EdwardPOV
"Wake up, Bella... Wake up..."
She stirred, smiling, and I could not help but brush my hand against her curving lips. I regretted it immediately. I regretted it even before I chanced it, for I knew that it would scare her, yet the curiosity was insatiable. I had never touched a human like this before, had never touched anything this way. I should have been ashamed to admit the touch was not simply the curiosity alone. There was adoration in the way my skin swept over hers. Yet despite the thrill of my reckless actions, I could not completely ignore the thirst that gnawed at me from within. It tempered my worship with guilt, the way all good religions did when the laity knelt at the alter of the divine. The subcutaneous blood coursed like fire beneath my fingertips, admonishing me. Never forget, it warned, that you are the worst kind of monster for wanting her this way. I ignored it, I ignored everything when I was with her.
As the ice of my fingertips melted against her flaming skin, she stiffened in her sleep, frowning. She turned from my hand restlessly, though her eyes were still closed. I pulled away, my frown mimicking hers. Even in her sleep she could not bare my touch, even in her sleep I repulsed her. I turned to leave, the impossibility of our love an agonizing rejection that I had been forced to confront time and time again, but just as I was about to flee, she stirred again.
"Edward…"
And again, the sound of my name on her lips annihilated what little bit of dignity I had left and I was back at her side, crouched near the floor, sniveling for even the slightest bit of her attention. At this point, after acting the way I had, affection was a long way off…
"Bella," I whispered again, shaking her a little more forcefully though the thick down of her covers, "Wake up."
Her face changed again, a smile at the sound of my voice. She seemed to be just as tormented as I was. I took solace in the fact that I was not the only one dueling with this. Finally, with the final brush of my hand against her cheek, she began to rouse, the smile growing spectacularly certain.
"Edward?" she asked dreamily, her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks.
"Yes, Bella, it's me..."
"Edward?" she asked again, her lips pursing as I began to see the deep brown of her eyes.
Her brow furrowed as she blinked up at me. Once, her gaze focused. Twice, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Three times, she screamed.
"EDWARD?!"
She sat up suddenly and the scandalized tremor of her voice made me feel something foreign. I think it may have been panic.
"Oh my god! You're actually here?! What the fu--"
She shot up as the words faded into the heavy silence of the room , pushing away from me, scrambling across her sheets. She kicked at the blankets, scooting herself backward, the fabric pooling at the foot of the bed.
"What are you doing in here?!" she screeched, her eyes wild, "Get out of here! Are you insane?!"
She stumbled out of the bed as she scanned the room, for what, I had no idea. I turned around, facing the opposite wall, my back to her.
"Isabella, please," I pleaded to her open closet, "Please don't be cross with me, I did not mean to frighten you. Quite the opposite actually…"
"What do you mean not frighten me? Get out! I can't believe you!" she hissed, suddenly trying to control the volume of her voice, "How did you get in here? How do you know where I live?!"
"Isabella," I said again, shutting my eyes though she was behind me," Please."
"You… Wha….Motherfu--, Why are you facing that way?!"
I cleared my throat, hoping she would realize on her own. I may have been a mercenary, a monster even, but I was still a gentleman. We Volturi, we may not be innocents, but we were, at the very least, refined.
"Edward!" she demanded again.
"—Your nightclothes, Isabella," I said quickly, turning around slightly to gesture in her direction with a wayward sweep of my arm," Had I known that you might not be … decent. I perhaps would have waited, it was only th--"
"--I'm decent! What are you talking about?"
I turned to face her, surprised that she had gotten dressed so quickly, but she was still wearing the same scant top and miniscule pair of shorts, her body pressed into the wall opposite from me, all of her on full display. She looked livid where she stood. Tense, as if ready to jump out the window at any second.
I whipped back around, clenching my eyes shut again, talking to the closet," Isabella, would you please put something on…."
I felt something fly past me, it was a book, and I did not move to avoid the second object. It slapped the back of my head, clattering to the ground. This time, an alarm clock.
"Isabella, please…"
She huffed and I heard the bedsprings creak as she skittered across. She pushed by my side, grabbing a robe that hung from a hook in the closet in front of me. I turned in a quarter-circle, my eyes still closed, trying to give her due privacy.
