Hello, lovely readers!
Hope you are all well and I hope my American readers had a lovely Thanksgiving these last few days. I've had a busy day putting up my Christmas decorations, and it's safe to say my house now looks like Santa's grotto!
So we were so close to a kiss last chapter! I'm such a tease hehe. I love building up this relationship. This chapter is a bit different from the others as it's entirely from Dean's point of view. We get a major look into the lunatic's head and see what he really thinks of Holly and what happened in the meadow. I think you'll enjoy it, so don't forget to favourite, follow and review!
Raquel the writer – All in good time, my dear.
Hollarious969 – I'm such a tease! Glad you enjoyed the chapter
Beautifultragedyxxx – I felt Dean came out of his shell a bit more in the last chapter and was acting more like himself rather than the lunatic.
AKABlossom – It was intense indeed! Well we get a look into Dean's head now, so we can see how he feels about what happened and whether they can get past it all.
Rileyjade – Hehe. I'm so mean to you all. I gotta keep you on the edge of your seats, don't I? ;)
Dutchangel1979 – I would bloody love that dream! I've probably had it actually haha!
Tantoune – Dean can be a darling when he wants to be. We can't have him dark and brooding all the time. And I'm glad you enjoyed the picnic and dream. It was like she got two parts of Dean – the sweet and kind side, and the hot steamy side.
Calwitch – Well we will see from this chapter the stance Dean is going to take on the situation. It's clear he cares for he, so I don't think he'll hurt or upset her. I don't think he has it in him to push her away now either. I think this chapter will clear up all thoughts he has for Holly.
Crazy-wild-and-free - I agree totally, I love both sides of Dean. His sweet soft side and his dark twisted side. I kind of wanted them to have time to themselves to simply enjoy each other's company last chapter, and it all turned into a big ball of fluff! But yes, I'm a total tease! We can't have the kiss just yet. We need to build their relationship more first. And yeah, we can pretty much guess where that dream was going. Even if Holly doesn't realise where her feelings are going with Dean, her dreams certainly do.
This chapter is named after 'Hooked On A Feeling' by Blue Swede
Dean Ambrose's Point Of View
As I sat back in my seat, the whir of the plane's engine and the quiet murmur of chat between passengers being the only noise in my ears, I felt genuinely calm and relaxed. I pressed a button on my arm rest, the back of the chair resting slightly horizontal, putting me in a comfy reclined position.
By some miracle, Holly had made a few phone-calls and had managed to get me a seat on her flight Monday morning to Texas for Raw. It was very easy for her to do, the flight company doing as she wanted when she used the Helmsley name, telling them who she worked for, and offering a little more cash. They were putty in her hands and we were now on our flight, ready for the show that evening.
I had a whiskey in one hand and a bag of peanuts in the other, plenty leg room and the best company that I could ask for at my side.
I looked over, watching her curiously as she looked out of the window, her smile beaming from cheek to cheek as she enthusiastically snapped pictures of the clouds outside on her phone.
I took a sip of whiskey, unable to keep my own smile away.
The last few days with her had been nothing short of… just magical, and I could hands down admit to myself that they were some of the best of my life. I know it sound cliché and girly, like I was some pussy who couldn't hide his emotions, but I never thought having a picnic and spending time with a girl could bring such joy to my heart or excitement to my mind.
I wasn't sure if it was her positive outlook, her brightness, or her ability to make the best of a situation, but the few days I'd put aside to make Holly happy had sort of turned into therapy for me and made me happy for once. It was strange, and slightly unnerving, but oddly, I didn't not like the feelings she was giving me.
She got me to open up, something I never ever did, yet something she'd made me do on one occasion before after the mugging incident. She had this ability to get the best out of me, to make me talk, and she didn't even realise she was fucking doing it. The stuff I told her after the mugging, the information about my wrestling history, I'd only ever divulged to Roman and Seth.
But the shit about my past, my family and my childhood, I'd literally told no one, not a single fucking soul. It was something I'd kept closed up inside for almost 30 years, never telling another human being. Partly it was because it was embarrassing to admit I had such a shitty and crap childhood, but mostly it was because I didn't want the sympathy. I didn't want people to feel bad. I'd made the best of the situation I'd been in and I'd grown from it. So why did I need people telling me life was hard and how sorry they felt for me? It was just a line, they never really meant it anyway.
Yet it was so easy to tell Holly. One little look from those big brown doe eyes of hers and it was like I had verbal vomit. Everything came out, from shit about my childhood to the crap my mother got up to as I grew up.
