I should have killed him. The thought burned in Obi-Wan's mind. He hated himself for it. He'd said that he wouldn't kill Anakin, that he couldn't, but now… If someone gave him a second chance, Obi-Wan would be so conflicted. On the one hand, he could save countless lives. But on the other hand, he couldn't kill his former Padawan. He was 100% certain that he couldn't.
It wasn't even that he wouldn't. He couldn't. He loved Anakin. Truly loved him. However fucking illegal it was. He couldn't kill the man he loved.
Fuck the code, Anakin had once told him. And Obi-Wan truly wanted to. (Perhaps replace the code in the statement with Anakin, but he'd never say that out loud). But he wanted to run off with Anakin and set up on that they'd gotten lost in. He truly did, and the only thing that kept him from doing exactly that was the goddamn code that was the reason that they'd be running away.
I should have killed Anakin when I had the chance. It haunted him day and night, and he spent countless hours up crying thinking it. What kind of thought was that? He should have killed the man that he loved? Who even does that? He should not have killed Anakin. He had no way of knowing that Anakin was going to turn out being the single worst Sith lord in the entire galaxy. (That thought made him want to throw up).
And yet with all of his guilt, and internal bickering, he'd still left Anakin to die in a lake of lava. He thought that Anakin was going to die because of something he'd done. And he thought that was better than killing him outright. Putting him out of his misery. He let Anakin suffer in that lake of fire.
Obi-Wan hated himself. For killing Anakin. For not killing Anakin. A part of Obi-Wan himself died that day. The day that he'd had to leave Anakin by the lava, with seemingly no way of escape.
But a long time had passed, until finally he met Luke. And he died a little more inside. He reminded him a lot of Anakin. He was brave and reckless, but he was also kind and sweet. And being so similar to Anakin was terrible for Obi-Wan. Because Obi-Wan saw now terrified that something similar to what happened to Anakin was going to happen to Luke. Because fuck that. Obi-Wan refused to let that happen.
But when he went with Luke, and ended up on the Death Star, and he could feel Anakin's presence, Obi-Wan knew that he was going to die. He knew that he was going to have to confront Darth Vader, and he still refused to kill Anakin.
"Anakin, what happened to you?"
"I haven't been called that in a long time."
Obi-Wan's heart broke. "This isn't you Anakin. This is what Palpatine did to you." He sighed, "'You, Anakin. I fell in love- I've fallen in love- with… you.'" He quoted himself. Darth Vader stopped.
"You recognize that? Do you remember? You kissed me Anakin. You told me to fuck the code. That Yoda could go fuck himself. You said we should run away together. You loved me, Anakin. I still love Anakn. I love Anakin. Because you are not Anakin. This right here is Darth Vader. Do you remember the feelings that you had for me? Because I'm willing to forgive you." Darth Vader's breathing sped up. And he pulled his lightsaber.
"God Anakin, you don't have to do this."
"I'm not Anakin. You killed him."
Obi-Wan dropped his lightsaber to the floor. "Kill me then. Because I have no reason to live anymore." He could physically feel tears on his face, but he couldn't feel anything anymore.
Darth Vader stepped forward. And he thrust his lightsaber through Obi-Wan's torso. Obi-Wan fell to his knees, and grabbed onto Darth Vader's arm.
"If Anakin is anywhere in there. I still love him."
And then he died.