"Okay, fine! I'm decent! Now will you tell me what the hell you are doing here?"
I opened one eye, and looked quickly in her direction. Decent enough…
"Isabella, dear, please! Calm yourself."
Her heartbeat quickened in my ears, the heat radiating off of her in waves. If it was possible, I am sure I would have blanched. Anger was not the ideal atmosphere when one stole into their beloved's chambers at night to declare his unwavering devotion.
"I came here to apologize to you, to reassure you…"
"To reassure me of what?!" she demanded, cocooned in her robe, the delicate perfection of her feet peeking out just barely as she waddled herself toward her bedroom door.
"That I will do whatever I can to make amends! To tell you that I am disgusted with myself to have upset you so!"
Her breath stuttered in her throat and she was searching wildly for anything in her grasp. A CD case this time, I surmised, making out the writing as it flew past my head.
"Isabella!" I scolded.
"Would you STOP saying my name that way?!"
"What way?"
She ignored the question, her eyes narrowing.
"The only people," she jeered, unspoken warnings dripping from every word, " that go sneaking into girl's bedrooms at night are prince charmings and predators, Edward! And you aren't either, so I suggest you leave!"
Her incessant yelling and her blatant insults prompted my natural response. The venom began to leak into my mouth, causing my muscles to tense with the desire for some sort of release. She, unlike any other creature on earth, had the ability to rile me simply with the tone of her voice. She could have been saying sweet nothings into my ear, but in that tone, it made me want to … I don't know what.
"How can you be so sure I'm not one of those things?" I barked at her, suddenly ravenous.
"Please!" she scoffed, grabbing my bicep as forcefully as she could, trying to shove me in the direction of the window," You are NOT a Prince Charming type."
"I wasn't referring to that, Isabella," I corrected through gritted teeth, hissing her name for I knew it would annoy her for reasons I had yet to discover.
"Oh God, Edward. You're not a predator, you're just an idiot," she dismissed, my own anger beginning to rival hers," Now would you just please, please, leave? My Dad is going to wake up…"
"He's not going to wake up, Isabella."
"Oh really? Do you want to go in there and check? He sleeps with his shotgun hanging next to the door, by all means, be my guest…"
She walked to the door with trampling feet, and opened it, motioning me through with a sweep of her arm.
When I remained by the window, she rolled her eyes, slamming the door back into place," Exactly. Get out."
I assessed her. She was standing with her feet firmly planted on the ground, finger pointed out the window, jaw clenched. Where was my sweet, innocent Isabella? Where was the Isabella that toyed with the hems of her sleeves bashfully? Where was the Isabella that blushed furiously when I looked at her for just a little too long? This, this howling, frowning thing, she was not my Isabella. Of course, I had heard the timber of her frustration before, when she spoke of some of her classmates, for example, or when she addressed me in the parking lot with the Cullens the other day. But never had I seen her like this, never quite so… severe. I wasn't sure that I even liked this girl, let alone loved her.
Not knowing what else to do, I agreed, having lost the resolve to battle this out tonight, not wanting to see my perfect Isabella foray deeper into this … person that was standing in front of me.
"Fine," I growled, moving to the window.
"—But," I said, my hand clenching the windowsill," You have to promise you will speak to me tomorrow. This isn't finished."
"Fine!" she agreed without protest," Now get out!"
"Fine!" I barked, not bothering to pretend to struggle as I leapt into the tree just outside her window, "I'll see you at your truck at 3."
I slammed the window behind me, not caring as the wall rattled precariously. I heard curse words fly from her mouth intended for me to hear, I was sure, and it angered me yet again. I fought the urge to turn around and kick open the window, just to irritate her, but I couldn't bear it any longer. I took off in the direction of the Cullen's house, cursing the world with every step.
………………………………………..
"Okay, so maybe it didn't go over so well tonigh--"
"--Shut up, Alice."
……………..………………………....
"So what's the game plan?"
"Leave him alone, Em," Jasper drawled," He's got it under control."
