Amelia POV

To stop the brain bleed and reverse it was complicated. It was messy, difficult, and time was not in my favor. I did it though. He was going to make it. I got done stitching him up when the heart monitor started going haywire, and then there was nothing. Instantly tears pooled to my eyes as I started chest compressions.

"Derek please... Come on... You can't leave us."

I puffed air into him and continued compressions when one of the doctors in the podunk hospital put his hand on my shoulder.

"Doctor Shepherd, you have to let him go. You tried."

I shoved him off of me with my shoulder and continued further. Tears were streaming down my face but that wouldn't stop me.

"Charge the paddles to 200. Clear."

There was nothing but that redundant flat line sound.

"Charge to 200 again. Clear."

Still nothing. This couldn't be happening. I needed Derek alive. He had me and his wife and kids, and we all needed him.

"Charge to 300. Clear."

In one last attempt, I hit the paddles to his chest. He was gone. He had stroked out. I had failed him.

I woke up to Owen shaking me rather roughly. It took me a couple seconds to remember where I was. That was just a bad dream but I really had been crying. I quickly wiped the tears away using the sleeve of my shirt. I hated crying in front of others because it made me seem weak. Even if that other person was my own husband, I didn't like it. My pregnancy hormones and mood swings were enough.

"Amelia, are you okay? You were sobbing in your sleep..."

He pulled me in closer so that I was against his chest and his arms were wrapped warmly and protectively around me.

"Just a Derek dream. Maybe Meredith was right. Maybe I really couldn't have saved him, even if I tried."

"Sadly there is no way to tell. You're a brilliant surgeon... Maybe you would've been able to."

I shrugged my shoulders and looked past Owen to his nightstand so I could check the time on his alarm clock. It was only 2:18 a.m. We had only been asleep for roughly four hours. I broke out of Owen's hold so I could get up and go to the bathroom.

"I'll be back."

I went pee then took my time to wash my hands. Looking into the mirror back at myself, it was hard to believe this was my life now. Married, with a 7 month old daughter and another baby on the way. Also, living life without my best friend and big brother. It was bittersweet. I looked past myself and to the reflection of our bedroom. Owen was doing something on his phone before we were interrupted by the fussy cry of our baby through the baby monitor. I quickly dried my hands and turned to go tend to her but Owen was already up.

"I got her. There is a pumped bottle in the fridge that I will warm up and give to her. You rest."

I sighed with relief and smiled as I gave him a kiss while he was walking out. I crawled back into our warm bed and snuggled myself under the sheets and comforter. I must have dozed back off because when I opened my eyes again, it was 2:35 and Owen was trying to get into bed without disturbing me.

"Sorry sorry sorry. I was trying to be gentle enough to not make the bed move so much."

"Don't apologize. I was waiting for you to come back anyways. Is she back out?"

He pulled me close to him just how we were before but now with my head on his chest. If anything, one of my favorite things about being married to him was being able to cuddle with him in bed. He always made me feel so loved and safe which was something I truly needed.

"I changed her and she only drank six of the eight ounces before she was out cold. I burped her and got her settled back in her crib with her blanket and pacifier. Her eyes shut again within seconds. She's such a good baby."

That made me smile. I always loved hearing that.

"You're a really good dad, Owen. I'm glad Bella and baby Lily or Chris will have you to look up to."

"Let's not forget about you. You've done amazing. You're the perfect mother for my babies."

He picked his head up to kiss my forehead so in return, I kissed his lips.

"I'm tired."

"We get to sleep in as long as Bella lets us. I'm off tomorrow and your early surgery got pushed so now you're only on the schedule from noon to eight."

"That's what you were doing on your phone? Having Bailey push my surgery?"

"No, I was checking the scheduling system and I saw the red notification thing indicating a change. The patient hadn't shown up for pre-op work and it's a non-emergency surgery anyways. So let's get back to sleep. Just relax and remember I'm right here with you."

I pulled the blankets up a little higher and got settled back down.

"I love you Owen."

"I love you too."

My eyes started to droop and get heavy as sleep crept upon me.

