EdwardPOV

I would have hated her if I was not so completely obsessed with her. Every night I told myself that it would be the last, every afternoon I prepared myself to say goodbye, but even the thought was a lie. I should have known after that first trip to the diner that it wasn't the end; it was only just the beginning. I waited for her every day after her classes ended, watching the majority of students drive away before going to meet her at her truck. After that second day, she required no tutelage, being human came so easily to her. She does have the added benefit of actually being a human. I sighed and the weariness was foreign.

I saw the flash of her auburn hair as she turned to wave goodbye to Angela. She stood up on her tiptoes to peer around the mass of students, looking slightly dejected when her eyes found her truck sitting alone on the far end of the lot. I smiled, knowing that the look of disappointment was due to my absence. I wanted to run to her then, missing her pathetically after only the two days of the weekend, but my discipline won in the end. I would not compromise the girl at her school, especially when I knew it was likely that members of the coven posed as students there.

Though I had given her some half-assurance that I would see her again after she asked me that loaded question last week, she waited in the parking lot that third afternoon with such resolute expectation that I nearly left purely out of pride. I watched her from afar as she scanned the parking lot once, the last of the afternoon stragglers making their ways home, but she did not seem the least bit concerned. She merely folded out the door on the bed of her truck, plucked a book out of her backpack and sat down to read. Waiting. I watched for a few more moments then, to test her, thinking that eventually she might grow bored and return home. Yet she did not; she seemed content to wait and simultaneously unbothered. Not once did she put down the book to scan the parking lot for my presence, not once did she seem the least bit concerned that I might not come. It was infuriating…

…Infuriating and thoroughly alluring, as was every part of her. Every blink of her eye, every absentminded flip of her hair, the rhythm of her breaths, the occasional sigh… all of her very human, very tedious actions, had me riveted as if she was the ingénue in the most intriguing of films. I pegged her for being the more naïve between the two of us. How foolish I was! To think that my interest in her was purely derived from my reverence for her pureness of heart and her siren blood was laughable now. She was beautiful and, again, the world punished me. Had she been even slightly less than ravishing I might have been able to keep myself from her, but no, she was kind and innocent and lovely and everything that I wanted but could not have. And so here I was, for the sixth time – a Monday – waiting for her to settle into the bed of her truck to pick up from the scene in Shakespeare where she had left off on Friday.

"Edward!"

She called to me, shocking me from my musings. I looked around myself, even more shocked still, for I had crossed the entire length of the parking lot without my knowledge, my feet moving on their own volition. Discipline, I scoffed, What discipline?

I smiled, too pleased with her enthusiasm at my presence to scold myself. There was plenty of time for the self-loathing that would inevitably come.

"Good afternoon, Isabella. How was your weekend?"

"Edward," she said threateningly just as she reached her truck, "Didn't we talk about this already?"

I took her backpack from her, ignoring her question, throwing it into the truck.

"Bella, Edward," she warned me, knowing that I was ignoring her on purpose, "You can call me Beeeeella."

"Yes of course, Bella. So, would you like to go to the diner, then?"

She rolled her eyes, trudging before me with mock irritation and I wanted so badly tell her just how much I had missed her. A lifetime of waiting seemed like mere days compared to the infinity that was the past weekend. It was truly horrifying how deeply I yearned for even just her presence.

"So what did you read today?" she called out behind her, knowing that it was only a matter of seconds before I followed her into the direction of the diner.

"Faulkner, mostly. A little Austen," I admitted, quickening my pace to catch up to her.

"As I Lay Dying?" she wondered aloud.

"The Sound and the Fury, actually."

She was quiet for a moment, a wistful look crossing over her face, "I wish that I could study whatever I wanted… Some of the books they assign in class are just… Ugh."

I nodded, not wanting to incriminate myself any further with the growing litany of deceptions that I had convinced myself were necessary. That I was in a type of home-schooled independent study was the least abhorrent of these half-truths.

"And you?" I questioned, pushing off the first wave of guilt in what always proved to be many whenever I spent time with her, "How is school? Still reading Hawthorne, then?"

I wanted to drown in the sound of her voice and I knew the question would send her into a tirade. I had come to learn that one of her specific frustrations was with her peers' analysis of most literature. She admitted that she spent the majority of her English class sitting with a clenched jaw and balled fists, practically seething.

"It's just so easy for them to write off a person after a single transgression!" she ranted, "As if they are so perfect! The lines of good and bad are not supposed to be drawn so easily! Why do you think these authors wrote the stories in the first place? So that we could cast off our heroes as heathens and villains after the first page? I doubt it!"

"And what if the transgressions are many?" I challenged her, "What then?"

"It doesn't matter," she retorted immediately, "There is always a chance for redemption."

"No matter the crime?" I said to her, peering at her out of the corner of my eye.

"No matter the crime," she confirmed, pausing in front of me while I opened the door to the diner.

