A/N: **Caution** This chapter contains a couple instances of a racially derogatory term. No more after this chapter.
The response to the last chapter was incredible, such a wide range of interesting perspectives and I enjoyed reading them all. ScandalBayouBeauty, I'm taking creative license. Reader575, Justbecauseican43, and AmandaJ, you're all on the right track about the parents. YELLOW JESUS, sorry about the belt. Cleo, you crack me up.
This chapter is far from light-hearted, but it will be enlightening. This was the most difficult chapter for me to write. How does the author get choked up about their own creation? Hmm. Here we go!
Chapter 8. Sabrina
Fitz stands outside of Olivia's door and raises his hand to ring the bell when the old woman across the hall calls him over.
"Psst."
He turns and smiles weakly at his ally.
"I see the note worked", Mrs. Teller winks and nods at Fitz.
"Thank you for the stationery." Fitz gives the old woman another slight smile then rings Olivia's doorbell and Mrs. Teller slowly closes her door.
XXX
"Thank you for coming", Olivia says, walking across the room, near the window, to maintain a safe distance from him.
"Anytime", he says solemnly, glancing around the room. He misses coming here, spending time with her here. "How are you?"He asks, genuinely concerned because he hasn't seen or talked to her in over a week.
For the past week Olivia has been grappling with the conflicting emotions swirling around in her head. To say she is confused about everything that has happened would be an understatement. She now questions everything she thought she knew about her fiancé. Every day, all day she vacillates between loving the man she has known for the past year and wondering if she can trust him. She loves him but she is no longer certain of his honesty. She loves him but she doesn't know if she can be vulnerable with him again. She's been going back and forth weighing the risk of loving him with her unshakeable need to protect herself from more emotional pain.
"I've been in regular contact with the Waukesha police", he says sadly. "They haven't found him yet", eyeing her carefully, trying to gauge her reaction.
A chill runs down her spine at the mention of her attacker. She turns her back to him, wraps her arms protectively around her body, and looks out the window. She has bottled her emotions since returning from Wisconsin, not wanting to succumb to the pain, but she's furious and needs to vent her anger and he has to be the recipient.
"I am so angry with you, Fitz. But it seems like I'm often angry with you about one thing or another", she chuckles to herself humorlessly. Tears roll down her face as she stares out the window watching the sun begin to set. "I am angry that you exposed me to your family. I am angry with you because he attacked me – wanted to kill me. I am angry because I was demeaned and humiliated again." She turns and glares at him and his heart breaks again. "I am angry with you because you didn't protect me. And I am angry with you because I now question my judgment about everything."
He stands before her as she unleashes her anger and he takes it because he owes it to her. He takes it because he deserves it. He takes it because he didn't protect her. He takes it because he loves her.
"Liv –"
"No! Let me finish", she shouts as the tears flow down her face. "And now I don't know what to believe any more. I don't know who you are any more. I can't believe you didn't know, Fitz. No, I don't believe you any more. You lived in that house for 18 years. You can't tell me you didn't know your family are racists."
"I swear –".
"Has this ..." waving her index finger between the two of them, "been some kind of sick game you've been playing with me? Were you rebelling against your parents like a damn child by dating me?"
"You know better", he says quietly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
The stress is building.
"I don't know anything! I dream about him, Fitz. I stayed locked up in this apartment for over a week because I was afraid he would find me."
He walks over to her and intertwines his hand with hers.
"I'm doing my best, Liv. I'm trying to make things right", he says dejectedly. "I know he hurt you, and I am so sorry. If I could take it all back I would."
"I don't think you can make this right", she says softly, pulling her hand from his and walking across the room, near the sofa. She can't be close to him. She will lose her resolve if she stands too close to him, breathing in his scent. His heart is hammering in his chest because he knows her all too well and he is afraid of where the conversation is going. He takes a few steps toward her but she puts up a hand to halt his movements.
"Liv –"
"How can I be with a man whose family are racists?"
"I'm – "
Fitz, your family – your parents – consciously or unconsciously are nothing but common racists. And they're the worst kind, rationalizing their racism by packaging it in progressive liberalism. They praise themselves for being open-minded, unprejudiced, fighting for social justice, and championing change, but hide from it when it really counts."
He has a massive headache. His head has been throbbing for over a week and now it feels like it's going to explode. But he tries to remain calm so they can work through this.
"They are hypocrites, Fitz. They are liberal only when it comes to other people. But when it comes to practicing what they preach …" She shakes her head in disgust. "Well I guess their liberalism hadn't been tested before I rang their doorbell."
