Chapter Seven
Now that Kili was ten, Bilbo decided that he was old enough to ride the bus to and from Fili and Thorin's apartment by himself. And even though Kili loved hanging out at home and the bakery, going over to Fili's instead added a layer of excitement to everything they did.
Of course, he didn't spend every day at Fili's. For one, Kili didn't want to leave Ori behind all the time, as his parents didn't like him to take the bus by himself. (Ori was a year and a half younger than Kili, but was so smart that he was in the same grade.) For another, Thorin was only home maybe one afternoon a week, if he was lucky, and Bilbo didn't want Kili to impose too often on Fili's Uncle Balin.
Balin, of course, had brushed aside Bilbo's concerns, telling Kili that they were welcome anytime as they made him feel young again. Kili liked the older man immediately and began calling him "Uncle" just like Fili. Uncle Balin was fantastic. He told the best stories and often took them to the park a block down the street.
Kili's favorite days to go over, though, were the days when Thorin was home.
If Thorin was upset about Kili calling him "Pop," he never let on. But whenever Thorin was home, he liked to spend as much time with Fili, and by extension Kili, as possible. Sometimes he took them to the park like Balin would, but unlike Balin, he usually joined them in whatever they were playing, be it catch or hide and seek. A couple times he took them to the movies or to get ice cream.
Kili's favorite, though, was when they just stayed at the apartment and played board or card games. He really liked when they played poker using M&Ms or Skittles as bets, even though Thorin always seemed to know when he or Fili was bluffing.
Usually, days with Thorin ended with Bilbo driving over instead of Kili taking the bus home. They'd then have dinner together and watch a movie or something before Kili and Bilbo went home. If it were a Friday or Saturday, sometimes they didn't even go home. Kili curled into bed with Fili, and he assumed his dad slept in the same bed as his pop did.
Fili and he were certain it wouldn't be too much longer before they moved in together and they were both bubbling with excitement at the thought.
Time flew by quickly for Kili, but Fili was a constant throughout it all. Winter turned into spring, and soon it was early April, which meant that in a little over a month, he would have lived with Bilbo for a year. When he lived in the home, he had never imagined being as happy as he was now. He should have expected the bottom to drop out of everything.
And of course, it wasn't one thing that went wrong, it seemed like it was everything.
The day started out bad and just seemed to get worse. His dad had to come into his room three times to wake him that morning. By the time he was up and dressed, Bilbo was more than a little cross at him, instructing him to eat his breakfast quickly so that he could get to school in time before going down to the bakery.
Of course, he spilled his orange juice in his eggs and over half the table. The only good thing was that he managed to wipe it all up before it dripped onto the carpet. Still, his breakfast was ruined and he was late, so he had to run to school on an empty stomach.
His hunger didn't help him when his class went to P.E. that morning. He hated days when they had P.E. He particularly hated when they were divided into teams because everyone was very vocal about not wanting him on his team. He didn't care what anyone else thought about him, not when he had Fili, Dad, and Pop, but it still hurt to hear just how much he wasn't wanted.
Not that it mattered much today. They were playing dodgeball, and as soon as their teacher blew the whistle, about ten balls managed to hit him at once, meaning he sat out most of the game.
It was a stupid game, he decided as he watched his classmates have fun dunking balls and throwing them back at the other team. What did being able to hit someone prove anyway? And how were you supposed to dodge when the entire team was throwing balls at you at once from all directions?
The morning got even worse right before lunch, which Kili hadn't even thought was possible. He didn't, however, take into account that they would be getting their English tests back that day. His stomach turned to lead as he stared at the glaringly red F on the top of the first sheet. Tears made his vision blurry the longer he looked at it.
It didn't help that the other kids sitting next to him all saw his grade and started snickering to themselves. They made sure to tell everyone else as soon as it was lunch time.
"Guess you aren't as smart as you thought, huh, Kili?" was the kindest thing they said.
"Who fails an English test?" a girl two seats down from him sneered. "You have to be pretty stupid."
"I bet his dad will take him back for sure now," the boy next to him said.
"What do you mean?" she asked, glancing at Kili with a mean little smirk. Kili tried to ignore them, but he couldn't help but worry about what they were saying. What if it were true?
"Well, you know he's adopted, Louisa," he answered matter-of-factly. "When we adopted a dog from the shelter, we took him back after a few months because he wasn't good a lot. We traded him in for a better dog. We got a younger one so we could teach it better."
"So you think the baker will take Kili back?"
The other boy shrugged. "Who wants a stupid kid?"
They were right, Kili realized as a horrible sinking sensation within him. Nobody wanted a stupid kid. And Kili was probably as stupid as they came. English was supposed to be easy. He could speak it perfectly well, couldn't he? Why was it so hard for him to write it? How was he supposed to tell his dad that he had failed a test?
He pushed the food around on his tray, but wasn't really hungry anymore. His dad wouldn't really send him back, would he? His adoption became final right before Christmas, and Bilbo had said that it was the best present he could have ever gotten. He wouldn't replace him, right?
