Keep my heart captive, set me free

by The Queen of Rose

D/s AU - Kurt Hummel had always dreamed of a fairy-tale bond, a perfect, kind and caring Dom. Blaine Anderson had always dreamed of someone who stands out from the boring crowd, someone real, and pure. When their worlds collide, will either of them get what they had dreamed of?

9. Noticed

Hi guys, we wanted to greet you with something funny and original but unfortunately until Rebecca Black makes a song about Sunday the only thing we came up with was Sunday, bloody Sunday and that just doesn't have the right ring to it XD

As per usual we want to thank each and every one of you for the constant support and love you give us week after week. It's cherished and appreciated.

Now the reason, well two reasons, we asked of you to read this AN when we answered the reviews.

1. After this chapter we will be taking a two week break. Since we're both busy with having jobs and classes and writing master thesis and running around trying to balance everything, we have decided to use the holidays to spend some time with our friends and families. So next week there will be no new chapter but the week after that (probably) we will pick up where we left off and continue with our weekly updates.

2. This is Mia speaking. We try to be nice to you guys. We do our best to listen to your suggestions, to deliver the chapters on time and to make them as good as we can. We have decided to allow guest reviews because we respect the love and the attention you give our work. But every now and then, comes a person who hides behind anonymity and uses it to be rude and throw hate at us. This time it was Antonette who was on the line, being called a liar and a lot of other stuff for not updating her original story when she said she probably would. Now she decided to be graceful about it but it made her, and me, feel sad and question what we are doing here. I'm begging you now, if you have something you're not happy with, tell us BUT be nice and respectful about it. Insulting, threatening and calling names will only end up making us doubt our work and wonder if we should just stop posting all together. There is a nice way to say things that bother you and this person didn't do it that way. We just wanted to let everyone know that behaviour like that won't be tolerated.
We don't want to disable guest reviews so in the future please try to be respectful even with criticism. Thank you so much

Okay sob fest over...
Have the next chapter and enjoy it and the rest of the holidays. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

Love A&M

---

Dalton was everything he thought it would be.

From the building, comforting and proud in it's rich dark brown and burgundy colors, through the teachers, all welcoming, understanding and willing to help, to their classmates, mostly down to earth and kind to him and Kurt.

A small smile grazed his features as he thought of his best friend and how he had blossomed under the careful hand of his Dom. His usually careful disposition had been let loose and he had the courage to tease and laugh and joke with the few people that went beyond polite introductions and took to talking to them before and after class.

Admittedly they mostly talked to Kurt since he was still too locked up in his own mind to let go and try to belong the way he had always wanted to, but he was happy nobody pushed him and taunted him.

He had his own room where nightmares couldn't disturb someone, he had a place to draw without people seeing how he was even worse at it now that he was so rusty and he had a space to hide from everything and everyone when days came when he just couldn't cope the way he had learned to do.

He was far from well and he knew it.

But Dalton gave him a chance to exist with less fear and less reminders of who he really was.

Sure, he still caught glances trained at his marred mark and he still heard whispers but they were few and far in between to really hurt him. Dalton gave him a sanctuary, a fresh start and a chance to be without feeling like he was bothering someone by purely breathing.

Dalton, and the numerous couples in love and happy, gave him hope that maybe the world wasn't so bad even if happiness wasn't meant for him.

Dalton gave him peace.

And it gave him…him.

The boy with hair the color of his favorite hot chocolate and eyes so warm he thought he would melt if they were to ever realize he existed and look at him, like really look at him like he knew him, like he thought him worthy of the attention.

The boy with a smile rivaling sunshine and flushed cheeks puffed from laughter that came from deep within lighting him up like a beacon he just wanted to go home to. He saw him in the hallways almost every day but he made sure he was never noticed in return, ducking behind open doors and taller students.

He would track him down as he walked, head always turning this way and that as if he was constantly on a quest to find someone and for a second he felt jealous of that someone.

He would sit in the cafeteria with Kurt and he would see him come in, scanning the room and he would always make up an excuse to leave before he glanced over him and he realized how insignificant he really was when those eyes would, inevitably, just look through him.

The boy with the sunshine smile became the best and the worst part of his days.

The sight of him brightened his mood but it also made him hope for something he knew he'd never have. One look at him would make him feel safe and brave but then his face would taunt him as he dreamt at night making his nightmares even worse when he was the one hurting him. One smile from him made him warm but then that smile would force its way onto his sketch pad over and over and over again, reminding him how bad he was at it because it wasn't even close to the beauty of the real thing.

Sighing in confusion Jeff pulled his paper closer, a pair of warm brown eyes with crinkles in the corners staring at him from that friendly, boyish face. Putting the pencil down he scooped the paper up and opened the drawer to place it inside a binder that went from holding empty, crisp sheets to nearly bursting from piles of crumpled, torn and thinned paper filled with soft smiles, gentle eyes, cute curls of hair tickling a strong neck and ending up with drawings of a full face.

Warm.
Friendly.
Familiar.
Beautiful.
Unattainable.

Taking him back to that first day his pencil finally moved across the paper after remaining motionless in his fingers for so long.

The day was way too long for him to stay and hang out with Kurt and Blaine. He was tired from keeping himself safe from the people slamming into him in the hallways and shutting down not to hear if they talked about him and Kurt and even though his best friend told him that Blaine was right and that, aside from Brad, nobody even looked at them wrongly he couldn't help it.

His mind was scaring him and he could feel his body tremble every time the bell rang and he knew he had to face the open hallways with no teachers to stand up for him should someone decide to hurt him.

It was tiring, exhausting, defeating.

And so when Kurt called him to hang out with him and his Dom after school he smiled in thanks but told him he still had some unpacking to do and that he didn't get much sleep the night before so he would like to catch up on both of those things before the workload became too much for him.

In reality he just felt overwhelmed and he needed to be by himself for a little while to assemble his thoughts and figure out how to do this new experience without being destroyed in the process.

It was then when Kurt reminded him why he was the best friend a person could ask for. With a knowing smile he said he understood and that it was probably a good idea to get a head start with catching up with sleep so they could go with less when their workload demanded it from them.

Jeff gave him a light hug, trying to show how grateful he was that he didn't feel the need to pry and question him; instead just offering a soft smile of understanding and an embrace that comforted and soothed his nerves.

With a parting wave Jeff stalked across the building and into the dormitories, eyes cautious and muscles on standby, ready to bolt the first chance he felt the need to. He got to his room unscathed and he stripped out of his uniform and into some comfortable yoga pants and an oversized sweater before settling down onto his bed, thoughts of the day past swimming in his mind.

Dalton was everything he had ever dreamed of; magnificent, regal, intimidating and warm at the same time and Jeff felt his heart break at the thought that now that he was finally exactly where he had wanted to be, he just wasn't himself anymore. He wasn't that person who would have dived in and explored every nook of the glorious institution. Now, he was someone letting the tide carry them where it deemed fit and he just didn't have what it took to fight it anymore.

They all said he just needed more time.

But it's been a year and a half and he still wasn't who he used to be; he still wasn't sure if he would ever be.

There were sparks of what he used to be like, lighting the darkness inside of him every now and then. When Kurt would do something bitchy and he would laugh at him, when his parents would prepare a family dinner and he felt calm and safe, when he took his charcoal in his hand and held it close to the paper he felt whole even if he knew nothing would come out of it.

Feeling like he needed that sense of wholeness and purpose in life he sat at his desk and pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and a piece of charcoal from the kit Kurt got him, that turned into his prized possession the second he touched it.

Adjusting the table lamp to shed light onto the paper without casting shadows that would disturb him while he tried to get a piece of the old Jeff back, he set the tip of the charcoal onto the paper and closed his eyes trying to find that something that used to move his hand effortlessly.

It wasn't there anymore and Jeff knew that but he still refused to give up; it was the only thing he still desperately held onto, praying to whoever was listening every night to give it back, to just let him have that tiny something.

He had tried so hard, spending hours upon hours searching for that tingly warmth that would start behind his eyelids and cascade down his arms and into his fingertips, finally spilling onto the clearness of the paper creating worlds and emotions and strangers and friends that he was able to keep, pinned to his wall for people to see and get to know when they came into his room.

But the warmth was gone.

It didn't tingle anymore, and it didn't rake through his body, aching to create something; there was just a small feeling resembling the first spring sunbeams on his skin and even if he knew it wasn't enough he still liked it better than the nothing he got since the day he laid hands on him and tainted him.

It was something, and a small, grateful smile spread over his face when he felt his fingers move, the scrape of charcoal on paper almost deafening in contrast to the silence that suffocated him.

He trembled with excitement, not even caring what he was drawing, he just knew that it was something, the first thing he put on paper in over a year and he welcomed it, reveled in it, allowed it to seep out of him and find home on the off white surface before him.

Almost too soon the feeling was gone and his hand wilted onto the desk, letting the charcoal slip and roll away from him, stopping when it hit the box of art supplies. Sighing tiredly the blonde looked down, almost unable to decide if he was excited or terrified to see what he had done.

A shocked gasp ripped itself from his lips and his heart stammered in his chest when he took in his own drawing.

Soft lips stretched into a perfect smile… a smile unlike any other.

A smile that held sunshine, and summer and warmth and yellow and gold in it. A smile of a boy he had never seen before. A smile of a boy he had no right to think of.