"Liv –"
"Don't you dare, Liv me. And let's not talk about how devout they are. Fitz, your family is a contradiction – schizophrenic some would say. On one hand they're committed to Christian values, while on the other hand they're committed to practices that are fundamentally unChristian-like. Their flavor of Christianity makes them believe just because they're charitable and support a few causes for minorities then they're good people. But god forbid if their son wants to marry a black woman."
"Have I ever treated you any different, made you feel less than?" He knows that's one of her biggest fears, not feeling good enough.
"Fitz ..."
"Liv, when I look at you all I see is the most beautiful woman in the world. The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I. Love. You."
A long silence fills the room and they look at each other with sadness and sorrow.
"Fitz …" She begins slowly, wringing her hands and pacing around the space. "I think you - we - would benefit from some time apart - to allow us time to think - to make sure this is what we really want."
"I've always known what I wanted, Livvie", he says sadly.
"I just think you need some time to examine your true beliefs -"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" His calm is waning and he's beginning to crack.
"Fitz, you were raised in that household –"
"Don't do this, Liv. You know me. You know everything about me."
"Fitz –"
"You're punishing me for my family's beliefs."
"We just need some time to think. I need time to think." She rubs her right temple because her head is pounding too.
"What are we supposed to do, Liv, not be together? Are we to sacrifice our love—our happiness because people don't approve of us – because of this country's fucked up history? We can't fix 350 years of history, Liv. We can't fix the fact that this country enslaved black people for over 200 goddamn years. We can't change 100 years of Jim Crow laws. We can't even change all the bullshit that's happening today. Baby, we can only help to make a new history - together."
The air in the room is thick and heavy and it feels like a death has occurred and a pall has been placed over them. He takes another step toward her and she takes two steps back, away from him. She wraps her arms around her body and looks anywhere in the room except at him. After a moment she walks over to the door, opens it wide, and looks down at the floor, her signal for him to leave. He knows there isn't anything more he can say to change her mind so he looks at her for a long while from across the room, silently pleading with his eyes for her to stop this – not to break them apart. Finally he walks from the apartment, but stops in the hall, hesitating, trying to think of a way through this.
"Don't look back, Fitz. Please don't." If she looks into his eyes she will surely fall apart.
With bowed head he walks to the elevator. Olivia closes the door and Mrs. Teller shakes her head and closes her peephole.
XXX
Fitz sits on the sofa in his apartment shocked and dazed and not quite sure how he made it home after leaving Olivia's apartment. He pinches the bridge of his nose trying to relieve the pounding headache he cannot seem to shake, and he grows increasingly angry. He's angry with his family because of their racist views. He's angry with Tristan for attacking Olivia. He's angry with himself because he never saw any of this coming. And he's angry because he doesn't know where he and Olivia now stand. She says she needs time to think but she didn't say how much time she's going to need. What the hell is he supposed to do while she's thinking?
He takes another sip from his tumbler as his well-trained, rational mind once again tries to process everything that has happened. To say he is confused and frustrated is an understatement. He thinks about his parents' reaction to his relationship with Olivia and shakes his head because none of it makes sense. That the color of Olivia's skin blinds them to her humanity and worth shocks him to his core because his parents have always claimed to be progressive liberals who are intolerant of social injustices. Hell, they demanded he and Tristan do the same. Perhaps Olivia is right. Maybe their liberalism had never been tested. He shakes his head about the ridiculousness of it all.
XXX
Several weeks have passed since Olivia told Fitz she needed time to think about their relationship and he still hasn't heard from her. He's getting more anxious and Mr. Grumpy Pants has re-emerged and the staff in the Pediatric Neurological Unit are talking again. The rumor mill is speculating that Dr. Grant's heart has been broken, that his relationship has ended with the woman who stole his heart.
Cyrus Beene sits at his desk at Children's Hospital, deep in thought as he rolls the crystal cylinder back and forth across the top of his desk. The gossip about Dr. Grant's demeanor has reached his office and again he is frustrated with the younger doctor. This is exactly what Cyrus wanted to prevent. He saw the potential for this happening months ago because he knew that woman had too much control over Dr. Grant and now he needs to make sure she doesn't come back into the picture.
Cyrus unlocks his desk drawer and pulls out the manila folder containing the report his guy gave him on Olivia Pope. He re-reads the report and nods his head repeatedly, thinking this should be more than enough reason for Dr. Grant to end this so-called relationship. Cyrus grips the folder tightly in his hand and makes his way down to Dr. Grant's office.
XXX
"Is he -?"
"Yes, he is Chief Beene. But …"
"What is it, Lauren?" he asks impatiently.
"Well, he's not himself today, sir."
