Blue Diamond's Pearl isn't sure what to think of her anymore. She's never had a Pearl outright refuse her offer before, they're all taught from the beginning that that isn't something a Pearl does. The behavior persists even when it is only Pearls alone, which is troubling but helpful to her. This deviation that Yellow Diamond's Pearl presents is strange to her, but she has cultured a rebellious spirit inside herself over the years and she kind of likes the strength in that refusal. No doubt the other Pearl is still scared and fragile, like all Pearls are, constantly, but she channels it in a different fashion.
It is just somewhat maddening that this defensive strategy leaves her unwilling to listen, to accept something new into her imperfect little world.
Blue Diamond's Pearl will have to try again, some other time. She will feel as though she has failed in her task if she lets this go. But she won't force it, because Pearls break easily and she refuses to be the cause of it. Her story is meant for hope, not fear. She will not dishonor the renegade Pearl by forcing it upon anyone.
Life as a Pearl, even Yellow Diamond's Pearl, is repetitive. She can go through the motions without thinking, though she dares not. She files reports, answers calls, listens as her Diamond meets with various gems.
Diamond meetings are sporadic but always stressful. Not one, but three pairs of eyes on her. Two more Pearls beside her as well, and she has to try and remind her Diamond that she is the best of the best and should not be exchanged for something new.
Blue Diamond's Pearl is there, of course, but Yellow Diamond's Pearl refuses to look at her. It's easy to avoid each other because Pearls aren't meant to converse in settings like this—that is reserved for outside the courts, and even then only in soft segmented speech. But she can feel the other Pearl watching her and it makes her whole body lock up with an anxiety she doesn't understand.
She's just a Pearl, isn't she? Except…
She tells herself she is worrying over nothing, that she needs to focus, in case her Diamond chooses to give her an order, but it is hard. She is relieved when Blue Diamond sends her Pearl out to retrieve a package for her.
The conversation between Diamonds continues, meanders in ways other gems probably would not expect from their leaders. The courts are a subtle battleground of ideas, laden with manipulation and well-placed words. But Pearls do not tell all of the little things they hear.
And Pearls hear themselves in conversation too. They are entertaining, or well-behaved, or useful. They are old, or defective, or will be harvested soon. Yellow Diamond's Pearl hates these conversations. One day she will be the one that doesn't measure up.
"I should replace this one soon," White Diamond says conversationally. "She's a wonderful dancer, but she takes so long to run errands."
Yellow Diamond's Pearl knows this is because the Pearl has a small chip on one side of her gem, small enough to go unnoticed for a little while when you're just a Pearl. She knows how it got there, knows that now the Pearl always takes the quiet, deserted passages which take twice as long.
She doesn't realize that obsessing over self-preservation will only get her shattered faster. She wouldn't have much time anyway, but if she were smarter she would have figured out how to serve her Diamond at least a little while longer.
"Hmm, yes, she does seem a bit odd," Blue Diamond muses. "Mine is quick to obey, as always."
"Your Pearl is ancient," White Diamond laughs, "but I've long since given up on persuading you to get a nicer one. What about you, Yellow?"
Yellow Diamond's Pearl would tense up, would hide or cover her ears, but doing any of those things would be dangerous.
"Mine's adequate." Two words. No feeling behind them.
She feels empty. No, she feels relieved. She has succeeded in what she has worked for, for now. Adequate. She feels empty.
"She's been around for a while," White Diamond is saying. "I'm surprised; you're always so impatient with them." Yellow Diamond doesn't really answer, so she continues. "You ought to get a new one—there are some lovely new customization options."
White Diamond's words feel like a blade, slicing through Yellow Diamond's Pearl like she is nothing.
She is nothing.
Yellow Diamond just gives her a cursory glance, says a dismissive "Perhaps."
It's all she can do to stay upright, hold her position without trembling.
Minutes pass like hours.
"Pearl, go speak to the Peridot working in the control room. I want an update on her progress."
An order. She can do that, at the very least. But for the first time she feels wrong for trying so hard.
She bows obediently and leaves, legs buckling beneath her as the door closes, and she can't even summon the strength to care that she is failing in her duties. She is nothing, she doesn't matter, her work amounts to nothing. It will not save her, it will not make her any different from the many, many Pearls before her. They had tried too, of course they had, but none of them could ever be enough.
She will never be enough, and she is no longer sure why she ever wanted to be.
"Pearl," a voice breathes from above her, not even a whisper.
She forces her wide eyes up from the floor and sees Blue Diamond's Pearl before her. There is only the slightest hesitation before the other Pearl slides her arms under hers and drags her to her feet with surprising strength. Before she knows it, they are in a tiny, dark room, alone. A storage closet, she thinks, but she can barely process what's happening.
"Pearl. Pearl, listen to me." Blue Diamond's Pearl takes her shoulders. "You cannot fall apart right now."
A hysterical laugh bubbles from her mouth.
She shakes her head. "No. You need to stop."
It's the shock of hearing any Pearl say "no" that quiets her more than anything else.
"I know you're scared," she continues softly, "but no matter what, you must perform perfectly for your Diamond."
"It doesn't matter!" She's never cried before, but she considers it now.
"Yes, it does, but not in the way you think." The other Pearl's hands slip away, coming to rest lightly on her own chest, cupping either side of her gem. "Let me show you."
Yellow Diamond's Pearl doesn't even care anymore, doesn't bother to protest as the other's gem starts to glow, lighting up the room.