After lunch, he got detention from his teacher for not paying attention during their math lesson. Instead of going outside to play at recess, he was stuck inside writing lines. Just as well, he thought as he wrote I will pay attention in class once more. He didn't really want to be around the other kids in his class anyway.
He couldn't get the words from lunch out of his mind. He was being dumb he knew, but he couldn't help to worry.
He wasn't the smartest kid Bilbo could have adopted. He wasn't the cutest. He wasn't the best-behaved. He was loud. He was nosy. Kili couldn't think of one thing that Bilbo should like about him. Why wouldn't he take him back?
He said he wouldn't though, Kili reminded himself forcefully. He had promised. Bilbo never went back on his promises.
Steeled with this truth, he walked home slowly, still dreading showing the test to his dad. In order to put it off as long as possible, he bypassed the bakery and went straight up to the apartment to drop his backpack in his room. He didn't have any homework for that night so he didn't need it.
The phone was ringing when he walked in the door but clicked over to the answering machine before he could pick it up.
"Mr. Baggins," a woman's voice could be heard from the machine. "It's Miranda from Child Services in Seattle. Thank you for getting back to me about Frodo. I'm so happy you've decided to take him in. The foster system can be tough on a four year old. Please call me as soon as possible to iron out a few details."
Kili's backpack fell from his limp fingers. No. Bilbo said he wouldn't send him back. Was he really replacing him?
The boy's words at lunch filtered through his mind: 'We got a younger one so we could teach it better.'
That's what Bilbo was doing. He was getting a younger kid that he could raise to be much better than Kili. Not that that was going to be hard.
He backed out of the apartment, trying to get as far away from the answering machine as possible, as if distance from the message would solve everything.
He couldn't go back to the home. He was miserable there before Fili came, and Fili wouldn't be there.
What if Fili didn't want him anymore either? Or Thorin? Why would they want him anymore than Bilbo did? He was sure this Frodo would be a great little brother for Fili. And Thorin would probably adore him.
Tears streamed from his eyes as he realized he was losing his entire family. He didn't know what to do so he did the only thing he could do.
He ran.
He ran as fast as he could and as long as he could.
He finally collapsed under a tree in an unfamiliar park, curling his knees to his chest and burying his head in his arms. He cried until he had no tears left to cry and was left feeling hollow inside.
He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but he didn't move until well after the sun had set.
He still didn't know what to do. Nobody wanted him anymore because why would they? But where was he supposed to go?
He wanted Fili. Wanted to wrap himself around his big brother and tell him he was safe and loved.
He always wanted Fili though. What surprised him, though, was the ache he felt for Bilbo to hug him and tell him he was his little boy. Or for Thorin smile proudly at him. Would he ever have any of that again though?
Thunder rumbled in the distance and he looked up at the cloudy night sky. He couldn't sleep here. Not only was he fairly certain that people weren't allowed to sleep in parks, but he also didn't want to get rained on.
He could always go home. He knew that even if Bilbo was going to replace him, he wouldn't just kick him out with nowhere else to go. But Kili couldn't bring himself to face his dad knowing he wouldn't be his dad for very much longer.
Maybe Fili would let him stay with him tonight. They'd have to be sneaky about it, Kili knew. If Thorin caught him there, he'd definitely tell Bilbo about it, who'd definitely come over, if only to make sure Kili wasn't burdening Thorin.
Resolved, he got up off the ground and started trekking back the way he came, hoping to find a bus stop so he could catch the bus to Fili's. Thankfully, it didn't take him long to find one, and luckily it wasn't too long after that that the correct bus actually pulled up.
He got a strange look from the driver as he hopped on, making Kili realized it was probably late for someone his age to be out on his own. However, he had learned early on in life that if you acted as if you knew exactly what you were doing, people rarely questioned him.
He spent the entire bus ride worrying about what he would tell Fili. He wasn't entirely sure the other boy had realized how worthless Kili really was yet. If he didn't, he probably wouldn't understand why Kili had to leave.
He'd have to make sure that Fili didn't blame Bilbo, if that were the case. After all, Bilbo was amazing. It was Kili that was the problem.
He got off the bus at the by-now extremely familiar stop. Fili's apartment wasn't that far away. Thankfully, it was on the ground level. Sneaking in would be much easier if he could get Fili to let him in through his window, he decided.
Kili frowned as he considered the building in front of him. Fili lived closest to the front and to the left, but there were two windows there. One, he knew, was Thorin's room. The other was Fili's. But figuring out which was which was harder when he was looking from the outside in. If he chose wrong, Thorin would definitely catch him sneaking in.
He pictured the layout of the apartment in his mind and tried to figure out which room was where. Making a decision, he moved to the window on the left, hoping he wasn't wrong. He tapped gently on the window.
Nothing happened. Just as he was considering tapping again, the curtains were thrown open and Fili's face appeared in the window.
However, if he thought he could sneak in unnoticed by Thorin, that notion was dashed at Fili's wild shout of "Kili!"