Cyrus nods his head, gives the door two quick knocks, and walks into the office where he sees Dr. Grant standing in front of the window with both hands stuffed into his pants pockets.
"Dr. Grant?"
"Yes, Cyrus", not bothering to turn around.
"Fitzgerald, what's going? What has you in this foul mood lately?" As if he doesn't already know.
"Not today, Cyrus", he says tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose. He can't seem to shake this headache.
"Yes, today, Dr. Grant. We will do this today!"
Fitz turns around and looks at an irritated Cyrus.
"Fitzgerald, I will try to be sensitive ..."
Fitz looks at Cyrus curiously, wondering what's on the old man's mind.
"Ever since you've been involved with that woman you have become a different person."
Fitz bristles and squints at Cyrus.
"You're distracted and moody. One day you're up and the next day you're down."
Fitz is stunned by Cyrus' words and he doesn't know how much more he can take. He feels like his world is crumbling down around him.
"I've refrained from giving you certain information, Fitzgerald. But now I think it's appropriate to share this with you."
Cyrus throws the folder onto the desk and Fitz looks at him strangely, wondering what is in the folder.
"Open it", Cyrus demands, pointing to the folder.
Fitz walks over to his desk and opens the folder. He is shocked to see a picture of Olivia on top of the stack of papers in the folder.
"That woman has been jerking you around Fitz - playing games with your head. I'm sure it's because of her background – of who she is."
"What the hell is this? Fitz snarls. The stress is building.
"I know a guy -"
"What? You know a guy?"
"A guy who checks into people. He can find out anything on anyone. He's really, really good", Cyrus says quickly, rubbing his hands together and pacing around the office.
"You had Olivia investigated?" He cocks his head to the side, looking at Cyrus in disbelief.
"You should know the kind of stock she comes from, Fitzgerald."
"You bastard. You have no right interfering in my personal life. You have no right looking into Olivia's background."
"That woman is going to ruin your career. Soon you're going to start making mistakes. She's not the right kind of woman for you, Fitzgerald. Her parents, her real parents, are - were nothing but no-good, common junkies. They didn't want her so they just dumped her off in the parking lot of the nearest hospital and went on their merry way, using their drugs. She's probably just like them."
Fitz leaps across the room and grabs the old man in the collar. Cyrus' eyes bulge and beads of sweat form quickly on his forehead.
"Don't. You. Ever. Speak. Of. Olivia. Like. That. Again. I will kill you!"
Fitz glares at the frightened man then flings him across the room.
"Take your goddamn file and get the fuck out of my office. I know everything I need to know about the woman I love."
Lauren looks up from her computer screen when she hears the commotion coming from Dr. Grant's office. Her eyes widen when she sees a disheveled Chief Beene scurry from the office. She eyes the older man and thinks he must've really overstepped the boundaries this time.
Fitz slams his door and paces around the office, running his hand through his hair over and over. The stress has reached the tipping point. The harsh language Cyrus used about Olivia has triggered something in him and suddenly he needs to get some air, to get home. He hurries from his office looking pale and astonished.
"Lauren, I am leaving. Reschedule all of my procedures with Dr. Heller", he says shakily.
"Until when? For how long?" Lauren stands from her chair calling after the doctor who is already out the door.
XXX
Cyrus' words continue to ring in his ears as he enters his apartment. That woman. That woman. He's shaking and sweating profusely and feels like he's spiraling down a dark hole. That woman. That woman. That thing. He feels nauseous so he rushes down the hall to the bathroom, slumps onto the floor, and wraps his arms around the white porcelain toilet. He vomits the contents of his stomach until his body has nothing more to give. Then he wails like a wounded animal.
"Oh my god, my god, my god", he cries out.
He calls out to the heavens over and over and over as he rolls onto the tile floor. Tears stream down his face and his nose runs unrelentingly. His body is wracked with pain and it feels like hot knives are being jabbed into his stomach. He can't breathe.
The once inaccessible and painful memories come flooding back in rich detail and he is transported back to a time that was buried deep in his mind long ago.
25 Years Ago
Gerry and Anneke Grant identify as progressive liberals and are proud of the work they do to fight against social injustices. They decry injustice of all sorts, like discrimination, patriarchy, social and economic disparity. They always fight for the discriminated and the downtrodden. They believe everyone should be treated equally regardless of race or color. And, they have instilled these same beliefs and values in their sons, Fitzgerald and Tristan.
But some in Waukesha County look at the Grants slightly askance and wonder quietly how deep their social liberalism really runs. They question how committed they really are to their declared beliefs and the causes they endorse. After all, they live in an affluent, monochromatic, and conservative community; attend a church that lacks diversity; and don't have anyone in their social circle who doesn't look like them.
