Title: Mindy's Plan

Disclaimer: Nickelodeon and Dan Schneider own everything. I only waste time and make no money on this venture.

Chapter Four: My c

I admit I did entertain various revenge fantasies for my return to school after my time at the Mental Rehabilitation Clinic, but quickly got over those ideas. Instead, I designed myself a new identity, a personality that I knew would prove more successful than the last one. I had a childlike excitement in the promise that I might discover something that would make my life so much better now. And I found it immediately - despite my best intentions when I first saw Josh again my heart took a leap.

I was so happy to see him, so unutterably happy. What was it about him, I wondered, that drew me to him, given me such sudden confidence? He already had changed so much since the last time I saw him, he was at least 3 inches taller and fifty pounds lighter. The fullness that disappeared from his cheeks made his eyes even bigger and brighter like they were lit from behind by the light of his sheer kindness--naive and effortless. I felt an unexpected attraction instantly. There was something so appealing, so desirable, so eminently wantable about him now.

His character, however, remained boyish and foolish. When he saw me and broke into look of panic which quickly evolved into an embarrassed smile and a frozen expression of an anxious child. Yet these imperfections added a touch of humanity to the package that made him just right for me. My lonely little heart cracked open with a small hope. If he were perfect I would never be able to get him and at that moment snaring him became my new goal. I knew was there were two paths ahead of me, one that was flat, lonely and led me back to the troubled lonely life I had always been a part of, and another path that led somewhere high and bright and better that I could only reach with Josh.

How did I get him? Another girl would have been more subtle, drawn her prey to her, what do I know about process or patience? I grabbed the opportunity to be his partner in history and devised a study schedule that would keep him near me for hours a day. Another boy would have been suspicious, but not our dear Josh. Fortunately the boy was so girl-attention deprived that it only took a day to make him my boyfriend. He must have always known we were meant for one another. He had to have seen that we were alike not so much by what we had in common with each other as by what they lack in common with everyone else around us.

I was so happy with him, he was simply the most amazing human being. He held open doors for me, called me his "puddin' cup", he smiled with a grin as wide as the Pacific whenever he saw me, and he was so funny! He could make me laugh so hard and all the girls and jocks I hated would turn to look at us. Happiness made us stronger than everyone around us.

But the best part was when he was feeling brave he would rake my arm gently with his fingers and lower his head down to kiss me with lips so full and soft it was like kissing Cumulus clouds.

Perhaps that old grief I felt at the clinic had sapped the hate out of me, but I believe it was Josh who taught me how to live. He wasn't totally disconnected with his surroundings and people as I was. He found beauty in things I couldn't see: the sound of a knuckles rapping on glass, the jaundiced glow of a street light in a misty night, chrysanthemums in the flower pot, old people holding hands, the littlest thing could make him smile. He made me a "new me", a better me, and I could never go back to where I had been before. I wanted the old gone for good because anything is better than the monotony of that hateness and loneliness.

Oh, if only Josh could have remained my c, if only he could have been the constant in my life. I wish I could stay in this memory forever, I wish I could extend these happy days but it is impossible.

Impossible because of Drake.