Chapter 9

One month. It had been an entire month since Logan had spoken a single word to Jax, or anyone involved with SAMCRO for that matter. It was becoming easier for her to turn in jipped reports about them; nothing crazy, but nothing to support their name. Her boss wasn't overly excited, but she was doing the job she was asked to. Her report about the slime-turd of a politician she turned in, with photos, was enough to keep her boss happy for quite some time.

She paced her office, sighing. She was so tired. She was so hungry. She was physically and mentally exhausted. She was tired of going home every night to nothing, she was tired of the silence, and tired of the lonliness. Well, almost lonliness.

She grabbed her keys to the Mazda 6 she had purchased two weeks ago, selling her crediting soul for the next 2 years of her life.

Before she had a chance to leave her office, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." she told the other side of the door. To her complete surprise, it was Gemma. Logan didn't know what to say. "Hello." was all she could figure was appropriate.

Gemma walked in, closing the door behind her. She took a seat across Logans desk, giving her an off smile.

"How ya been, sweetheart?" the Old Lady asked.

Logan shrugged, trying to hurry and grab all of her things. The less time this took, the less painful it was going to be.

With the weather getting colder and Logans ambition slowly going out the window, she had given up on her exensive dress attire; she wore tight black leggings, brown leather zip-up boots and an oversized thin tan sweater, with a darker brown scarf to match the boots. She wore a white tank top under it all, to bring the layers together.

Logan shrugged at the question, not wanting to let her mind do the talking. "Alright. Busy with work." she grabbed her work bag and her purse, slinging them both over her shoulder. "What did you need?" Well, that probably sounded rude. "I just mean, it's odd seeing you here. Is everything okay?"

Gemma nodded, standing up. "As okay as it can be." The truth was, she came there for her son, not herself, or anyone else. "Logan, I didn't want to stir anything up with you but Jaxon has been a mess since the day you left."

Logan huffed and rolled her eyes. "Then he shouldn't have lied to me." Was all she said, and all she kept repeating in her head; anything to keep her from going to see Jax and talk to him.

"Sweetie," Gemma laid her hand on Logans shoulder. She lined her green-eyes to meet the older womans brown ones. "I know he lied, believe me, they all do. We aren't members of the club." Logan wanted to scream but it was the cold hard truth, one that she didn't want to accept. "I've lost count of just how many times I was lied to between Jaxs father and Clay; it's what they do." Even Gemma was sad at the truth, wishing things were different and so-longing for a different life, a different destiny. "They lie to keep us safe, well, what they think it keeping us safe."

Logan hated to admit it, but Gemma was softening her mind, her grudge, her beliefs about her son and his club. She sighed, throwing her bags off her shoulder and onto her desk, pushing her hands to her temple and letting out a breath; she couldn't do this anymore.

"I can't do this anymore." Logan admitted to her. Gemma was beyond confused, and just looked at the girl, waiting for more words to spew. Not expecting it, Gemma looked away when she watched the now shaking girl take her sweater off, leaving nothing but a tank-top on her mid-drift.

Her appearance hadn't changed but her stomach had. It looked as though she gained ten pounds, if not more; she had a belly.

She looked to Gemma with steamy tear-filled eyes.

"I'm pregnant." she forced out, the tears starting to roll."I didn't know." she admitted truthfully. She didn't know, though she felt guilty for not. "When I missed my third period-"

"Three periods?" Gemma looked at her like she was stupid. "You had to miss three periods before you knew?"

Logan shook her head at herself. "I'm sorry." she apologized to the grandmother of the child she was carrying. "I found out for sure two weeks ago. I was really sick, so I went to St. Thomas and they confirmed it with a blood test. They said my HGC was high, and they put in the ball-park of my second trimester already." 13 weeks, to be exact. Maybe it was missing Jax, or maybe it was keeping this secret, but her emotions had lifted and she felt a lot better. Drying her tears, she put her sweater back on. Gemma rubbed her back for a few seconds, flipping her hair out of her face to look at the girl.

"What do I do?" She asked the mature woman, grabbing her things once again.

"I think you should tell the father of your child, that you are with his child."

She felt sick again. "He has to hate me."

Gemma looked to the ground, shaking her head. "You just come with me."

Logan nodded, pulling out her car keys.

She pulled into the club house parking lot behind Gemma. It was nearly dusk, so the garage was closed for the night. There were a few club memebers outside sitting, drinking a few beers and smoking cigarettes and joints. She felt sick to her stomach, this time from the little one, not her emotions. She needed a joint.