XXX
Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III is Gerry and Anneke Grants' first born and the apple of his parents' eyes. In their mind he is the perfect son and can do no wrong. Fitzgerald is handsome, personable, and excels academically. He is also an excellent athlete who plays lacrosse and rugby. The Grants have always believed Fitzgerald was going to be great one day and they support him in every way to make sure he achieved his goals. It is apparent to everyone in Waukesha County that Fitzgerald is the favorite son. Fitzgerald, however, didn't ask for or want the status his parents have bestowed upon him. Frankly, he is uncomfortable with the pedestal on which they have placed him because it often causes friction between him and his younger brother.
Tristan Robert Grant is three years younger than Fitzgerald and he resents his brother as much as he loves him. He has always been jealous of the attention his parents shower on their golden child. Not as academically inclined or athletically talented as his brother, Tristan always feels like a disappointment to his parents. He has never felt like he is good enough to be part of the Grant family.
The Grants are devout Christians and attend Christ the Servant Lutheran Church every Sunday, and Gerry and Anneke require their sons to participate in church ministries of their choosing. Tristan enjoys public relations and creating the messaging for new church programs so he volunteered for the Communications Ministries. Fitzgerald prefers interacting with and helping people so he volunteered for the Education Ministry and Church to Church Ministry.
Pastor Riley often preaches from Matthew 25:40: "Whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." He includes this passage in his sermons to motivate the congregation to help the less fortunate, the least of them in Waukesha County.
Christ the Servant has established several community service and outreach ministries to help the underprivileged that live in the surrounding communities. For Thanksgiving the Nutrition Ministry collects foodstuff to fill baskets that are delivered to families who are struggling financially. And, as part of the Church to Church Ministry, several years ago they adopted Selah Baptist Church, located on the other side of town. Every year Christ the Servant congregants host a Christmas drive to help the families of the small, impoverished church.
Once Thanksgiving is over the Church to Church Ministry kicks off their annual Christmas Drive to collect donations for Selah Baptist. Congregants are asked to donate new or gently used clothes for both genders and all ages. And all toys should be new and unwrapped. Household items must be in good working condition and have all the necessary parts packed neatly. The congregants are aware of how blessed they and willingly donate their used items.
XXX
Once a week Fitzgerald drives the members of the Church to Church Ministry across town in the church van to deliver the donated items to Pastor Drake. Although congregants from Christ the Servant have been delivering Christmas donations to Selah Baptist for years, Pastor Drake always feels the need to direct the boys where to store the boxes so the volunteers from Selah Baptist Youth Ministry can further sort them after school.
"Take the boxes to the storage room in the back", the pastor directs the boys. The boys chuckle to themselves as they carry the boxes to the back of the church.
"Good afternoon, Fitz. It looks like the Lord is really blessing us this year", Pastor Drake says, looking around at all of the boxes the boys have unloaded from the van.
"Yes, sir. People are feeling very generous this year", Fitz smiles proudly.
"Well, our families here at Selah Baptist are thankful for their continued generosity."
"We are all Christians and must do what we can to help each other, sir."
"You're a good young man, Fitz. You tell Pastor Riley I'll be giving him a call later this week."
The choir begins to practice for the upcoming Christmas Program and their rousing voices capture Fitz' attention. He watches the choir in amazement because he has never heard such stirring music in church. Of course he listens to his loud rock music, but he has never experienced this kind of church music.
"Does the choir always sound like that, Pastor Drake?"
"Better. They're just getting warmed up. This is their first practice for the Christmas Program. They will practice every Wednesday from seven to nine until Christmas Week. You should come back sometime to hear them, Fitz."
Over the next few weeks Fitzgerald becomes a regular visitor to Selah Baptist. He comes to the church every Wednesday after school and sometimes has biblical discussions with Pastor Drake. He is intrigued by the pastor's interpretation of scripture and how it differs somewhat from his own pastor's interpretation. And from seven to nine he watches the choir practice. Since Fitzgerald enjoys the time he spends at Selah Baptist he volunteered to help the Youth Ministry to sort the items his church has donated.
XXX
At 17 years old Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III is in love for the first time and the feeling is exhilarating. He is in love with whom he thinks is the most beautiful girl in the world and he wants everyone to know it. He is so enraptured with the girl he daydreams in class about shouting his love for her from the rooftops.
It's Wednesday and Fitzgerald has been fidgety all day in school because he cannot wait for the school day to end. He has already planned to skip lacrosse practice so he can get to Selah Baptist earlier than usual.
