Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
A/N: Yay! Super long chapter (by my pathetic standards). Hopefully it doesn't bore my lovely reviewers (or is it only one reviewer?).
And, for those who aren't foolishly obsessed with old literature... the main plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray pretty much is:
Pretty-boy Dorian is corrupted by the hedonistic ideals of this bloke named 'Sir Henry'. After this sad gay (along with the testimonies of many men, this book helped people convict Oscar Wilde) painter who's in love with Dorian paints a pretty picture of the guy, Dorian wishes that he could look like that youthful picture forever. So, he accidentally sells his soul and becomes an evil hedonist because Sir Henry's poisonous influence. And Sir Henry didn't even mean to do all that to Dorian!
Monday, March/?/1974
Dear Diary,
In the 'real world' some people complain about Monday being the worst day of the week. Here in the castle nobody really keeps track of the passage of time, so I'm not exactly sure if they all think it's the worst day or not. Maybe people only think it's the worst day if they know it's Monday.
Ah, how perfectly irrelevant!
I should probably write down what actually happened today. Breakfast seems like the proper place to start!
For breakfast I had pancakes. Magenta is very good at making pancakes, especially the sort with chocolate chips. As always, its wonderful to live with a cook as good as she. I always burn chocolate chip pancakes. Yet, somehow, she can cook them so perfectly...
To summarize… breakfast was lovely.
Today Magenta was cleaning the dining room. Since we've all been eating in there lately, there isn't as much dust as usual.
"So… how is your brother?" I asked.
Mags raised an eyebrow. "What? Since when do you ask questions about Riff?"
I shrugged. "Lately we've been constantly talking about Eddie and I. Why can't I inquire about your love life?"
"Because Riff and I are in a stable relationship. You'd find it boring. There isn't a crazed aristocratic transvestite using a highly suggestive alias getting in the way of our romance," she explained.
"Wait… his real name isn't 'Frank N. Furter'?"
"Nobody's name is really that. And I thought you were intelligent!" Magenta replied with a dramatic sigh.
"So, what's his real name, then?"
"I won't tell you. It's impossible for you earthlings to pronounce anything in our language. His name is much longer than my name… though I doubt you'll be able to pronounce either."
"What's your actual name?" I asked, annoyed that I didn't know all this already.
She laughed at my petty annoyance. "My real name is _"
Then she said something I couldn't figure out how to say. To my annoyance, I can't even figure out how to spell it phonetically. In an attempt to avoid wasting tons of paper, I just left empty space (as you can see).
"Do you ever wish to go home?" I asked Magenta, surprising us both.
"Of course I do. But I know I won't ever. I'll be his servant until he frees me, or either of us dies. So I must say here until he goes home... not that we ever will. If we go home, the Master will go to the senate," she replied bitterly.
I raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean. Do monarchies usually have senates?"
"Hmm…? Oh, I didn't mean it literally. That's just a common saying at home… and I was thinking about home…"
"What does it mean?"
She chuckled darkly. "Back when our planet was a republic, controversial politicians were sometimes invited to visit the capital city and the senate. Those who were stupid enough to accept the invitation were killed. It's amusing how many times that happened. It's why history became a required course at schools, I suppose. Nowadays, people use that phrase to mean 'get assassinated over politics'."
"Oh."
"If we go home without enough research done, the people will be angry. But it's all his fault! The whole planet is hoping that one of three spaceships sent out will find a way to help our species continue. We either need another species that our DNA can combine with, so that the gene pool can be more varied and the excessive inbreeding will stop. Then there's less chance of horrible defects on our planet's children. Riff is pretty sure earthlings might work. But the Master is always messing up everything! If only he would actually help out… and now he's forcing my brother to do some other sort of project. Invent a way to bring corpses back! But only so he can fuck the damned creature once it's alive again!" Magenta ranted furiously.
Suddenly, her eyes widened in horror. "I wasn't supposed to tell you about that…"
"It's fine. I won't say anything to anyone," I reassured her.
She raised an eyebrow. "Including Eddie?"
"Yeah."