He opened the window quickly and all but pulled the smaller boy inside, pulling him into a crushing hug. "Kili, Kili, Kili," he whispered as if it were a mantra.
Fili pulled back suddenly and glared at him. Kili shrunk into himself at the anger in those beloved blue eyes. "Never do that again!" he seethed before wrapping him into his arms again. "I was so scared I'd never see you again."
"Kili," Thorin breathed softly from the doorway before striding in and wrapping his arms around both of the boys.
Kili stood there wrapped in the arms of his pop and brother, confused over their actions. What was going on?
"Your father is on his way," Thorin said finally. "Maybe you and I could talk before he gets here?"
He said this mostly to Fili, who didn't look nearly ready to let go of Kili just yet. Kili nodded in agreement anyway, dread settling in his stomach. Fili very reluctantly loosened his grip on the younger boy and let him follow Thorin into the living room.
Kili sat down on the couch in trepidation. What could Thorin want to talk to him about?
Thorin sat down next to him. "Kili?" he asked gently. "Why did you run away?"
He bit his lip and looked down, examining the scuff marks on his shoes in order to avoid meeting Thorin's eyes.
"Kili?" he prompted softly, wrapping a strong arm around Kili's small frame.
"I found out… Dad," he said, hesitating over calling Bilbo "Dad," not sure if he had the right anymore. "I found out he was going to send me back to the home, and I didn't know what to do."
"Kili, look at me," Thorin said seriously, placing a hand on each of his shoulders and turning them both so that he could face him. "Your father loves you and will never send you back. Why would you think that?"
He shrugged. "Some kids at school were saying that he'd replace me because I'm not smart or anything special, and then I heard the message about Dad getting another kid on the answering machine…"
"Kili, if your classmates said you weren't smart or special, then it was only because they were jealous because you are so smart and so special," Thorin stated firmly. "And even if you weren't, that wouldn't matter to either your father or me. You're our son, and we love you. You don't have to earn it or deserve it."
Kili blinked up at him, hardly daring to believe his words. "I'm your son too?" he asked.
He smiled at him. "Of course, you are. Just like Fili is, and just like Frodo will be when he gets here. Now I'm sorry you had to find out about Frodo like that. Bilbo and I had planned to talk about him to both you and Fili this weekend. But I promise you, he's not replacing anyone. We love you and that's not changing, okay?"
Kili threw himself in Thorin's arms, burying his face in his chest. "I love you, too, Pop," he whispered thickly.
Thorin held him in his arms for a few moments before pulling away. "Why don't you go wait for your father to get here with Fili? He may spontaneously combust if I keep you away any longer."
Kili nodded with a small smile before darting back to Fili's room. The blond boy was standing by the door waiting for him and pulled him into his arms as soon as he saw him.
"I can't believe you ran away because you thought you weren't wanted," Fili whispered harshly in his ear, obviously having eavesdropped on Kili and Thorin's conversation. "Even if Pop and Dad didn't want you, I always will."
He just leaned into Fili, letting him drag him to the bed and curling around him. "I just thought… well, you all are so great, maybe I didn't deserve you?"
"We wouldn't even be a family if it weren't for you," Fili muttered into his hair. "How can you say that? You deserve everything, Kee."
"If you say so," he mumbled.
"You scared me so much," Fili confessed, tightening his grip on the smaller boy. "When you never came to the bakery, Dad freaked out. And then Pop left work to help look for you, and I could tell that even if he was trying to be calm, he was scared. And I thought… I thought I'd never see you again, Kee."
Fili's voice was thick with tears, and Kili felt sick with guilt. "I'm sorry, Fee," he sniffled, clinging to him and tucking his head under his chin. "I didn't even think… I thought no one would care."
"Well you were wrong," he accused. "You were so wrong!"
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Just don't do it again."
"Okay."
They lay there until Bilbo arrived, all but running into the room and scooping Kili into his arms.
"Kili," his dad murmured. "Thank God you're okay. I was so worried."
"I'm sorry," he said, wondering how often he'd feel the need to say that in the coming days.
He really hadn't meant to upset anyone. Looking back, he could see that it may have been a bit foolish to just run like he had, to believe that no one would care. It may have been excusable a few months ago, when he still wasn't used to people caring, but he should have known that his dad, pop, and Fili would care.
"It's alright," Bilbo assured. "Just don't do it again."
Thorin cleared his throat to call their attention. "I've made us a pallet in the living room," he said. "I didn't figure any of us wanted to let Kili out of our sight tonight, and my bed is definitely not big enough for all four of us."
Bilbo shot him a grateful look as he ushered Kili out of the room, Fili right on his heels.
"Who's Frodo?" Kili asked finally after they had all settled down onto the blankets.
"He's my cousin who will be coming to live with us," his dad replied. "But we'll talk about it in the morning, okay? I think we all could use some sleep after today."
Kili nodded, and with Fili snuggled up to him from behind and his dad and pop's arms thrown over both of them, he faded off into sleep.
Tbc…
So my grades finally came in for last semester, and I didn't do as well as I wanted. So please validate my self-worth by reviewing!