Breathing heavily he ripped the paper from the sketch pad and went to tear it in half. But there was something holding his hand, something pulling at his arms and pleading for him to leave it be; to save it and keep it

Running a desperate hand over his face he took one last look at that beam that made him stop in his tracks and forget about his own fears, and placed the sketch inside the bottom drawer.

Nobody would ever see it.

"All right mopey. You don't get to mope anymore. We are going out." His door swung open and since he knew he had locked it there was only one person able to walk in using a spare key he gave them.

"Kurt!" Jeff jumped, stuffing the binder inside his drawer to keep Kurt from seeing it but the brunette had already caught a glimpse of it judging by the radiant smile blossoming on his face.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asked, smile beaming and voice reaching heights a human shouldn't be able to reach as he reached for the drawer.

"NO!" Jeff jumped and slammed the drawer shut making Kurt gasp and step back, surprised by his friend's reaction. "I'm sorry. I just…I…"

"Jeff, it's okay. I shouldn't have tried to look at it if you don't want me to." Kurt reached out and twined their fingers together in comfort. "But just tell me. Are you drawing again?"

The blonde lowered his gaze down, fingers shaking lightly as he shrugged and gave a tiny, barely there nod.

"I'm trying. And I manage a thing or two every now and then. It's not much," he murmured, but Kurt caught his hands and made him look up.

"It's more than it used to be and that's a good thing. Okay?" he said and his friend smiled gratefully at him.

"Baby steps right?" the blonde said the line that had became like a catch phrase for them when they talked about him getting better and his friend beamed.

"Baby steps. Now let's go! You and I are lazing around together today, just like the good old times." Kurt pulled him by the hand towards the door.

Jeff smiled and went after him willingly, only now realizing how much he had missed their 'lazy times' when they would just sit and talk and do nothing for hours on end, never bored, never tired of each other.

He had missed having Kurt next to him every minute of every day but he would swallow his own tongue before saying that, now that Kurt had someone as amazing as Blaine as his Dom.

"Where's Blaine?" he asked now that his thoughts had took him to the older boy.

"Hanging out with some of his friends. I told him I wanted a day with my friend because we haven't been together properly since we got here and I've missed you," Kurt revealed pushing the main gate of Dalton grounds open and leading them to the small woods next to the school property.

"I've missed you too," Jeff said walking after him until they reached what looked like an abandoned children's playground.

"Last one to the swing is a smelly loser!" Kurt screamed and raced towards a rickety swing set.

"Really Kurt? What are we, four?" Jeff asked as he caught up with him at a slow pace.

"You're only saying that because you've lost. Now get up and swing with me," he commanded as he kicked his legs and made the swing squeak as it took him off the ground.

Giggling Jeff sat on the other one and kicked off closing his eyes for a moment and wishing he really was four again.

Happy.

Free.

---

"Oh, hell no. I agreed to hang out, not to be present at the 'My sub is sick and tired of me so he left me to go and do something fun' convention," Nick grumbled sternly, pointing at them as he entered the dorm room across the hall from his own to find Ryan sitting at the desk, creating a playlist of whiny, pitiful songs and Blaine cross-legged on the floor and leaning listlessly against the bed with the most epic pout on his face. Neither of the two subs was present of course, so it wasn't hard to guess the reason why they were acting like such sad sacks.

He sighed internally and rolled his eyes heavenwards. These were his friends?

Ryan threw him the saddest look in the history at the comment, like he'd just murdered a box full of puppies in front of him, while Blaine just pouted stronger, if that was even humanly possible, resembling a toddler who didn't get a lollipop at the store. Both of them sighed deeply, dramatic mournful sounds that he would have scoffed at if coming from anyone else for being completely put on, but as it was he knew these Doms far too well unfortunately.

Nick rolled his eyes, throwing himself in the armchair in the corner and crossing his hands on his stomach.

"Okay…you each get thirty seconds. Use them wisely," he warned and the two Doms perked up immediately both taking a deep breath to start talking but Ryan was just a second faster and he started whining before Blaine could beat him to it.

"Thad said he had to finish up some stuff for his drama club. And he said he'd only take an hour or so but he left at one and its four o'clock now and he's still not back and I really, really miss him. I miss holding him and kissing him and hearing him laugh and I want him to come back because he belongs here where I am…not all the way across campus," he rattled in a single breath frowning the whole time and Nick didn't even had the chance to process all of that before Blaine started his own tirade.

"Kurt said he needed a day with his best friend and that's fine but he spends every day with him! They share all of the classes and they have lunch together and he wants to hang out with him more than he does with me. And I don't want there to be someone who's more important to him and it's only four o'clock and he won't be back until eight and that's way too long," he sulked and pouted again and Nick looked between the two of them like he was watching an incredibly boring tennis match.

"You guys are both pathetic," he announced on an exhale and the two of them scowled at him petulantly.

"We're not!" came in outraged unison.

"Ryan, you're listening to Mariah Carey," Nick deadpanned at the jock with an arched a brow at him.

"She understands my pain!"

Nick dismissed that with a wave of his hand. "And you, Blaine. You're on the floor sulking like you're five and someone stole you're favorite toy."

"Kurt's, not a toy," Blaine snapped then grumbled under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at the floor. "But he is mine."

Nick threw his hands up. Tough love obviously wasn't working here. "They'll be back soon enough… if you weren't just sitting here counting the seconds then it'd probably go faster."

"The clock's broken anyway," Blaine grouched, glaring at the offending object on the wall while Ryan just sighed and went back to working dutifully on his 'song list of woe'.

Nick looked at it then at his phone to compare the time. "Seems fine to me."

"It's broken! Ryan has a stupid, stupid clock and its taunting me with its stupid slow motion face and hands!" Blaine exploded going a little red in the face with all his gesticulating.

"Woooow," Nick said slowly with a whistle, before a gleeful smile spread across his face. "You really are ass over tea kettle for this sub."

He knew that of course but this was like really hitting him now.

Blaine didn't dignify him with an answer, simply huffed and sunk lower against the bed as Aerosmith's, I Don't Want to Miss a Thing blasted out of the speakers. Nick got a sinking feeling in his stomach as he looked over at Ryan and the expression on his face.

"Dude," Nick deadpanned at the jock sitting up straighter. "Please don't ruin this song for me. I'm begging you not to ruin the sanctum that is Steve Tyler with that screech of a voice."

He loved Ryan and all but he was made for football not choir and that was just cold hard facts that they'd learned the hard way.

"I could stay awake, just to hear you breaaaaathing…"

"Ryan," he warned feeling his blood boil and his ears begin to bleed.

"Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweeeeet surrendee-AHHH!"

Nick saw red and launched himself in the next second and they both went tumbling off the desk chair and onto the floor on top of a surprised Blaine. They scuffled around with shoves and elbows and grunts of pain.

"I told you not to ruin my Aerosmith!" Nick yelled shoving at the muscled brunette nearly twice his size.

"But I need to express myself!" Ryan shouted back, muffled by the carpet in his mouth.

"Someone bit me!" Blaine yelped.

They broke apart panting and disheveled, just staring at one another.

"I want my Kurt," Blaine humphed sadly, feeling ever so sorry for himself and Nick groaned falling back against the carpet in defeat and covering his face with his hands.

"He's really beautiful. Did I tell you Kurt was beautiful, Ry?"

"Yeah… Thad's beautiful you know. He's clever too," came the prideful reply.

"Kurt's so intelligent, he's picking things up so fast here. He's just so amazing and-"

"Okay!" Nick exclaimed sitting back up and facing the pair. "I know he's great and everything, B. You know I think he is, but I will literally do anything to get you to stop talking about him for just like an hour."

Blaine frowned at him. "Why just me?"

"Because you're worse," Nick told him straight out. "Ryan will finish that emo playlist and then weep silently to himself while murdering the classics we all know and love with that hideous excuse for a voice-"

"HEY!"

"But you," Nick carried on. "You'll go on and on and on and on and on and on and oh god it will never end!" he lamented. "So I'm cutting you off right now. Name something in exchange for my sanity."

This idea actually seemed to spark something in his best friend and the curly haired singer cocked his head thoughtfully. Ryan just rolled his eyes at them and went back to his desk.

"Anything?" Blaine asked to clarify.

Nick didn't like that tone and he sighed resignedly, shoulders slumping. "You're gonna make me look like a twat aren't you?"

"Tomorrow," Blaine grinned evilly. "You've got a date with a certain poncho."

Nick's brow furrowed as he tried to think and then dawning lit and he burst out, "You mean that wasn't a rug?!"

Blaine scrunched up his nose. "It had a head hole in the centre… Tell me you haven't been using it as a rug."

"Pfft! No, course not! I mean who mistakes a poncho for a rug, right?" he laughed uneasily and cleared his throat looking away. He made a mental note to send it out for a thorough dry cleaning before tomorrow.

Blaine simply shook his head at his friend. "You know I think the saddest thing is I'm not even surprised," he said in a solemn tone.

"Whatever. Fine, it's a deal, I'll wear it if you stop waxing mournful and poetic. And for the record you're the saddest. Case in point, today."

"Coming from someone who keeps pining over a guy but doesn't have the guts to even talk to him," Blaine jabbed back and Nick deflated slightly as the barb struck home in a way he wasn't used to.