Blue Diamond's Pearl turns so it projects onto the wall, and what shows there is an unfamiliar sight. It is Blue Diamond's court, but not the court she occasionally visits with her Diamond, an older one, a different one. Gems she recognizes by type but does not know. And then two more, who enter from above, a Quartz and a—
A Pearl.
A Pearl with weapons, who wipes out multiple gems within seconds.
A Pearl.
"We are the Crystal Gems," Blue Diamond's Pearl whispers in time with the projection.
It's too much, whatever the feeling inside her is. It's too much, but she no longer feels as broken as she did moments before.
The light from the projection fades and leaves them in darkness.
"What is that?" she whispers.
"Later," Blue Diamond's Pearl says. "During the next rest cycle. Now go, quickly."
She does.
Yellow Diamond's Pearl goes about her duties in a kind of daze, though she doesn't let it show. She makes sure to glare at the Peridot she's been ordered to speak to like usual, which isn't hard. The Peridot has the nerve to ask "Did you catch all that?" at the end of an elementary technical explanation. She takes the report back to Yellow Diamond, completely accurate as always, and stands tall until the end of the meeting, showing nothing on her face.
Inside, she is spinning and shaken and suspicious. How can a Pearl hold a weapon? How can a Pearl be part of a rebellion? How can a Pearl do anything besides being a Pearl?
She wants to stop thinking about all these dangerous, awful things that would easily get her shattered. She ought to dismiss it, she ought to pretend she never spoke to Blue Diamond's Pearl.
But her right hand is curled into a fist at her side and she can't stop thinking about what a sword—even just one—would feel like in her hands. She's never been allowed near weaponry. Pearls have no need for it; they are useless in a battle.
Except perhaps they are not, her near-perfect memory tells her, the images of slashing swords and defeated gems playing over and over in her head.
She had always assumed that she was the most a Pearl could hope to be, but what if she had been wrong? What if—
No. Those are forbidden, terrible things to think, for a Pearl. She can't let that weird ancient one get into her head. Whatever defective thing that was in the projection, it is long gone now, certainly. All traces of it erased. It doesn't matter.
She is a Diamond's Pearl, and she has more important things to dwell on.
More important things than swords and treason and another Pearl's shadowy memories.
It is all she can think about, even as she tries not to.
On the way to her rest cycle, she can do nothing but think, nothing but anticipate.
She shouldn't try to talk to Blue Diamond's Pearl. It will only lead to bad things, and she is trying to survive. That's all she's ever tried to do.
But that Pearl—that Pearl with the swords—who was she? Why had she shown her that Pearl, and why did it matter so much?
She arrives first and takes her usual place, shoulders stiff beneath the fancy ruffles that adorn them. After a few moments, there is movement beside her and she glimpses the barest hint of Blue Diamond's Pearl, the folds of her skirt fluttering as she sits. They don't look at each other.
They do not move at all until every Pearl is there and the door has been closed and there has been nothing but quiet whispers around them for some time.
Then, and only then, does Yellow Diamond's Pearl dare to turn and look at the Pearl beside her. "Tell me."
Astonishingly, Blue Diamond's Pearl smiles. It is the first sign of life she has ever seen on her face. It is the first real smile she's seen from any Pearl, and the audacity of it terrifies her.
"5,750 years ago, she was a rebel fighting for a soon-to-be colony planet named Earth." The words are soft, shared only between them, but they seem loud and wrong and impossible.
"How?" she demands, matching the softness but with none of the pleasant lilting Blue Diamond's Pearl always manages. "She's a Pearl."
"So are we."
"She must have been defective."
"Gems throw around that word so much they don't even know what it means anymore." There's disdain in her voice now, and it doesn't suit her—doesn't suit what she appears to be—at all. Stars, this Pearl is ten times scarier than she'd originally thought. 5,750 years. She's held this memory for 5,750 years, and it has festered inside of her. She is different now, different from whatever she had once been.
Different like Yellow Diamond's Pearl is becoming every time she dwells on those swords.
"The leader of the rebellion was named Rose Quartz," the Pearl continues quietly in her normal tone. "They fought for the planet so the organic life there would not be destroyed in the process of colonization. I only ever saw the two of them, but there were more. They put up a fight."
"They lost," she says, with certainty, because they had to have lost.
"Yes," she admits, "but they allowed the planet to live for thousands more years than it would have gotten otherwise."
"What does that matter?" Yellow Diamond's Pearl hisses. "They're all broken. Homeworld doesn't let rebels like that live."
The other Pearl's teeth tug at her lower lip, like she wants to rip it in two. "It matters. She was a Pearl, and she fought."
"The Quartz probably owned her."
She smiles again, suddenly, toothy and unrefined and startling. "No. She was one of White Diamond's Pearls."
Her gem burns with emotion she doesn't understand.
She shouldn't believe this. She shouldn't believe any of this, but the Pearl in front of her is so perfectly wrong that she can't imagine it being false.
"Haven't you ever wondered why she gets rid of them so quickly now?" she asks, some mix of pain and delight in her voice. Her fingers clasp in front of her gem. "She's scared."
"Diamonds aren't scared of anything. And it's ridiculous anyway, Pearls aren't a threat."
"Not if she doesn't let them live long enough to betray her."
This is wrong. This is very, very wrong. It's impossible.
Yet when she opens her mouth, all that comes out is "Let me see it again. All of it."
And Blue Diamond's Pearl, smiling and pretty and deadly, acquiesces.