A/N: For those who are wondering, Mrs. Teller is not Sabrina's mother, but that would have been an interesting twist if she were. Iloveolitz, beating Tristan between the legs with a brow brush sounds painful, although he deserves it. Kkimberly49, loved your line: "Sometimes you have to understand that talk has to be enough." Guest, none of the events of this story has happened to the person who inspired it. BTW, the final chapter for this story will be posted next week. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Here we go.
Chapter 10. A Bouquet of Balloons
Fitz sits in what has become his favorite chair in Olivia's apartment reflecting on everything that has happened over the past several months. He thinks about how their holiday trip was the springboard for everything now happening in his life. He thinks about their time apart. He thinks about his fight with Cyrus. And he thinks about his returned memory of 25 years ago. He cannot believe how much has happened in just a few short months.
When Fitz remembered Sabrina's death he felt like he had been hit by a tsunami and was floating adrift at sea without an anchor. For weeks he tried, unsuccessfully, to cope with the resulting emotional pain and stress by processing it all with his rational mind, but that only frustrated him more. He felt stuck, unable to move beyond the recurring and persistent thoughts. And, he was not sleeping well and his appetite was nonexistent. Each day he felt like he was spiraling downward. And while Olivia was empathetic and supportive, it was not enough to help him break through the guilt and emotional pain he was experiencing.
James and Michael recognized immediately the symptoms of depression in Fitz when they were all out for dinner one night on Jackson Street. Fitz was obviously not his usual self, not engaging much in the conversation.
"You know, Fitz …" Michael begins carefully. "You might want to consider meeting with Elaine."
Fitz and Olivia look at the man curiously, wondering who Elaine is.
"She has helped James and me immensely to cope with losing Ella."
James places his hand atop his husband's and Michael continues.
"Your life has been turned upside down, Fitz. You are trying to deal with the death of Sabrina and the death of everything you believed to be true about your life."
Fitz frowns and his body grows tense. Olivia rubs his thigh under the table, trying to console him.
"And you're trying to do it alone. No offense, Olivia", Michael says, looking at a concerned Olivia.
"None taken", she says, intertwining her hand with Fitz' under the table
James pulls out his wallet and retrieves a business card.
"This is the information for our therapist, Elaine. Call her when you're ready."
James gives Fitz an understanding smile and slides the card across the table. Fitz looks at the card momentarily before putting it into his pocket.
XXX
At Fitz' first session with Elaine she explained her approach to helping clients to heal, to taking back control of their life. She explained that she uses a holistic approach, attending to the mind, body, and spirit. She explained that, at times, he will find their sessions to be unsettling and emotionally unpleasant so he needs to take good care of himself. He needs to make sure he is eating healthy. He needs to resume his work-outs in the doja and the deep-tissue massages to release the emotions trapped in his body. And he needs to start to journal, to write down his thoughts and feelings about everything he is thinking and feeling. She explained that during this time of transition and stress, journaling can be an indispensable healing tool.
Initially, Fitz was reluctant to write down his thoughts and feelings because he never engages in stream of consciousness. He never just lets his thoughts flow. The first time he tried to write down his thoughts for five minutes, as Elaine suggested, he found it difficult to resist the urge to plan out everything he wanted to write. Frankly, he sat in his chair for almost an hour before he was able to write down his first sentence. That was a month ago. Now he enjoys the freedom to express anything and everything that occurs to him. He likes that it is private and he can unburden himself without complaining to Olivia all of the time. She could not be his permanent sounding board. The doorbell rings, interrupting his reverie, and he sets his journal and pen on the coffee table and walks to the door.
"Come in, James. Have a seat. Can I get you anything – something to drink?"
"No, thank you." James says, sitting on the sofa and setting his brief case on top of the coffee table. "So, how are you doing? Are you back to work?"
"Each day I'm getting better. I'm working with Elaine a couple of days a week trying to make sense of everything."
"Give it time. A very smart person told me that once." James gives Fitz an encouraging smile.
"Thank you", pondering what James said. "I have decided to resign my position at Children's. I can no longer work there under the circumstances."
James does not know the circumstances that caused Fitz to quit his job and it does not matter to him. He just wants the best for his friend.
"I see. Well, as talented as you are I'm sure you won't have any problem finding a position with another hospital."
Fitz nods slightly. He has not thought about the next chapter of his professional life.
"I'll get, Liv. She's in the bedroom."
A few minutes later Fitz and Olivia walk from the bedroom hand in hand.
