I was in the middle of editing this thing and then Microsoft word decided to crap on me. Well, not literally, but you know. Anyway, for some smart reason, when I first typed this, what, three years ago? I decided to change tenses in this story half-way D=

Enjoy?

And oh yeah, sorry for the long wait?

Chapter 18

May watched Ash and Pikachu hug happily. It was one of those beautiful moments when a trainer and his Pokemon were reunited. But Pikachu was more than a Pokemon to Ash, Pikachu was his best friend, his first ever Pokemon who would always stay a pikachu. May wiped her tears with her finger and looked down at her shoes. The same guilty feeling was making its way to her; forcing her to feel as bad as she had the night before. Ash was happy, no doubt. But there was something inside of her saying he would be happier, much happier if he knew Misty called him. May fidgeted with her red bandana. She didn't want to tell Ash, but she had to. This feeling, the feeling of guilt was killing her. She had held it for too long and now she was ready to give it up. Slowly she stood up as Ash lowered Pikachu to his bed. "Ash," she said, her voice quivered.
Ash and Pikachu looked up at May, both awaiting what she had to say. May took a few steps closer to them before taking a deep breath. "I have… I have something to tell you."

"Yeah?" Ash said, smiling expectantly. "What is it, May?"

May shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She squeezed her bandana between her fingers. She was stalling. Although it was obvious that she had to tell Ash; she wasn't ready for his reaction. For something as important as this, she imagined he would be pretty angry.

"May?"

May took in another deep breath, but before she could say anything, Ash's cell began to ring. He reached for it with a small smile. "It seems like my phone has been going off the hook lately. I wonder who would be calling me now."

May squeezed her eyes shut. "It's Misty." She blurted.

Ash stared up at May and then back at his cell. "It is." He looked over at May with a questioning look. "How did you know?"

"She's been calling you," answered May as she opened her eyes slowly. "Ever since we left Montgame the day before yesterday."

"Wait," Ash frowned. It seemed as if the news was finally sinking in. "You knew…" he said.

"Yeah." May nodded.

"So why didn't you tell me?"

May stared into Ash's chocolate eyes, because you're everything to me she wanted to say; but instead looked away.

Ash stared at his cell phone before making his way out of the room. "I'll be right back." He said. But it seemed like he was saying it more to himself than May.

Pikachu stared as Ash left the room and then he turned to May, something had happened when he was gone. He couldn't stand seeing the two of them feel so bad around each other; he couldn't stand seeing May feel so sad. "Pika," he said, attempting to make May feel better. The young trainer had not heard, she was looking towards the doorway for which Ash had left. "Pika." But it made no difference, May was off in her own world and there was no way Pikachu would be able to get her back. If only, if only Pikachu could leave his bed. But he couldn't, he knew he couldn't, he was too tired to walk and he was not allowed to leave his bed.

May stared at the doorway; she didn't know what else to do. Ash was angry, it was easy to tell. He was angry at May for not telling him Misty had called. Misty, someone who was so important to him, someone who took most of Ash's heart; and May hadn't told him. May stared, feeling hurt, and what about her? She wondered. Hadn't she done anything to make him love her? Hadn't they spent enough time together for him to fall in love with her?

Ash entered the room quietly with his head down. His cell phone turned off. He looked from Pikachu to May. His eyes stayed on May, but he didn't say anything. May watched him, watching as he tried to find his words.

"She wants me back; she wants us to get back together." Ash finally said after sometime.

Just as those words left his mouth, the room froze, at that moment, the room froze. And everyone was staring. Ash was staring, May was staring, Pikachu was staring. The air became so stiff and quiet that the only thing you could hear was an occasional BEEP from the machine beside Pikachu. May stared at Ash, she knew, she just knew, what he was trying to do; he was trying to not smile. His eyes were smiling, but his lips stayed frozen. He was not surprised; not sad, but happy. May knew he's fighting the urge to smile, to dance, to jump up and down and say, "She wants me back!" He's doing it for her, or is he? What about me? She wants to ask, but the words are caught dead in her throat. They never reach her lips, they are just meaningless words, meaningless thoughts. Just words jumping in her head. Words that mean nothing to Ash. What about me?

Why can't you just be happy?

May stares and feels herself being shaken. Who said that? She looks over, and it's Ash. Ash who said that. He's no longer smiling, no longer trying. He's glaring at her, or maybe she's just imagining it.

"Why can't you just be happy?" he asks again. And May feels herself falling, falling slowly into the darkness. Her body, no longer hers to control.

"Go back to Misty!" She hears someone shout and it takes her sometime to notice it's her voice screaming. "I don't care anymore Ash, just go back to her!"

Was that her? May blinks and notices tears, falling, burning her cheeks. But it was true, she didn't care anymore. She never expected Ash to do that to her, to abandon her just because Misty had re-entered his life. She feels herself moving, her legs running. Running quickly, leaving Ash in his words. The same ones that pushed her to a state of sadness, to a state of doubt.

She feels herself falling into the darkness, the darkness of herself. The only place she knew where to go when she was troubled.

Ah, so you're back.

Why couldn't he have made it obvious in the first place that May had no chance with him? Why hadn't he made it obvious she wasn't the one?

Darkness, May's eyes saw nothing but darkness.