It's been a week and a half since the first time he saw him and since then he had caught glimpses of the beautiful blonde exactly nine times; one of which led him to the realization that the walking perfection lived and slept only a hallway away from him.

Not that he was creepily stalking him or anything…

He walked by that door at least a dozen times pepping himself to knock and say hi and get to know him but he had chickened out every time, the image of shattered eyes and tainted marks misting his mind.

He had no right to disturb his peace, he had no right to expect things the sub wasn't willing to give, and most of all, he had no right to enter his personal space and make him feel haunted and stalked and preyed on.

Nick chose to be happy for the rare seconds he got to see him and bask in the fact that angels were real. Everything else was his own wishful thinking and he was realistic enough to know it would remain just that.

"It's not about guts," he said and Ryan looked over at him attention drawn again, with a cocked eyebrow, having trouble figuring out what made Nick so reluctant to speak about the boy. So far the only thing they knew was that Nick thought he was beautiful and that the easiest way to notice he had seen him recently was the silence that surrounded the usually bubbly Dom and the faraway look in his eyes, longing and pained.

"Than what is it about?" Ryan asked knowing full well it wouldn't work.

"A lot of things that aren't really mine to tell because I don't know them for sure. I just feel something is there. Something that's not for me or anyone else to discuss," he said sadly and Blaine scooted over and bumped his shoulder with his own.

"Hey…cheer up. Maybe if you just approached him as a friend…no deeper meaning…maybe that would work?" Blaine suggested not really knowing what it was about but still desperate to help his friend.

Nick mulled over the suggestion and realized that it could be worth the shot. It was a tricky situation to navigate though. He didn't just want to be this subs friend and he felt instinctively in a way he couldn't explain that he had to be completely upfront with his intentions in regards to the sub. It was a fine line he would be walking. He would have to try and be non-threatening but still indicate that this was it for him, he wanted this to lead to something more. But maybe friend's was all they could be? The thought cut deeply when all he could picture doing was taking the blond for himself to care and love and protect… but he'd rather have him in some way than nothing at all. And who knew, maybe in time they could be something more but for now, being friends was more than enough.

The only thing was how could he pull this off?

Approaching him straight out clearly wasn't going well for him given his track record so far so he had to try something else to let the sub know he was alive. He wanted the idea to be personal to both of them, enough of his crazy and something of the blondes in a perfect mixture he knew they had the ability to make together. But what did he really know about him? A flash from a couple of days ago in the Dalton longue entered his mind suddenly.

"Yeah….maybe that could work," he murmured absently as his mind raced a mile a minute. He tried not letting his hope run wild on him but he knew he would end up dreaming and hoping anyway.
And he knew that if the thought was so stuck in his mind that he would have to go and listen to his own inner self, if only to make it stop keeping him up at night.

---

The first time it happened took Jeff completely off guard.

The morning found him like many others had, damp with a cold sweat covering his body, the back of his neck aching under the press of cruel phantom fingers and his chest heaving in shallow pants. It saddened him how when he woke up without the horrible veil of nightmares still lingering over him, he was more surprised than when he did with them nowadays.

He stayed curled up in bed until he couldn't stand the inactivity that gave his mind room to mull over the nights horrors and crawled out from under the covers and into the small bathroom attached to his room. He turned the spray to scalding for both the novelty of once more having actual hot water instead of tepid and the desire to wash the night's events from his skin like they were a thick sludge that was clinging to him.

Dried and dressed in his uniform he stared in the mirror tiredly as he knotted his tie, the soft rap on the door making him jump and abandon the task halfway through. He frowned over his shoulder at it feeling anxiety rise.

Kurt wasn't supposed to meet him here for another twenty minutes.

Swallowing he walked over to the polished wood, laying a palm there and called through hesitantly, "Who is it?"

He got no response.

It made his heart beat harder.

It obviously wasn't Kurt but Jeff didn't know anyone else. Hadn't interacted with anyone save Kurt, Blaine and the Principal so who could be seeking his company? He clenched his jaw. What if there was a Dom out there? They hadn't answered back when he called which didn't exactly scream good intentions but this was Dalton... nothing bad would happen here right?

He tried to convince himself of that thought every day.

Honestly he didn't know what possessed him to open the door in the end, where the sudden streak of bravery came from… or stupidity if whatever greeted him on the other side was horrible.

What he was greeted with was nothing at all.

No person stood at the threshold waiting and Jeff allowed the door to open more fully than just the crack he had his head poked through to timidly dart it out and run eyes down the corridor to see if he could spot someone.

It was empty.

Frowning in confusion he pulled back and made to close the door, only, his attention got snagged.

There at his feet, set just outside his door, was a white coffee cup Jeff recognised as coming from the Dalton coffee longue.

He stared at it dumbly for several long seconds as if it would start singing its purpose if he gave it enough attention.

Again he scanned eyes, even more unsettled by this strange twist of events, around the hallway, left and right for any sign of life but it seemed deserted. He chewed anxiously on his thumbnail wondering what to do as his gaze inevitably drew back to the unoffending object at his feet which had managed to rattle the precarious routine he was trying to establish here effortlessly.

It couldn't be meant for him right? It was a mistake. An accident. Whoever left it must have gotten the wrong room. Or what if they hadn't? What if this was a joke of some kind? Someone mocking him or playing games? Jeff knew all about those and he had no desire to become a pawn in such a thing again.

He bent cautiously and picked up the cup, the heat soaking into his palm immediately and as he straightened he caught a whiff of steamed milk and chocolate that made his mouth water.

Jeff had a sweet tooth. It was a known fact and he had found a weakness for the hot chocolate they served here… was this a coincidence? He let his thumb fall from his mouth when a streak of red peeking through his fingers caught his interest. He used his left hand to cup it at the bottom steadily and pulled the right away.

I think you're beautiful…

A blush lit his face on fire, butterflies swarming his stomach as he reread the line to make sure his brain wasn't playing tricks on him and he felt foolishness keep it there burning strongly, the fluttering being washed away in a tide of humiliation when he concluded that yes, it probably was a mistake or joke.

He had been reminded forcefully, insistently that he wasn't beautiful, hardly desirably, only barely tolerable. Even if he hadn't believed it back when it was first told to him… he believed it now. Knew it to be fact now instead of another's opinion.

He backed up inside and hastily closed the door behind him leaning heavily against it and for a brief moment he imagined that he wasn't broken, wasn't tainted and that someone truly thought he was as beautiful as the note claimed. He imagined it someone saying it to him. He imagined believing them. Warmth flickered in a tiny place in his heart before reality pushed back in and he snuffed that little fire out staring at the cup and those scrawling red words for a long while.

He didn't drink the first one.

He tipped it out into the sink, watching mournfully as the milky brown liquid splashed and drained into the porcelain and though it was the height of foolishness and self indulgence… he kept the cup.

---

"I thought you chickened out, Nicky," Blaine laughed at his friend when he power glided into the Warblers hall, a heavy looking bag hanging from the crook of his elbow. His hair was a bit ruffled and his cheeks had a darkish blushing look to them that made Blaine believe he was running before he got there.

"Oh please. A badass never chickens out," Nick said as he closed the door and dropped the bag onto the floor in front of Ryan who jumped up on it immediately; tearing the paper apart in his haste to see what was so interesting about poncho. They hadn't told any of the other Warbler's about the bet, Blaine wanted it to be a surprise but Ryan insisted on being present.

"Why are you late then?"Blaine smirked and Nick averted his eyes and shrugged.

"I had something to do before I got here," he said, evidence of how much he didn't want to talk about it clear in his voice, and Blaine decided to let it slip because there was something going on with his best friend since the day he saw the mysterious boy in the hallway.

They still had no idea who he was, his name, age or anything and Nick didn't talk about him to his friends when they asked. He would just say that it was complicated and leave it at that, making them worried and curious at the same time.

Blaine's thoughts were interrupted by a howl of hysterical laughter coming from Ryan as he pulled the heavy poncho out of the bag and held it up in front of his face cackling like a deranged hyena.

"Oh my god...you…you need to...w-wear this, HA… it's... hahaha," he fell onto the couch clutching the piece of clothing to his chest, tears springing and legs kicking as he laughed his ass off.

"Shows how much you know about fashion. It's beautiful," Nick mocked an offended voice, pulling the poncho out of Ryan's grip and holding it up before throwing it over his head and arranging it to fall just so over his limbs as if that would somehow make it not look like a grandmother's knitting basket threw up on a fuzzy, multicolored carpet.

So what he thought it was a rug at first glance? It was an innocent mistake and he liked the poncho more now than as a rug so Nick didn't see the problem.

"Wow man… it really brings out your eyes," Blaine snickered as he tumbled down next to Ryan, joining in on the hysterics as Nick struck a pose and catwalked across the room, hands on his hips and nose cutting the air as he hummed, 'Sexy and I Know It'.

"Blaine, dude, get your phone out and take pictures. We'll make him do whatever we want with this," Ryan said, scrambling to get his own phone from his pocket.

"That would be a good plan if he were actually embarrassed by this," Blaine sighed exasperatedly, pointing at Nick who was standing in front of the window, catching his reflection, making duck-faces at it and giving it the, "How you doin'?" eyebrows seductively.

Ryan followed his gaze and rolled his eyes in disappointment.

"Someday, somehow, we will find a way to make him feel shame," Ryan sighed wistfully as Nick came back to them and struck a pose in front of the sofa.

