Chapter Two

Kili was terrified living with Mr. Bilbo. (He had told him that he didn't have to call him "Mr.", that just "Bilbo" was fine, but Kili was scared it was a trap, like how his father used to tell him he could have a cookie and then hit him for having sweets before dinner.)

He wasn't terrified of Mr. Bilbo. Mr. Bilbo was probably the nicest adult Kili had ever met. He cooked him chocolate chip pancakes and let him watch cartoons on Saturday mornings. He answered every question that Kili asked (though he tried very hard not to ask too many) and even seemed happy when Kili was around.

No, it wasn't Mr. Bilbo Kili was scared of. It was himself.

He was going to mess it up. He knew he was going to mess it up. He messed everything up. If it hadn't been for him, his father would never had hurt his mother the way he did. He was the reason that Randy killed the not-quite butterfly. It was probably a good thing that Fili wouldn't be around anymore. He'd only mess things up with him too.

He missed Fili so much. He knew the older boy had promised that they'd see each other again, but Kili was terrified he would never see his best friend again. Fili had been the first person to ever seem to think that Kili mattered. And if someone like Fili, who in Kili's eyes could do absolutely no wrong, thought that someone like him mattered, well, that meant something.

But now he'd never see him again, he realized as tears welled in his dark eyes. Even when Mr. Bilbo got tired of him and sent him back to the home, Fili wouldn't be there. He'd be gone with his uncle and would forget all about Kili. Why shouldn't he? Kili was a nobody anyway.

"Kili?" the gentle voice of Mr. Bilbo called, setting a plate of scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast in front of him. "Are you alright, my boy?" he asked, placing a warm hand on Kili's shoulder.

Kili really wanted to lean into the touch, to wrap his arms around Mr. Bilbo and cry and tell him how scared he was that he'd never see Fili again and that Mr. Bilbo would get tired of him and he'd be all alone, but he knew that he couldn't do that. Mr. Bilbo might misunderstand and think he wasn't happy here. Then he'd send him away for sure.

Instead, he gave a half-shrug and picked at his food while mumbling, "I'm okay."

"Hmmm, you wouldn't be worried about your first day at a new school, would you?" Mr. Bilbo asked knowingly.

"Maybe a little," Kili answered, not exactly lying. He didn't care that much about school, though. He didn't expect to make friends there. He never had before. The teachers were bound to get annoyed with him, saying he was showing off by reading ahead (it wasn't his fault everyone else went so slow) or getting annoyed when he asked too many questions (sometimes the book didn't explain with enough detail) or getting on to him for not paying attention.

School was worrying in general, but not really because it was new.

"Fourth grade. Important year," Bilbo nodded sagely. "You'll be learning some very important things. But I'm not worried about you, Kili, because you're smart. You'll catch on quickly."

"I will?" he asked, bewildered by the idea of Mr. Bilbo calling him smart. No one had ever seemed to think that before. "How do you know?"

"We adults just know these things," he replied with a wink. "Just be sure to have a little bit of fun as well, okay? Relax a little and make some friends. You'll be fine."

"I've only ever had one friend," he admitted in a small voice. Why couldn't he keep the stupid tears from his eyes lately? "He was all I ever wanted, but I'll never see him again, will I?"

"Oh, my dear boy," Mr. Bilbo whispered before wrapping him in his arms. Kili stiffened at first. No one ever hugged him like this. Well, no one but Fili, but Fili's hugs were different. Everything about Fili was different. He relaxed into it though and clinched his fists around Mr. Bilbo's shirt. "You'll see him again. I'll make sure of it."

Kili blinked up at his foster father with watery eyes. "How?"

Mr. Bilbo smiled down at him with a soft look in his eyes. "Always so curious," he remarked with a soft chuckle. Kili flushed in shame and looked down, but Bilbo lifted his chin. "There's nothing wrong with a little bit of curiosity," he said firmly. "But to answer your question, I'll talk to your social worker and Mr. West at the group home, see if we can't set up a playdate with your friend. Fili, wasn't it?"

He nodded, wondering how Mr. Bilbo knew Fili's name but not wanting to ask anything else after being called out for being curious. "He might not be there anymore," he told him instead. "His uncle was supposed to come get him soon."

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Bilbo replied to Kili's complete confusion. What did bridges have to do with anything? He wanted to ask, but it was probably a stupid question anyway. "Now, why don't you finish off your breakfast and wash your face and I'll take you to school, okay?"

He nodded and shovelled his eggs and sausage into his mouth, took a couple of bites of his toast, and tore off to wash his face.

After that embarassing crying episode that probably irritated Mr. Bilbo, it was probably best that he complied with his orders quickly. Especially if he made good on his promise to let him see Fili, even if he had used the very childish term "playdate" for the whole thing.

