I just want to first point out that I am not even remotely sorry about anything I just wrote. Not in the least bit. It's just way too much fun to make Jack the Universe's bitch. That being said, I would like to apologize to those reading Across the Universe as I was supposed to have the next chapter of that up, however Vanilla Instant Coffee betrayed me this week and thusly, my laptop is being repaired, so I'm writing this from my family's desktop where I have none of my stuff backed up. This, thankfully, is a little plot bunny that just happened to cross my mind whilst I lounged at the beach the other day so it never went to laptop land. Anywho, now that the overly long explanation for things not being on schedule is done, allons-y!

Disclaimer: I regret nothing, I own nothing.

Movie Night

Things had officially crossed the line. Not in the traditional Heylin sense of destruction, murder, and poor fashion choices (such as Ashley's new Nicki Minaj hair do), but there was line crossing nonetheless. Line crossing that conveniently took place just when things were looking up for the Jack Man. You could mock his games, you could make him sip imaginary tea, you could wreck his home, make him deny that you knit, but you did not get him kicked out of a movie theatre.

Seriously, it had finally been enough time since the Honey Badger Caper that he could begin to think about possibly considering maneuvering himself into a position where it would be feasible to mull over becoming potentially able to toss around the idea of musing about maybe perhaps flirting with the concept of getting back in the rest of the Heylin's good graces, but then he just had to invite them to a movie.

Not just any movie, but one Omi had actually mentioned Kimiko dragged them to as a highly successful "Xiaolin Team Bonding" exercise. Stupid team bonding and cool movies with their getting him back into deep shit and ruining his hard work. Although in retrospect, perhaps he shouldn't have picked that particular film. The Avengers just looked so cool though and he'd really wanted to see it and hadn't yet because one of his bots accidentally washed his opening night tickets.

Chase was pissed off before they'd even entered the theatre. Unfortunately for him, his hair had finally grown back in after the Park Place Debacle and the Tea Party incident. His thick, luxurious hair, combined with his penchant for dressing in green, black, and gold earned him a series of tacklehugs from various fangirls hanging around the lobby. Needless to say, he was a mite peeved by these events. Wuya, on the other hand, thought it hilarious. Or at least Jack thought she did. He was reasonably sure he caught her giving an incredibly dirty look to one particularly touchy fangirl.

And things only went down hill from there. Le Mime and Wuya were almost kicked out before they even got in due to various shenanigans. Namely, he was trying to sneak in snails for a snack and she wasn't wearing shoes. That set Jack back another fifteen dollars right there because the little old lady taking tickets was a serious badass and there was no way Le Mime would set foot in the theatre without a snack and he had to get Wuya a pair of shitty flip-flops from the Five Below across the mall, which she had not stopped complaining about. Something about the hideous shade of bubble gum pink and the fact that they were shoes.

Then Ashley spent the first half hour in the theatre gushing about how all the guys in the movie were, "So hot." Everybody kept hissing at her to shut up, but that didn't happen until the scene with the punching bags when the entire population of the theatre went so silent you could have heard a feather drop if not for the sounds of the movie.

Then Chase and Wuya got to criticizing Loki because apparently he had a stupid plan and even stupider hair. Chase even drew reprimands from the usher from his rather loud and angry comments as to the stupidity of the costuming designer because according to him, "That armor is ridiculous. Why would they think that is acceptable?" Jack would have retorted with a, "Pot, meet Kettle. You're both black," but he was already having a difficult enough time enjoying himself and he got the feeling that the evil overlord hadn't quite calmed down from the last tacklehug.

Le Mime kept miming death threats at the popcorn because it was a disgusting snack that didn't even come close to measuring up to the heavenly delicacy that was snails. Some of them were way more violent than Jack thought crappy movie theatre popcorn warranted. He told the guy to stop as he was attracting funny looks from the neighboring moviegoers and the ushers.

And then it turned out that Ashley smuggled her kittens into the theatre and they'd of course wriggled their way out of her bag, so he had to crawl around on the theatre floor to help her look for them while stuff blew up. When they'd finally wrangled Mittens and Boots, he'd decided that perhaps it would be best for him to find another seat so he could actually try and watch the movie. That idea backfired spectacularly.

The only remaining open seat was in front of a small child who was obviously in the care of an older sibling or something because they kept kicking his chair and whining about how he wanted to see something else and how the guy next to him smelled like cheese and his parents had certainly never let him do that. He tried to tolerate it, he really did, but that last showdown had done a number on his back and repeated blunt impact was not what he needed right now. He tried not to react to the little bugger, but he was not having a good day and his poor back really couldn't take it.

He vaguely recalled standing up, straightening his trench coat, and turning to face the little brat, but after that, things got sort of fuzzy. The next thing he knew, he was standing outside the mall with a security guard lecturing him, citing numerous complaints about his disruptive behavior throughout the film.

He didn't even have the sanity to react to that. He just walked back to his car, sat on the hood because he'd somehow managed to lock his keys inside, and pondered how exactly he got the blame for, "threatening gestures towards concessions" and "rude comments about L'Oreal's effectiveness at removing hair grease."

By the time bot 413 arrived with his spare set of keys, he'd come to the conclusion that he'd stop taking advice from Omi. Next time he decided to do team bonding, they were going to go extreme ironing, because according to the cheese ball, that was a terrible idea, hated by everyone involved. Yes, extreme ironing. What could go wrong with that?

So...what do you think? I do try, but I feel like this just sort of fell apart. I'm either too long winded or too vague and it honestly just feels like it's not as funny as I wanted it to be. Anywho, a review right now would be absolutely lovely.