"But that will not be today. Now let's go. I have a student body to amaze," he snapped his fingers and strutted out in the hallway.

Blaine and Ryan jumped up and followed him, still laughing at the faces of their class buddies as Nick walked, head held high through the school, the hideous poncho swirling around him and making him look like something that escaped the confines of a highly secured mental institution.

But Nick couldn't care less.

He was always one to make others laugh and feel better, regardless of the fact that sometimes he made a fool of himself to do so.

And his day was a great one so far in his books.

He made a plan and he actually stuck to it, making the first step towards something he desperately wanted and he had hope that someday it will pay off.

Someday he will talk to him, and make him smile and make him happy.

Someday those warmer than a summer's day brown eyes will light up because of him and they'll hold none of the sadness they did every time Nick saw him these days.

Smiling at the thought Nick took a sharp turn to the left to make his entrance into the cafeteria dramatic and then stood in the doorway, leaning against it in and kicking his foot up to pose for the giggling crowd when his eyes caught a glimpse of beautiful platinum blonde and he snapped his head to look after it, catching sight of lean body, and slumped shoulders and downcast eyes as the boy of his dreams made his way to the last, and the most secluded table, sitting down with a cup in his hands and seemingly building a shield between himself and the rest of the crowd with his jacket and bag.

Nick frowned at the cup in his hands as he did his best to pose for the countless pictures of him in his new poncho.

Was one cup not enough? Did it get cold until he found it? Did he not take it at all?

He had worked himself up into a near panic mode, missing the looks a certain someone spared at him through lowered lids and thick lashes.

Jeff decided to get his regular hot chocolate before class after stashing the mysterious cup inside his drawer.

The ruckus along the way made him jumpy and edgy and he scooped up his beverage and scurried towards the table that he had deemed the safest on his first day. His back was against the wall and there was minimal chance of someone sneaking up on him like that, while the front was secured by a few tables filled with girls that Jeff didn't really feel threatened by.

So whenever he came in to eat he sat at that table, alone or with Kurt and Blaine but he always felt safe.

It also helped that Dalton's student body seemed more subdued and contained and just classier than McKinley.

Which is why all the fuss today just made no sense at all.

People were snickering and snapping pictures and hollering and he had no idea what was up with them until he finally looked up and gasped at the sight of the potentially ugliest piece of clothing to ever grace the face of the earth.

It was a poncho, or something that looked like a poncho, made out of strips of different materials and patterns that looked like a five year old had pieced together. Maybe that same five year old had designed it as well? Maybe went a little crazy when they gained access to the crayon box? Because surely there was no way this was a proper poncho? It had reindeers or something to that affect stitched into it!

Maybe a Christmas poncho then?

After all it had baubles. Bright, purple, horrible baubles hanging down from a fringe of bright gold tassels that lined from shoulders to chest in an arrow point and red fluffy balls lining the top of that and oh god... Kurt would surely pitch a fit if he saw this monstrosity. Like full on freak out because it was hurting Jeff's eyes just looking, but it was also making him smile.

It was shocking, but the culmination of the fact that this person was willingly, purposely wearing something as hideous as that as well as the image of Kurt chasing the person around trying to rip it apart with his bare hands… well it was funny and Jeff felt like he hadn't smiled or laughed in so long.

He trailed his eyes over the thing one last time before flicking them upwards, the smile forming fully on his face and stretching it into achy disused lines only to freeze when he met deep, familiar chocolate.

The air caught in his lungs, mouth going dry in an instant as he tore his eyes away from that look that seemed trained onto him and he knew that there was no way he was looking at him.

The boy with the sunshine smile.

Cursing silently to himself he gathered his things up and hastily left the room via the second exit on the other side of the room fighting himself all the time not to look back.

---

How do you oversleep three alarms in a row?

Jeff thought as he ran around his room realizing, after misplacing his sock for the third time, that there was no way he would make it to his first class of the day.

His body was bone tired from fighting his own demons for the past year and last night was particularly nasty. He had no idea what caused it. He spent the day after spotting him in the morning going to classes and hanging out with Kurt, he was relatively relaxed and happy so he had no idea where the terror came from.

Snuggling into bed, he realized he was so tired he would most likely fall asleep right on the spot so he had put a movie into a second hand laptop Blaine managed to get him to help him with his school work since they wrote around a million papers and essays a week, and settled down, letting the soft sound from the speakers lull him into sleep.

The next thing he knew he was running through a maze of tall, dark trees and every branch was coming directly at him, scratching his back and pulling at his hair. He ran as fast as he could towards a patch of sunlight that kept getting further and further away from him until it finally disappeared leaving him alone and afraid to wake up, drenched in sweat and tears and late for school.

Coming to terms with the fact that he wasn't making it to first class he had decided to take his time and shower and make himself look like a human being before going out in public.

Warm water cascaded down his neck and scar littered back and he reveled in the feeling of his muscles untying and relaxing as he lathered and rinsed his platinum blonde hair, now shiny and silky again.

He opened his closet to pull out a fresh uniform set and got dressed just in time to head to the cafeteria and get something to eat and a drink to warm him up before his next class started. Picking up his bag he rushed out the door and hissed when he tripped and something splashed from the cup in front of his door, luckily not spilling completely all over the marble floor and his pants.

It was the same as the other one.

White with blue and smelling strongly of hot chocolate… and the red lettering was there again.

Biting his lip he scooped the cup up and went to his room holding it carefully with both hands, reveling in the residual warmth on his palms, it wasn't as scalding hot as yesterday indicating it had been out there for a while.

Sighing he thought of what to do and decided to keep doing the same thing he did before.

He tipped the cup over the sink and watched as the dense brown liquid seeped into the drain, leaving a murky trail behind it. He rinsed the cup and turned it in his hands to look at the inscription gasping and closing his eyes wishing it was real and not a prank he was sure someone was playing on him.

Seeing you smile lights up my day.

He rarely smiled.

Mostly when he was with Kurt, and lately the only time he was with Kurt was when they were in class so it had to be someone who took classes with them.

Maybe Brad decided to pick on him now that Sebastian made it clear Kurt was out of their reach?

Shivering he thought of the nasty smirk the boy wore every minute of every day and all of a sudden the two cups he rinsed and saved in his drawer seemed stupid and mocking.

But he kept them anyway.

Even if it was just to pretend his smile made someone's day.

---

Jeff was in the furthest, quietest part of the library at a desk crammed into the corner next to a large window and armchair, staring at what he had created and finished for what seemed like hours.

That face. Those eyes. That smile.

It continued to haunt him, waking and unconscious thoughts and flashes and Jeff found himself obsessed with capturing some of that indescribable light the man had exuded on paper. As if when he got it right he would be able to somehow have a piece of that warmth for himself.

It was a stupid hope. Jeff hardly ever felt real warmth anymore, everything felt fleeting and lukewarm, never reaching his centre, the cold located there always petering it out.

"Jeff?" was called tentatively and the blonde lifted his head coming half out of his daze as he recognised the voice immediately.

He stood from his desk just as Kurt and Blaine came around the corner. They made such a stunning couple, the contrast of them, light and dark, really something that drew the eye let alone the raw feeling that passed effortlessly between them like a live wire.

His best friend lit up at the sight of him and Jeff relished the reaction, feeling thawed. Kurt was the exception. He was always able to reach down farthest into him, not all the way, but close enough to heat him up pleasantly like no one else could.

"So are you ready?"

Jeff cocked his head a little and frowned. "For what?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, bouncing next to Blaine on his toes impatiently. The Dom took in his subs actions with an indulgent, besotted smile that had slowly started to stop shocking Jeff with how genuinely affectionate it was. No pretence or ulterior motive.

"The Warblers! We're meeting Blaine's friends remember?"

"Only if you still want to," Blaine put in taking the pressure off. Kurt looked to his Dom then back at Jeff, his face softer.

"We could always do it another day?" he suggested, blue eyes searching back and forth between his own. "We could go and get some coffee or hang out in your dorm or here-"

"No it's fine, I want to meet them," Jeff assured cutting him off and though he knew his tone was timid it was partly true. He was tired of being scared of everyone and everything. If he knew a few of the unfamiliar faces around here he could at least start building towards feeling more secure in his surroundings and Blaine had assured him and Kurt that these Warblers were all open and friendly and like minded as he was.

This seemed like a good and rational starting point if nothing else.

Kurt came forwards and linked fingers with Jeff securely like they always did and the blonde relaxed into the touch. "Good, because I'm not going if you're not," he declared nudging their shoulders companionably.

"What, I'm not enough now?" Blaine asked mock offended with a considerable pout.

Kurt drew closer to Jeff a teasing glint in his cerulean eyes and a coy smile playing on his lips as he shrugged innocently.

Blaine playfully growled and reached out to drag Kurt back to him and Kurt hardly put up a struggle at all as he went willingly into Blaine's arms, a little giggle on his lips, forcing Jeff to come forwards a few steps as their hands were still joined.

Blaine framed Kurt's small waist with both his hands before leaning forwards and sealing their lips together softly and Jeff was transfixed. It wasn't anything heavy. No major PDA with tongues and moans and groping, but it still made Jeff uncomfortable somehow because it was none of those things.

It was chaste, just soft lips fitting perfectly into soft lips like they were made for one another and Blaine didn't press Kurt for more, just kept the interaction tender and sweet enough that it caused Jeff's heart to pang with longing to experience something that was cruelly denied him.

