Alright, so thank you for putting up with the shittons of notifications that you probably got from me reorganizing my fics. I assure you, it was for the greater good. Namely, satisfying my CDO, but still, the greater good.
So guys...I'm vaguely nice to Jack this time around. Not really, but at least vaguely. Just as a heads up, it's sort of obvious in this fic that my senioritis is setting in. I've realized that I both hate more people than I thought I did and I don't hate more people than I thought I did, if that makes sense. Anywho, some parts of this feel a bit out of character, and it's not particularly funny, some of the jokes you'll only get if you're a real 90's kid, and just as a warning there are passing references to alcohol. Also as a heads up, I decided that Jack was dressed as Tony Stark, only I couldn't find a good place to fit it in so yeah.
Coralline Slayer: Yes. I may eventually be posting Extreme Ironing. And it will be epic. Thanks for the review! :^)
Revolutionarymind: That's what makes me love Jack in the weirdest way. No matter how much he gets knocked down, he gets back up with an even zanier scheme in mind. Thanks for the review! :^)
Moonheart13: Thanks for the review! Yeah, Heylin Family bonding is best isn't it? :^)
Summary: Jack tries to be a normal teenager. Unfortunate Antics Ensue.
He would never be entirely clear on what happened. All he knew was that things had finally gone too far, he'd snapped, and now he was sitting in the koi pond with his invitation to extreme ironing thrown back in his face while the sounds of the Halloween party blared in the distance.
Like most things in his life, this started out normally. He figured that since it was his senior year, he might as well make the most of it and try to be social. Of course, everybody still thought of him as the weird goth, taxidermy nerd so what better way to be social than via a Halloween party. He'd invited a few people he knew in his metal shop and AP calc classes and to sweeten the deal, he made sure to mention that his parents were out of town for a convention and had a rather impressive liquor cabinet, then to be completely sure, he'd invited Ashley, she let everyone else know, and things had snowballed from there just as planned. Within a week, most of the senior class of Alexander Gettler Memorial High School was planning for the Halloween party of the century.
He'd even invited the Xiaolin Losers, albeit begrudgingly, after Omi found out during a showdown and he couldn't say no to the kid.
Still, things were going to be, in the words of philosopher Barnabas Stinson, Legendary. Normally, the Spicer household was all decked out for Halloween, but this year he'd outdone even himself. There were fake cobwebs hanging from every door and window, tombstones with robotic zombie arms crawling out from the ground all over the yard, a state of the art stereo blasting only the best of the horrifying hits (among them Werewolves of London, Thriller, and Call Me Maybe), a fog machine coating the floor in a sea of gray waves, a set of black and blue lights to give the manor a spooky air, and his piece de resistance, furbies set where people would least expect them.
"Way to go loser," Ashley said, sauntering up to him, adjusting the mask on her Catwoman costume. "This doesn't completely blow." That was what she said anyway. When he saw her earlier, Kitty Litter had been positively ecstatic.
At first, he'd been nervous, he wasn't great at the whole socialization thing, but from what people were telling him, Rich, Goth Kid Halloween was a success. Plus, just from chilling with the people that showed make him rethink his opinions on the majority of his senior class. There were still a few that had only showed for the booze or he would just flat out would never like, but he was sure that if his schedule of evil and school work allowed, he would make an effort to be more social in the future.
Even the monks looked to be enjoying themselves. They were initially wary of the reluctant invitation, but eventually accepted his temporary truce. They'd shown up late, but fashionably so with Raimundo dressed as Captain Jack Harkness, Omi as Aang, Clay as Indiana Jones, and Kimiko as the Black Widow. He'd lost track of the Xiaolin Lovebirds a while back, quite frankly he didn't care to know where they went, Tex'd joined a group bobbing for apples, and the Cheeseball was somehow in the middle of a group of cheerleaders with all of them gushing about how cute he was. He'd kill to know how the kid'd managed that one.
Still, as with everything in his life, just when things seemed to be getting better, everything went to hell in a handbasket.