After that strange exchange, I went to my room to find tomorrow's outfit. What I decided on included that bright pink jacket I really love. All my clothes are so very cheerful! More cheerful than I am, often.
Magenta didn't eat lunch with us. Thankfully, she did leave us something to eat. It was some sort of fancy grilled salmon with lemon and (of course) pasta. This time the pasta was bow tie shaped. I can't help but wonder how many types of pasta exist. And why does Mags like that specific food so much? Aren't there other easy-to-cook side dishes?
Whatever.
The food doesn't really matter.
What matters is that I got to talk to Eddie for a while. It's so nice, talking to a normal earthling not unlike myself. For one thing, I don't need to explain popular culture or history references.
"How do you like living here?" I asked him.
"What do you mean?" he replied.
"I don't really know. Just… do you like it here? Or are you horribly miserable? Or…?"
Eddie shrugged. "It's not like I'm bein' kept prisoner here. And everyone else is pretty nice… except for Riff, but he's more creepy than mean. Yeah, it's better than living with my uncle was. Mainly 'cause there aren't so many rules an' all."
"You keep mentioning that uncle of yours. Who is he?" I asked.
"He's a clever bastard who works at a university. When he an' his sister- my Ma- moved here from Germany he got a job as a professor at this one high school. He never actually explained how he got hired. I mean, what with him being German and all..."
"Was he one of, er, those Germans?" I nervously asked.
"I'm pretty sure. Never had the nerve to really ask, though. Ma never really said anythin' about it either. That explains why he's so mean to everyone, I suppose," Eddie explained.
It seemed like he really didn't like his uncle. So, I decided to ask about his parents.
"What about your mom? What's she like?" I asked.
"Dead."
Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. "I'm sorry…"
"Don't be. She wasn't always very nice. Always said I 'ruined' her, just by existing. She never married my Dad, an' I'm pretty sure he wasn't the sort of person who'd want to marry her. Apparently he was American she met at a bar or whatever. They had a tragic romantic affair, etcetera. He disappeared before she even told him about me, of course. But she moved to this country very soon after he left and I was born here. That was in 1953. Though the was ended before then, they'd stayed in Germany for a long time.
"She died only a year or two ago. Uncle always compares me to her. Says I'm trouble and everything. Well, I did ride a motorcycle in the school hallways once or twice and some other stuff like that… but I was just a kid messin' around!"
I hadn't been near someone so honest since I was a child. It's pretty scary, being confronted by all that pure truthfulness. I wasn't sure what to say. Especially once he began asking me questions.
"What about your family? Do ya have any siblings?"
Though I hated telling people about my past, I felt like lying would be cruel. So, for once, I didn't pretend to have any more drug-induced amnesia than I really do have. "Two sisters, who're both older than me. The eldest is called Agnes and the younger one's named Rosie. Agnes is like your mom in some ways, in a way," I told him.
"What do ya mean?"
"Well… she had a kid without getting married! Mom and Dad disowned her the second they found out she was pregnant. Poor girl. Last I heard of her was that she named the baby 'Oliver'. At least she swore to marry her boyfriend once they were both eighteen. Of course, the kid would be nearly two at that point!"
Eddie and I both laughed at this. Then, he asked another question: "When did you, uh, leave home?"
I sighed. "A year after we last heard from Agnes. My second year of high school. I kept worrying that I might 'turn out' like she did. Thanks to my parents being rather prudish, I didn't really know how Agnes ended up having a baby. Then a kid at school explained it in amazingly explicit detail, I vomited, and everything went worse from there on."
"Whoa."
"Yeah…"
"So, ya just ran off after that?" Eddie asked.
I nodded. "Thank God that kid had explained things, or I would've been very scared when I realized what that sleazy lead singer of that cheap, forgettable band wanted. At least I actually knew what was going on."
What I'd just said seemed to make Eddie very uncomfortable. No wonder he so quickly changed the subject!
"You know what?"
"Hmm?"
"I was once in a band. We were pretty awful, being a bunch of pathetic high school kids. And the only reason we started it in the first place was 'cause Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll sounds much more fun than it really is. My Uncle caught me with the drugs before I'd even managed to try them out, in fact. He never forgave me for that..."