While quitting smoking cigarettes wasn't fun or easy, she managed to do it cold turkey when she left the hospital with her pregnancy confirmation; she didn't have an option. She couldn't get an abortion this far along, she knew that child had a heart beat and all of its organs; it was a functioning baby at that point, it went against everything she believed it.

She watched Gemma get out of her car and walk over to the members sitting at the picnic benches; it was now or never. Logan lit a joint and got out of her new car, locking it as she walked towards the door. A few club members greeted her, saying it was nice to see her. She smiled and acknowledged them, walking through the door, puffing on the joint in her hand.

She saw Gemma standing, talking to Clay; next to him sat a beaten down Jax, his face rough and his eyes tired. Gemma wasn't lying when she said he had been a wreck since she was gone for the past month.

"Hey." her shaky voice said as she entered. It was like lightning hit his body when Jax saw her. He jumped out of his seat, hurrying over to her.

"I picked up a stragler on my way back." Gemma informed them, smiling and nodding at the marijuana smoking girl. She swallowed the lump and smiled back to Gemma. Jax was infront fo her, not saying much.

"How, uh, how have you been?" he asked her, shoving his hands into his pockets. She looked to the ground, hit the joint once more, and shrugged.

"I'm been alright." she put the joint out in a near by ash-tray, reaching into her purse to oen her metal cigarette holder than was filled up with joints, grabbing one more and lighting it; this nausea was the worst she had ever felt in her life. "Can we go outside, to talk?" Jax had no problem agreeing to that. He was already half way to the front door. Logan looked back to Gemma who gave her another approving glance. She followed Jax outside and to a picnic table behind where the other men were sitting.

"I missed you." the blonde spoke first, looking the beauty sitting infront of him up-and-down. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I should have told you the truth from the beginning, and I'm so sorry, Logan. I'm just so sorry-"

"Shh." she cut him off, taking a deep breath. "You have nothing to apologize for. As far as I see it we're even." He looked to her, confused.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She grabbed his hand.

"I'm sorry, Jaxon."

"For what? I'm the one who lied, who kept things from you." He was making her feel more guilty by the minute, without even realizing it.

"No, Jaxon." she said sternly, trying to remember everything Gemma had said ealier. "I'm not part of this club, it was none of my business; it's just what you do. You lie to protect me, to protect everyone. That's not your fault." he wanted to speak, but could tell she wasn't finished. "I'm the one who's so sorry."

"What did you do, Loge? I don't understand." He didn't, and he really didn't care, either. He was so happy to see her, to hear her voice; nothing really mattered.

Logan stood up from the picnic table, passing the joint she was smoking to Jax. She wasn't sure how to say it, so just getting it out was best.

"I'm pregnant Jax." she watched his face turn white for a moment, and his eyes become bright. In a swift motion he jumped down, hugging her tight.

Not expecting it, he pulled her in tight for a kiss.

"You aren't mad?" she asked him, eyes welling with tears; fucking hormones.

He kissed her again, holding her face tight with his hands. "No." he kissed her again. "I'm so sorry, Logan. I should have been there, been there for you. I shouldn't have lied to you. I should have been honest with you. You're going to be the mother of my child." he dropped his hands, grabbing hers in place of her cheeks. "Please, Logan. Give me this chance. I swear to you, in a few weeks we'll be all legit; only money from the porn company and escorts. We just need these last deals to go through to get all the money we need." he kissed her again. "Give us this chance. For me, for you," his hand drifted to her stomach. "For this baby."

Logan couldn't find words, so all she did was nod furiously and kiss him. Things had never felt better, but her gut still turned; her job was fighitng her. Did she want this career, or did she want the father of her child?

Tossing the thought to the side, she was taken when Jax started yelling.

"Aye!" he got the attention of all the club members outside, and Clay and Gemma who were now standing in the foor way. "My old ladys pregnant!" he kissed her once more, smiling into it.

"Hell yeah, Jackie boy!" Chibbs yelled, holding his beer up in cheers. The others sitting outside followed his lead, cheering for Jax and his with-child old lady who had finally returned; returned to stay.

Gemma walked over, hugging his son and the mother of his second child.

"You know Abel's going to be so excited." Gemma told them both. "That kid hasn't shut up about you since you left." Logan smiled, hearing about the small boy who had stolen her heart the first time they met.

For once in a long time, Logan felt at peace and in the right place. Maybe she wasn't 100% sure, but she was sure enough; that was all she needed.