Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

A/N: This story loosely follows the 'Hero's Journey' format. At this point we still have part of the story left. And part of the not-yet-written part shall include the movie.

Monday, April/8/1974

Dear Diary,

It's currently midnight.

For the first time in what feels like ages I'm sitting on my own bed in my own room. Yes, I'm finally home! Finally…

But I better write about how we finally got back to the castle. Of course the fact that I'm home is exciting. Yet the more interesting part is how I ended up there. Let's begin with the moment Mr. Bradshaw parked the van outside Dr. Scott's house.

By then, Robby (or, to be more accurate, nonHAL-Asimov-42) wasn't giving driving directions anymore. The moment we drove past the 'home of happiness' sign, he went into some sort of stasis to conserve power. The way his blue glowing 'eyes' slowly faded in and out is a bit unsettling, in my opinion.

Though we'd parked, nobody got out of the van.

"I wonder if we should go to the castle. Dr. Scott will probably be quite angry with all of us once he sees us," Mr. Bradshaw said thoughtfully.

"I'd say. Good thing he doesn't get home till seven or so!" Eddie replied.

"What should we do, then?"

"Let's just go straight to the castle," I grumbled. "That's much easier than just arguing about everything!"

At that, Eddie chuckled. "Dramatic as she's being, maybe Columbia is right. An' the people who own that place prob'bly know more about robots like 'Mr. Metal' here."

I rolled my eyes at Eddie's strange nickname for Robby.

And so, we drove away.

Though people generally stayed away from the castle, everyone who'd lived in the area long enough (including Mr. Bradshaw) knew where it was. It didn't take us very long at all to get there! I felt strangely gleeful as we drove toward the looming building. Finally, after all the insanity, I'd be home.

"We're almost home! We're almost home!" I chanted under my breath.

To my embarrassment, Eddie heard me. So I stopped repeating that wonderful phrase. Out loud, that is. In my mind, those words went round and round like the most joyful song with the catchiest tune.

Mr. Bradshaw parked the van down the road from the castle. Earlier, I'd warned him about the spikes Riff often scatters right out front. Supposedly Frank likes people to get 'caught with a flat' and end up having to ask us for help. That never happened while I've lived there, though.

Then it was time for the four of us to get out of the van. That proved somewhat challenging in the case of Robby. None of us knew how to wake him up. So, I began randomly clicking various buttons on his shoulder. That's where all the buttons were.

"I feel so mean!" I said.

"Why?" Mr. Bradshaw asked.

"Would you like it if I began poking you in the shoulder?" I replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Well… I could actually feel such a thing. Robby here can't."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

After a moment, I gave up. We left the robot in the van and walked toward the castle.

Out of strange politeness, we went to the front door. I suppose that's technically the only way in I can truly remember. It just seemed so formal!

It was Riff Raff, of all people, who opened the door. He greeted us in his usual manner. A simple:

"Hello…"

"Hey, Riff! Is your sister around?" I asked.

Suddenly, the sound of glass shattering could be heard from inside. As if someone had dropped one of those funny little glass decorations shaped like unicorns or whatever.

And then, I heard Magenta's voice. "Is zat you… Columbia?"

My best friend suddenly appeared in the doorway next to her brother. On her pale, familiar face was an expression of surprise. That look soon changed into one of annoyance.

Then she launched into a passionate, distressed rant.

"Vhere have you been ze last few days? Ve've heard all sorts of stories… the Queen herself apparently sent people after you! You should've stayed where I'd left you. Oh, I was going to help you get away properly… without anyone important getting involved! I've been vorried out of my mind! How could you be so stupid?"

"I've missed you, too," I said softly, hugging her.

"Never scare we like that again, Columbia," she whispered into my ear.

"I won't."

Mr. Bradshaw cleared his throat. "Er, Mr. Riff Raff… you're a handyman of some kind…"

At the mention of his demeaning 'official job' Riff grimaced.

"… You know about electronic stuff, I suppose. So, would you help us with our robot? We can't figure out how to turn him on again. He went into some sort of hibernation earlier."

Riff raised an eyebrow. "A robot? What do you… mean?"

"He's in our van," Eddie explained.

"That happens to be parked down the street," I added.

"You like robots! Don't you, darling?" Magenta said, giving her brother a Look.

"I do happen to know a little bit about… programming," he admitted.

"So… can you help us?" I asked.

He nodded slowly.

And so, we walked back to the van. That hardly took any time.

Eddie opened the door so that everyone could see Robby the sleeping robot. The metal that the robot was made of glimmered prettily in the fading sunlight. His flickering eyes seemed brighter than before as the sun went down.

For the first time ever, I saw a 'positive' emotion flicker across Riff's dull face. That emotion happened to be some sort of glee. He momentarily looked like a geeky 12-year-old who'd gotten a box set of Sci-fi books on Christmas Day.

"That's an Asimov & Co. Robotics… nonHAL edition… model 42 robot…?" Riff muttered.

"Um, I think he said he was," I replied nervously.

"Ah, that's a model only slightly out of date. It's probably got a Generation III Positronic Brain. Asimov & Co. only began using that about 20 years ago- not long for a company based on Altair IV. They rarely get supplies shipped in, you see," Riff explained, now frenzied with excitement.

I rolled my eyes. "Can you please wake him up?"

"Obviously," he replied coolly.

Indeed, Riff managed to click just the right buttons in just the right sequence. We heard an odd whirring sound and Robby's eyes suddenly stopped flickering. Now they glowed constantly.