"Good to know," I admitted, trying to keep the seriousness out of my tone. I knew that while she said these things now, it would hardly be the case when they required some type of real life application.

"Hey guys…" Nadine called out to us without turning around, bustling behind the counter as was expected," The usual?"

The usual. It was absurd that I could call any of this 'the usual', but that is what it seemed to be. I got the meatloaf and mashed potatoes, she the chicken sandwich and French fries, and then came the hours of easy banter and questioning shot through with the occasionally poignant observation on life. I committed each of her answers to memory. Her favorite color? Blue, it brought out the flawlessness of her skin. Her Mother's name? Renée, whose free-spirit undoubtedly created her kind instincts. Her life's goal? It was undecided as of yet, she said, the world had plans of its own. Each small detail added to the collage of fascinating minutia that was Isabella Marie Swan. I answered her questions for me purely out impatience, the sooner to hear her voice again, the better… Yet it was never soon enough.

"Yes please, Nadine," I answered politely, "The usual is just fine."

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Day 7

We argued over the inevitability of human nature. She, arguing for inherently good. I, arguing for neither good nor bad, rather for what is and what could be. We ended in stalemate. She touched my clothed forearm as we departed for the day and I scarcely found the ability to restrain myself. I ran home on a bed of clouds.

Day 8

She asked me about my goals for the future. I lied and told her I wasn't sure, maybe some sort of vocation where I could work with my hands. I hunted until dawn with a heavy heart. I hated the guilt.

Day 9

She wore blue. I can barely remember the rest. She was too beautiful.

Oh, and she mentioned she was allergic to peaches. I remember that.

Day 10

I asked her about love. She smiled at me shyly and said it was too personal. I nodded my head solemnly with feigned acceptance. I didn't have the right to ask her about love.

The Second Weekend

Another infinite two days without her. I forced myself to hunt again, though I had accepted the painful presence of her scent weeks ago. With time to myself I attempted to put a timeline on this sabbatical from my existence. I would have to give her up eventually… But not yet.

I closed my eyes and let myself be washed away in a waking-dream, but I didn't need the faceless girl in the marble foyer now. No, not when I had her to dream of. I replayed my favorite parts of our conversations in my head…

"There is such a thing as balance, Edward! It may not happen ALL the time, but it's definitely possible to have equality in a relationship."

"No," I interrupted her, "That's not true. In every mutual agreement there is a clear winner and a clear loser. It is inherent to the nature of all things. For one to receive, another has to give. It's numerically impossible for it to be equal. Consider the subjective value of things…"

"That may be true, but it's the perception of it…"

She paused, her features gathering in confusion at her own words. Oh, how badly I wanted to be the stitch in her knitted brow.

"What I mean," she said, clarifying, "is that if value is actually subjective, then it's the way we perceive the exchange isn't it? If we both feel that it is equal, isn't it already equal inherently? Money isn't the only way to place worth on a thing, the same way that a word with no tangible value can be worth… Everything."

I smirked at her, thinking of all the ways I could manipulate her easy take on the ways of the world. She was so pure of heart, so good in her intentions, that even her wide-eyed rosy views penetrated our discussion on international monetary policy. It was so completely in all of her that it informed every observation in her life.

"… And even if there was no such thing as equality in this sense. There is still the inverse isn't there? Complete, total, absolute selflessness?"

She paused only for half a second to hear my answer, readying herself to continue on her latest point in our already tangential discussion, but I stopped her. I had the distinct feeling that we were no longer discussing an abstract policy for an abstract place…

"Yes," I said after a loaded silence, "I believe there is that."

She stopped abruptly again, her mouth opening in surprise. We very rarely let the other win an upper hand in the conversation without, at the very least, vehement protest.

"What?!"

"But not in economics," I pointed out, "TINSTAAFL, right? There is no such thing as a free lunch?"

She was immediately embarrassed at her outburst, but chose to look pointedly at the food sitting in front of us. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a wad of bills, and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I scoffed," Besides, I already paid. And so did you…"

She raised an eyebrow at she shoved the wad of bills back into her pocket.

"I did?" she asked, "And how did I do that?"

"Your company is worth a chicken sandwich at the very least, " I smiled, mocking her.

"HA!" she shouted, pointing at me and laughing the entire time, "So it is equal then?!"

"No, Bella," I said, drowning in the heated blush of her cheeks and the dancing brown of her eyes, "Not even close…"

Day 11

She said she missed me over the weekend and the clouds underfoot returned, then at the diner she called me a friend. I spent the entire night in her room seething at her, angry, but at daybreak I went to hunt feeling shamed yet again. If I had no right to ask her about love, then surely I should not resent her for considering me a friend…

Day 12

She asked me about music and I nearly shut down. If we talked about music, then it was only a matter of time before we would have exhausted all topics for small talk. I changed the subject and asked her about her Father. She forced a smile and rattled on, but not before she let a small frown challenge her usually perfect face.

