"Jim hold still Goddamnit! Ok now while that kicks in do you want to explain to me again what happened?" McCoy grumbled trying desperately to wrap the squirming Captains arm.
"He said that we were only on shore leave because Starfleet didn't trust us to move without Chekov because we would crash into a planet, and to be fair I didn't throw the first punch." Jim Kirk said pouting and glaring a hole into the med bay wall.
"And that's when Sulu broke his hand "
"No that happened when he tried to karate chop someone but hit the wall instead."
"And that's when security arrived to break you all up?"
"No that was when Scotty dive bombed the crowd from the top of the bar."
"Which was when Uhura hit someone with a chair?"
"After the guy pinched her ass."
"Just before you head butted a Klingon?"
"Yes." Kirk said proudly
"This is why I stay on the ship" McCoy said with a sigh as he jabbed a sedative into the unsuspecting Captain.