"Hello," Robby said.

"Hey," Eddie replied awkwardly.

At that, I giggled. My boyfriend and my robotic friend seemed to be getting along. Good.

Then, the six of us walked back to the castle.

We all entered the front hall quite calmly.

And we all jumped when we heard somebody clear his or her throat.

Frank stood at the top of the staircase, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "Well… well… well…"

"Hello, Frankie," I said sullenly.

As he slowly made his way down the staircase, he spoke to me in his usual drawling tone of voice. "Hello, my darling. What trouble you've caused lately… not that it matters now. You're home, and soon you'll be in MY arms! Ooh, it's a good thing you're pretty. Otherwise your fate would be far worse!"

"How dare you say that to her! Nothing's worse than being forced to sleep with a transvestite from a distant planet, I'd bet!" Mr. Bradshaw shouted.

To my horror, Frank then took a laser gun out of his dressing gown's pocket. Then he pointed the weapon at poor Mr. Bradshaw. Everyone else was too shocked to move.

"Oh? Really? Why wouldn't she love sleeping with me? She's always loved it!" Frank replied coldly. "Haven't you, darling?"

"Yes," I muttered, embarrassed by the honesty of that statement.

Then, Frank shot Mr. Bradshaw. The laser beam didn't kill the poor man right away. No, he first collapsed to the floor. His son ran toward him and held him in his arms.

Ew, the way I wrote that it sounds rather incestuous…

"I'm a cowa-" Mr. Bradshaw began to say.

"You aren't a coward…" Eddie whispered. "Whatever people say, you aren't a coward."

"I'm not… a coward…?" Mr. Bradshaw whispered.

Eddie shook his head. "Nope. You're not a coward."

"I am…"

"What?" Eddie whispered.

"I am slain!"

Those were his dying words… and the dying words of Polonius from Hamlet: Prince of Denmark. Was that intentional? We'll never know…

Since I realized that he was quoting Shakespeare at the time, I decided to play along.

"As Queen Gertrude of Denmark would say: 'O me, what hast thou done?'" I said solemnly.

Eddie stared up at me in confusion. "What?"

"That's one of your classical literature things, yes?" Magenta asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Who really cares? Just clean up the recently deceased earthling that's probably ruining my nice floors!" Frank shouted.

Now Eddie was really angry. "Why, you-"

I kicked him in the shins, and hissed: "Shut up!"

"Sorry," he muttered.

After that, Magenta showed Eddie to his old room. And then I followed Frankie to his bedroom. Somehow I didn't mind what that sweet transvestite did to me. I can't decide whether it was his dark eyes or lovely voice that seduced me. Not that it matters.

Once he was finished with me I went back to the bedroom I share with Magenta.

That was wonderful!

It looked exactly like it had when I'd left not to long ago. Well, not exactly. That stupid poster of Frank that I'd glued to the walls had mysteriously been replaced with one of Eddie.

"Yes, yes. I did that. I thought you vould like it better," Magenta explained.

I smiled brightly and hugged her. This time she seemed a bit more annoyed. Mags isn't very into hugs… even if she's being hugged by her beloved brother.

The next hour or so I spent telling her all about my adventures. She didn't really seem interested. Though I'm pretty sure the part about my Granny calling aliens 'space bastards' appeared to amuse her.

When the clock struck 8:30, she shrieked in horror and declared that it was time to cook dinner. Magenta then went downstairs to the kitchen. I stayed in the room and repainted my fingernails that shade of red that I truly adore. Then, I read a book for a while.

That book happened to be a strange gothic novel I really like, which is titled Carmilla. It's about a vampire (the title character) and a nobleman's daughter who she happens to be very, very, very close to… like Mags and I are.

When we've had too much to drink, that is.

Far too soon Magenta called everybody to dinner. Though it would be nice to see Eddie again, I dreaded the very idea of being I the same room as Frank.

Whatever.

Yeah… dinner really was terribly awkward. So awkward that I don't want to think about it. I definitely don't want to write about it!

Anyway, nothing truly important happened then.

After dinner things got interesting again. Since we'd been away from each other long enough to miss at least last weekend's movie night, Mags wanted to watch a movie this evening.

By the time we set it up the time happened to be 9:30.

The next two and a half hours we spent watching that deranged mess of a film only a person crazy as my best friend could like… 2001: A Space Odyssey.

"What's with the space-baby at the end? I don't get half of it… but that's the weirdest part of that movie!" I said, once we'd finished watching the film.

She rolled her eyes. "That is Dave after he has been transformed into the Star Child."

"What the fuc- I mean, why do you like this stuff? I mean, usually only hippies who're stoned out of their minds like that sort of movie…"

"Get dressed for bed, Columbia."

So, I changed into one of my ugly gray pajama outfits. As I did, a strange song became stuck in my head. A song about somebody called 'Major Tom'. It also involved space somehow… but I don't think it was from the movie. I still haven't figured out what the song actually is.

After I'd gotten dressed and gotten into bed, I began to write this entry.

By the way, I'll only be writing down important things from now on. This book is really running out of blank pages.

Now Magenta is complaining about the pencil-scratching sound that happens when I write.

Oh! What a beautiful sound! How I've missed it!

- Columbia (a groupie)

A/N: So... I really don't know why, in this story, Magenta likes the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. And, yes, that movie is very weird. That's the reason I haven't watched it in ages.

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