Day 13

She wore blue again. There might have been words exchanged, but I wasn't quite sure. Beautiful wasn't the word. Stunning, flawless, inspiring….

Day 14

She wanted to make plans for the following week, a trip to a nearby lake, she admitted to having had her fill of the diner. I make up an excuse about having plans, though she had to know it was a lie. She seemed sad for the rest of the afternoon and I left her that day hating myself. Absolutely hating myself…

Day 15

She was still irritated with me for lying to her, not that I could blame her. Yet, I found her sharp temper oddly adorable. I wanted to chase her and taunt her and make her brow furrow in frustration, then watch it release in reluctant acceptance. I wanted everything, every part of her. I wanted anything that might cause her to feel even the slightest flicker of emotion to be solely for me. I realized then, that when it came to Bella Swan, I was greedy.

Too greedy.

The Third Weekend

I thought of a million ways to say goodbye to her. I wrestled with the choice as I drew her face in my head and replayed her voice in my mind. I had no other option. Volterra was beginning to grow increasingly suspicious of my lack of information, I had been on longer missions but never with such indifference. I had yet to see the Cullens and the longer that I stayed here, the more likely they were to find me before I sought them. I had to leave the girl. It wasn't fair to stay, not to her. Making her sad was not my intention, and my own selfish desires let me lead her this far. It would only be a matter of time before the girl would grow attached to me. She would not have one millionth of the affection that I had for her, how could she, but it was human nature to desire the familiar. And with each passing day we grew more and more comfortable, more aware of the other, more close. No, it was not fair to keep subjecting the girl to this, not when I knew that I could not keep her.

The very least that I could do was say goodbye, tell her another lie to add to the pile. I would say I was moving, that the 'old friends' weren't here, that it was my time to leave. I hoped that she might be even a little upset to see me go, though I knew that I would be the one at a loss… But I had to leave her -- no matter how much I would suffer though my next hundred years knowing that a creature like her existed -- it was best.

Day 16

I was late. I shouldn't have been late. If I wasn't so self-loathing, so goddamn selfish, maybe everything would have been different. But no, I was so consumed with my own misery that I couldn't bring myself to run to meet her. I walked… Walked! And that walk cost more than all of the treasures in Volterra. I was only a few minutes late, five at the very most, and it still it changed everything. Everything.

There were four of them. I knew what they were without seeing the reds of their eyes. In the back of my mind I knew it was likely that they used some sort of disguise to mask what they truly were, but I could not bring myself to care. With their backs to me, all I saw was the disciplined rigidity of their posture and even from here, in the woods, I could see the unnatural pallor of their skin. They were vampires, no doubt, and they were talking to my Isabella. I prepared to run in to save her, it didn't matter whether I perished, but all I knew of them was that they were powerful. How powerful? Powerful enough to kill the two of us were I to attack? I had no idea. I spent a half second trying to strategize for Bella's benefit more than mine. Perhaps they would let her go if I showed myself. There were still plenty of students around, they would not dare to compromise their identities with so many witnesses. After all, if they had not done so yet, why would they do so now? For me? To lure me from my hidden position? If all that they wanted was me, I would surrender, I wouldn't give it even another moment of consideration.

I said a silent prayer to whatever higher powers there might be as I took a single step forward. I closed my eyes, dreaming of her… Her lips on my cheek, her hand in mine, the words I so yearned to say spilling out into the air for only her to hear… Just please, keep her safe. Keep her safe…Take me instead.

I opened my eyes, prepared for whatever battle awaited me, damn the witnesses – no, damn the world – all that mattered was her life…

And again, the world granted me a reprieve! They were leaving! The four vampires that were only just looming above my Bella were walking away from her! I tore my eyes away from their withdrawing figures and looked to her, disbelieving that she seemed in exactly the same perfect condition I had last left her. She was fine. My Bella was all right.

I remained rooted in my spot, unable to move from the sheer terror of the entire situation, and watched her face. She seemed only slightly disturbed, confusion being the sentiment mirrored in her face. What had they told her? I had no idea and I knew that I would never know the answer. It seemed as if all my selfishness had finally been exhausted, I only had one choice now.

There would be no goodbyes.

I ran, as fast as I could possibly run and it did nothing to atone for my inability to run earlier. The tension gathered and built and consumed every piece of humanity that I had tried to collect when I was with her and I did all that I could do. I collapsed somewhere in the middle of the forest though I already felt thousands of miles from her.

I let a hundred years of lonely, consuming rage spill out of me in a single bellow and then the world went black…

A/N: It's a shorter chapter (and leaves LOTS of room for improvement) and a cliffie at that, my bad. But look at it this way, if you review this chapter then the next chapter will be up in a day or so. The reviews make me so happy to be writing this! I appreciate each and every one.