Harry paced in his best friend's expansive office as he snuck another peek at the clock. He had been waiting for almost fifteen minutes for Hermione to come back from lunch, but it appeared that he had caught her on the rare unlucky day where she look an extended lunch to meet with Luna. He sighed and sat down on her surprisingly comfortable desk chair, and looked around him- Hermione's office was organised with obsessive-compulsive passion. Harry ran his fingers over the few picture frames she had placed on her desk: the first one was of her and her parents, the second was a picture of the trio at their Hogwarts graduation, the third was a picture of Hermione, Luna and Ginny from Bill and Fleur's wedding, and the fourth was obviously a new addition, as it was a picture of Hermione and Draco from their engagement party, with an excited Julius in her arms. Harry picked up the frame and inspected it closely. He could've sworn that even in the picture, the sexual tension between Hermione and Draco was obvious. As Harry replaced it, he accidentally knocked over a box of knick-knacks clean off her desk. Swearing softly, he reached down to pick up the contents. Hermione's love for useless 'treasures' from antique stores was well known. Harry fumbled to gather a butterfly-shaped hair clasp, several old Knuts, a sharp spindle that pricked him as soon as he touched it, and a heavy gold locket. Sucking on his finger, Harry replaced the items in the box just as the door swung open.
"What are you doing in here?"
"Looking at knitting patterns, what do you think I'm doing in here Malfoy?" Harry retorted, still on his hands and knees.
"I always knew I'd have the great Potter on his hands and knees before me," Draco grinned, as he surveyed Harry.
"Thanks for sharing that fantasy, but I don't swing that way," Harry grinned back, as he got to his feet and dusted himself off. "I take it you're also here to see Hermione?"
"Yes, I think it's about time for my afternoon shag," Draco winked as he took a seat and leaned back comfortably.
"Liar," Harry said without thinking. "It's Hermione's time of the month."
Draco lost his cool demeanour as he sat upright. "How the hell do you know something like that Potter?" he growled.
"Woah, not the way you're thinking mate," Harry grimaced again. "I lived with Hermione for almost an entire year while we were hunting Horcruxes. After the first couple of times, you start to see the signs. Trust me, you haven't truly seen a bad mood until you've watched Hermione traipse around a tent during her time of the month with a piece of Voldemort's slimy soul hanging down her neck."
"It is beyond creepy to sit here discussing my wife's menstrual cycle with you," Draco shook his head disbelief. Must not flinch at Potter casually throwing out the name. Also, You-Know-Who's soul? Neck? What the fuck?
"For once, I agree with you. So, what actually brings you here?"
Draco groaned softly and put his head in his hands, and mumbled something about "Blansy".
"Blansy?" Harry asked, bewildered.
"It's the name Granger and I gave Blaise and Pansy, and their ongoing saga of frustrating crap. I swear, one day those two will send me to my grave. I would almost relive my sixth year again than deal with those two and their ridiculous games for another second. If they want to fight, then that's their business, but dragging me into them is completely ridiculous. Sometimes it feels like I spend all my time listening to one or the other ranting."
"Do they do that annoying thing where they keep talking at you instead of to you?" Harry asked, as a particularly unpleasant memory came back to him. "And they never seem happy when you offer your opinion?"
Draco nodded. "I take it you have some experience in that department?"
"Nine years worth unfortunately, what would you like to know?"
"How do I make it go away?" Draco groaned.
"A Silencio worked for me," Harry joked. "That and a very thick skin."
"Always knew you were thick, Potter," Draco smirked.
"Funny Malfoy," Harry rolled his eyes, grinning. "So what exactly happened with those two today?"
"I was just forced to listen to first Blaise's and then Pansy's side about how Blaise thinks that Pansy is 'carrying about with the enemy' just because Theo's father was one of the Death Eaters that was in contact with the Arisen One. It's ridiculous of Blaise because everyone knows that Theo and his father haven't talked in years. They stopped talking while he was still at Hogwarts," Draco explained.
Harry laughed loudly as Draco's words sparked another memory. "Blaise and Ron are more alike than they think. Wait, Pansy and Theo you said? She's using Theo to make Blaise jealous?" Harry asked in surprise. "Poor Theo, I hope he doesn't get hurt."
"Theo won't," assured Draco. "I bet you all my inheritance that he is only pretending to flirt with Pansy to get back at Blaise. Theo has been looking for a way to get back at Blaise ever since he slept with Daphne Greengrass, who was Theo's girlfriend at the time."