"Does he? He doesn't look like he does." Rosalie, of course.
I was standing in the parking lot, the afternoon after my failed grand gesture, going over what exactly to say to Isabella, studiously ignoring the Cullens. A third attempt at apologizing may have been in order, I thought, as the first and second were not so well received. But my mind would not wrap around the words, let alone my lips. I was still so furious with her from the night before. Though I wasn't sure exactly why. It was more than her reaction to me, as over-the-top as it was, there was something else that had me riled. I was so desperate to understand before she arrived, that I did not even protest when the Cullens came wandering by. I regretted it now; they were meddling, as always.
"Edward," Alice said suddenly, "you look mad… Are you mad? You shouldn't be mad when you're trying to grovel… It's incongruous to the very act."
"Allie, leave him be." Jasper again.
"Isn't it past 3 already? Maybe she's not coming. Oh, I bet she's not coming!" Rosalie, bitch.
"She's coming," Jasper announced.
His mind flickering to an image of Bella sitting next to Angela in the lunchroom, her eyes glazed over as she looked lost in thought.
"And how," I growled, "Do you know?"
I knew of Jasper's odd ability to feel and influence emotions, it was one of the first discussions we had. I needed to know their strengths and weaknesses, but it had never occurred to me until now that he might be using his abilities to influence… this. I had never heard it in his thoughts before, but they all were slowly becoming more and more accustomed to tuning me out.
I hissed at him and he sighed, his answer matching the suddenly clear thoughts in his mind "No, I haven't done it to you. I'm on your side, remember? "
"I wasn't asking about me…." I said through clenched teeth.
"Oh! Bella? Naw, trust me… She doesn't need any help in that department. Her distaste for you is all her own."
"And the rest of it?" I asked, "The affection?"
He laughed and I grimaced at his coming words, they were already taunting me from his mind.
"Nope, that's pretty much disappeared all on its own too."
"You know that is not what I meant…"
"Yes, Edward," he interrupted, "I have never influenced Bella one way or another… But hey, it's not too late… She doesn't look too happy to see you."
He nodded behind my shoulder and I heard her faltering footsteps in the distance. She had just stepped onto the loosely paved blacktop of the parking lot.
"Leave."
Their voices chorused in my head, some protesting my tone, others wanting to stay for what they perceived to be a show.
"Leave, please," I said a second time, the voices in my head resigning to my will.
My eyes were locked on her as I listened to them take off, one by one, into the direction of their car. The last pair of footsteps, the smallest and most delicate of the lot, hesitated.
"What, Alice?" I questioned, not looking away from Bella's scowling face.
"Be honest with her, Edward. She'll take it well."
"How can I tell her what we are, Ali—"
"No, Edward. Not that, there's time for that yet. I was talking about the other stuff. The more… important stuff. Tell her how you feel."
"Alice…" I warned, Bella was only steps away now.
"Yeah, I know, I get it. I'm leaving."
She walked off, but not before shouting a greeting to Bella.
"See you tomorrow, Bells!" She called out, skipping to Jasper's car, a friendly smile on her face.
"See you tomorrow, Al!" Bella called back, her quick, answering smile replaced with a frown as soon as her eyes were back on mine.
"You're late," I said testily when she reached me, just to fill the silence.
"And you're rude," she volleyed back, throwing her backpack into her truck.
"I wanted to make sure that Angela had a ride home. I didn't know how long this," she motioned between us, "would take."
Forever, I thought despite my growing irritation with her, even when she was driving me positively insane, I could not deny that something within in me desired her beyond comprehension.
She turned to me, arms folded across her chest, "Well, go ahead then. Say whatever it is you're going to say…"
She said it so flippantly that I nearly hesitated, but quickly remembered that I was still not in her good graces though she was not exactly in mine. Perhaps it was best not to take any unnecessary chances. Apparently, my midnight visit to her bedroom was one chance too many.
"I am sorry…," I said, repeating the apology for the hundredth time, "And while I cannot promise you that I will never leave again, I can promise that I will not simply disappear."
"Fine. Great."
I nodded slowly, trying to read the thoughts in her mind though I knew it was futile.