"James", smiling brightly and holding her arms open to give her old friend a hug. "I didn't hear the doorbell."
Fitz sits down in what has officially become his chair.
"Well, that gave me and Fitz a chance to catch up." He pecks her on the cheek.
"Can I get you anything? Something to drink?"
"No, no. Fitz already asked. I won't be staying long. I have to be in court this afternoon. As I said on the phone I have the results of the investigator's visit to Wisconsin."
Fitz clenches his jaw and Olivia walks over and sits on the arm of his chair. She drapes her arm around his shoulder as James opens his brief case and pulls out the report.
"The investigator found out everything you wanted to know and then some", he says, handing the report to Fitz.
"You can read the details later. I'll summarize for you now."
Fitz and Olivia hold their breath as they listen to James relay everything Hollister uncovered in Wisconsin.
"So, my dear parents claim Tristan struggled with Sabrina to stop her from leaving – and that's how she fell down the stairs?"
Fitz shakes his head because he no longer trusts his parents. He no longer believes anything they say.
"Yes. And unless your brother comes forward and says otherwise, there is no way to dispute their claim."
Fitz grimaces and Olivia strokes his back.
"Do my parents know where he is?"
"I'm afraid not."
Olivia exhales slowly and Fitz squeezes her thigh.
"Fitz, your parents admitted to having someone by the name of Daniel move Sabrina from your house and take her to Selah Baptist. Do you know this Daniel person?"
"Yes. He was our handyman. For years he did all sorts of odd jobs around the house for our family."
Fitz' breathing becomes shallow and he is finding it difficult to remain calm. He tries to take a few deep, cleansing breaths the way Elaine taught him but there is a huge lump in his throat.
"Breathe, baby, breathe", Olivia says as she strokes his back soothingly.
James looks at Olivia wondering if he should continue, and she nods. Fitz is as rigid as a statute. He is not sure if he can handle hearing the answer to his next question.
"Where did they leave her at Selah?" He asks, gripping the other armrest and fighting back the tears."
"Hollister tracked down Pastor Drake …"
Fitz squeezes his eye shut at the mention of the man's name and a lone tear rolls down his reddened face.
"Pastor Drake found Sabrina the next day, behind the church, in the grove."
And he falls apart. He can no longer maintain the façade. He grabs Olivia around her waist and buries his face in her lap. His wailing echo through the apartment.
"Let it out, babe. Let it out", she says, holding him tightly and stroking his head.
"Liv …" He is trembling and crying uncontrollably.
She knows the grove was his and Sabrina's special place. This is where they talked about everything. Deep in the grove is where they both had their first kiss.
"I know. I know", holding him tighter.
Tears stream down her face and James pulls out his pocket square and wipes away his tears too. They all cry in silence until Fitz finally stands from the chair and walks over to the window. He stuffs his hands into his pants pockets, straightens his back, and looks out at the sunny day for a few moments.
"Where is she James? Where is Sabrina buried?"
XXX
Fitz and Olivia deplane at General Mitchell International Airport in Milwaukee and walk through the airport to claim their luggage. He needed to go back home one last time. He needed to go back and say good-bye to Sabrina. While Fitz retrieves their luggage from the carousel Olivia gets the rental car, she will drive them to Selah Baptist Church.
Olivia lets the GPS guide her to Selah Baptist, which is an hour away from the airport. They ride in silence, each sitting with their own thoughts. Olivia shakes her head when she remembers Fitz driving them from the airport to his parents' home a few months ago on Christmas Eve. She remembers how he pointed out all of the landmarks and promised to bring her back to see a thawed Wisconsin. It is still surprising to her what happened on that trip.
After pulling up to the church, Olivia turns off the engine and waits silently, allowing Fitz to sit with his memories. So many memories flood his mind as he stares at the church. He remembers the many times he and his friends drove to Selah Baptist to deliver the Christmas donations. He remembers how Pastor Drake always reminded them where to place the boxes. He remembers the many biblical discussions he had with Pastor Drake. He remembers the first time he heard the choir sing. And he remembers the first time he saw Sabrina, the first time he fell in love. It all seems like a life time ago, but yet it also seems like it all happened just yesterday. He sits in the passenger seat, unable to move.
"Let's go in babe. Pastor Drake is waiting."
Fitz wipes the tears streaming under his mirrored aviator sunglasses and opens the car door. The church seems even smaller now than it did 25 years ago, but it looks the same and that brings a smile to his face. He looks beyond the altar, to the choir stall, where he would watch Sabrina sing. Olivia follows his eyes to the altar and squeezes his hand lightly.