"Blaise slept with Theo's girlfriend?"
"Yeah ages ago, back at Hogwarts. Theo and Daphne had been dating for two years when it happened."
"Pansy picked well," Harry admitted grudgingly.
Draco grinned. "She is a Slytherin after all." He stretched widely, and his leg hit an object under Hermione's desk. "Why is there rope on Granger's floor?" Draco asked, as he picked up a piece of shimmering golden rope from the floor. In spite of himself he found his mind wandering to less than chivalrous uses for the rope. Draco groaned inaudibly. He really really needed to get laid. Soon. He surreptitiously re-adjusted his robes to make sure to hide the resultant bulge.
"It must've fallen out of the box I knocked over," said Harry as he took the rope from Draco's hands.
One second the boys were on opposite sides of the desk, the next they found themselves laying on the floor bound uncomfortably tightly by the rope. Draco found himself pinned down by Harry's weight, as he struggled to reach for his wand, forcing his brain to ignore the horror of having his arch-enemy in such close proximity.
"What the fuck?" Harry exclaimed as he tried to free himself from the rope.
"I don't know what the hell this thing is but, Merlin, Potter you need to stop writhing on top of me," Draco growled as he extricated his wand.
"Why the hell can I feel something poking against my leg?" Harry thundered as he lay stiffly on top of Draco.
Draco reddened. "I assure you Potter, it's not you," he said darkly. "I was err thinking about something before this happened." With some difficulty he positioned his wand at the tight ropes and muttered, "Diffindo."
Nothing happened for a second, and then the shimmering ropes disappeared. Harry hastily tried to pick himself up and whimpered in horror and disgust as he realised he was still bound to Draco. Underneath him, Draco was trying to unsuccessfully move himself away. Both men groaned and averted their eyes as they ungracefully struggled against the bindings. Draco tried to levitate them to a sitting position, but to his horror, the spell didn't work.
"Potter, I can't do any magic," he said frantically, as he tried again.
"What? Is there something wrong with your wand?" Harry asked in horror, as he unsuccessfully tried to pry his out from his robes. "I can't get to mine."
"There's nothing wrong with my wand, it was working fine before this happened."
Just then, the door opened.
"What in the name of Merlin-?" Hermione broke off in horror as she took in the scene in front of her.
"It's not what it looks like!" Draco exclaimed vehemently.
"Your stupid ropes have bound us together. Can you get us out?" Harry said at the same time.
Hermione bit her lip to hold her laughter back. Then, her eyes clouded with confusion. "Ropes?"
"You know, the shining golden ropes on your desk," Draco said impatiently.
"He cast a diffindo and the bloody things turned invisible," Harry accused hotly.
"I have no idea what ropes you're talking about," Hermione said in confusion. She took out her wand and cast a series of splitting spells, each stronger than the last, but Draco and Harry were still joined together by some unseen force. Hermione ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'll Floo Blaise."
"Merlin no, I'll never hear the end of this," Draco complained from the floor.
"You want to stay stuck like this?" Harry asked darkly, as he tried to inch his body away from Draco fruitlessly. Finally, Draco nodded his permission to Hermione. She tried to unsuccessfully Floo Blaise, eventually leaving a message with the receptionist at his office to let him know that there was an emergency and that he was to come to her office as soon as he returned from lunch. Thinking quickly, she sent a memo to Vanessa requesting for all the books in the Ministry library on magical ropes to be sent to her.
"I can still feel the ropes, they're just invisible," said Hermione, as she sat down next to the uncomfortable boys and felt around them.
"I want these off me," Draco complained. My future therapy bill has probably tripled now that I will forever have the revolting memory of Potter's disgustingly warm breath on my neck. Fuck my life.
"Well I've done what I can. We will just have to wait for Blaise to get here. Where did you find these ropes?"
"They were just sitting on your floor. I think I knocked them off your desk when I dropped your box of antique crap," scowled Harry testily. "Are you sure you didn't buy these ropes at some point from some antique store and just forget about them?"
"Yes I'm sure," said Hermione acidly, as she got up and walked over to her bookshelf. She tapped the shelf once and it turned around, revealing another section of books. "I might be able to find something in here, this is where I hid the books that I summoned from Dumbledore's study after his funeral. Maybe there is something in here about cursed objects."
"You think we're cursed?" asked Harry in horror.