Every kiss he'd ever received was hard and forceful and hurt. There was no affection underlying them, just selfish one sided desire that he had to endure. He swallowed hard against the horrible memories.

The moment broke and Jeff quickly looked away, face burning with shame. He shouldn't keep hoping and wishing for things that could never be his, he should just be happy for his friend.

Blaine cleared his throat. "So, shall we go?"

"Jeff?" Kurt asked gently, tugging a little at his hand and Jeff nodded his head still looking down at his shoes. He barely managed to grab his bag from the table before they were out the door, no one seeing the piece of paper that went fluttering to the ground.

They must have looked a little ridiculous walking down the hall Blaine holding Kurt's hand and Kurt holding Jeff's in a human chain, but honestly, the blonde didn't want to let go and if Kurt and Blaine were fine with it he wasn't about to let go anytime soon as they drew closer to the choir room.

Soon enough they were in front of a set of heavy doors and Blaine was turning to face them with a slight grimace on his face. "Just don't believe everything they say, okay? And they may be a little overwhelming at first and hardly think before they speak, but they're really good guys," he explained to them gold flecked eyes wide; half in warning, half pleading for them to understand.

Kurt and Jeff frowned identically, nervous energy starting to pour off of them feeding off one another's. His attempt at smoothing potential problems over failed, Blaine sighed and pushed the doors open to reveal a cacophony of chattering voices that broke off at the sound of a fierce banging sound.

Jeff spotted a desk with three students behind it at the front of the room, one of which had a gavel of all things in hand sat in the middle.

"Silence!" the Asian boy, who was clearly a Dominant, ordered the room.

"Permission to come aboard," Blaine asked the room cheerfully and all gazes swung their way.

The silence that fell made both subs twitch under the weight of that and the heavy stares laser focused on their heads. Unconsciously Kurt drew closer to Blaine and Jeff went with him on instinct.

"Oh I don't know," a dark skinned boy finally spoke up, humour lining his mouth and eyes as he regarded them with open curiosity. "You seem to be harbouring stowaways."

The tension shattered and the chattering was back full force, louder if that were possible as people started rising from their seats. A smaller messy haired boy that had been the third behind the desk came practically skipping over to them and Jeff stepped even closer to Kurt so their sides were glued, squeezing his hand.

"Hi!" the boy beamed at them excitedly, swaying back and forth on the balls of his feet, and looking at Blaine expectantly.

"Thad, this is my sub, Kurt Hummel and his best friend, Jeffery Sterling," Blaine introduced them to Thad, but loud enough so the room could hear and he wouldn't have to say it over and over.

"I've been dying to meet you," Thad grinned at Kurt, shaking his hand quickly. "Blaine's been hiding you away."

"Yeah, we were beginning to think, B had made you up," Trent teased gaining a few laughs and Blaine scowling over at him.

"It's great to meet you too, Jeff," Thad went on smiling warmly at the blonde who didn't know rightly what to do or say. He opened his mouth a few times but aborted each attempt before his mouth could make a sound, blushing furiously, and just nodding at the other boy to show he had hear and appreciated the sentiment.

He felt like an idiot and probably looked like one too but there was just no way for him to fight it when they were all looking at him.

Reassuring fingers wrapped around his own in comfort and he smiled shyly at his best friend when a voice carried over the rest.

"Let them take a seat before you all bombard them," Wes spoke authoritatively saving him from further embarrassment and they soon found themselves occupying a vacated black leather couch, Jeff sitting at one end and Blaine at the other with Kurt in the middle as introductions were made.

Wes, David, Trent, Thad, Jon… the many names swirled inside Jeff's head and he noticed immediately that a lot of the guys in the room were Doms and he tried not to freak out at being surrounded on all sides by them but it was hard. His heart was already racing before entering the room, now it felt like he had a jackhammer in his chest as the scent of strong Dom pheromones filled his nose and head.

The last face they got to was one Kurt and Jeff recognised. "I won't bother wasting my breath or our time," was what the snarky sub said instead of his name with a slight smirk.

"Sebastian!" Blaine warned lowly, growling at the sub.

Sebastian glared at him for a moment before he rolled his eyes. "Don't get your panties in a twist Anderson, we've met already."

"We have the same English class," Kurt spoke up meeting Sebastian's eyes and giving him a hitch of a smile that was a clear, 'thank you' he hoped came across. The airy wave and eyebrow raise he got back seemed to say that his was message was received, though he didn't know if it was appreciated. Sebastian was a complicated character to work out.

"Where's, Nick?" Blaine asked, noticing the lack of a decidedly goofy presence in the room.

"He texted to say that Coach Beiste was holding an emergency practise," Wes grumbled, clearly not liking that football was getting in the way of his strict structure and plans. Blaine rolled his eyes mentally at his friend. He really needed to loosen the reins once in a while, but they loved him just the same. He wouldn't be Wes if he wasn't trying to micromanage like a boss while wielding his gavel like a super weapon.

"Dave said they've got a big game coming up next Friday," Sebastian informed them shooting a hardly disguised glare at Blaine when he mentioned his Dom. The sub still hadn't fully forgiven Blaine for his jealous rampage even though he had called Dave to apologise soon after he'd settled down and thought about his actions.

But part of the reason the two of them were so perfect for each other was the fact that they were polar opposites, balancing each other out perfectly, so where Dave laughed the incident off and invited them for a drink to get to know each other better, Sebastian huffed and refused to talk to Blaine, continuing to glare and sneer and bitch at him any chance he got.

So Dave forgave but Sebastian decided to make him earn his forgiveness as he sat down to listen the rest of the meeting when Wes banged his gavel once more.

"We've got the Winter formal and the annual Dalton charity night to prepare for," Wes griped back.

"Chill man, Winter formal's still just under a month away and the charity thing is after Christmas," Trent shrugged carelessly picking at his cuffs.

"Trent," Blaine warned when he saw Wes' chest expand as he took a deep breath to start his rant but it was too late.

"And what about competing this year?" Wes pressed, having none of this caviller attitude. They all just groaned as the Dom got started. "You all wanted to get somewhere this year, begged and pleaded and pouted and got on my last nerve until I said we would go and compete but that's not gonna happen if we half ass it like last-"

"So, Kurt... Jeff... I think the most important question that we all want to know and you have to answer here is… can you sing?" David asked them; cutting Wes' rant off before it picked up speed with a grin, leaning back in his chair casually from behind the desk.

"No," was replied in perfectly sync, like it was choreographed and the glanced at one another warily.

There were a few chuckles and Kurt saw Blaine duck his head to cover his own smile. The sub hit him lightly on the arm in reprimand but only got the hand caught in a strong, familiar grip that he didn't fight. In fact he welcomed that and the press of Blaine down his side as he faced down the daunting task of meeting Blaine's friends… his mostly Dominant friends.

Kurt looked around the room quickly wondering how Jeff was coping if it was so hard for him to relax.

They were an overwhelming group to say the least. In fact, Blaine's warning before entering was made up of severe understatements. But he wanted desperately to make a good impression. To make Blaine proud of him and make everyone see that Blaine was right in choosing him. However, admitting to his secret singing passion when he'd played it off to even Blaine just wasn't something he was comfortable doing, not even for approval.

"Me think they douth protest too much," Trent put in slyly and got a pen thrown at him from Thad.

"Leave them alone, if they don't sing then they don't," he said firmly with a small smile shot at them that Kurt returned relieved and grateful when he saw Jeff's shoulders drop just an inch in relief.

"And you'd know all about tone deaf other half's," Sebastian jabbed with a well worn smirk as he looked up from his phone steering the attention away from the subs skilfully while still managing to look bored to death, and there was a murmur of horrified agreement that made Thad scowl like a kicked puppy and go a little pink in the face.

"Leave him alone, he's not that bad!" he said defending his Dom but knowing it was futile because Ryan was so bad he made people's ears bleed, the worst part being the fact that he actually loved music and he loved to sing.

"Oh the wonders of love never cease to amaze me," David fake swooned all over Wes gaining an unimpressed shove for his troubles.

"Didn't you hear?" Trent grinned salaciously. "Love is deaf now, not blind."

This time it was a book that went sailing into his chest causing him to double over with an 'oof' as all of the air was knocked clean out of him.

"Stop throwing shit at me!" he gritted over the ripple of snickers erupting across the room.

"I'll stop throwing things when you quit being a douchebag," Thad huffed adorably.

"That'll be the day," Wes lamented rubbing at his forehead tiredly as he watched his show choir of nearly grown up men behave like a bunch of preschoolers on a sugar high.

"Hey," Jon suddenly interrupted loudly looking straight at Jeff and his gaze was almost rudely searching. "Sterling, right? Your father used to own the Sterling Accountancy firm before it went under?"

The blonde stiffened like a board next to Kurt and he shuffled closer to him in support as his best friend dropped his eyes to the floor as more than a few curious and enlightened ones came to rest on him. "Yes," was acknowledged quietly, breathily, as if he was half expecting to be thrown out at any moment if he admitted to that.

"What the hell happened that you ended up at McKinley!?" he burst out and stunned shock quieted the room like a thick blanket as both subs flinched at the inflection.

The awkwardness settled over them, choking Jeff to the point where he had to dig his nails into his palms to remind himself to breathe when a usually bored voice drawled again, this time sounding anything but.