"Fitz, is that you? I'd recognize you anywhere even though that mop of curly hair you had back then is mostly gone."
Olivia smiles as the old pastor shuffles over to them. The years have slowed his gait but he still looks the same. And he still has that booming voice. Fitz removes his sunglasses and gives the old man a huge hug.
"It's me Pastor Drake. It is so good to see you again. It's been too long."
"It certainly has. It certainly has. And who is this pretty little lady you have with you?" Giving Olivia a big smile.
"This is Olivia - my fiancée", Fitz says with an even bigger smile.
"Olivia, what a beautiful name", taking her hand between his. "It's a real pleasure to meet you, Olivia."
"And you as well, Pastor Drake. Fitz has told me so much about you and Selah Baptist."
Fitz slides his arm around Olivia's waist and pulls her close.
"Well, have a seat - have a seat and tell me what you've been doing with yourself all of these years, Fitz."
Fitz tells the pastor his life's story since leaving Wisconsin.
"I always knew you would do something to help people. He was always a kind and caring young man, Olivia."
Olivia smiles, squeezing his hand again, because she loves hearing stories about a young Fitzgerald.
"Do you remember our long biblical discussions?"
"I do." He nods and smiles sadly, trying to clear his throat. The lump seems to have found its home again.
"Well Fitz, it is so good to see you, but I know why you're here – why you came all this way."
"I came to see Sabrina – to say good-bye."
"I understand. She's buried out back near the grove. You know how to get there."
Fitz looks at Olivia.
"You go first, babe. Spend some time alone with Sabrina. I'll come out later."
He nods, pecks her on the cheek, and heads to the storage room in the back of the church that leads to the grove. He feels like he is 17 years old again as he walks through the door of the small storage room. Fitz stops in his tracks when he sees the lone headstone in the desolate space. Seeing her name and sunrise and sunset dates carved into the cold gray granite make her death all the more real. He sits on the cold, hard ground and has his last conversation with Bri.
XXX
"You're a good woman, Olivia", says Pastor Drake.
She gives the old man a soft smile.
"And Fitz is a good man too. Let your differences be your strength. Don't let them or anyone pull you apart. Always fight for what you want." He gives Olivia a knowing look and she nods.
"You know those two thought they were fooling me back then, always sorting and unsorting the same clothes in that storage room. I even looked out of my office window a few times and saw them walking toward the grove holding hands. It was young, innocent love, Olivia. That's all."
Olivia nods.
"We never found out what really happened to Sabrina - who placed her back there." He looks into Olivia's wide eyes. "And, I don't want to know. What's done is done. You know the police didn't investigate it too much back then."
"I understand", Olivia says sadly. "But don't you want the person who did this to Sabrina to be punished?"
"Olivia, that person has been punished every day since Sabrina died."
She nods slowly, looking into the pastor's wise brown eyes. She understands why Fitz spent so much time talking with him.
"I got what you asked for. They're in my office. Let's go get them before it gets too dark out."
XXX
Olivia and Pastor Drake walk through the storage room, back to the grove where Fitz is sitting on the ground. He has been out there for an hour saying good-bye.
"Young man, you better get up off that cold ground before you get sick", the pastor says in his booming voice.
Fitz scrambles to his feet and his breath is taken away when he sees Olivia holding a huge bouquet of pink balloons with one white balloon in the center.
"Liv … Thank you." He says, looking up at the balloons.
"Thank Pastor Drake, he's the one who had to wrestle them into his car. I just called in the order. There's a pink balloon for each year Sabrina lived. It's a way to honor her life."
"Thank you, baby." He's wearing his first real smile of the day.
"Hold them for me, Fitz. I need to get something out of my purse."
As he holds the pink bouquet of balloons he thinks about how much Bri would have really loved them. He can see her smiling face at receiving a gift that was just for her. Olivia pulls the pink, floral silk scarf from her purse and ties it to the string of the white balloon and Fitz cries for Sabrina one last time.
"Now let them go, babe. Let Sabrina go."
And he releases the bouquet of balloons and they all watch the balloons ascend quickly to the sky and float in every direction. The lone white balloon with the pink, floral silk scarf tied to its string seems to have a mind of its own for it floated straight up in the sky, disappearing beyond the clouds.
XXX
After saying their good-byes to Pastor Drake, Fitz drives to their hotel to get dinner and relax for the rest of the evening. Olivia booked their return flight to Phoenix for the next afternoon since they only planned to stay in Wisconsin overnight.