Work was a blur. It was just one of those days where anywhere I looked, I would see Derek or a memory of me and Derek would play in my head. I tried my best to act like I was fine but I couldn't stop myself from snapping at Richard for prying. Whenever I finally got off, I was relieved when Owen told me to not worry about stopping at the grocery store on my way home because he ordered in some Chinese food. I pulled into the garage and gathered myself for a second. I'd be able to relax with my husband and my daughter so I had to be okay. I opened the door and could hear Owen talking to Bella in the living room. He was completely mesmerized by our little girl standing on his thighs.

"Bella, say Dadda."

"Mmph. Da!"

"No.. Dadda. Say dadda."

She wiggled and jumped on his thighs so he sat her down in his lap.

"Dad-dad!"

Owen's smile was beaming. I could tell that even from behind him.

"So close baby... Dadda."

"Dad-dad. Dadda!"

"That's it! Good job Bella!"

Owen pulled her in closely to his chest and kissed one of her chubby cheeks. Bella saw me standing there and reached for me with a whine, giving away that I was home. I was honestly surprised Owen didn't hear the garage door open but I guess he was working hard on getting our daughter to say her first word. He instantly shot up and spun around with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Uh, how long were you standing there?"

"Long enough to hear our baby say her first word."

He almost seemed embarrassed as he started blushing.

"Yeah um... about that."

"Hey, it's an awesome start. Dadda is a good first word. It's really okay."

"Oh good. I just didn't want you to be mad her first word wasn't Mama."

I set my purse and keys down on the table and took Bella from him after giving him a kiss.

"Making the movements to say a m sound is a lot harder than making a d sound. She'll say it soon enough. How has she been today? Is she ready for bed?"

"She was great all day. We walked around the park and she napped a couple times and jumped a lot in her bouncer. She hasn't slept since two this afternoon so she probably is ready for bed."

"I'll take her so I can spend a little quality time with her."

"I'll warm up our food. How is our little bump?"

"I felt it move earlier. The baby is too small for anyone on the outside to feel the movements but it flipped around a couple of times."

Owen placed his hand on my little bump then bent over to give it a kiss.

"Daddy loves you."

That made the baby start to squirm and wiggle again.

"He likes your voice. He just started moving again."

"He or she... When are we going to find out?"

"My next ultrasound is in two weeks but Arizona said she can show us whenever we want."

"Let's try to find out soon so we know whether to call it a he or a she."

"I'll talk to her tomorrow. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

I decided to give Bella a bath first. She always loved being washed. Once she was nice and clean, I got a diaper on her as well as her cotton Minnie Mouse footie pajamas. We got settled in the rocking chair for her to nurse herself to sleep. She was so content as she laid against my bump. It would be so different having two babies soon. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. They were my whole world. She fell asleep after a while so I tucked her in and got changed into a pair of yoga pants and one of Owen's army shirts. He was waiting for me at the kitchen table with our food plated up. I sat there picking at my orange chicken and rice while staying silent. Now that I didn't have Bella as a distraction, my mind was going back to my long day full of painful memories.

"Amelia... Where is your mind at?"

"What?"

"You were staring off into space."

"Oh nothing. Just a long day."

"Well at least it was three hours shorter than it was originally supposed to be. Want to talk about it?"

"I'm fine."

"Amelia fine is never fine."

"I really was fine. I had easy surgeries. I couldn't get my mind off of Derek but I worked through it. I was fine until Richard invited me for coffee. I told him I was pregnant so he suggested decaf. Whenever I turned that down, he said we needed to go to a meeting. Last time I went to one, I was beaten half to death by one of the attendees. Then he insisted we needed to catch up and that he would take me to Derek's grave, as if I needed all of that. So I snapped at him and he looked so wounded. I tried to apologize but the damage had been done."

Owen set his fork down and grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze.

"I'm sorry you had such a tough day. I'm sure Richard just needed some space. Things will probably blow over. Just try to talk to him tomorrow to make sure things are okay."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll be okay. This food is great though. The baby and I both thank you for it."

"Oh well of course. Plus it was my night to cook so I took the easy way out."

We finished eating dinner then settled onto the couch together to watch the baseball movie 42. It was cozy just laying with Owen like always so I had accidentally fallen asleep on him about halfway through. I woke up to him carrying me up the stairs and placing me on our bed.

"You slept through most of the movie."

"Sorry, it's been a long day."

"No worries. Let's go to bed since we both have to be up at 6 and it's nearly 10 now."

He made such a good househusband. It would be interesting to see how long it took before I get sick of him once we're on leave when the baby is born.