He was just like Drew; he was just like him in every way. They had used her until they could go to the ones they loved, the ones they truly loved. May was just a part of the plan, an object that would be discarded and never thought of after being used. They used her.

You made it easy for them, you made it easy for everyone.

Hadn't she made them happy? Hadn't she comforted Drew when he was feeling guilty? Hadn't she been there for Ash when he was depressed about Pikachu? Hadn't she been there?

They never liked you

Was everyone using her secretly? When they came to her for help, for support, were they using her? Everyone who came to her, she had always felt envious of them. She wanted someone to spill her guts out to, she wanted someone to listen to her, to hold her, and allow her to cry the tears she had been holding for so long. She wanted someone who she could trust to not use her, to not push her away once they found someone else, someone better.

There is no one like that

It was normal; it was May's normal place to say there was. May's normal place to argue, but this time she didn't. She allowed the one inside of her to talk it out, to be right. She was done, Ash was her last chance, and he blew it. Blew her.

Are you done?

May stared into the darkness, the shadows, there was a voice coming from there somewhere. A voice that seemed so much like her own. It spoke differently than her, but it held all of the same thoughts she did. Was she done? Was she done being hopeful, helpful, patient? May closed her eyes, it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy being from a perfect family and expected to be perfect.

You are just a lost soul who needed a person to cry to, instead, you got the opposite.

May felt the coldness of the voice reach her, it was true. All of it true. "But I thought Ash was the one."

He was one of the rest, coming to you for help and turning their backs when you want help.

"But Misty is his girlfriend, maybe it was always my fault. Maybe I'm the one to blame for having such impossible dreams. I mean, he never admitted to me that he liked me, so I really had no chance."

Will you always blame yourself? Will you always try to find excuses for them when they aren't trying themselves?

"How do you know they aren't? Maybe they are, maybe I'm just being stupid. Maybe they always were there and I didn't even know it. Maybe I'm just being paranoid."

Do you even believe that?

"I believe… that Ash is my best friend."

Was

May stared into the darkness as it became lighter, clearer. There was a girl, in a cage. The girl was about as tall as May.

You are allowing these people to use you. Your parents, your brother, your friends. All users of you. You are not being stupid, you are not being paranoid. They were never out there reaching their arms to you.

May felt herself walking closer towards the girl, the girl had something, something so similar to May. As she neared the cage, the girl's features became clearer. She was about as tall as May, but she looked different; completely different. The girl was pale from lack of light; she wore one long black dress with rips and patches as if she were from the orphanage. Her head was tipped downward, not once looking at May.

I will ask you this once, and never again, are you done? Are you done believing in those who don't deserve it? Are you done helping those without gratitude? Are you done being everyone's diary? They open you up to tell you what's wrong, and close you before you are allowed to say a word? Are you done waiting for the one who will allow you to open up? Are you done being used? Are you done being perfect?

May reached for the metallic bars that kept the girl captive; they were cold upon her hands. She wrapped her fingers around them and rested her head on them. The girl looked up but her black stringy hair covered her face.

Are you done?

May closed her eyes; she cried softly, her tears dripping onto the cold floor. "I'm done."

What was that?

"I'm done, I'm done being used. I'm done waiting, I'm done talking. I'm done being everyone's diary."

May opened her eyes and saw the girl standing before her, but May was the one in the cage and the girl was the one free.

I never thought I'd hear you say that.

"I don't care," May sat down and hugged her knees. "I just don't care anymore." She lied down on to the cold black floor. "Do what you want, I'm just sleepy. Very, very sleepy."

"May! May! Come on, wake up, May!"

"No, I'm sleepy, leave me alone." May opened her eyes and found herself staring up at a red haired boy. His eyes were full of worry, her mouth open in fear. And he wasn't alone; there was a crowd around them. May tried to sit up, but a searing pain went through her back, so she laid back down in the boy's arms. She looked around to search for someone.

You don't honestly think he's there, do you?

May looked back at the boy; she stared for a long time before remembering who it was. "Ritchie?"

Ritchie stared into May's sapphire eyes, "I thought I lost you May. I really thought I lost you. I was so scared."

May blinked away her tears and wrapped her arms around Ritchie. It wasn't something that she had to think about. It wasn't something that was on impulse. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, feeling the heat of his body against her own. "I found you." She said in a low whisper. "I was so close to giving up but I found you."

Ritchie did nothing but hug her back. "I'm happy you did."

End of Chapter 18

I must make something clear.
Before you review or even think of reviewing, I want to say that I had not intended this part to come out so shippy. Ritchie and May will NOT have a relationship. As much as you WANT it, it will not go through. I just needed someone there at the end of the chapter and Ritchie's name popped into my head, again, the end was NOT intended to be shippy. I can tell you right now that Ritchie isn't even going to be in the next chapter. He will not be spoken to, seen, there will be no action between Ritchie and May in the next chapter. I had not intended to build such a relationship in the story. And to start working on a relationship for these two right now, I would have to build on it and expand and to do that, I must lengthen the list of number of chapters left. And believe me, I don't have time to do that. I was never leaning on these two having such a relationship that's why I made Ritchie a fake girlfriend. If you wanted these 2 together, I apologize, but with only 2 chapters left, I wouldn't be able to squeeze this relationship in.