"How are you doing, babe? I know this was a rough day for you", she says, slipping on one of his long-sleeved tee shirts.
"Come here." opening his arms wide as he leans against the headboard.
"Have I told you how much I adore you?" He embraces her tightly and kisses her cheek.
"Once or twice", she says giggling. And he gives her a deep kiss on the lips.
"I love you, Olivia. With all of my heart."
"I love you too, Fitz. With all of my heart", tightening her arm around his waist.
They cuddle in silence for a few minutes, until Olivia speaks.
"Fitz …" She begins slowly.
"Hmm?" For the first time in months he is finally feeling some sense of peace and calm.
"Before we leave tomorrow you should go see your parents."
"No." He responds quickly, without hesitation.
She remembers Pastor Drake's words before speaking again.
"Fitz, if you're ever going to truly heal you have to resolve things with your parents. I'm not saying you should forgive them ..."
She places a hand on his chest, trying to calm his pounding heart.
"But go see them and lay it all out. Then, at some point in the future, if you feel you want to have a relationship with them then you can. Let the anger and hurt fly away, babe. Holding on to it only hurts you."
XXX
Fitz never thought he would ever walk up the steps to his childhood home again. The old wraparound porch holds so many wonderful memories for him as well as some sad ones. He rings the doorbell and his mother answers. She seems frail since he last saw her three months ago and that saddens him. He looks into the eyes they share and sees all of the horrible things she has done and said. But he also sees all of the wonderful things she has done for him and their family and in that moment he accepts that she is still his mother. He does not know if or when he can ever forgive her for what she has done, so a conversation will have to do for today.
"Fitzgerald! His mother's eyes light up and she gasps when she sees her beloved son.
"Mother", he says without emotion as he stares into her eyes.
"Come in, Fitzgerald. Come in out of the cold", she says excitedly.
"Let me take your coat", she says as they stand in the foyer.
"That won't be necessary. I won't be staying long. Olivia is waiting for me at the hotel."
His mother inhales deeply, nods, then walks to the parlor. And Fitz follows her to the familiar room. As he stands in the doorway he sees his father sitting in his well-worn, leather chair gazing at the dancing flames in the fireplace.
"Gerry, look who's here. Fitzgerald has come back home." His mother gushes with joy.
Gerry looks up at his namesake, who remains in the doorway of the parlor.
"Sit down, Fitzgerald. Sit down", his mother says, flittering around the room.
"Father."
Fitz acknowledges his father's presence as he walks into the room and sits on the sofa. The father remains seated, silently following his son with his eyes.
"I'll get you some coffee, Fitzgerald", his mother says, smiling nervously at her son as she begins to walk from the parlor.
"That won't be necessary, mother. This is not a social visit", he says flatly.
His mother nods and his father continues to eye his son suspiciously.
"How could you?" Fitz asks in disgust, looking between his parents.
The question hangs in the air for a few moments before he continues.
"You covered up a murder and had Sabrina dumped like she was worthless – like she didn't matter."
He glares at his parents and takes a few deep breaths to quell his emotions. He wants to get through this without falling apart.
"We were trying to protect you – protect our family", his mother protests.
"You were trying to protect your reputation. You didn't want your friends to know your son was dating a black girl. You preached social justice and equality to me and Tristan all of our lives, and you turn out to be the biggest phonies – the biggest hypocrites of all.
"Watch your tongue!" His father finally speaks.
"You are an ingrate. I always knew you wouldn't appreciate all that we have done for you. We did everything for you – gave you everything – and you were going to ruin it all by being with that girl."
"That girl's name is Sabrina, and I didn't care about the color of her skin and I naively thought you wouldn't either. Was everything a lie?"
He looks between his parents truly needing to know if his whole life has been a lie, if everything he thought to be true, everything they taught him was a lie. They are the only people who can give him the answer he needs desperately.
"Of course not!" His mother defends. "We believe in everything we taught you and your brother. But what you didn't understand then and you still don't understand is those kinds of relationships are difficult. I – we didn't want that for you."
"Mother, all relationships are difficult. Besides, we were just kids." He looks at his mother and shakes his head in disgust. "The awful things you said to Sabrina had nothing to do with your concern about how difficult things would be for us."
"I'm not proud of the language I used that day, but we are not racists, Fitzgerald."
"Then what are you, just murderers?"
"Fitzgerald", his mother begins. "Whatever you might think about us, we are not murderers."
"But your son is. Tristan pushed Sabrina down those stairs and you helped to cover it up." He's testing Olivia's theory.