School went better than he expected, though he didn't really make friends like Mr. Bilbo had said. He had tried, and he had gotten further than he ever had before (it probably helped that he was wearing the news clothes that Mr. Bilbo had bought him and no one really knew that he was foster kid). However, by the time lunchtime had come around and he had gotten comfortable enough to talk more freely, his mouth had pretty much ruined things for him. (He had thought it was interesting that the Jell-O they were eating was made from horse hooves, but one girl had started crying and all the boys were looking at him like he had said the most awful thing in the world.)

That was okay though. They didn't seem to want to play with him (or even talk to him) but they didn't pick on him either. They had left him alone to dig for worms at recess, and when he had gotten bored with that, they hadn't bugged him when he decided to climb the jungle gym, even though a couple of them were already on it.

It was okay not to make friends as long as he didn't get any bullies. Besides, none of them could ever measure up to Fili anyway. (Okay, so maybe it would be nice to have other friends too, but wanting them seemed almost like betraying Fili in some way.)

Mr. Bilbo was waiting for him outside afterwards, just like he said he would be.

"I won't be able to walk you to and from school every day," he had said that morning, looking regretful. "Will you be alright by yourself?"

Kili had barely resisted rolling his eyes at that and just nodded reassuringly. But honestly. It was only about four blocks to the school from Mr. Bilbo's apartment (which was located right above the small bakery he ran). And it was a nice side of town. He had walked by himself to and from school for two years before he had met Fili. (Mr. West had meant for them all to walk together, but they usually ran off and left him behind.)

Still, it was... nice... seeing Mr. Bilbo waiting for him. It made him feel like, well, like someone cared what happened to him. An adult someone, as opposed to someone like Fili. It wasn't a feeling Kili was used to. Adults could do things to help you. It was a type of support that Kili never had before.

Mr. Bilbo had looked pleased to see him too, if his smile was anything to go by. Maybe he hadn't gotten sick of Kili yet.

Kili grinned at the thought and ran excitedly to his foster father, nearly bursting at the seams to ask him about Fili.

"How was your day?" Mr. Bilbo asked as they began their walk back to the apartment.

"Fine," he said dismissively. "Did you hear about Fili?"

He knew right away that whatever Mr. Bilbo was about to say, it wouldn't be good. His face went pinched in a weird way as soon as the question was out of Kili's mouth, and Kili's heart fell.

"Kili," he said, stopping and kneeling down in front of him. "I called the group home, but Mr. West said that Fili had already left to live with his uncle. But I called your case worker, and she's going to try and get in touch with Fili's case worker. It may take a little bit of time though."

Kili bit his lip but nodded. It was better than nothing. At least Mr. Bilbo was trying.

"Don't worry, though," he said, standing up and smiling down at Kili. "I'm sure Fili is just as eager to see you, and his uncle is probably trying to track you down as much as I'm trying to track them down. Between both of us, we'll get this sorted out soon."

He mustered a small smile in reply, but in the back of his mind was worried that maybe Fili's uncle wouldn't want his nephew playing with a nobody like Kili.

He kept to himself the rest of the day, doing what little homework they had been given on their first day without complaint and staying as quiet as possible during dinner. There were a lot of observations and questions that Kili wanted to voice (like telling Mr. Bilbo that he had climbed to the very top of the jungle gym or asking him why he named his bakery "Bag End"), but he had felt he had already bugged Mr. Bilbo enough for one day, what with asking him about Fili and all, so he kept his mouth shut.

The next two days, he did pretty much the same.

Unfortunately, Mr. Bilbo seemed to just get more agitated as the days went by. Not bad agitated like Mr. West (and his father) used to get, the kind that made Kili want to find a dark closet to hide in, but more of an uncomfortable agitated, making Kili feel guilty at the thought that he was the cause.

"Kili," Mr. Bilbo said suddenly during Thursday night's dinner, breaking the silence with a serious look on his face. "You know I want you to be happy here, right?"

He scrunched his nose up in confusion, but nodded anyway.

"I can't do that unless you tell me why you're unhappy," he continued gently. "Is it something I'm doing? Do you not like it here?"

His eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. "I really like being here, Mr. Bilbo," he stressed. "I've never liked living nowhere more."

His foster father sighed. "Are you just missing your friend? I promise you I will find him for you, but is there anything I can do to make you happier in the meantime? Anything to make you more comfortable?"

"You've already done more for me than anyone ever has," Kili replied earnestly.

"Well, we're family now, Kili. That means taking care of each other."

He frowned at that. "What do I have to do to take care of you?"

"Be happy. Be yourself. That's all I need," Mr. Bilbo smiled at him with a twinkle in his eye. "I can see the effort it takes for you to not talk, sometimes, but you don't need to. I like listening to you talk and I like answering your questions."

"But what if I bug you too much?" Kili blurted out his greatest fear. "I don't want to be sent back."

"Oh, Kili," Bilbo said, standing and coming around the table to pull him into a tight embrace. He pulled back slightly and looked him in the eye. "I'm never sending you back. You're my little boy now, and I don't intend to ever give you up."

"Promise?" he asked tearily.

"I promise," Mr. Bilbo whispered, pulling him into another hug and dropping a kiss on the top of his head. "I promise."

tbc...

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