I couldn't help but giggle. "Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll? When did you first, ah, experience the first of those three delightfully immoral vices?"
God, I sounded like Sir Henry from The Picture of Dorian Gray. That's a bit creepy…
"Uh, when I met the guy who owns this castle," Eddie replied awkwardly.
Again, I giggled. "He really is one hell of a lover, isn't he?"
Understandably, Eddie didn't reply to this. By then I'd probably traumatized the poor guy for life. Oh dear. But sometimes I can't help but be a bit creepy. I think Magenta is accidentally influencing me- just like Sir Henry unintentionally influenced Dorian Gray!
"So, in that band, what did you play?" I asked.
"Saxophone."
"Cool…"
An awkward silence then ensued. Thankfully, Magenta showed up looking for me. It was way later than I'd thought, at that point.
"Columbia! Vhy aren't you practicing your tap dancing in the ballr-" she began. Then, she saw Eddie standing nearby. "Oh."
"What's up… Magenta," he said with adorable awkwardness.
She frowned in disapproval at his informal greeting.
"Columbia always tap dances in the ballroom at this time of day. Now she's sitting here with you." It almost seemed like she was scolding him for messing up my usual routine.
Maybe she was jealous! That's a bit weird. Though she does sometimes act like I'm a beloved, adorable pet of hers. Probably a Transsexual Transylvania thing, since Frank is the same way. Of course, Magenta is a lot nicer and much less creepy about it…
"I'll be in my brother's room tonight," she whispered to me.
My eyes widened. "All night?"
"Indeed. You won't be interrupted by me, darling," Mags said so very softly.
Then, I hugged her.
"Thank you!" I squealed.
This, of course, confused Eddie. "What are you gals, um, talking about?"
"Come to my room this evening, a little while after dinner tonight. You must learn what touching a girl is like. Magenta just said she'll be away all evening," I explained happily.
"Okay!"
The look on his face proved that teenage boys really are more hormone-addled than any other being in the universe. Or maybe he wanted to feel 'less gay'.
Whoa, I can't believe I just wrote that down. 'Less gay'? Who things of stuff like that? Apparently I do…
And so, with out little date all planned out, he left the room.
Of course, he kissed me goodbye just before he exited. A sweet, loving kiss. An 'I-actually-care-about-you' kiss. I think I love him. Or, at least, nearly love him.
"You two are so adorable together, I might even kill the Master to keep you together," Mags muttered thoughtfully,
"Really?"
"I said maybe. But if you start being too annoying I might back out of even that," she replied.
"I said maybe. But if you start being too annoying I might back out of even that," she replied.
By then it was so late that Magenta had to start making dinner. I left then, heading for the ballroom so I could rehearse. Nothing helps me relax like a few tap dance routines!
Too soon it was dinnertime.
Like always, Frank droned on and on about himself. This time, however, it wasn't boredom that distracted me. It was Eddie's hand grasping mine. So what if I had to eat with my left hand? So what if I almost ruined the shirt I was wearing?
Magenta seemed to notice something. Thankfully, she didn't say anything. Though she did seem to be stifling laughter.
I giggled with bizarre joy when dinner ended. Of course I couldn't wait for the fun I'd be having. Especially since Frankie has been ignoring me lately…
This time, when Eddie entered my room, he seemed less scared. I'd bet it was at least partially because Magenta wasn't there looked vaguely like an evil enchantress.
"Hiya, Eddie," I said.
"Hey…" he replied awkwardly.
Then he kissed me, slightly less nervously than the few times he'd kissed me before. Yet it was still on of his adorably inexperienced kisses.
And when we actually slept together? It was wonderful. Like most things involving Eddie, it made me feel like someone doing that sort of thing for the first time (though without the physical pain, of course). I felt like a wide-eyed, naïve 16-year-old!
Currently, he's lying on my bed fast asleep. The both of us can't really fit on that small mattress together, so I'm sitting n the floor. Once I'm done writing this I plan to attempt to sleep on top of him (how awkward that sounds!) or something…
- Columbia (a groupie)
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