"Fine?" I echoed.
"Yes, that's fine. I accept your apology. Can I go now?"
"Really?"
"Yes, Edward. Really. I really accept your apology."
Was it supposed to be this easy? Did she simply say the words and I was to accept them at their full value. She had never lied to me before. It didn't seem to be her nature. My heart lightened just a bit at her ready acceptance, but something within me protested. I knew her sense of sarcasm, she seemed to have a proclivity for it, but this was not it. This is something else. She almost seemed defeated. Perhaps I had worn down her protests. Perhaps she was tired of fighting, too. Perhaps she really was accepting my apology. I brightened a bit more, thinking of the prospects for the afternoon.
"Do you have somewhere to be? Would you like to go to the diner?"
"Home, Edward. I have to go home."
"Why?" I asked, bewildered.
She sighed, "Because I live there."
"Yes," I nodded, flashing her the smile that she seemed to like before, "But what's the hurry? You never seemed to be in a rush before."
"Well, that was before. This is today. Today, I have to go home."
She seemed so adamant to leave, her feet practically twitching with their desire to flee, but still I knew that something was amiss. I frowned, noticing the way her eyes seemed unable to meet mine.
"Are you…" I chanced, my fists clenched, "Are you still mad?"
She threw up her arms, "Of course I'm still mad, Edward! Did you honestly think it would be that easy?"
She circled in her spot, her hand resting on her car door for just a moment before she turned back to me, "You disappear for weeks. You give me some half-assed apology without an explanation, that stupid smug look on your face the entire time! And if all that wasn't bad enough, you show up, in my room, in the middle of the night! Like some kind of crazy psycho-stalker! Are you deranged?"
"Like I said before. I…. Am…. Sorry."
"I…Heard you… The first time!"
"Then why are you acting this way?"
"Why am I acting this way?" she said disbelieving, "I am acting this way because you think that an apology without an explanation is enough, and it's not."
"I thought that it would be better if I just left, Isabella," I admitted honestly, "I didn't think that I could stay here…
"Better?" she shot at me, "Better to just leave without saying goodbye? Without anything?"
I opened my mouth to respond, but she was already continuing her tirade, "Did you know, Edward, that I actually started to believe that I did something wrong? That maybe you disappeared because I offended you or prodded too much or asked too many questions?"
"Isab—"
"God forbid I ask you one little, teeny, tiny detail about your life without you spazzing out and changing the subject. Don't think I didn't notice that before!"
"Is---"
"—I just kept saying to myself, 'Oh don't worry, Bella… He'll open up eventually! He just needs some time… Be patient with him' and look what good that did!"
"I kno—"
"No, actually, you don't know… You don't know anything, do you? You can't just have the kind of week we had and then… disappear. It's just not fair, especially not to the other person… Did you ever take into account the way that I might feel about you disappearing? Did you really think that I would just welcome you back with open arms?"
"I had no intention of returning," I interjected quickly, wanting to get a word in before she continued again. But she didn't… In fact, for a few moments, she stopped speaking entirely.
She bit her lip, too hard, she nearly broke through the skin.
"And you think…." she hissed finally, "That's any better? Surely, you are not that stupid."
"Isabella…" I warned. She ignored me, of course.
"No, you must be a complete idiot to think that would help your case at all… If you weren't going to come back, then I think you probably had the right idea then… Because I'm looking around, Edward, and I'm not seeing anyone that wants you to stay…"
"You are incorrigible, Isabella!"
Finally, I burst. That last shred of emotional self-control was decimated and the words, the words that I knew would only infuriate her further, came shooting from my mouth adding to the electricity between us.
"Me?!" she demanded.
"Yes you! Would you just stop for a moment and maybe consider that I am genuinely asking for your forgiveness? Consider what resolve it takes for me to come groveling to you this way? Do you not understand that perhaps I left for your own good? That I did think of you when I made the decision! That I did not leave simply just to hurt you or reject you? I don't know any better, Isabella! I have never been obligated to consider anyone else's feelings before! Do you not see the effort I am making?"