"It cannot possibly be unconnected to the marriage curse," said Hermione absent-mindedly as she flicked through a heavy book. "It's quite likely that this is a cursed rope. You both really are idiots to touch anything that was on my desk without even checking first to see if it had any magic. I work in Magical Law Enforcement, I get strange objects almost twice a day that I need to look over, to make sure they're not illegal or dangerous."
"What if Potter and I are stuck together forever?" Draco whimpered, looking just as horrified as Harry.
"We'll find a way out," Hermione promised. "Blaise may know what to do, or someone from St Mungo's will, if it comes to that. We may find a counter-curse or something in these books, and if not in these, there is still the Hogwarts library to look through. We will find something."
"Should we try Basilisk venom?" Harry suggested. "It destroyed the Horcruxes, it has to destroy this."
"I'll nip right over to sweet talk the Sorting Hat and bring the sword of Gryffindor," Hermione said sarcastically. "Or we could use the stash of venom that's in my desk drawer. Really Harry, we need to be practical. How would we get the sword? It only presents itself to Gryffindors in times of need. You know as well as I do that it's no longer in McGonagall's possession."
"If this isn't a time of need I don't know what is," Harry grumbled, but fell silent.
"Will someone care to fill me in?" Draco scowled. "Was this the sword Aunt Bella had?"
"The sword of Gryffindor is impregnated with Basilisk venom," Hermione explained patiently as she perused the books. "After it presented itself to Neville during the Battle of Hogwarts, it was placed inside the Sorting Hat to make sure that it was always accessible to the people that need it. No one wanted to risk the sword getting stolen or confiscated by the Ministry again."
"Just great," Draco muttered. "If I was dealing with Slytherins, we would've had that sword on hand at all times."
"Well you're dealing with Gryffindors so I suggest that you shut up," Harry growled.
"What on earth is going on here?" Blaise burst through the door, and stopped short as he took in the sight of Harry and Draco sprawled on the floor together.
"It's not what it looks like," Harry assured him, flushing. "Hermione left some cursed rope on her desk which bound Malfoy and I together."
"Harry James Potter, if you do not stop blaming me, the consequences will be so dire that being tied up with Malfoy will seem like a vacation in comparison," Hermione said, her eyes flashing. "For the last time, I don't know where the rope came from, nor did I leave it lying about on my desk. You two are the idiots that entered my office and touched my things."
"Can you pick us off the floor mate?" Draco asked hopefully, as Blaise howled with laughter.
"No, it's much funnier this way," Blaise straightened up, chuckling.
"Hermione?" Harry asked weakly. Hermione shot him a dark look that left no doubt in his mind that she would not be coming to his aid.
"As much as I want to leave these two idiots tied up together, we need to find a way to set them free," said Hermione as she picked up another book. "I've tried all the splitting spells I know but the damned rope won't break."
"Let me try my knife," Blaise suggested as he pulled out a small knife from the inner pocked of his robes. "It's goblin-made with the claw of a Manticore on the tip. It's meant to be able to cut through anything." He bent down and tried unsuccessfully to cut his friends apart, but the invisible rope seemed to repel the knife a millimetre away from it's invisible self.
A knock sounded on the door, and Vanessa cautiously poked her head in. "Hermione? I got the books you- oh lord, what the hell?"
"It's not what it looks like," Harry and Draco chorused.
"Thanks Vanessa," said Hermione kindly as she took the books from her friend. "Harry and Malfoy seem to be stuck together by something. We're trying to find the counter-curse."
"Can you help us off the floor Vanessa?" asked Harry sweetly.
"No, don't touch them," ordered Blaise with a grin. "I think they should be left together."
"Doesn't that seem a bit, mean?" Vanessa asked uncertainly.
"You can't pick them up anyways, it's illegal," said Blaise, his grin widening. "This is now a crime scene and if you touch anything it will count as tampering with the evidence."
"Don't you also have to take pictures of a crime scene?" Hermione said shrewdly. "My camera is in chest of drawers you are standing next to."
"This is better than my birthday and Christmas all at once!" exclaimed Blaise, as he happily located Hermione's camera and quickly snapped several pictures of Harry and Draco scowling.
"Cheers Granger," Draco growled. "So much for to love, honour and cherish."
"I'm cherishing this very much, don't you worry," grinned Hermione.
"Sorry Harry," said Vanessa sincerely. "Can I help in any other way?"
"Did you see anyone suspicious come by my office or send me something today?" Hermione asked.
"No one dropped anything off for you, and the only person that came by at all today was Valmont," said Vanessa, her eyes widening in horror. "Oh no Hermione, I'm so sorry!"