"Dude, you didn't tell me there were college people coming," said a guy wearing a bedsheet toga, Jack was reasonably sure his name was Steve. That couldn't be right, no college student worth their acceptance letter would consider this party for half a second. Plus, the nearest school was at least an hour's drive away. This couldn't end well.
"What?" he asked, still not sure if he could believe it.
"Yeah, some guy and this chick showed up," he said. "The guy's sort of an asshat. Liz just complimented his Loki costume and..." He desperately hoped that it was some college asshole party crasher in a Loki costume.
"Fuck," he said, bolting out into the foyer only to see not a pair of college assholes, but Chase and Wuya. Chase was standing in the corner, muttering about how he washed his hair thank you very much, the witch had a firm grip on his arm, holding him back from irrational villainous costuming related shenanigans. "Fuck."
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" he asked, trying to keep a happy front despite scanning the party around of them. Most people were giving the immortals some serious death glares and it would not due to have the Xiaolin Losers find out about this and make a scene.
"As loath as I am to admit it," Chase said through clenched teeth. "We have need of your unique mechanical abilities."
This was a particularly tricky moment for Jack as he was torn between gaining the approval of his evil idol and relishing in a rare moment of social acceptance. He was still planning that extreme ironing outing and knew that the other villain's attendance was dependant on Chase and Wuya's so if he didn't want to be ironing his trench coat on top of a mountain by himself, he would have to go along with them. However, he'd gotten a few invites to hang out with people and he didn't want to jeopardize that by leaving to fix, build, mechanicalize, whatever, something these two cooked up. Fortunately, or not so fortunately, he didn't need to make a decision.
"Do you see..." Wuya said, pointing to a nearby vase where a furby perched, it's glassy eyes staring at the trio.
"They were sealed..." he continued.
"It can't be..."
"Spicer," he said, sounding dangerously calm. "Where did you get this?"
"Walmart. Freaky right?" he said, allowing himself to sound just a little proud that he'd freaked out even an evil badass's evil badass.
"You know not what you do," Wuya hissed.
"Chillax you old hag," he said, looking around to make sure things hadn't gotten out of hand. "It's just a toy."
"This," Chase said, reaching out and removing the furby from it's vase. "Is not a toy. Do you..."
"Hahahahahhahahahahhaahwhahah ahwhwhhamahwahaha." He had to give the fuzzball credit, it did a spot on impersonation of his laugh. Not for long though. The next thing he knew, the thing was whizzing out the door and a car alarm was singing its song into the night. Unfortunately for him, he knew that car alarm. Only he was cool enough to make his car alarm the Batman theme.
He rushed out the door, ignoring the other villains, to check on his baby, only to find the glossy black paint and fine tuned metal of the hood buckled in a furby related crater. Without second thought, he turned around, smoothed his shirt, and marched back into the house. Things had gone too far. Chase had dented his car. Evil hero or no evil hero, there was payback to be had.
He made eye contact with the overlord, being certain to communicate every bit of his fury. "You. Dented. My. Car," he snarled, his fingers clenching into a fist before swinging wildly at the face of one very surprised Chase Young.
The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the koi pond and Chase was standing at the edge, a hit of a bruise already forming on his cheekbone. "Evil probation. One month. You will not so much as jaywalk." And with that, without even an explanation for evil probation, the warlock strode off into the night.
As he sat, still dazed and confused, in the pond, a round of applause went up from a group of people watching.
"Dude, that was awesome!" said Steve, rushing over as Jack hauled himself out of the pond.
"I never thought you would do that," Ashley said, helping him out of the pond, sounding more than a bit impressed with him.
"All in a day's work for the Jack Man," he said, staggering towards the house. He needed a ginger ale. Or a banana daiquiri. A month of vaguely described probation. Although given the looks he was getting, he might just be able to make it bearable.
So how much do you guys hate me right now? A lot? A little? More than you can even imagine? Anywho, I've set out a little candy bowl with peanut butter cups and chocolate covered pretzels. Please feel free to partake whenever you're ready.