"Honestly, Edward?" she said sarcastically, her voice cold with the disbelief," Are you really going to tell me that you have no family, no friends? That you don't know how to appropriately interact with other human beings?"
She meant for the words to belittle my claims, but they couldn't, because they were entirely true. Without knowing it, she had unearthed every hidden secret that I was petrified to tell her. And I couldn't tell her, not even now, so when I didn't answer, she hesitated. Finally, she stopped to really look at me. I hoped desperately that she saw the authenticity in my words. Her eyes softened and watered and it was not the reaction I wanted, and it only infuriated me more. I understood the meaning behind that look and I didn't need her pity. I wanted everything from her, but not that, never that…
"You are spoiled, Isabella!" I accused, wanting her anger to overtake her compassion, "You don't understand that the very basis of your ability to be angry with me is a luxury that not all of us have…"
"And what luxury is that?"
"The luxury of knowing what this is! You must take it for granted if you are acting this way! You are so used to being loved and cared for and cherished that I make one misstep and already I am unworthy of even a second thought! I hate to be the one to tell you, little girl, but you have been overindulged your whole life!"
"Oh please…" she scoffed incredulously, her sympathy already disappearing, "Don't you dare! Don't you dare patronize me!"
The derision in her voice only threw another log onto the proverbial fire. I continued, niceties and apologies long forgotten, the tempest upon us…
"How could I possibly know that I would hurt you when just weeks ago I did not know that I myself was capable of this kind of pain?"
She turned away, fumbling to open the door on her truck, obviously desperate to get away from me, but I could not let her. She had squeezed and pulled and found every emotion within me and there was no turning back now… Not when I felt so very alive.
I grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn to me, the furious way the brown and gold of her eyes boiled making me want her ridiculously more.
"Fine!" I yelled into her face, "I make you angry? I apologize. Will you apologize to me then?!"
Her eyes went wide, the skin of her arm white-hot beneath my hand, adrenaline pumping through her veins with every labored beat of her heart.
"Apologize for what, Edward?!" She yelled back, her breath bathing my face. We were too close.
"Apologize for everything!" I said, grabbing her other arm and pulling her into me.
"You are offended that I disappeared, took from you a few of your precious hours? Then I am angry at you for taking my will. For taking my life! Every second of everyhour has been yours since you took that from me. You are angry that I stole into your room? Well, then apologize for stealing my heart! For you have taken that too, Isabella. And I am partly to blame, for I have laid it at your feet. But still you have the nerve, like a spoiled child, to accuse me of things that are not of my own choosing!"
"A-a-nd what does that mean?" she stammered, her bottom lip quivering at my declarations.
"It means, Bella," I bellowed back at her, "That I thought, I honestly believed, that what I did was the right thing to do. I believed that I should have left! And if what you want is my candor, then I give it to you when I say, I am still not completely sure that this, being here, coming back, was for the best…."
"Then why did you come back?! Nobody asked you to come back!"
Her yelling did things to me that were inexplicable and thus, I wasn't able to control the sentiments that consumed every fiber of my being, every daydream, every thought…For once, I did not regret them. I was already a slave to this.
"Because I cannot bear to be away from you! Because I am too weak! Because I never want to be away from you, not even when you do this to me… Not even now! Not even when the things you say rip and tear and demolish my heart, Bella… Even now, I want to kiss you and keep you and tell you that you are everything- everything- that I have spent a lifetime searching for! All that I want… Is simply to love you… Because I cannot bear the thought of going back to a world without you… Because fate has punished me long enough… Because even when you hate me, I think that maybe… Maybe, you can learn to love me too."
And I scarcely had time to finish the last word, for in the next moment everything was her: Warm, flushed skin on mine, silken hair against my neck, a breathless sigh in my ear… And finally, mercifully, the soft touch of her lips on mine.
A/N:
This chapter is dedicated to: Fernando Torres' thighs, the crème de fleur at Au Bon Pain, Pilates, TiVo, any direct flight from the East to West Coast (I hate layovers), Microsoft Word's Autosave and The Economist.
We'll have some plot in the next bit, it won't just be flowery words and bold statements. What can I say? I love the professing of love.