"Jesus, Jon someone really ought to buy you a muzzle to keep you from embarrassing yourself with your evident lack of manners!" Sebastian snapped at him, eyes flashing as they darted between the embarrassed Dom and the scared trembling sub who all but fled the room.

The Dom frowned. "Wha- hey, no I just-"

"Jon," Blaine growled meaningfully, dominance pouring off of him as he met and held his gaze strongly. "Drop it."

The younger Dom slammed his mouth closed, face colouring slightly. Unfortunately the damage was done and Kurt felt more frustrated anger burning in his stomach on behalf of his friend more than himself. After all, the main insult had been dealt his way.

"If anyone else had any more questions like that they might as well forget them. We're not answering them and you don't have the right to expect us to," Kurt found himself saying to the room meeting gazes fiercely, fearlessly, not caring if he embarrassed his Dom or himself, the only thing on his mind being his best friend and the need to protect him.

There was another tense silence after his words before David broke it yet again, grinning at Kurt. "I like him. I may just steal him."

And with just that one line the tension was cracked and the air floated again making breathing easier.

Blaine growled, a low and pleasant rumble in his chest that Kurt felt vibrate into him right down to his toes. "You can try, Thompson."

"Please, Kurt knows a finer specimen when he sees one," David smirked waggling his eyebrows suggestively as he not so subtly flexed his muscles.

It was all very ridiculous and Kurt couldn't help it… he burst out laughing.

He tried to smother the sound with the back of his hand, but it was next to impossible and pretty soon a few more people were joining in as David spluttered indignantly at the slight to his manly prowess. Kurt even caught Jeff smothering a ghost of a smile as he looked down at his lap and Kurt wished, for a millionth time that he would just laugh again.

Next to him Blaine was preening and he leant into Kurt and laid several tender butterfly kisses over his temple and ear in reward. "Good boy."

Kurt shivered at the attention and praise, feeling that familiar languid, liquid warmth humming through him as he arched his neck subtly for more. He was almost lost in the sensation of his Dom around him that he barely noticed when someone else came closer.

Thad decided to come bounding over to them again and perched himself on the arm of the sofa closest to Jeff, his small frame easily fitting and balancing there with no problems.

"So how are you two liking, Dalton? Joined any clubs yet?" he asked with a huge smile and Kurt smiled back easily while Jeff tried to, he really did his best but a small lift of his lips was the most he could offer.

"It's nice," Jeff answered softly looking to Kurt for reassurance and getting a bright smile that bolstered him somewhat. Thad was a sub. He could talk to him without fear crippling him. "But no, no clubs."

"Aw, shame. There's some really great one's! I'm in the math club and the drama club… and the Warblers of course," Thad rattled off.

That pricked Kurt's interest. "Drama club?"

Thad nodded happily, eyes sparking. "We're doing Rock of Ages as this year's musical. Interested?"

"Uh, I've never seen it… I was just wondering if they had a costume department. There was nothing on the boards when we checked the other day."

It was out before Kurt could check himself.

Thad cocked his head. "Our teacher, Mr Kent, usually sorts out the costumes but you could ask him? He's super nice."

Kurt flushed a little. "Uh no, it was a stupid thought-"

"I know!" Thad cut him off excitedly. "I'll ask him for you and then let you know. It would probably be easier that way."

"You really don't have to," Kurt tried to say but Thad waved him off.

"I see him all the time anyways, it'll be easy for me to just ask quickly for you."

Kurt beamed. "Thank you."

"What are friends for?" Thad assumed cheekily then prodded Jeff in the shoulder gently. "That means you too buddy."

"Alright I think we have spent enough time talking and Kurt, Jeff, as much as we're all happy to meet you it's time for us to practice," Wes said and Kurt and Jeff snapped their eyes at him not really knowing what that meant.

Should they leave?

"C'mon Wes they can watch," Blaine whined but the Asian boy just fixed him with a glare.

"Our set lists are now, and have always been, secret until the performance. They shall remain that way," he said regally and Thad huffed.

"Nobody says shall anymore Wes. Not even the drama club."

"I will have you know..." Wes puffed out to discuss this new insult to his vocabulary, but Kurt has heard so much from Blaine about all of the boys and if he remembered correctly he said they were like Gremlins, as in they had rules you had to obey to prevent them from going crazy.

Never let Thad bring a math workbook with him to coffee shops. Never let David near a vending machine when he's sick. Never let Trent watch a scary movie before bedtime. And the most important one: If you EVER see Wes puff his chest out, breathing in to start talking, say something to cut him off because if he gets going, you'll grow old and he still won't be done.

"That's okay. You guys get some work done and Jeff and will hang in his room until you're done," he said with a soft smile turning to his Dom. "Pick me up after practice?"

"Absolutely." Blaine smiled and pecked him on the cheek, eliciting a huge 'awwwww' from his friends as Kurt led Jeff out of the room, chuckling at their craziness.

---

Jeff was ashamed to say that after the second cup, though he knew it was stupid and foolish and would probably only lead to more hurt than if he cut it out now… he actually looked forwards to the beginning of his day and the notes left at his door.

More and more, he found himself thinking about the cups, looking around at unknown faces, somewhat familiar ones, trying to get an inkling of who the mysterious sender may be. It was half burning curiosity and half humiliating paranoia that had him constantly on the edge of his seat, head turning, eyes searching. Kurt was getting worried about him he knew, but he couldn't help himself and he couldn't tell his best friend just yet. This felt too raw still. He knew he'd eventually spill; he always did and felt the better for it as Kurt was always a soothing, comforting presence with his best interests at heart, but for right now Jeff was holding this close to his chest.

It had to be a joke.

He knew this, but his traitorous heart wanted so badly to believe that just for a minute someone actually thought those things about him. Saw past all the ruined and jagged pieces that made him up and thought he was beautiful anyway, that the rare tilting upwards of his lips really did make someone's day brighter.

Foolish. Foolish, foolish, foolish.

But still… he was loathe to part with that single bright, searing moment, the flutter in his stomach when he first read the words before his rational mind kicked in and doused the feeling. The sub in him was starved for attention and comfort, longed for admiration and love and these sweet little nothings fed into that dark abyss to make it just a little smaller every time.

The third day rolled around and Jeff forced himself not to rush out of bed and head straight to the door.

There was an unspoken routine that was stuck too. Jeff would start to get ready for his day and wait for that telltale knock on his door that would set his heart pounding in his chest like a drum. He would hesitate only for a moment before walking to the door and pulling it open. No one would be there to greet him of course, but he'd look down and there it would be sitting innocently, the stupid thing having the power to make the sub lose his mind. Jeff would have to stop himself from snatching it up greedily straight away, but eventually he'd bend down and turn the cup in shaky hands so he could read the scrawled writing.

I don't care if we talk about absolutely nothing... I just want to talk to you.

Jeff swallowed as his stomach took a familiar swoop and his eyes darted up and around like the person was going to jump out and reveal himself finally. It stayed silent and still around him like always and there was an actual twinge of disappointment that hit him.

"So why don't you?" he murmured to himself before he could stop the silly thought from spilling from his lips. He shook his head in reprimand. No, it was better that they didn't meet, Jeff couldn't handle more pain… he just couldn't.

He walked back inside and finished the routine. He tipped the drink away, washed the cup and stored it with the rest trying to out them out of his mind.

He knew it was never that easy.

---

"Nick! ... You know you can't avoid me forever idiot?"

The younger Dom sighed and halted from his speedy retreat around a corner. It kinda sucked that his best friend knew his habits… and his class schedule so well.

He turned around and plastered his best grin on. "B! Didn't see you there buddy!"

Blaine gave him a flat look and crossed his arms over his chest as soon as he closed the distance between them. "Really? Not even when you used some poor kid in your game of hide and seek when you saw me walking towards you?"

Nick sheepishly rubbed at his neck. "I fell?"

"You're full of shit," Blaine corrected for him.

Nick scoffed but it was weak, he just felt so tired and antsy lately, like he didn't know whether he was coming or going anymore and it was getting increasingly harder to hide. That's why he had been dodging his friends, mainly Blaine, because the asshole knew just how to read him straight off the bat.

"I've been sending notes and hot chocolate to the sub I want to claim and he doesn't know it's me," he blurted out because they both knew this conversation was heading there and Nick just decided to skip the middle man. Besides, this uncertainty of not knowing if this idea was even working or welcome was killing him slowly. He seemed no closer than he was at the start of the week.

"Okay," Blaine said slowly and his brows were furrowing as he took in the information Nick had bombarded him with.

"Yeah," Nick agreed lamely, looking down at the polished floor pensively as they stood in relative silence.

"So hot chocolate and notes huh?"

"He likes it," Nick said defensively snapping his head back up. "And they're romantic Mr. Hearts and Flowers."

Blaine held his hands up. "I'm not judging, I'm just wondering why you didn't just talk to him?"

"It's complicated," he hedged.

"I've got time."

Nick met Blaine earnest expression and sighed gustily before leaning against the wall throwing his bag down haphazardly at his feet. "He used to be in a bond and I think… no I know, it was bad."

"So you don't want to come on too strong just in case you scare him?" Blaine reasoned out for himself.

"Exactly! I don't want him to reject me before he even knows me because that would just all out suck because he's so amazing, there's no one like him! So I thought this way I could do something nice for him and he could see that he was admired… I don't know, it sounded like a good idea at the time," Nick grumbled at the end kicking at his bag childishly.

