Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

A/N: Yes, I've seen the 'equal' Shock Treatment. I'm sorry to say that I really don't like it. So, in this story, Riff Raff is a doctor... but he never goes by the name 'Cosmo McKinley' in the future. Anyway, Cosmo was an actor pretending to be a doctor. In this story Riff is as close as you can be to being a doctor without actually being licensed in any way...

Thursday, March/?/1974

Dear Diary,

Today one of my 'bright episodes' happened. That means I became bizarrely obsessive over something for a time and then became normal again. Sometimes they last for a few hours sometimes for days.

Another thing that happens once in a while is what we call a 'dark episode'. That's when I become blank minded and horribly depressed.

Frankie let Riff Raff have the afternoon off so that he could look after me.

Well, more like 'study' me. Riff actually trained as a physician at one point. Since Magenta doesn't really talk about her family's past, I'm not too sure about the details. All I know is that they owe Frank a debt of some kind and have to give him credit for all their work.

No wonder Riff Raff is always rather unhappy!

Anyway, people from their planet are physically different in some ways. For one thing they get different illnesses and mental disorders. Being the curious scientist he is, Riff is keen to study anything I get. It's a weird hobby of his.

Since he knows Magenta is fond of me, he tries to help me get better. And never intentionally hurts me. Frank might do something truly awful to Riff and Mags if his only groupie dies or becomes disfigured or whatever. So I know I'm pretty safe.

Anyway…

Today I decided to redecorate the room I share with Magenta. I didn't go to breakfast, since I wanted to begin right away. Somehow, I managed to clean my side of the room to near spotlessness. Then I began attempting to glue posters to the ceiling and walls on my half of the bedroom. Magenta found me gluing a ridiculously large photograph of Frank to the ceiling.

"Vhat are you doing? Vhy is zhere a picture of ze Master that is twice as big as reality?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

I was so intently focused on perfectly sticking the thing to the wall that I didn't even notice how naughty the phrase 'twice as big' sounded.

"Columbia? What are you doing?"

"I want to redecorate the room," I replied bluntly, my voice devoid of emotion.

"Columbia… are you going through of those funny phases?"

"Hmm?" I'd barely heard her.

She sighed in melodramatic annoyance. "Are you doing that thing where you go crazy for a while? You know how that upsets the Master!"

Ignoring her, I continued to glue others pictures to the wall. Mostly just photographs I took when Magenta bought a camera one day when running errands. Everyone who lived here the day she bought that camera- which basically means everyone who's not Eddie- was in at least on of the pictures. That made sense, since they were all taken inside the castle.

They look nice hung there. Only later did it occur to me that photos can't be printed twice and therefore the only place those exact photos will ever be is right there on the wall.

"Seriously, Columbia. Do you want me to go tell ze Master and my brozer vhat you are doing? I vill if you don't prove to me that you aren't having one of your episodes!"

"I want to hang one of those strings of little Christmas lights around the room," I replied.

"Zat's it!"

Magenta then stormed out of the room. The fact that she'd begun to speak in that strange fake-German meant she was angry- or at least very annoyed. Of course, she speaks in that accent other times too… but mostly when she's particularly emotional.

After she'd left I finished gluing pictures to the wall. Time to hang up those posters I convinced Magenta to buy ages ago.

As I was pinning a poster for the Sci-Fi picture Forbidden Planet to the wall, Magenta returned to the room. Riff Raff, Frank, and (to my surprise) Eddie soon entered behind her.

"What on earth is that?" Frank shrieked, pointing to the mad collage of photos.

"It is a wall that isn't boring anymore," I explained happily.

"Why did you hang up all those pictures and everything?" Eddie asked.

"Because I needed to redecorate this room. Isn't it nice?"

"No. That giant picture of me is awful! I mean that corset I'm wearing in that picture is so out of date! And you know I've thrown it out by now…" Frank whined.

I rolled my eyes. "I could put a more up-to-date picture there if-"

"No. Don't. My beloved sister was right. You're going through one of your funny 'bright episodes'. I've got to keep you out of trouble. Come on, now."

And so, I was marched up to a room next to the lab. It's basically Riff's study and a 'proper' Doctor's office at the same time.

And so… Riff Raff, Eddie, Magenta, and I all entered that room. Frank went to go… do whatever he does when he isn't around anyone else. Probably something revoltingly dirty.

Riff Raff glared at me as I paced around the room. "Somebody is going to have to keep an eye on you. Until you act normal again. Alright?"

"Yes. I know," I replied unhappily.

So, after explaining to Eddie that I'd be fine in a few hours, I was left alone with Riff. At this point he'd already asked all the questions he could possibly think of. So, all he needed to do now was name whatever disorder I had. It probably had an earthling name already. But telling him that would ruin all the fun he was having.

"I think we'll call this Cheerful/Uncheerful Syndrome," he told me.
By mid-afternoon I was normal again. Back to my usual (though slightly less cheerful) self.

Thankfully I got around to rehearsing my tap dancing. That's the only normal thing I did today… and the best thing that happened all day.

At dinner I was 'punished' for stealing the spotlight from Frankie.

The way he punished me was strangely interesting. He didn't even acknowledge my existence as we ate dinner. Also, he made a big deal out of flirting with Eddie. Clever, clever Frank knew that this would upset me. He knows that when actually in his presence my love for him borders on disturbingly obsessive. He knows that I'm much more likely to screw Magenta when he ignores me.

Ha! He's to smart when it comes to this sort of thing.

Indeed, I did 'touch' Magenta earlier this evening. I'm the only girl she's ever near. Like most people from Transsexual, Transylvania she loves to screw a variety of people. So she will agree to that sort of thing whenever I'm up to it.

No doubt Frank was watching us one those evil television screens. For some reason, that doesn't bother me. I know he likes that sort of thing. And I can't help but want to please him in any way possible.

Wow. I'm becoming a total creep.

- Columbia (a groupie)

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