XXX
"Well, you're here early today, Fitz", Pastor Drake says, looking up from the pew he's polishing.
"Yes, sir. I wanted to get an early start unpacking the other boxes that came in late", he says excitedly.
"I see", says the pastor, giving the young man a questioningly look. "Well, you know where everything is. Go on back there."
Fitzgerald walks quickly to the back of the church and opens the door to the small storage room where he sees standing before him the person who occupies his thoughts all the time lately. The person he thinks all day. The person he dreams about at night.
For the past few weeks Fitzgerald has been watching Sabrina sing during choir practice and he thinks she is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Her caramel-colored skin, which he is dying to touch, her wide eyes, and full lips make his heart beat rapidly. He can hardly speak when he's around her and neither can she. Unaware of the code, that demarcation between the two groups, Fitzgerald pursues the girl.
"Hi, Sabrina", he says shyly to the girl who has been helping to unpack and sort the donated clothes.
"Hi", she says just as shyly with downcast eyes, continuing to unpack the box she just opened. She can't look into his eyes because if she does she believes she would surely die.
For the next hour, in silence, Fitzgerald and Sabrina unpack and sort the clothes by gender and age group, from infants to adults. The need in Sabrina's community is so great. Men, woman, and children of all ages need "new" clothes. When the two volunteers finish sorting the clothes Fitzgerald summons the courage to reveal his surprise.
"I have something for you, Sabrina - just for you", he emphasizes.
"Just for me?" She looks at him then quickly drops her eyes again to the pile of clothes. Those eyes.
Fitzgerald digs into his book bag and retrieves a rectangular box wrapped in pink paper and hands it to her. He has noticed she likes to wear pink. Sabrina's eyes grow wide.
"I hope you like it", he says nervously.
Sabrina opens the box and the contents take her breath away.
"Oh, Fitz. It's beautiful", she says in awe.
His heart sings because this is the first time she has ever said his name.
"Let me put it on you, okay?" He asks hesitantly.
"OK", she says softly.
He removes the pink, floral silk scarf from the box and drapes it around her neck. The color is perfect for her complexion. Sabrina fingers the smooth material. She has never felt anything so soft or seen anything so beautiful in all of her 15 years. She has never had anything new, anything that was her own, just for her. For the first time they really look into each other's eyes and they smile.
"Sabrina! Are you back there? It's time to go home", her mother shouts from the hall.
They both jump, startled by her mother's calling voice. Sabrina snatches the scarf from her neck and quickly stuffs it back into its container. She buttons her coat and hides the box inside.
"I have to go, Fitz", she whispers nervously as she grabs her book bag from the rickety table. He nods, grinning like a boy in love.
"Coming momma", she yells, rushing to the door where she stops abruptly and turns to look at a smiling Fitz. "Thank you, Fitz. I just love it!"
"Can we go for a walk in the grove next time?" He asks quickly.
"OK. But before choir practice starts", rushing out the door to her waiting mother.
XXX
"Something's going on with that boy, Anneke. He's been acting awfully strange lately. If I didn't know any better I would think he was in love."
"Don't be ridiculous, Gerry. Fitzgerald isn't interested in girls right now. He keeps his head in those books too much. He's so focused on getting into Harvard he doesn't have time for girls. Besides, he hasn't bought anyone home for us to meet."
Tristan stands in the hall eavesdropping on his parents' conversation. He shakes his head because they are clueless about what their precious Fitzgerald has been up to.
XXX
Fitz and Sabrina hold hands as they walk in the grove far behind the church. This has become their private place. This is where they talk about their day, about what happened in school. This is where they talk about their faith. This is where they talk about their sometimes annoying siblings who they love dearly. This is where they debate the differences between rock and R&B music. This is where they talk about their future, what they hope to become when they are adults. This is where they kiss.
"I want you to come to my house, Sabrina, to meet my family", Fitz announces suddenly.
Sabrina's eyes widen and her heart quickens.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Fitz", she says nervously, looking down at the ground.
"Why not? My family will love you like I love you", he says excitedly.
"Fitz, we are too different. I don't think your family -"
"My family are Christians, Bri, just like yours. Race is not an issue for them."
"I don't know, Fitz. I would be too scared to go over to that part of town."
"You won't have anything to worry about, Bri. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you", he says confidently before kissing her deeply.
One Week Later
Although she is nervous and doesn't really think it's a good idea, Sabrina has finally let Fitz convince her to visit his home to meet his family. As she stands outside, looking up at the big white house, she is in awe.
"Wow, Fitz. This is a huge house. Our house would fit in here like 20 times."