"No, I get what you're trying to do. It's very...Nick," he grinned.

He rolled his eyes but his mouth tagged up at one corner briefly. "I just didn't factor in the fact that I wouldn't really know how he's taking it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I pick up the hot chocolate and write the note on the cup before leaving it at his door. But I can't just stick around because that would destroy the whole purpose of doing it!"

"But you don't know if he even likes it?"

"No! And it's driving me insane. I mean, am I just wasting my time here man? I can't get him out of my head and I feel like I've made no progress at all," Nick vented sadly.

Blaine clasped his shoulder companionably. "Maybe you should consider actually talking to him to find out?"

"Didn't you just listen-"

"I know what you said and its valid, if he did have a bad bond then he mostly wouldn't like some Dom being all over him," he agreed mind flashing to Jeff before he pushed it away. "But you've been doing this for a few days now right?"

Nick nodded.

"So he's had a few days to get used to it and you don't have to claim him right there on the spot-"

"You'd know all about that trigger finger."

Blaine glared at him but continued anyways. "Just lay it out for him. Say that you like him and you'd like a chance to get to know him, no strings attached, that you want to go at his pace."

"And you think that'd work?" Nick asked dubiously.

"Well what have you got to lose? The only way is up from where you are right now man. Maybe getting his name would have been a better place to start?" he teased, gold eyes lighting up.

Nick punched him in the arm. "Fuck you."

But he felt better about the situation. He only had to decide whether or not to take the advice, but Blaine was right somewhat, he really only had up or dashed dreams left as options.

He'd take a few days to think it over and in the meantime he'd continue to send the notes.

---

An almost identical knock startled him the next day as well.

He was checking his bag to see if he had everything he would need for the day before Kurt and Blaine came to pick him up when three short, sharp raps broke the reverent silence lingering in the air.

Fingers shaking around the clasp of his bag he strode across the room a single thought on his mind: to find out who was messing around with him.

Steadying his breath he pulled the knob and with a surge of bravery threw the heavy wood wide open, stepping outside and glancing around.

He wasn't surprised that nobody was there.

The hallways around him were spookily empty and he felt the need to punch the wall behind him as the frustration rose and made him tremble.

He didn't find it amusing, it wasn't funny or cute or entertaining, it was cruel and spiteful and petty.

But the monster inside him roared and he couldn't fight it. Winning against his logic and rationalization, the curiosity sprung alive and made him turn back towards the door and bent down to take the white and blue cup, steam hitting his face and the smell of chocolate dizzying him.

Fearing what he would find this time, he turned the cup around and found the blazing red inscription exactly where he found the other three; right above the Dalton crest on the cup.

Your eyes are magical.

He gasped, the cup shaking with in his clutch and the liquid splashing on the inside as he walked hastily back into his room before someone could see it.

Before he could lose all semblance of normality he sat down, setting the cup in front of him on the table and frowning at the compliment.

There was another option he hadn't considered.

Maybe the cups and the hot chocolate and the sweet little notes were for someone worthy of them. Maybe there was a person, somewhere near him that was beautiful, with an angelic voice and a sweet smile and magical eyes like the notes said. And maybe that perfect someone was waiting for a sign from someone but it never came because it ended up in front of the wrong door.

Throwing the beverage for the last time he saved the cup again, knowing that soon they would find their right owner.

He went through the motions of his day on autopilot waiting for the gigantic school to drift to sleep before pulling the small note out of his pocket and placing it in front of his door, the stack of cups with the notes on top of it.

He fell asleep feeling a sad kind of happiness for whoever would get the sweet guy writing them; someone that was better and more beautiful than him.

---

By now he could set his clock by the sound of those sharp but careful raps on his door.

Every morning at seven; a knock, a rustle and then silence.

That morning wouldn't have been different and the knock wouldn't have startled him had it not been for the note he had left clearing the confusion, expecting that to be enough of an explanation for the romantic who tried to make someone happy but ended up giving the gifts to the wrong person.

Deciding to ignore the knock Jeff continued getting ready. They'd realize the confusion eventually and maybe they didn't see the cups and note before they rapped on the door? Nodding his head surely to himself he finished buttoning his shirt when another knock, this time louder and more determined echoed through his room and he frowned, fingers pausing on the last button, wondering what could be so important to the mysterious stranger with the cups.

He gave the cups back, he explained what happened, he didn't think he'd done something wrong unless… unless he should have done it the first day and then the person would have made things right with their intended sooner.

And now they were angry.

Jeff flinched and stepped back from the wood as the third set of knocks broke the silence and he realized there was nothing he could do to avoid the anger and the chastisement. They'd probably still be outside his door waiting by the time he was finished getting ready and even if he avoided it today, the person knew where his room was so he couldn't avoid it forever.

He just wasn't that lucky.

Trembling he walked to the door, ready to take whatever came at him as he grasped the knob and pulled the door towards him, with hands shaking and eyes downcast, the chill air from the hallway rushing in and brining the gentle smell of cologne and chocolate into his face.

"Wow," a voice breathed in, what seemed to be, shock and it caused Jeff to lift his eyes slowly, carefully, trailing over a vaguely familiar muscled body, large hands clutching all of the cups and his now crumpled note along with a fresh cup of hot chocolate, a sunshiny smile he would be able to recognize anywhere that made his insides go funny and finally warm, sparkling eyes looking directly at him with an unfamiliar expression.

Him.

It was him and his first reaction was to grip the doorframe tighter, pulling the door towards him as if it could shield him from the pain in his heart as everything in him broke when he realized that the boy he had been drawing and dreaming off was trying to win someone else with a gesture so incredibly sweet it made his chest tight with want.

His second thought was to scold himself mentally because he had no rights to be hurt by that. He didn't belong to the beautiful Dom in front of him, he had no claim on him or his attentions and the sub that did, deserved to know about his romantic gesture without Jeff hogging his gifts as a misguided attempt to have something he could only dream of.

He had no right.

"I…I'm sorry I kept the c-cups...I...I realized they were meant for someone else too late and then I g-gave them back I'm sorry," he whispered, barely audible but sincere.

He was sorry.

For the cups and so much more that it was hard to hold it all inside everyday and keep going sometimes. He was sorry for being a bad sub, for not knowing how to please anyone, for not being talented enough or pretty enough or smart enough.

He was sorry for all of those things but he couldn't...he couldn't change them and that was what really pained him.

And because of that he could never deserve something like what this unnamed other sub would get.

"Why are you apologizing?" A soft voice broke through the dome his panic spread around him and he looked up confused with the fact that the Dom was still smiling.

"I... um…what?" he asked, not really knowing what was going on, stilly trying to get a handle on what this Doms mere presence was doing to him. His head was a mess, his rusty submissive instincts were suddenly going haywire and his nerves were shot. It was turning him inside out.

"I don't know why you feel like you need to apologize, or, for that matter, why you returned the cups? And the note you left me? They were… the chocolate and the notes...they were for you," the Dom said and Jeff felt the ground beneath him shaking.

This was an unfamiliar territory and he didn't know how to deal.

For him?

The cups were for him...but…how…why? "I don't…I don't understand?" he breathed finally and the Dom's eyes softened in a gentle, warm glow that made Jeff captivated by them once again as the older boy spoke.

"Okay um… it seems like this worked better in my head than in reality," the boy chuckled and Jeff couldn't help but tilt his lips upwards a bit at the sheer infectiousness in that smooth, rich laugh as their eyes caught and held for a breathtaking moment. "There's that smile that makes me dizzy."

Jeff choked on air as he stomach turned over horribly and he stumbled backwards, heart beating fast as he realized where this was going.

He came to mock him in person.

"This isn't funny," he said on an exhale, agony making him disregard his fears as he took another small step backwards his firm hold on the door, which was still partly obscuring his body, put to good use as he tried to close it.

"What!? Please don't go. Look I admit this may not have been the brightest idea but it was the only way I knew how to-" he started hastily but Jeff shook his head, eyes filling with tears and lip trembling.

Nick had no idea what was happening.

All he could see was his beautiful boy backing away, scared with tears in his eyes that made Nick's heart hurt and obviously mislead by his stupid plan that was supposed to make him feel good not frighten him further. His own hands, filled with his gifts, were shaking as the blonde tripped trying to get away from him, all the while spitting words that cut to the core of the Dom.

"How to what? M-mock me...laugh at me…humiliate me..?" the blonde's voice cracked over the last word but every word felt like a stab in the gut to Nick and he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't bear to even think about doing something like that to someone.

He had to make him see.

"How to tell you I'm crazy about you!" Nick almost screamed and the silence that fell over them felt heavy on his shoulders as the beautiful blonde stared at him, jaw dropping and eyes wide.

"W-what?" he gasped and Nick closed his eyes against that timid voice, trying to keep himself in check as he ran his hand over his face and through his hair harshly.

"God this went so much better in my dreams. Okay…I have a proposition for you," he broached carefully and the blonde said nothing, tilting his head to the side cutely but his deep brown eyes were wary and discerning.

"Would you consider giving me a chance to talk to you and explain what's going on here with... me and um…this," he said lifting the cups up and begging with his eyes.

He watched the shadows flit across the blonde's face as he stared at him in wonder and with that same ever present timidity that broke his heart.