"We didn't know!" His mother shouts.
"Anneke!"
"Enough, Gerry!" She says walking over to her son. "We didn't find out the truth until months later, while you were still in that awful place."
Fitz stands and begins to pace around the room.
"Thanks for that by the way. Thanks for telling the doctors you thought I was using drugs. Thanks for never telling me the truth about why I was in a mental institution."
"We were just trying to do what was best for everyone." His mother says sadly, shaking her head in despair as she sits in the chair across from her silent husband.
"Do you know how all of this has affected my life? How I isolated myself - afraid of connecting with anyone? How I developed obsessive habits that I didn't even understand?"
His parents are stunned. Although the doctor told them how the repressed memory could affect their son, they never knew Fitzgerald was actually suffering. He never said a word to them.
"Was it all worth it, mother? Was it?"
And the tears he has been battling begin to flow.
"Tristan is a murderer, living God knows where. And an innocent girl's life was cut short. And for what?"
He looks at his parents in disgust.
"I will be turning the investigator's findings over to the authorities. It's been 25 years but a crime was committed in this house and you had Sabrina's body –"
"So, you want to have your parents thrown into jail?" His father finally speaks, standing from his chair and taking a few steps toward his son. "Is that what you want? Will that make you happy?"
"If that's what it takes to get justice for Sabrina, then yes, that will make me happy." Fitz glares at his father before turning to leave.
"Fitzgerald!" His mother calls to her son, with tears streaming down her face.
He turns and looks at his mother and his heart breaks for what was and what could have been.
"No. No it wasn't worth it. None of it was worth it." His mother says softly, shaking her head. "I – we are so sorry, about everything."
Fitz walks from his parents' home, his childhood home, leaving behind so many wonderful and horrific memories. As he walks down the steps of the wraparound porch he is not sure if he will ever see his parents again and that saddens him greatly.
XXX
Fitz sits in the Waukesha County Chief of Police office and relays the 25-year-old story to Chief George Barsky. He gives the Chief a copy of the report James provided him.
"I am finally glad to meet you in person, Mr. Grant."
"And you as well. Please, call me Fitz."
The Chief nods.
"Thank you for the frequent updates on my fiancée's case."
"I'm sorry we have not been able to track down your brother."
Fitz frowns and nods his head.
"Mr. Grant – Fitz, this story you just told me is shocking to say the least. But as your attorney informed you there is no evidence that your brother pushed Sabrina down those stairs. And since he is nowhere to be found we cannot question him about what happened. I'm sure your parents are not willing to give a statement that will implicate their son."
"I'm afraid you're right, Chief. They have a lot of guilt about my brother and they want to protect him."
The Chief nods his head empathetically.
"And please, call me George."
The two men who have been in communication by phone over the past few months give each other a slight smile.
"Is this the same brother who attacked your fiancée back in December?"
"I'm afraid so."
Chief Barsky shakes his head.
"But, isn't it a crime to – to move a body?" Fitz asks despondently.
"In Wisconsin it is a crime to move a body unless you're authorized to do so. Instead of helping Sabrina by calling the paramedics or 911, your parents had an employee move her from their home and place her in the grove behind Selah Baptist. There's no question what they did was intentional and wrong, but it sounds like they panicked."
"And wanted to protect their reputation."
Chief Barsky looks at Fitz and gives him an understanding nod.
"The District Attorney will have to decide what charges to bring against your parents, if any. But I assure you, unlike 25 years ago we will investigate this case. We might not ever know if a murder was committed but maybe someone can pay for moving the girl's body – for not notifying the police. Are you sure that's what you want? I know this cannot be easy for you to implicate your family in this case." The Chief looks at Fitz pointedly.
"What is the punishment for such an offense?" Fitz asks.
"In Wisconsin punishment can include fines, criminal prosecution, and jail time. But that will be up to the DA then the judge, if the case goes to trial."
"I see", Fitz says, nodding his head. "Thank you again, George – for everything."
Fitz stands and extends a handshake to the Chief.
"It has to be done. Please keep me informed about the outcome of the investigation", Fitz says before leaving the police station.
Two Months Later
Olivia is working late tonight so Fitz goes to his apartment to pick up more clothes and collect the mail. He wonders if he should sell his apartment since he is now living with Olivia. He shakes his head because after everything that has happened over the past few months, where they live now seems like such a minor and unimportant matter. The only thing that matters is that they are together and the location and size of their dwelling is a non-issue.