"Valmont was here?" Hermione straightened up immediately and exchanged a significant glance with Harry. "Did he have anything with him?"
"No, I never saw a package or anything on him," said Vanessa. "I ran into him as he was coming out of your office and he looked quite angry to see me there. I asked him what he was doing and he just told me that it was none of my business. I thought it was because he and I don't get along, I never even suspected foul play."
"We need to call Kingsley," said Hermione immediately, standing up.
"Hang on a second Hermione," Blaise said, frowning. "We can't just jump to conclusions. Valmont could have a perfectly justified reason to come by. We should speak to him first."
"Blaise, I know you like Valmont but I have the feeling that there is something more to him than meets the eye," Hermione said fiercely.
"Granger, just hang on a minute. Don't let your prejudice blind you. Valmont is a good friend of mine and I don't think he would want to hurt you or me in any way," said Draco from the floor.
"Fine," said Hermione, as she took out a quill and slammed her desk drawer shut. "We'll call Valmont and ask him for his side of the story." She angrily wrote a curt memo, almost snapping her quill in half in the process, and tapped it so that it folded into a paper airplane and made it's merry way to Valmont's office. They waited in terse silence until they heard his footsteps outside the door.
"Mrs Malfoy?" Valmont stuck his head inside the door, not bothering to knock. "You wanted to see me?"
"Come in Valmont," said Blaise affably, as he waved him inside. Valmont stepped in nervously, a vision of bland in his mud-coloured robes, and his mouth fell open as his gaze fell on Draco and Harry.
"It's not what it looks like," said Draco tiredly.
"Someone sent Hermione a piece of cursed rope, which has ended up binding Draco and Harry together. We heard that you were visiting Hermione earlier today and we were wondering if you had seen or heard anyone?" Blaise asked politely, as he pulled out a piece of parchment.
"The rope! How the hell did it tie you two together?" Valmont exclaimed in horror, his fingers slipping on the (brown) fastenings of his cloak.
"I told you he had something to do with this," said Hermione hotly, as she got to her feet and drew her wand.
"You sent us the rope?" Draco growled darkly. "Why would you send us a powerful dark object that can't be undone and doesn't allow us to do magic while we're bound?"
"Valmont, did you try to send them the rope to harm them in any way?" Blaise asked icily, as he raised a warning hand towards Hermione.
"No, of course not," Valmont denied hotly. "I would never harm Draco. It's n-" He trailed off as he started to gag. Blaise's eyes widened in shock as Valmont's tongue swelled and he started to choke. Blaise, Vanessa and Hermione immediately sprung to his side and launched a series of counter-curses at him, but the elder man continued to gag on his own tongue.
"It looks like he had a Ton Tongue Toffee," said Harry, as he helplessly watched the others try to help Valmont.
"Perhaps it's the same charm that the twins used," Hermione said, looking hassled as she prodded Valmont's tongue with her wand. "Vanessa, can you go get Kingsley?"
"Err sure," said Vanessa uncertainly as she abandoned her efforts to help. She hesitated and raised her arm, as if to place it on Valmont's shoulder reassuringly, but thought better of it and ran out the door to fetch Kingsley. No sooner had she left than Valmont's eyes rolled back in his head, and he collapsed to the floor.
"We need to do something quickly, Floo a Healer," said Hermione as she struggled to hold Valmont's mouth open.
"I'll get Audrey," said Blaise as he threw a pinch of Floo powder and disappeared to St. Mungo's.
Seconds later, Kingsley and Vanessa raced into the room.
"What on earth happened here?" Kingsley demanded as he helped Hermione lean Valmont against the wall. "Why is he unresponsive?"
"I don't know, everything was fine a few minutes ago and then almost as soon as Vanessa left to get you he fell to the floor," Hermione panted, as she tried to steady Valmont, who kept falling sideways to the floor. Blaise and Audrey mercifully scrambled out of the fireplace.
"Oh Merlin," said Audrey as she saw Valmont. "Minister, Hermione, please step aside. He's been poisoned." She knelt besides Valmont and pulled out her wand.
"Poisoned? He was fine when he got here," said Blaise.
"He has been exposed to Gillyroot, the roots of the Gillyweed plants," explained Audrey as she cast a diagnosis spell on him. "Blaise, quickly, hand me my bag."
"You have an antidote?" Kingsley confirmed, as Audrey pulled out a small vial and placed three drops on Valmont's tongue.