"Come on, silly. Let me show you my room", grabbing her hand and pulling her up the steep steps that lead to the wraparound porch. Her pink scarf that she now wears every day swings from side to side as she climbs up the steps.
Sabrina's eyes almost pop out of her head as she stands in the foyer of the magnificent home. She can't believe her eyes as she looks around, taking in the unfamiliar. She had no idea people actually lived in houses like this. Well maybe not the people she knows but perhaps the people her mother works for. Fitz grabs her hand and pulls her up the grand staircase that leads to his bedroom. As the young couple run up the stairs, Tristan stands near the parlor watching his brother take the girl to his bedroom.
"Fitz, this is your room? You mean you don't have to share it with anybody?"
"Nope", thrilled Sabrina has finally agreed to visit his home after pleading with her for days.
"You want to listen to some music, Bri?"
"OK", hardly listening to him as she roams around the room.
"And you have your own bathroom, too?"
"Yup", turning up the volume on his boom box.
"Fitz, when grow up I want a house just like this", twirling around the room.
"OK. I'll buy you one", he says, looking at her with desire.
"Fitz ..." She giggles.
"I love you, Bri. I love everything about you. I want us to be together forever and a day", he says sitting on the edge of his bed.
Fitz pulls Sabrina on top of him by the pink scarf that hangs from her neck and they begin to kiss.
"I love you, Sabrina", he says huskily, kissing her with fervor.
"I love you too, Fitz."
XXX
"Tristan, is Fitzgerald home or is he over at that Baptist Church again? I don't know what I'm going to do with him."
"I think Fitz is in his room, mother - with company." He glances at his mother slyly, checking if she has taken the bait.
"Company? I'll just have to ask his friends to go home. It's almost dinner time and he knows your father doesn't like eating dinner with strangers."
Anneke Grant climbs the grand staircase to her son's bedroom. She hears the music blasting so she doesn't bother to knock knowing the boys would never hear her over the loud music. When the door swings open she gasps at the sight before her.
"Fitzgerald!" She yells.
Sabrina jumps from Fitz' arms, looking scared and not knowing what to do. Her heart is pounding and all she wants is her momma.
"What are you doing with that thing in your bed - in our home?"
Tears start to roll down Sabrina's face. She knows she has no business being on this side of town, in this big house, in Fitz' bedroom. Momma's gonna kill me.
"Mother", Fitzgerald says getting up from the bed and placing a protective arm around a trembling Sabrina. "This is Sabrina, she's my girlfriend", he beams proudly.
"She's a nigger!"
Fitz' eyes bulge, shocked by his mother's words.
"Mother -"
"Gerry, Gerry! Get up here now!"
Gerry runs up the grand staircase two steps at a time and Tristan follows him but remains in the hall outside of his brother's room listening to the ruckus.
"What the hell?" Gerry shrieks as he enters the bedroom.
Sabrina is scared of the people glaring at her with hate in their eyes, with eyes that look like Fitz' eyes. She begins to cry and shake uncontrollably. She looks between Fitz and his parents, not knowing what to do.
"Father, Sabrina is my girlfriend", naively thinking his father would understand.
"You bring that nigger gal into our home? I told you Anneke he has too many fanciful ideas- spending all of his time over at that damn church."
Fitz is flabbergasted. He can't believe what he's hearing. He has never heard his parents speak this way.
"I'm scared, Fitz. I wanna go home", Sabrina says through tears.
"I'll take you home, Bri", he says sadly, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. "I'm so sorry."
"You won't leave this damn house", Gerry growls.
Sabrina presses herself against a wall, trying desperately to disappear.
"Father, I am going to take Sabrina home. She cannot walk home alone."
"You're a goddamn idiot, Fitzgerald. You fuck those kind of girls in a shed or somewhere, not in our home!"
Sabrina runs from the bedroom and down the hall, making her way to the grand staircase but freezes when she sees Tristan. Fitz hears Sabrina scream and he runs from his bedroom and down the stairs where he sees Sabrina laying at the foot of the grand staircase. Blood trickles from her ear and mouth, staining the pink, floral silk scarf spread across the floor. She stares at him blankly with tears rolling from the corners of her eyes and down the sides of her face.
"Bri!" Fitz yells, tears streaming down his face.
"You said you would protect me, Fitz", then her eyes close.
"Bri! Bri!"
"We gotta get her out of here", Gerry yells to his wife.
"No!" Fitz screams hysterically, rocking Sabrina's lifeless body in his arms. "Don't touch her! Don't you touch her!"
"Get him upstairs to his room, Gerry! I'll call Daniel."