Fitz shakes his head in amazement as he thinks about the amount of time he spent trying to convince Olivia to move in with him. He now understands how this behavior impacted their relationship to the extent of coercing her to move in with him. He now understands how this became his white whale, his obsession. The obsession which apparently stemmed from his fear that something bad might happen if he were not around to protect her.
Elaine has helped him to understand how the repressed memory changed his brain, which resulted in him becoming obsessed with structure, order, and needing to plan and organize every aspect his life. He now understands that trying to structure his life to prevent bad things from happening is time consuming and robs him of the energy to really enjoy life.
As he sits on the sofa flipping through the pile of mail, tossing out junk mail and putting a rubber band around what he needs to keep, he decides to sign up for electronic bill payment because all of the paper is beginning to drive him crazy. He looks at his watch and decides to read the latest issue of Rafting Magazine since Olivia will not be home for a while. He chuckles to himself when he thinks about their first rafting adventure. That seems so long ago.
While looking through the magazine he thinks he should call his friend David. Unfortunately, he had to cancel their whitewater rafting trip to Colorado last year because there was too much going on in his life. As he reads the article on the latest technology in rafting gear, the doorbell rings. He puts down the magazine and walks to the door wondering who the unexpected visitor could be.
"Dr. Heller", Fitz greets his friend with enthusiasm, although somewhat surprised by his presence.
"Dr. Grant. May I come in?" Max asks, displaying his most charming smile.
Fitz shakes his head because Max can never seem to turn off the charm. He steps aside and lets his friend enter the apartment.
"I always liked this place, Fitz", Max says, walking into the apartment and looking around. "I like the bigness of it", spreading his arms wide. "I've often wondered why I didn't find this place when I was looking for an apartment."
"Do you want to buy it?" Fitz asks as he walks from the kitchen with two beers. He hands Max a beer and they sit across from each other in the plush chairs.
"What the hell is going on, Fitz? I hear you almost killed Cyrus. And, you quit your job? Thanks for the increased workload, by the way. Now you want to sell your apartment. What's all this about? And where the hell have you been? I've left you several messages. I stopped by here a few times. Hell, I even texted you. I had that shit. That's the primary form of communication of my new, young girlfriend."
Fitz shakes his head wondering when his friend is going to grow up.
"I'm staying at Olivia's."
"Ahh. So I was right. This is serious."
"I'm engaged. We're engaged", Fitz says flatly.
"Wow. You have been busy, Dr. Grant."
"A lot has happened, Max." Fitz looks at him earnestly.
Max eyes his friend closely and sees a hint of sadness in his countenance but decides not ask any questions because Fitz guards his privacy. He will tell whatever has been going on when he is ready.
"So, are things so bad between you and Cyrus that you had to quit your damn job?"
"I'm afraid so. I won't – can't work for that man any longer."
"I see", Max says, taking a sip of beer. "Well, what the hell are you going to do? Are you going to become a kept man – let Olivia take care of you?" He chuckles.
Fitz shakes his head thinking how much he has missed his talks with his colorful and flamboyant friend. They are so different.
"I really haven't thought about it much. As I said, a lot has happened." Fitz takes a long swallow of beer.
"I talked to John last week."
Not knowing which John he is referring to, Fitz scrunches his face and gives Max a questioning look.
"Scarsdale. You remember he moved back east a few years ago."
Fitz nods remembering his former colleague.
"John's a good man."
"He's now heading up a Neurology Department. You might want to give him a call when you get tired of being a kept man", Max chuckles as he stands to leave. "Why can't I ever find anyone to keep me? It seems like I'm always doing the keeping."
"Thanks for stopping by, Max." Fitz slaps his friend on the back as they walk to the door.
"And call, John. I'll tell him he should expect a call from you – and soon."
"Good-night, Max."
Fitz looks around the apartment before grabbing his garment bag, duffle bag, and mail. He is sure Olivia is home by now.
XXX
As Fitz walks into the apartment he is immediately puzzled by the smell of food cooking, more like burning. He lays his garment bag across the back of the sofa and sets the duffle bag on the floor behind the sofa and walks slowly toward the kitchen trying to figure what is going on. And to his surprise he sees Olivia clad in her sleek, satin loungewear: grey, wide-leg pants and an ivory racer-back tank top. She seems to be trying to wrestle whatever is in the skillet on the stove where the flame is way too high.
"Liv?" He stops in the kitchen doorway and scrunches his face at the sight before him.
Olivia turns around and looks at him petrified. Tomato sauce, he assumes, covers the front of her top and is dripping down the front of her pants.