"No, it's not an antidote. It simply counteracts the inflammation of his tongue," said Audrey as Valmont's tongue started to shrink. "He had an allergic reaction to the Gillyroot, which is why his tongue swelled up. And he's lucky that it did, otherwise we might not have detected it until it was too late. The poison is relatively quick, and it kills the person within an hour of consumption. I'm mixing the antidote now."
"Someone tried to kill him?" Draco asked incredulously, drawing both Kingsley and Audrey's attention towards him and Harry.
"It's not-" began Harry
"-what it looks like," chorused Hermione, Vanessa and Blaise.
"We get it already," Hermione said exasperatedly. "You both are nothing but manly men filled with testosterone who would never even think of doing anything sexual with each other. Now that we have gotten past that once and for all, can we please focus on the issue at hand? You've been bound together by cursed rope that doesn't seem to break and doesn't let you use magic, yet the first words out of your mouth are about what it might look like. Honestly."
"Rope?" Kingsley asked in shock. "Was it a shining gold until you tried to do magic?"
"Yes!" Draco said in excitement. "Someone dropped it off at Hermione's desk and it bound to the both of us."
"Do you know who dropped it off?" asked Kingsley slowly, horror dawning in his eyes.
"We were trying to ask Valmont exactly that," said Hermione quickly. "Vanessa said he dropped my by office earlier, while I was at lunch, and this rope wasn't there before I left."
"Hermione," Blaise interjected in exasperation. "Surely you don't still suspect Valmont? The bloke's been poisoned."
"Or he tried to kill himself to avoid being questioned under Veritaserum," Kingsley offered, as he surveyed Valmont with disgust. "The rope that has bound you two was a new security prototype that was created to bind criminals on the way to Azkaban. It prevents them from doing magic and saps their strength so that they cannot escape."
"Why would he try kill himself Minister?" Blaise asked in confusion.
"Valmont created the prototype," said Kingsley finally. "He showed it to me yesterday. Why would he send you the rope though?"
"Do you think he intercepted our owls?" Hermione asked softly. "Malfoy and I had made plans to meet just after lunch, he could've been on his way to tie us up and kill us."
"That's a harsh accusation Hermione," said Blaise hotly. "If he wanted to kill you, why did he leave the rope there when neither of you were around?"
"Maybe he didn't want to be seen entering the office when we were here, so he left the rope and bolted?" suggested Hermione, her eyes blazing with anger.
"It is possible that Valmont had less than noble intentions and planted the rope in your office," agreed Kingsley. "And perhaps he tried to kill himself when he realised he had been caught? My understanding is that Vanessa saw him leaving your office while you were not around. After all, the only people that knew how the rope worked were myself and Valmont."
"He's been Confounded," Audrey said suddenly, as she examined Valmont who was now sitting up and blinking in confusion. "I gave him the antidote, but he isn't responsive. He's definitely been Confounded, and powerfully too."
"He was set up to do this," said Blaise confidently. "I know Valmont, he would never harm Draco or Hermione. He spent hours over their wedding security."
"Which was breached," Harry reminded.
"It wasn't him Potter," Draco snapped irritably. "Valmont wouldn't do this."
"Unfortunately misters Zabini and Malfoy, it appears he might have," said Kingsley diplomatically, cutting Hermione off before she could argue. "We shouldn't jump to conclusions until we can get Valmont back to his original state of health and can hold a trial." He turned to face Audrey, "How long do you think it will be before the Confundus wears off?"
"It's hard to say," said Audrey pensively. "It could be a few weeks, it could be several months. Charms this strong when mixed with the poison lead to some unlikely side effects."
"Well, for the time being we should admit Valmont to St. Mungo's. Mr Zabini, if you could escort him there to follow proper Ministry protocol? Vanessa, please arrange for two junior Aurors to be with him at all times. If he is innocent, they can protect him, and if he is guilty, they can guard him," ruled Kingsley finally. Hermione hesitated, but then eventually nodded. Blaise helped Audrey levitate Valmont and they disappeared through the fireplace while Vanessa left to make the arrangements for his guard.
"Kingsley?" Harry asked weakly from the floor. "Can you get us out of these binds?"
"Oh yes, of course, sorry Harry," said Kingsley, with a hint of a smile. "One of you must've been bleeding for the ropes to have been activated. They are made to bind around the person bleeding and anyone else that is touching the ropes at the time. The Aurors will have to wear dragonhide gloves while using them."