And the reason it felt like therapy was because the very second I told her, I felt as if a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew a lot of what had happened to me as a child had made me the person I am today. The stuff I witnessed hardened me, it gave me a negative outlook on the harsh world around me and made me believe nothing positive could come from anything I ever fucking did. And the stuff I'd witnessed my mother do, from spending our food money on drugs, to seeing her inject herself and watch as she caved in as the drugs took effect, along with watching as dealers threatened us when she couldn't pay up… It had made me mad, it had made me dark and twisted…
It had essentially created the lunatic.
I'd never spoken to anyone about my issues before. I'd never opened up to friends or visited a therapist. I'd kept it inside, waiting as it grew and mixed and fermented and overwhelmed me, eating away at everything I did, ruining every aspect of my life, from jobs, to relationships, to friends.
But with Holly it was so easy. She didn't judge me, she didn't question me, she didn't have this presumptive idea about me that everyone seemed to because of the air I had or the way I held myself. She didn't shy away from the issues or pander to me because I was a disgusting twisted bastard with a shitty past. She treated me like Seth and Roman did, showing me the reason why they were the greatest three people in my life…
They just treated me like a normal fucking human being.
They didn't use me as a bargaining tool or treat me like a piece of shit like my mother had. They didn't use me as a sex pawn or because I was into freaky stuff like women did. They didn't use me as a fighter, a machine, a brawler like WWE and my previous wrestling jobs had.
They treated me like Dean Ambrose, a normal and simple guy. And that's why it was so easy to open up.
That's why the days with her had been so fun and so enjoyable. I hadn't had to pretend I was something I wasn't. I could be me, simply myself, and it was so relaxing on my mind and body.
And the thing that excited me the most over how I'd been the last few days?
The lunatic hadn't shown up once.
He didn't have any need to. He was able to be locked away; I didn't have to call on him once. It was the effect Holly had. She was calming, she was soothing and she was relaxing.
"Don't you think it looks like snow?" she quickly asked me, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Huh?" I asked. "Does what look like snow?"
"The clouds," she said. "It looks like I'm looking down on the ground and mountains blanketed in snow. It's so beautiful."
I leant my body over, looking out of the window, observing what she'd said. "Yeah, it sorta does actually."
"I took loads of photos, look," she said, thrusting her phone into my face.
I laughed lightly as she flicked through them, showing me every last one.
"Pretty," I commented just as the air stewardess came round with the drinks trolley. I finished off my whiskey, asking for water this time. If we had Raw to film tonight, I didn't want to get too drunk. So I knew it was best to stick to something simple.
The ride was pretty easy after that. They brought round some food then showed some film on the TV which Holly and I watched avidly. We wanted to relax as much as we could before the show tonight, and watching a movie was the best way to do that. It was one of my favourite things to do in my downtime, and I knew Holly enjoyed them too.
At least I thought she did until an hour into the movie when I felt something on my shoulder.
I looked down, seeing her head resting on my shoulder, her eyes closed deeply in sleep. I couldn't hide the smile from my face as I watched her quietly, noticing the shadow her eyelashes created across her skin, the way her cheeks were tinged pink, her chest moving up and down slowly as slumber overtook her body.
I quietly got the air stewardess's attention, asking her for a blanket. She returned with it immediately and I draped it over Holly as best as I could, wrapping my arm around her carefully so as not to wake her. My shoulder would not have been comfortable for her so as I wrapped her arm around her, I rested her head on my chest so her sleep would be snugger. This must have worked, a subconscious smile rising onto her lips as she slept.
And as I looked at her, watching her as she dreamt, it reminded me of the other reason this weekend had been one to remember.
I'd almost fucking kissed the girl.
My lips had almost touched hers and it frustrated me beyond belief that they hadn't.
Feelings had been stirring in me lately, strange alien feelings and they confused me to no end. They were feelings I had never felt before, all brand new and fresh and exciting. They were sort of similar to the feelings I held for my brothers, only stronger. Much stronger. They made my heart beat faster and my head think a hell of a lot fucking more.
I'd never been one for giving a shit about women, and I freely admitted that. I liked them, sure. I was a bloke with dick, a sex drive, and the need to fuck whenever I could. And that's all I used women for - a quick and cheap fuck. Never as someone to confide in, be with or care about. I fucked them till I was done then cast them aside till I found someone else. Sometimes if I liked a woman, if her pussy was tight and she fucked well, I'd keep her around for a week or so more. But that was always it; never any longer than that.
And that's when Holly Heather Helmsley walked herself into my life and flipped the way I thought about women totally upside down.
She was different from the other skanks I had known and been with. She wasn't after me for the danger, the muscles, the looks. She wanted to be my friend, she wanted to get to know me, she wanted to know the real Dean.
