Amelia POV

Owen and I talked more on whether I should go back to my meetings or if I should find some other way of counseling. From everything having to do with losing Derek, then Nathan's attack on me, we figured I should try therapy with one of the psychiatrists at Grey-Sloan. On Monday, I was scheduled for the initial evaluation with Dr. Goyle, one of our attending psychiatrists, first thing in the morning before we were expecting doctors from mediocre hospitals for a twelve hour crash course training session to allow them extra practice in their specialty or to give them insight into a different one if they wanted to enter residency for another program. We would be the first hospital to host such an event and if it was successful, other top hospitals across the country would start it. I only had one doctor coming for neuro so hopefully she wouldn't be annoying since it would be a 9 a.m to 9 p.m shift I would have to spend with her.

For my first therapy appointment, I wanted Owen to be there with me. I had worked alongside Dr. Goyle but hadn't ever had a personal conversation and now I had to entrust this man with all of my deepest, darkest feelings and secrets. He sat beside me the entire time and held my hand as I told Dr. Goyle all of my issues from the past with my oxy addiction, losing my dad, Ryan, my first son, and most recently Derek, then of course me being beaten half to death in the parking lot. He did agree with my California psychiatrist that I had panic disorder. He gave me packets of information on the disorder and relaxation techniques as if I wasn't a neurosurgeon and didn't know what was going on in my brain. We cut the rest of my appointment short to get to our awaiting visitors. Owen was paged for surgery so I went downstairs to the lobby by myself. When I went down there, Meredith was nowhere to be found. She had three people for the day and was at work before I got there, so I had no idea where she was. Callie walked through the herd of doctors over to me.

"Hey, is Meredith feeling okay? She suddenly got really pale and ran for the bathroom. I would go check on her but I have four doctors waiting and we are about to start."

"She seemed fine last night at dinner, but I'll go check."

I quickly jogged to the bathroom since time was getting pressed. She was gripping the counter and crying with her head hung down low.

"Mere, what's wrong? Are you sick?"

"I'm fine. I just need a minute."

I stepped closer and put a hand on her shoulder for support.

"Callie said you suddenly got pale and ran off. Are you sure everything is okay?"

She stood up straight, turning to look at me as she wiped her tears.

"One of the doctors from that podunk hospital is here."

"One of the ones that let Derek die?"

She nodded and tears stung her eyes again.

"The ginger. Her name is Penny or something."

"Penny Wright? Are you kidding me? She's the idiot I have to teach for today."

"Amelia, please."

This was the turning point of grieving Derek. She had to be dealt with accordingly.

"I'll take care of her. You have three doctors waiting on you. I'll find you during lunch. Remember, you're my favorite sister."

I gave her a quick hug and tried to leave as calmly as I could even though I was so infuriated. I went back out to where everyone was standing and could immediately pick out that stupid doctor.

"Dr. Penny Wright from Dillard Medical Center, right?"

"Um, yes?"

"It's a definite yes. I'm Dr. Amelia Shepherd-Hunt, head of neuro. My brother was Derek Shepherd."

The nonexistent color drained from her snow pale face.

"Dr. Shepherd-Hunt, I am so sorry for your loss."

"Save your apologies. Apologies are weak and meaningless. You were one of the doctors in charge the night my brother was brought in. My brother, a world renowned neurosurgeon, more of a neuro god, was neglected of proper healthcare and died. My sister in law lost her husband, my nieces and nephew lost their father, I lost my best friend and brother, and this entire hospital lost one of the best surgeons to ever walk through those doors."

Everyone was quiet around us. I didn't even care that I was putting on a show for everybody. What happened that night needed to be out there so no one ever made those same mistakes. Something that could've been such an easy fix cost the life of an amazing neurosurgeon because that team she was on was so uneducated without any common sense.

"I know. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better or to make your sister in law feel better. If I could go back, I would've stood my ground on getting the head CT. But after all, I'm the only girl doctor there, so they don't really listen to me. I wanted to redeem myself by specializing in neuro. Your brother's death was the rising action of my medical career."

She was so ignorant that it made me want to be sick. I could have actually slugged her but I had to remain calm for the sake of my little baby growing inside me.

"How dare you even say that? There is no redeeming yourself. You are so beyond lucky that my beautiful and intelligent sister Meredith decided to not file a lawsuit. I really don't think any of you should still be practicing medicine. Now I am especially not going to waste twelve hours with one of the bimbos responsible for his death. I will do everything in my power to not allow you to be a neurosurgeon. You don't get that privilege. You don't get to use Derek Shepherd's death to build your career."