"I was bleeding," Harry admitted. "Hermione's ridiculous spindle pricked me-"
"If you blame me for any of this one more time-" Hermione said hotly, as she pulled out her wand.
"Never mind laying blame," interrupted Kingsley hurriedly, as he pulled out his wand. "The ropes can only be untied by a specific counter-curse. You will learn all about it when we train the Aurors to use them, Harry."
"Can't wait," muttered Harry darkly, as he felt the robes around him unbind. He quickly pushed himself off Draco and moved as far away from him as possible.
The front pages of the Daily Prophet were stretched out in front of Hermione, as she surveyed the article with a sinking stomach.
Attack In Diagon Alley And Muggle London Kills Three Former Death Eaters
In an unexpected attack that occurred simultaneously in Diagon Alley and muggle London yesterday, three former Death Eaters were found dead. The Death Eaters, Thorfinn Rowle, Antonio Selwynn and Jonas Yaxley, had served minimal sentences in Azkaban due to their agreements with the Ministry of Magic to provide information regarding the whereabouts of seven other Death Eaters. Rowle, Selwynn and Yaxley had been on probation and unable to use magic at the time of the attack. There have been no other casualties reported, despite the wide-spread panic that the attack caused. Rowle and Selwynn had been in Diagon Alley at the time, while Yaxley had been in muggle London, attempting to get employment. It is suggested that the three former Death Eaters had planned to meet with each other, possibly to hear about the outcome of the interview Yaxley had been due to attend in muggle London. It is unsure if the former Death Eaters were targeted or simply unlucky. The Ministry of Magic has launched an extensive investigation into the matter.
"Why so serious?" a voice whispered, next to her ear.
Hermione jerked violently and screamed. She whipped around, wand drawn, and came face to face with her husband, who was currently struggling to reign in his laughter.
"What the hell, Malfoy? Since when do you creep around like that? You made me scream." Hermione said crossly, as she replaced her wand in it's sheath.
"And I'm not even inside you yet, I think this might be a personal best," Draco winked, smugly unrepentant.
"Sod off," Hermione grumbled, flushing. She turned her back on Draco once again and picked up her hairbrush. "I'm running late."
"Then why are you reading?" Draco asked simply.
"Why are you breathing?" Hermione shot back.
"A little testy tonight, are we? I shouldn't be surprised, Potter did warn me that it was your time of the month," said Draco as he picked up Hermione's discarded newspaper and scanned the article.
Hermione whirled around again, her eyes flashing. "Harry said what?"
"Was he wrong?" Draco asked casually, without lifting his eyes from the newspaper.
"That is so ridiculously inappropriate that I will not even dignify that with a response," Hermione stuttered, finally. "Why were you and Harry discussing- that?"
"Came up in conversation."
"I'll be having a word with Harry about that," Hermione grumbled as she tied her hair up. "I'll be off to the living room as soon as Ginny gets here."
"Have a good night," said Draco pleasantly, as he continued to peruse the paper.
Hermione nodded, taken aback. It was maddening how Draco went from being the world's most annoying affliction to someone that was actually halfway decent. She scooped her wand and hairbrush into her clutch and slipped into her ballet flats just as Ginny came through their Floo, brushing the soot off her bright green robes.
"Hey Hermione, Malfoy," she nodded cordially. "I hope I'm not early?"
"No, you're just on time. Luna owled to say that she would be coming through a bit later, so she'll meet us directly in the living room." Hermione explained as she gave her friend a hug. "Shall we make our way there now?"
"Sure," Ginny said agreeably as she glanced around her friend's opulent study.
"Have a good night ladies," Draco said politely, looking up from his paper. "Oh and sweetie-pie? Sorry for making you scream earlier. I didn't realise that it'd be quite so easy." He winked, as Ginny's jaw dropped.
Hermione took a deep, calming breath to stop from throttling her husband. "It's okay, sugar bunny, I was faking it anyways. Let's go Ginny."
Half an hour of solid, unrelenting drinking later, Hermione and Ginny were well on their way to being completely and utterly pissed. Hermione rarely got sloshed to that extent, but there was something to be said for drowning sorrows and unwavering sexual frustration in alcohol. A sideways glance at the normally exuberant Ginny told Hermione that she wasn't the only one drinking her sorrows away. She debated whether to broach the topic of whatever underlying problem was plaguing her best friend; Ginny often seemed like a self-assured, breathtaking and talented witch, but Hermione's sharp mind, honed by years of memorising random facts, never quite forgot the forlorn young girl of eleven whom she had first met. Outward displays of confidence aside, crippling self-doubt was one of those nasty little buggers that never quite went away. Hermione knew from personal experience that they had the tendency to prey on insecure minds, impaling any semblance of progress towards self-assurance that years of positive feedback brought about.
