it was written in my blood... When I. Did my first spell and trapped that little fairy, wow, I felt weird. Elated. Then I couldn't help but. Crush it.
Fairy blood is very useful.
Ah, off track. Dipper, don't do it. Don't choose to be that again... They'll be scared of you. All over.
Just writing this stuff has Max quiet. They keep mumbling, and whispering, and it's ominous and creepy. I've been looking up what they could be in the journals.
I did find... something about a "Bill".
When I realised the two were one in the same, I nearly fainted. Nearly.
But I held steady, and read on. The journals helped, and Max was quiet when I read those too; almost too quiet. I couldn't even hear them talking to Bill.
Bill as in "Bill Cipher - omnipotent triangle guy, knower and seer of dreams and all alike".
I can't help but be scared of Max cackling.
Xx-xX
Day Twenty - Sunday, April 20th, 2014
Ah. Hello Dipper! It being 3:40 A.M., you won't remember this. Plus, this'll help you sleep since you barely get any, ha!
This is Max. I want to tell you, that yes, you are in the right track, I'm so proud of you sweetie! Keep up the hard work and Bill and I will be able to communicate with you fully. Bill wants me to write "Hi Pine Tree! Hope you missed us!"
I mean, I'm sure you're freaked out, but that's fine! I love that about you, your paranoia. It's enthralling, endearing even. If you were any weaker, you'd have broken by now, and yet, all you are is paranoid! Good job!
But that's not why I'm using you're body aaaat... 3:44 in the morning. Ohhhh no. I wanted to offer you a deal my dear.
Let me use your body as I see fit, and I'll answer three questions for every time, since your mind is so muddled and you can't seem to understand much about. Well... anything. It gets annoying from time to time ahah.
Think about it kiddo!
Bye bye
~ Max
Xx-xX
Day Twenty One - Monday, April 21st, 2014
When I woke up, I immediately ran to the bathroom to throw up. Then Max kept... telling em to open my little diary [journal] and when I did, everything was silent.
I was standing there, shocked and still.
And then I ran to throw up again... I could only dry heave since I chucked my dinner up previously. It hurt, my throat was burning and ugh...
Fuck, someone help...