"What are you doing?" Walking over to the stove and turning off the flame under the skillet.
"Everything just got away from me", she says panicky. "When I read the recipe it seemed so easy."
"Are you trying to cook?" Looking at her in disbelief.
"Yes, Fitz. I'm trying to cook", now getting annoyed with him for asking an obvious question.
"Why?"
"Why? What do you mean why? I wanted to cook a meal for you – for us for once. I have yet to prepare a meal for you that hasn't come out of a container."
"I thought you were working late tonight", still trying to wrap his brain around the scene before him.
"Fitz", she whines in frustration. "I just told you that so you wouldn't come back from your place early. I wanted to have everything ready when you got home."
He smiles because he likes that she is referring to her apartment as their home. He peers into the skillet trying to figure out what she is supposed to be cooking.
"What is it that you're making?" Looking at the mystery in the skillet.
"Pasta and meat sauce", she says sadly, also looking into the skillet.
"You put the pasta in the sauce before boiling it?" He asked incredulously, without thinking, and her tears begin to fall.
"I'm going to be a terrible wife, Fitz. I don't know how to cook for you."
"Aww sweetheart, don't cry."
He wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head. A little tomato sauce gets on the front of his shirt.
"You don't have to cook for me", he says, rubbing a hand up and down her back.
"But Fitz, I want to cook for you. I might not do it every day but I would like to do it sometimes. Suppose your friends come to visit? They will think I'm a horrible wife."
"They will think no such thing. They will think you are a busy architect who has better things to do than cook for her husband." He kisses the tip of her nose. "Now let's start over. I'll help you, okay?"
She nods and Fitz gets a pot, fills it with water, and sets it on the stove. He starts the sauce in a separate pot, then turns on a medium flame under a clean skillet. He quickly chops some vegetables for the sauce and brings the cutting board over to the stove.
"Now you're going to sauté the vegetables, okay?"
She nods and Fitz stands behind her as she slides the vegetables into the hot skillet. He guides her hand, showing her how to sauté.
"This smells good, Fitz."
"It does", kissing down the side of her neck.
"I'm cooking, Fitz", she says proudly, doing a little jig as she sautés the vegetables.
"You're cooking", now showing her how to pull it all together. "Be careful", he cautions, as she pours the boiled pasta into the colander to drain.
"Why don't you go change while I set the table?"
"Kiss me", she says. And he does, deeply. "You're a good teacher, babe", she says, walking to the bedroom to change.
XXX
"Fitz, that was pretty good", cuddling with him on the sofa.
"It was", kissing the top of her head and rubbing his hand slowly up and down her arm.
"I want to do it again tomorrow, Fitz. I want to cook tomorrow", she says excitedly.
"OK", shaking his head and smiling. "We'll cook again tomorrow."
"So, did you get everything you needed from your place?"
"I did. Max stopped by."
"He did?" She mumbles into his chest.
"I told him that we're engaged."
She nods her head.
"I told him I wouldn't be returning to Children's."
He hasn't told her why he resigned his position at Children's and she won't push. He'll tell her when he's ready.
"Babe …"
"Hmm?" He is full from their meal and is feeling relaxed.
"Do you miss your place? I know you –"
"I love being here, Livvie, unless you're tired of having me around", he says half-jokingly, giving her a slight squeeze.
"I love having you here, babe", she is feeling relaxed as well.
"Liv."
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" Pulling back and looking into his pensive face. "Sorry for what, babe?"
"I'm sorry for coercing you to move in with me. I now realize that was unfair to you. I now understand why it was so important to me that we live together."
She looks at him curiously.
"After everything that happened in my past …"
He shakes his head. The memories will always be difficult and he is still learning how to cope with all of the new feelings he is experiencing.
"I guess on some level I believed if you lived with me then nothing bad would ever happen to you. I guess unconsciously I was obsessed with protecting you."
She kisses him on the chin and settles back onto his chest.
"I now understand how you could have viewed my actions as controlling. And for that I am sorry. I never want to control you, Livvie."
She wraps her arms more tightly around his waist. After a few minutes of just enjoying the moment, he continues.
"Max might want to buy my place."
"What?"
"He says he likes the bigness of it. Wishes he had found it first."
"He's always competing with you, babe."
"You know I don't care about any of that. I like Max. He's a good friend."
They cuddle in silence for a few more minutes.
"He suggested I call John."
"Who's John, babe?" She getting sleepy so she snuggles against him more closely.