"Ginny, is something wrong?" Hermione asked finally.
"Even while pissed, you are ridiculously perceptive," Ginny mumbled as she downed her drink in one.
"Is it Harry?" Hermione ventured.
To her horror, the normally composed witch's eyes misted over. Hermione bit her lip as guilt flooded through her mind, she hadn't meant to make her best friend cry. "I'm sorry Ginny, I didn't mean to pry," she said quickly.
"No, it's not you. It's me," Ginny said miserably.
"Are you breaking up with me?" Hermione joked weakly, trying to illicit a smile from her friend.
Ginny let out a watery chuckle. "Did you see the article in last month's Witch Weekly?"
"Err the one about how you can tell how good a wizard will be in bed from the way he stirs his cauldron?"
"No, the one where they rated the worst dressed witches, and yours truly made that list," said Ginny.
Hermione faltered. "So you had a bad dress day, it happens to everyone."
"Hermione, I've made that list every single time," Ginny replied, as she poured herself another generous helping of Firewhiskey.
"So? The old bats that write it are probably jealous of how gorgeous you are."
"Hermione, I'm dating Harry Potter, the saviour of the fucking Wizarding world, and I keep coming up short and making him a laughingstock."
"I hardly think that picking a bad dress reflects on Harry in any way, unless of course he is in charge of your wardrobe, in which case I'd have more concerns than his taste in clothing," Hermione said with a chuckle.
Ginny cracked a smile briefly, but her face clouded over again. "Dressing elegantly was never something I was taught. When I started working with the Harpies and I started making money, I made sure that all my clothes were from the best designers that I could afford. Turns out, elegance isn't something that can be bought. No matter how hard I try, I can never look the part of Harry's girlfriend. I'm still poor Ginny Weasley, but now I'm masquerading in silks that my family has only ever seen in store windows. The shit thing is that everyone knows it. Harry doesn't say anything outwardly, but he tried to 'tactfully' suggest that I get some help. I think I'm turning Harry off me."
"Ginny!" Hermione reproached. "Harry is too mature to think about things like that. Perhaps he only made the suggestion because he knows that such comments upset you? You both are meant to be, some stupid comments from a stupid reporter aren't going to change that."
"I don't know why everyone thinks that Harry and my relationship is some sort of stupid fairytale," Ginny said, her eyes flashing with anger. "It's not a fucking fairytale and the happily-ever-after takes work. Relationships fall apart, people outgrow one another. Maybe in my Hogwarts uniform I could catch Harry's attention on looks alone, but now it's little things that show how inadequate I am. I still get intimidated when we go to fancy balls in his honour, and I still don't know what bloody fork to use when there's a mass of surplus cutlery taking up my elbow room."
Hermione fell silent, biting back the correction that ladies never put their elbows on the table. Thankfully, Luna's entry saved her from having to make any comments. Deep down, Hermione knew that Ginny wasn't exaggerating. It was hard to imitate class, and even Hermione herself had problems sometimes trying to fit in to the role of a Malfoy bride, and she came from a much more privileged background than Ginny did.
"Sorry I was later than expected, the Carnwinkles were all over my clothes," Luna sing-songed dreamily as she hugged her friends.
"Well err I'm glad the Carnwinkles didn't hurt you," said Hermione awkwardly. She still had some trouble with her friend's obsession with unknown creatures.
"Oh they never hurt witches, they fix the fabric of robes and I had to let them do their job. It's dreadfully impolite to interrupt the Carnwinkles at their work," Luna explained.
"Maybe the Carnwinkles can fix mine," Ginny muttered sourly, as she poured Hermione and Luna drinks.
Unfortunately for Hermione, that exchange was the height of intellectual level for the night. As the girls determinedly imbibed their bodyweight in Firewhiskey, the night got sillier and sillier. Hermione drunkenly berated herself for expecting anything else when Luna and alcohol were involved. She watched through heavy lidded eyes as Luna demonstrated a special dance that warded off Peritwinkies, which were apparently creatures that lodged in one's inner ear and affected their balance.
"See, I have several Peritwinkies in mine right now," Luna slurred proudly, as she teetered on her feet while performing a move that would have been considered ambitious even while sober.