"I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd-Hunt, I really am. I wish I could redo that night."

"Yeah and I wish that my brother was still alive. Look around, you see Meredith Grey standing over there with the tablet in her hand? She was pregnant when Derek died in your care. Derek has a daughter that he never got to meet. My sweet niece will never get to meet her father who would've loved her more than anything in the world. And next to her, that is Dr. Callie Torres, head of ortho. Torres and Shepherd were working on groundbreaking technology in both the neuro and ortho world creating prosthetics that could move using brain sensors. You robbed her of her partner. All of the other doctors here lost an amazing friend and coworker. So your mistake affected a lot more people than you think. You have no place here. Don't ever show up here again. I refuse to teach you."

"Please... Please don't give up on me."

"You gave up on my brother. You want to better yourself? Go into trauma. Kepner will teach you. Work your ass off to prevent everything you failed to do with Derek. I have nothing left to say to you."

I suddenly felt exhausted and knew I needed to calm myself down after getting all worked up. I quickly made my way down the hall away from everybody and decided to grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria. I settled on a blueberry muffin, some scrambled eggs, strawberries, and a small cup of coffee. Once I was full, I decided to crash in an on call room. I was just so upset and angry at that doctor but I felt a wave of relief come across me. I finally faced someone responsible for one of the deaths of the men I've lost in my life. I said everything I wanted to to her and it felt great to have it off my chest. That led me to completely sobbing tears of anger, sadness, but also relief and happiness. I cried and cried until there was nothing left and I fell asleep.

.

~a few hours later~

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I woke up to Owen stroking my hair, much like he did every morning. I could tell my face was a little puffy from all the crying but I felt lighter than I had in over a year and a half.

"Mia, I heard about Penny. Are you okay?"

For once, I could actually say yes.

"I said everything I've been wanting to. Yeah, I'm okay. I'll be just fine."

"Good. I'm glad."

He kicked off his shoes and crawled in next to me.

"How was your surgery?"

"It was easy. Just a splenectomy. I was going to lay with you for an hour or so before I have to get back down to the pit."

"That sounds good. I think I'll take Bella home after that. At least so I can spend time with her and cook dinner. Then we'll come back and pick you up. Just, now that I have my day cleared."

"That sounds good."

I rested my head on his chest and stayed quiet for a little bit, just relaxing.

"So I will say... I was so hesitant with letting you back in, and I've been trying to do so much on my own. I know you wish I would let you help out more, and I will try to work on that. I just know every man I've ever loved has died. I'm like a bad luck charm. I would prefer you alive, and I think our kids will agree."

"All of their deaths were tragic accidents. It had nothing to do with you."

"Maybe, maybe not. But I know I rather love you and get to be with you for as much time as I can get with you than try to resist while I'm miserable and you move on to someone new."

Owen tilted my face up to look at him.

"I'll always love you, as long as we both shall live. It's a part of our vows."

"I love you too Owen. I always will. Fate just brought us together. I wasn't even looking for a man, but I'm glad I got you."

"That makes me really happy to hear."

Then I remembered something...

"Arizona isn't doing the training thing today. She has Karev doing it for pediatrics. We can see if she is free so we can find out the gender of our little pea."

His eyes lit up brightly and he sat us up as he started put his shoes back on, handing me mine. I touched up my hair and make up before we walked to go find Robbins on the peds floor. We found her just as she was finishing her rounds so she took us to one of the exam rooms for the ultrasound.

"Okay you two... Any guesses?"

She put the gel onto my growing bump and started to move it around.

"I say it's a boy, but Owen thinks it's a girl."

"Interesting. Any names picked yet?"

"Lilian, or Lily for a girl. Christopher for a boy. That was Derek's middle name, and my father's first name."

"I like those names either way. Now let's find out."

She tilted the probe at a certain angle to show the baby between its legs.

"Owen, Amelia, I know you see what I see. It's a boy! Congratulations!"

Then came the tears again. We were going to have our little boy, and our little boy's name would be honoring Derek. Such a rocky start to the day turned out to be amazing. Owem beamed with pride.

"You were right, babe."

"Mother's instincts, I told you. Hey Robbins, can you print a few extra copies?"

"Of course."

Owen bent over and kissed my lips then my bump once it was dried off from the gel.

"Our sweet baby Christopher."

~There has been a decline in reviews... Hope yall are still reading. Also, I hope you liked this chapter! I really hope on the actual show either Meredith or Amelia confronts Penny, and of course I'm hoping for Omelia to become an actual couple... Let me know what you thought of this chapter in a review! Much love to all.~