"John Scarsdale. He used to work at Children's until a few years ago before moving back east to head up the Neurology Department at a hospital there."
"Mhmm", she's dozing off. "Where, babe? What hospital back east?"
"New York-Presbyterian –"
"What?" She's on her feet now fully awake.
"Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital", he finishes.
"Oh my goodness, Fitz. This is terrific."
"Whoa, whoa. Nothing's final. I haven't even called John."
"You have to call him, Fitz. You have to call John tomorrow."
The Next Morning
Olivia lay on her side and watches Fitz as he sleeps. She smiles because the little strip across his nose has reduced the noise from his snoring immensely, and she appreciates the support the little strip provides. She gives him a light peck on his cheek because she knows he is a good man. Although was was really angry with him for taking her to visit his crazy family, she knows he only wanted to share their happiness with them. She kisses him on the nose, on that stupid strip, and he swipes the air with his hand, and turns his head. She smiles.
Olivia gets angry whenever she thinks about the hell he has been through over the past few months. She gets angrier when she thinks about his family and how they all conspired to hide the truth from him for the past 25 years. But she is happy he agreed to see the therapist James and Michael referred him to. His sessions with Elaine seem to be helping him to handle all of the emotions he has been feeling about Sabrina's death and Tristan's attempt to rape her. He seems to be resurfacing as a better man, a more relaxed and open man. She runs her tongue along the rim of his ear.
Olivia is concerned, however, about whatever happened at the hospital, why he resigned his position. She knows how much he loves his work as the lead pediatric neurosurgeon at Children's. He has dedicated the last seven years of his life to that hospital. She knows walking away has to be painful although he has not admitted it to her. She wonders if the opening at the hospital in New York is a lead position. She wonders if he would be okay if it is not or if he would look elsewhere. She would have to make decisions about her career if he wants to pursue a position in another state. They are engaged and will have to figure out how to balance their career aspirations with being together as a couple.
She slides her hand under the covers and strokes him gently as she kisses down his neck. She is turned on and he begins to come alive slowly as she strokes his balls. She pushes his boxers down his hips and climbs on top of him and begins to grind on his rod. She is moaning in pleasure when he opens one eye.
"Are you taking advantage of me Miss Pope?" He asks hoarsely.
"Yes", she moans into his neck, continuing to grind.
He lifts his bottom from the bed and fully discards his boxers, releasing his hard member. She aligns with him and slides onto his fullness.
"Amazing, always amazing", she moans, picking up the pace.
He grabs her ass and presses deeper into her, allowing her to receive all of him. And he begins to move with her.
"I love you Fitz, so, so much." She is riding him hard and it feels so good.
He wraps his arms around her tightly because he knows her body.
"Yes, yes, yes." She screams out in pleasure.
He rolls her onto her back and slides back into her wetness. He closes his eyes because the friction from her slickness is driving him to his release. He thrusts hard and deep and she wraps her legs around his legs, and the pressure is building in his groin.
"Kiss me", he breaths out, while pumping hard.
Her tongue darts in his mouth and he thrusts harder until his body stiffens and he shoots his juices deep into her channel. He collapses on top of her, breathing heavy, and unable to move. After a few moments she pats his butt and he rolls over, pulling her into his side. They lay in silence for a while, enjoying the sensation of fulfilled pleasure.
"Good morning, Miss Pope." He says hoarsely, kissing her on the temple. "I like the wake-up call."
"Good morning, Dr. Grant. I couldn't resist. You looked so cute. I'm glad you're finally getting some sleep, though", draping her thigh over his stomach as she pulls the stupid strip from his nose.
He pecks her on the lips and she cuddles closer into him.
"Fitz …"
"Hmm?" Their morning lovemaking has him feeling thoroughly satisfied and relaxed.
"I was thinking …"
"Mhmm." Running his hand up and down her back.
"Well, I was thinking about New York – you contacting John."
"I'll call him later, babe."
"That's just it, Fitz. I'm not sure you should call him."
"What?" He stops rubbing her back and looks down at her somewhat confused.
"I know I was excited last night when I heard there is a possibility of you working in New York …"
"But?"
"But, I want you to do what makes you happy, not just what makes me happy. We have to be in this together. I want you to take the time to really think about what you want to do. Then we will decide together what our next steps are going to be."
"But Liv, you're moving to New York in less than a year – less than six month actually."
"I just want you to explore all of your options and not make a hasty decision. Okay?"
"OK. But going back to Children's is not an option for me", he says firmly.
"That's your choice, babe. That's your choice."