"M-maybe… I don't know," the sub stuttered out, shaking his head to himself like he wasn't even sure of his own answers.

"Look, please... I'm asking for ten minutes. And we can do it here on your doorstep if you want. Just...please...let me explain and then you never have to talk to me again," he offered begging with his soul not to let that happen.

The sub stared at him for long tense filled moments and Nick tried to keep himself as open as he could to that scrutiny, so the blonde could hopefully find what he needed to in his face. "Okay I...I guess you can...um…come in," he said wide eyed as if his own words surprised him when he stepped aside to let him in pushing the door wide.

"We don't have to… we can stay outside of your private space… the last thing I want to do is to make you uncomfortable… and maybe I should have done this first but..." he smiled as he placed the empty cups under his left arm, and extending his right. "I'm Nick. Nick Duval."

The blonde looked at his hand then back up to his face then down again for a few moments before he hesitantly reached out and barely grasped his hand to shake.

"Jeff Sterling," he revealed shyly as their skin touched and it was more he allowed Nick to wrap fingers around his own than truly shaking hands, before he was snatching them back to his chest again as if burned by touch alone. And though that made Nick want to punch the Dom who had made him like that, because the sheer implications made his blood boil, the feel of Jeff's smooth as silk skin and the pure zing of connection between them for that split second of contact was enough to have his heart soaring and his head in the clouds for days because he finally knew this angels name though he could have sworn he'd heard it somewhere before...

Jeff made sure there was a good few paces separating them after that and that the door stayed open before he motioned for Nick to start, arms crawling around his own slight frame to cradle himself as his body hunched in a little and shifted with nerves.

Nick wanted nothing more than to close the space between them and sooth him, replace Jeff's arms with his because he just knew they'd fit perfectly and kiss and pet away all the tension he was feeling. In fact it was more than mere want; it was like a fierce drive inside him that he fought hard against. There was no way Jeff would be okay with that yet and so he sucked in a deep breath and tried to exude as much calm as he could in the pheromones he knew were pumping out in overdrive at being in this subs presence before he started.

"Okay, the first thing I want to get completely clear is that the hot chocolate and notes were completely one hundred percent for you and completely one hundred percent not in any way shape or form a joke," he said slowly and concisely just to make sure there were no more misunderstandings. He couldn't stand the look of misery and upset on this beautiful blondes face, it was made for smiling and happiness, he just knew it.

"But why would you want to send them to me?" Jeff asked quietly, his brow furrowing under the platinum sweep of his fringe as he stared at him dubiously, still not buying it.

Nick swallowed and figured that being completely straight with it and honest was probably the best way to go about it. "Uhh, okay," he laughed mirthlessly and rubbed at his jaw in agitation as he tried to arrange the words in his head into something coherent. "I…" he glanced up into that beautiful face and dredged up the courage from somewhere. He'd said it once already right? "I like you."

"Like me," Jeff repeated like the words were foreign on his tongue.

"Yes, really, really, really like you, Jeff" Nick stressed, loving the way the blonde's name rolled off his tongue and because Jeff deserved to know he was appreciated and admired even if he was making an idiot out of himself.

"You don't even know me," he said quietly, hands shaking and mind spinning with the words that came out of the Dom's mouth.

"I would love the chance to get to know you. It's why I was sending you all those stupid notes that backfired so spectacularly-"

"They weren't stupid, but why are you doing this I just…I just can't…understand…" Jeff cut him off softly and Nick heart stuttered in his chest and involuntarily he stepped forwards.

Jeff's eyes widened and he held a warding hand out shaking his head as if pleading him to stop. Nick complied immediately feeling awful for having shaken him so much.

"Like I said…I like you. I saw you in the hallway a couple weeks back and I just couldn't keep my eyes off of you. You were…you were so sweet standing there all confused and I just…I just kind of gave in and allowed you to become the only thing I can think of. Thus…the cups…" he chuckled at his own awkwardness and looked at the sub who had backed away even more during his monologue, shaking his head and clutching a hand against his chest, eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"I…I'm not worth this," Jeff finally said eyes watering even more; long lashes sparkling like diamonds as they caught the moisture and Nick's heart broke at the sight of him, so beautiful, magical...but so unaware of it, so convinced he was worthless.

God… He wanted to kill that other Dom! He hadn't felt anger like this ever in his life, his dominant side screaming for retribution against the sub it had already claimed as its own, words or no. But then it was also crying out for him to take care of Jeff, to take the trembling blonde home with him and shower him in love and care and affection so that he never felt worthless or unworthy ever again.

"You are… You are worth it, angel. Please believe me. Whatever they told you was wrong," he stressed fiercely, the soft nickname slipping without his control, unable to keep to his spot as he advanced towards the trembling boy he so desperately wanted to heal. There was something else driving him than his rational mind now.

Jeff gasped at the mention of his previous Dom and the decrease in space and the shaking increased.

"Please don't touch me…" he said as he lifted his hands and stepped back to put more distance between himself and this Dom who just had to come here and take away the semblance of peace he had managed to build for himself. " I just... I just want to be alone. I'm not bothering anyone and I'm not causing trouble…so just…please…" he begged and some of the tears escaped now to trace paths of misery down his face. "…Please stop."

It was like someone had driven a stake right through Nick's heart and he halted unable to catch a proper breath.

"Jeff-"

"I don't want a Dom. I don't want a-anyone, okay? I j-just want to be by myself," Jeff told him, voice breaking on the last word, looking down at the floor as more tears dripped to the carpet under their feet.

"Please don't cry," Nick begged voice raw. "I'll give you your space, just please don't cry. You…you're too precious to be sad."

"Don't say stuff like that to me…" he gasped through the tears and Nick turned back towards him.

"I only tell the truth. You might not see it now, or believe it…but…you mean more to me than you'll ever know. You're worth more than you could possibly understand. Just…remember that."

Jeff didn't say anything but Nick knew that this was it. His defining moment and it had all ended in tears. Stunned with the realization of how bad it hurt he backed towards the door and with one last look at the beautiful, broken angel standing there in the room, he shut the door.

---

Who would have thought the trip from Jeff's room to the library lasted so long, Nick thought as he forced himself to place one foot in front of the other and just keep moving because he knew that if he stopped his body would shut down on him and he would never be able to make it work again.

That soft voice was like a cure to his lonely soul, the beautiful eyes making his heart sting with the sadness inside of them and those perfect, pretty lips made to be kissed by him showed nothing but pain.

God how he had longed to take him in his arms and make him whole again, repaint the ugliness on his neck and make it shine again, make it show that he was loved, and worshiped and cherished.

Because that was all Nick would ever do to him…love him.

But he wasn't ready and there was nothing he could do but respect that. He didn't want to belong. He didn't want to be claimed and Nick couldn't blame him. With what he had been through he couldn't insist, he couldn't demand to be given a chance because all he wanted was for him to be happy, even if that meant leaving him alone like he had asked.

'Please, I just…I just want to be alone…'

It cut him to the core…

The pain, the unbarring vulnerability, the fear he saw whenever Nick tried to come closer, so much of his shine buried beneath the darkness the others inflicted upon him. It didn't make him less beautiful in Nick's eyes…god nothing ever could when he was so bright, so pure, so untouched in every way that counted.

And no, he didn't count the forcefulness and the ugliness of the touches laid upon his body.

He didn't count the scars he knew marred his soul, and he didn't count the memories that made him tremble and shy away from love. The only thing that counted was if he was ever touched with nothing but adoration, and admiration. If he was ever satisfied and held and protected from every single bad thing. And Nick knew he wasn't…that's made him pure in his eyes.

'I'm not worth this…'

He was, but he would never let Nick show him that, no matter how much he wished for it.

Longing heart throbbing with pain he entered the library, knowing that he had come there to find some peace and silence and comfort. Passing by a couple of freshmen stressing over a math exam he went all the way to the most secluded area, behind the books on archaic bond rituals and rules that nobody ever checked out anymore, and found his favorite spot; a loveseat under a bright window where nobody could see him break.

He sank into the warn pillows and leaned his elbows against his knees, lowering his head into his palms and digging the heels of them into his eyes to try and stop the tears from spilling.

It would do him no good to show so much weakness in front of the others and he knew it but there was no way he could help himself when everything inside of him screamed.

He brushed his fingers through his hair and shook his head to clear it a bit so he could figure out what to do next and how to get over the beautiful blonde that would never belong to him the way he wanted to.

Allowing his heart to mourn he lowered his eyes down, frowning when a white flash caught his attention from underneath the loveseat. The crumpled corner of a sheet paper that someone must have forgotten in their haste to leave the slightly creepy library.

He reached down and took the paper with shaking hands, breath stuttering at the sight of the signature at the back of it, on the clear side of the sheet.

Jeffrey Sterling.

Jeff.

His angel.

Rushing like his life depended on it he turned the paper and felt the world around him gain color again, his mind clearing and his heart jumping with an onslaught of hope threatening to drown him.

As he raked eyes over the drawing greedily he knew it wasn't over yet; it was only just beginning and if it took him years then he would spend years winning him over, showing him what it meant to be someone's for real, keeping him safe from everything and loving him so much he would never feel unworthy again. Because there was no way someone would make something like that for someone they felt nothing for, someone they never thought of. Because there was care, and tenderness and love etched into every stroke made on that paper.

Because it was his face staring back at him.

---

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