"I think you have the Firus Whiskyius in you," Hermione suggested, deadpanned. "They are imbibed through large quantities of certain liquids, and cause all sorts of balance problems, mood changes and the tendency to do embarrassing things. They can even cause amnesia."
Next to her, Ginny started to laugh so hard that she fell off her couch. "Oh no," she managed to gasp between fits of laughter. "I think the Peritwinkies and the Firus Whiskyiuses are having babies in my inner ear."
"I don't think so Ginny," said Luna, sounding far-off. "The Peritwinkies are sterile. I think you've just had too much to drink."
It was too much for Hermione, who was laughing so hard that tears were running down her flushed cheeks. She haphazardly jabbed her finger in the air and shook her shoulders. "I think we should do the safety dance just to be safe." The Brightest Witch of Her Age mused at that statement for a second, before concluding "Ha, isn't it funny how the safety dance keeps you safe?"
Ginny nodded vehemently from the floor. "The English language is so poignant."
"We should toast to that," said Luna solemnly, as she too considered the poignancy of a 'safety dance' keeping people safe.
After having drunk many toasts to everything from Peritwinkies to Weasley jumpers, the girls effectively toasted to the final nail in the coffin of their attempt at having quiet night in. Somewhere in Hermione's mind was the vague realisation that alcohol plus evil seductive nightgowns could only lead to the consummation of a certain marriage that was currently the bane of her existence. Drunk Hermione obviously hated Sober and Rational Hermione, because Drunk Hermione was on her way to potentially making a large mess later that night for Sober and Rational Hermione to deal with in the morning. Drunk Hermione was also setting up the stage for Scandalised and Horror-filled Hermione to make an appearance in the upcoming days. Drunk Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose, her multiple personalities were giving her a headache.
"Tell me Hermione," Ginny slurred incoherently, jerking Drunk Hermione out of her thoughts. "Now that you are a Malfoy, have you been let in on the family secret of the fine art of whining?"
"I think it's more of a genetic gift than a family secret," Hermione slurred back.
"I think it comes from the Cracklegoons over Malfoy's crib when he was a baby," Luna suggested, thoughtfully. "Make sure they don't hover over your babies."
Hermione winced at the thought of pale blond smirking spawn biting at her ankles and calling her a bushy-haired mudblood. "I don't think we have to worry about that anytime soon."
"Why? Are you afraid that his little snake will be too slimy for you?" Ginny asked, doubling over in mirth.
"Ugh, Ginny, I really don't want to think about Malfoy's 'little snake'." Hermione pouted.
"It's nothing short of a cobra I assure you," said Draco smoothly from the doorway. Hermione flushed as they made eye contact, and dropped her eyes to the bottom of her empty glass.
Ginny, however, laughed at Draco's statement. Loudly. Unceasingly.
"Should I be insulted that your friend finds the idea of my cobra that funny?" Draco quirked an eyebrow at Hermione, and then turned to Ginny. "If you don't believe me, ask your husband." He smirked widely and then flushed as he realised what he had said.
There was no stemming the laughter now. Draco pivoted and stalked off to his bedroom before the onslaught of gay jokes began. Stupid annoying giggling women. I'm never checking to see if Granger is surviving her stupid girl's nights ever again. Clearly humiliation is what happens when you catch Gryffindor off your wife.
A/n: Thank you all so much for the wonderful and encouraging reviews that I got on my last chapter. They really spurred me into getting this one finished and edited quickly! Here is some Ginny/Luna/Hermione interaction as requested, and I hope that you all liked it.
Just to clear a few things up, this story is rated M, and the reason for that is the fact that I will not be tip-toeing around the smut. A few of you asked me about that when I left out details of Draco and Hermione's hook up, and chose to jump to the next morning. The reason for that was due to the fact that Hermione herself didn't remember the events with clarity, so it was only fitting for us to muddle along without knowing exactly what happened :P
If you are underage or find them offensive, then I urge you not to read the lemons, but personally I think that physical intimacy has an influence on the development of relationships, and that omitting it would be a bit silly. I'd love some feedback on my decision if any of you readers have a minute to review. It doesn't matter if you don't have an account, since I accept anonymous reviews to let my readers give me their opinion. I am also happy to mark the smutty sections in an Author's note at the start of the chapter if any readers want to continue with my story but don't want to be subjected to the details of the characters' sex lives, but you will have to let me know.
Sorry for the tremendously long Author's note. Hope that you have all enjoyed my work. Thanks again for the reviews, alerts and favourites. Like any other author, reviews make me smile :)