As Fitz struggles to get out of his father's grip he sees his mother grab the pink, blood-stained scarf from the floor and stuff it into the pocket of her dress. Tristan stands off to the side in the upstairs hall and smirks at the pathetic scene.
XXX
For the first few days following the incident Fitzgerald called out for Sabrina every day until one day he just stopped talking. And for the next two weeks he lay in his bed in a catatonic state. With a look of frozen astonishment on his face he stares blankly at nothing in particular. His mother sits at her son's bedside all day and night trying to coax him back to her.
"Anneke", Gerry says, his huge frame standing in the doorway of Fitzgerald's bedroom. "It's time –"
"No", she screams, throwing her body protectively across her son's chest. "He just needs more time, Gerry. He'll come around." Tears run down her tired face.
"Anneke, he's been like this for two weeks now. The doctor says he needs to be someplace where he can get the proper care. Dr. Ludlow says he can't continue to sedate him."
"I won't put my Fitzgerald into a mental institution with those people. I won't!"
"Dr. Ludlow has found a fine school out of state for Fitzgerald. He will get the help he needs there, Anneke."
Anneke shakes her head, looks at her son, and strokes his face. She kisses him on the temple and walks from the bedroom, never looking back. The medical attendants enter the bedroom, remove Fitzgerald from his bed, and carry him down the grand staircase and out of the front door to the waiting ambulance. Tristan smirks as he watches, from his bedroom door, his brother being carried down the staircase.
XXX
Fitzgerald is still in a catatonic state when he is admitted to Serenity Pines Institute. His body is rigid as he lay in his hospital bed motionless, unable to move and interact with his environment. He doesn't make eye contact with the doctors or staff and he remains mute. Unable or unwilling to eat or drink, a gastric feeding tube is inserted into his stomach to provide the nutrition he needs.
For several days after Fitzgerald is admitted to Serenity Pines, Dr. Reynolds, Fitzgerald's psychiatrist, meets with the parents trying to determine what could have caused their son's mental breakdown. The Grants deny having any knowledge of what could be the cause of their son's condition. Moreover, they concoct a story where their younger son found Fitzgerald laying in his bed unresponsive. To make matters worse, they wonder out loud if Fitzgerald was, perhaps, using drugs. After running a battery of tests on the young man, the doctors immediately rule out drugs as the cause of his condition. They are baffled by what could have caused an otherwise healthy young man with no history of psychiatric problems or drug use to have a mental breakdown.
XXX
Gerry and Anneke Grant sit in the two chairs in front of Dr. Reynold's desk, listening to the latest update on their son's condition. After two months at Serenity Pines Fitzgerald isn't progressing and is still catatonic. The drugs administered to bring him out of his stupor aren't working so the doctors recommend his parents consent to Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT), formerly known as electro shock treatment.
"Are you talking about shocking his brain? That's barbaric!" Anneke Grant says in a horrified voice.
"Mrs. Grant, this type of therapy is used for extreme cases, often as a last line of intervention."
"How often will Fitzgerald need this therapy?" Gerry asks, on the verge of his own emotional breakdown.
"A usual course of ECT involves multiple administrations, typically given two or three times a week until the patient is no longer suffering from the symptoms. Each treatment is done under general anesthesia with a muscle relaxant", the doctor explains.
Anneke Grant gasps and closes her eyes tightly, wondering what they have done to their precious Fitzgerald.
"We can't subject Fitzgerald to that kind of treatment, Gerry. It's not right."
"Without this therapy, Mrs. Grant, I'm afraid your son might not ever recover." Dr. Reynolds looks at her intently. "You should also know, however, as a result of the therapy, Fitzgerald could experience changes in his personality."
"Anneke, we don't have a choice – Fitzgerald doesn't have a choice. He's been here for two months and the medications aren't working."
"This could change him forever, Gerry", she says sadly.
"I know. I know. We will pray for our son."
After three rounds of ECT, Fitzgerald finally comes out of his stupor. And his psychiatrist starts the talk therapy with him to hopefully uncover whatever has caused his emotional breakdown.
Fitzgerald meets with Dr. Reynolds daily and he still has no recollection of how he got to Serenity Pines. Dr. Reynolds shared with him the story his parents told him and Fitzgerald is further confused because none of it makes sense to him.
Dr. Reynolds knows something traumatic happened to the young man. He knows Fitzgerald has experienced something so horrific that his mind grabbed ahold of the memory and pushed it down into some inaccessible corner of his unconscious mind. Dr. Reynolds is confident the boy's parents are not being totally forthcoming and wonders what secret could be more important than helping their son regain his mental health.