And it was something I wasn't used to. Every woman in my life before had cast me out, ignored me or used me. None of them had given a shit about me so I hadn't given a shit about them.
It was pure and simple.
But Holly went against the grain. She didn't do what other women did, she was unexpected, unpredictable… and I liked that.
And over the days, weeks, months, we'd bonded, her saving me, me saving her, getting ourselves to the point of friendship, to the point where I saw her most days… to the point where I never wanted a day where I couldn't see her.
She was all I could see and all I wanted to see. Her long flowing blonde hair, her deep brown orbs, her smooth soft skin and that blush.
Oh, that fucking blush.
It could make a grown man grovel on his knees to her and he would be totally under her spell, with no hope of escape. Every time I saw it, it sent goose bumps all over my skin and set my stomach on fire. I didn't know why it was, but I just couldn't get enough of it. It was so pretty and the most amazing shade of pink. When Holly wore it, she looked so pure, so happy, so… beautiful. At any chance I could, I would produce that blush from her face. It would slowly appear and the fire in my stomach would blaze bigger and brighter than ever. Anything could set it off. A smile, a sweet comment, but my favorite was a wink. It would appear so fucking profusely at the sight of a wink and all I would be able to do was stare and smile at it, enraptured by it, its spell taking me over.
But it didn't seem to be just any fucking wink… it seemed to be my wink, and the feeling of euphoria it seemed to give me was amazing. So the need to kiss her was an obvious one, a clear one, and as soon as the idea was in my head, it had refused to leave.
As we lay down, full of food from our picnic, that's when it happened. I'd closed my eyes for only a few seconds, but I felt her fingers on my face immediately, the feel of them causing delicious chills to run up my spine. I'd opened my eyes, staring right into her eyes. They were big and brown, almost giving me the perfect view into her soul. I left reality and entered a strange place where all I was surrounded by was Holly. Her face, her smell, the sound of her quick breathing, I knew that she was in this place with me too.
I couldn't tare my eyes from her. She was pure beauty, pure innocence, pure perfection. The feelings I'd been pushing down and restraining for so long appeared and flooded my body, holding me hostage to something I had no intention of escaping from. I had no idea what was happening, but it wasn't a bad thing. It felt right and it felt like I fucking belonged there with her. I needed to feel her, to touch her, to make sure she was really there with me. I reached over and placed my hand upon hers, kissing it softly. The electricity made it all that more real, and I knew right there and then that this wasn't a dream. We were having this moment and we were both lost in it, lost in each other.
And that's when the urge hit, the urge to kiss those soft fucking lips and claim them as mine. It was a strange feeling, one I'd never felt before, to kiss a woman not for sexual purposes but because there were underlying feelings there… but the feelings weren't unwelcome. They were strange, but I liked them and I wanted to explore them with her.
The sound of her ringing phone brought me back to reality and the moment was gone, the feeling broken. We had returned to the house, had dinner, she'd gone to bed and it left me alone in my room with my thoughts.
It didn't feel real, yet at the same time, it felt more real than anything. For the first time in years, I'd felt alive and I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I knew what all of this meant.
I was crushing on Holly.
No matter how much I'd tried to deny it, had tried to brush the idea aside, or called utter bullshit on it, it was the only real reason I could come up with. I wasn't a fucking idiot and I knew what such feelings could mean to me.
Her personality, her purity, her beauty. It was infective and I couldn't get enough of her. It was probably why I hated Orton so much as it was pretty clear he liked her in that way too. He'd clearly been crushing on her for a while and had done nothing about it, but I wasn't stupid, I could see how he felt. He felt the same as me and I didn't like that.
It was probably why I was protective of her too. I'd never rushed a ring before like I had during the times Sheamus had threatened her. I'd never given a shit about stuff like that, thinking if people were stupid enough to be in the ring, they should be able to protect themselves. But the way he looked at her, the way he threatened her, the way he'd kicked her… I'd seen fucking red.
She was so tiny, so delicate, so fragile, I just had this insanely urgent need to protect her and keep her safe.
She was causing reactions in me that had never been there before. I didn't know how deep my feelings were for her, but I definitely knew there was something.
I was a lunatic, a man incapable of love and feelings. I was twisted and dark and I knew it, my only passion in life being wrestling.
And then along came Holly, flipping all that on its head.
So as the plane got closer to Texas and to Raw, I looked down at the sleeping girl in my arms, wondering exactly what the fuck she was doing to me and what I was really letting myself get into.
Again, a huge thanks to Raquel the writer, Hollarious969, beautifultragedyxxx, AKABlossom, rileyjade, dutchangel1979, Tantoune, calwitch and Crazy-wild-and-free for their lovely words about the last chapter