In Dr. Reynolds' weekly phone call to the Grants, he explains that Fitzgerald is not suppressing the memory of whatever happened to him, where he has consciously chosen not to deal with whatever happened. Instead, he has repressed the memory, which means he is no longer aware of the traumatic event that caused him to end up at Serenity Pines. He has tucked away whatever happened deep into his unconscious mind.
XXX
Tristan is elated his brother is away at school as his silly parents like to refer to that over-priced nut house. Now he will have his parents all to himself. With their precious Fitzgerald out of the picture Tristan is sure his parents will give him the same love they showered on his brother. But to his chagrin, after several months pass, he still doesn't get the love he needs from his parents. So, he tries another tactic.
It's the dinner hour, which has become the most depressing hour of the day at the Grant house because no one talks any more. Dinner used to be a lively time because Fitzgerald kept his parents laughing as he regaled everyone with stories about all of the activities in which he was involved. Now the only sound to be heard at dinner time is the scraping of silverware against the porcelain plates. Anneke Grant still sets a plate for Fitzgerald and Tristan frowns at the place setting as he walks into the room.
"Tristan!" His mother shouts, enraged by her son's appearance.
Tristan is wearing a big smile and his brother's clothes: shirt, jacket, and pants. He has also gelled and combed his hair the way Fitzgerald styles his. His father turns around and is livid when he sees his younger son pretending to be Fitzgerald.
"You sick bastard!" Gerry snarls.
"Father, mother. I –"
"You are evil, Tristan", his mother yells. "You have always been evil. This is all your fault. I know you tricked me into finding Fitzgerald in his room with that …. And now you do this?" She turns away from her son as tears stream down her face.
"Mother, father, I just want you to love me like you love Fitz", he says pitifully.
"Get your ass upstairs and get out of those clothes. Now!" Gerry shouts.
"I did it for you. I do everything for you and you never appreciate it. I even pushed that girl down the stairs for you", he looks at his parents wild-eyed, stunned by his unplanned confession.
His parents are horrified by their son's admission and Gerry begins to beat Tristan about the head with his fists.
"You never should've been born", his mother says under her breath, but her son hears her and what's left of his heart breaks into tiny pieces.
"You will never speak of this again. Do you hear me?" His father yells.
"Yes, father", tears stream down his face as he walks up the grand staircase to change out of his brother's clothes.
"Fitzgerald can never know", Anneke says softly, looking at her husband before walking slowly from the room, shaking her head in despair.
XXX
After seven months of therapy Dr. Reynolds thinks Fitzgerald is ready to be discharged from Serenity Pines.
"Mr., Mrs. Grant, I am sorry to say that we have not been successful in uncovering whatever has caused Fitzgerald to end up here. And I must say that it is frustrating for him and for me."
The Grants look intently at the doctor.
"But just because he doesn't remember what happened, it is possible that his unconscious pain can seep into his conscious mind, causing him to behave in unusual ways. And, unfortunately, he will be clueless as to why he behaves a certain way."
The doctor looks between the couple before continuing, checking if they understand what he is say to them.
"What I am saying to you Mr., Mrs. Grant, the Fitzgerald you knew before whatever happened to him might be lost to you forever."
Anneke Grant's eyes widen and her hand covers her mouth. She can't imagine losing her precious son forever. Gerry pats her arm in consolation.
Dr. Reynolds continues, wanting to give the parents one last chance to come clean.
"So, once again, if you have any idea what happened to your son it would be in his best interest, in the long term, that you share it with me."
"As we said before doctor, our younger son found Fitzgerald in that awful state", Gerry says stiffly, shifting in his chair.
The doctor looks between the couple and shakes his head, knowing they aren't telling him the truth.
"Well whatever happened, it can sleep in his unconscious mind for years, decades, or even forever – isolated from the rest of his conscious mind."
The Grants are silently thankful that Fitzgerald might not ever remember what happened.
"However", the doctor cautions. "The repressed memory can return 5, 10, 20 years from now – something can trigger its return. Fitzgerald could see something on the news, in a movie, or read something in a book. He can learn of someone else's trauma or he could experience another traumatic or stressful event."
"If the repressed memory returns, it could be vague or detailed and vivid, which can be devastating for your son. If the memory returns with intensity, then Fitzgerald will feel like he's reliving the traumatic event all over again."
When Fitzgerald is discharged from Serenity Pines he is indeed a changed young man, as the doctor indicated could happen. He is no longer outgoing and social. He is now reserved and detached and is not interested in reconnecting with his friends or dating. He no longer participates in team sports or volunteers at his church. His sole focus are his studies and getting accepted into Harvard. He's emotionally numb and he doesn't know why.