Chapter Seventeen

Kili tried putting the discussion about sexuality out of his mind, he really did. It got more difficult, though, as his body seemed to get more interested with the idea of sex. About a month after his twelfth birthday, it became a regular occurrence for him to wake up sporting an erection. That was embarrassing enough for him to stop sneaking into Fili's bed, but he was positively mortified the first time he woke up with a wet, sticky stain in his underwear.

His dad talked to him about it a couple days later (after muttering something about Thorin and doing things himself if he wanted something done right), and told him that it was perfectly natural and that he shouldn't worry about it. Kili hadn't known how Bilbo had even known that Kili had been worried about it, but he was grateful.

Regardless, his body's insistence on going through puberty had him questioning exactly what gender he actually found attractive. And since questions were made to be answered, Kili set out to find that answer.

The first thing he tried was simply looking around the school, surreptitiously of course, thinking the best way to figure out who in his class he found attractive. The problem with that, though, is that he couldn't really get past what he already knew about their various personalities. That was not particularly helpful.

For a more controlled experiment, then, Kili decided that it might be better to stick with actors. This worked much better. Ultimately, what he discovered was that, while he could appreciate the beauty of the curvy bodies of actresses like Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Lawrence, he much preferred the more masculine lines of Chris Pine and Ryan Gosling.

Chris Hemsworth he found particularly appealing. The combination of the Australian's crystal clear blue eyes and golden blond hair… He had flushed beet red when he came across a picture of the man shirtless and instantly his cock stood up in interest. He quickly cleared the search history of the computer the whole family shared in the basement and fled to his room, grateful that he didn't meet anyone on the way there.

On the upside, he figured that was pretty definite proof that he was, in fact, gay. He knew that that revelation might have caused a crisis for other twelve-year-old boys, but given that he had two dads and apparently many of his friends were also gay (a statistical anomaly, Kili was sure), he was much more blasé about the realization. Sure, he knew that other people might treat him badly because of who he was attracted to, but he figured if he had a shot at something like what his dad and pop had, it was more than worth it.

The downside of his little experiment, though, was that now, whenever his penis decided it wanted to become erect, which happened randomly as far as Kili could tell (which the internet told him was totally normal during puberty), but whenever that happened, blond hair and blue eyes would pop into his head, making it extremely hard to think of something non-arousing to get rid of it.

Despite his body's burgeoning interest in the idea of sex, he still found the whole thing unbelievably embarrassing and uncomfortable. Sure, he could understand why sex would be appealing (it did feel nice when he touched himself), but he couldn't imagine ever wanting someone else to touch him, especially if he were naked! It seemed like it would be so… personal.

The worst part of the stupid puberty thing, though, was that he felt like he shouldn't slip into bed with Fili anymore, not that that stopped him those nights when he had nightmares. Even then, they had to be particularly bad to get him to leave his own bed. For some reason, the thought of waking up with morning wood while curled around Fili made his stomach lurch in a way he didn't quite understand.

He regretted, though, when he was woken in the middle of the night by a soft sound coming from Fili's room. He frowned as he stood up and crept through the bathroom into the other bedroom.

"Fili?" he called quietly, peering into the dark room and barely able to make out his brother's outline in his bed. A soft cry of pain was his only answer, but it sent him shooting forward like a rocket to Fili's side. The blond was curled tightly on his side, barely audible whimpers coming from him with every other breath.

"Fili!" he cried in alarm, kneeling by the bed afraid to touch him for fear of hurting him.

Blue, pain-filled eyes opened as Fili tried to smile reassuringly at him. He failed spectacularly. "I'm alright, Kee," he ground out. "Just a stomachache. It'll go away."

Kili reached up to brush the hair from Fili's forehead and frowned. "You're burning up! I'm getting Dad and Pop."

"Kili, no," he protested weakly, but Kili was already up and headed towards the door.

Fili was always reluctant to admit he was sick, but he had never been this sick before. Never so hot and in so much pain.

And it scared Kili.

"Dad! Pop!" he cried loudly as he burst into their room. Thorin was sitting upright in alarm in an instant while Bilbo raised his head and looked at Kili in groggy confusion. "Fili's really sick!"

Thorin was out of bed and moving past him before Kili even finished talking. Bilbo was only a split second behind him, but Kili had already darted out behind his pop, eager to return to Fili's side.

The light was on when he returned to Fili's room, which only highlighted how pale and sickly the blond looked. Thorin looked worried as he spoke softly to him, frowning deeply when he lay his hand on his forehead. Bilbo walked in and coaxed a thermometer in Fili's mouth before turning to Thorin.

"I think we should call Balin and ask him to come stay with Kili and Frodo," he murmured. "We need to get him to the emergency room if he's in this much pain."

Kili blinked back tears as Thorin nodded, leaving the room to presumably call Uncle Balin. Emergency room. That wasn't good. That meant something was really wrong with Fili.

He rushed to take the spot by Fili that Thorin had vacated, taking his brother's sweaty hand in his own. Fili's eyes cracked open again as he gripped Kili's hand tightly. "I'll be okay, Kee," he promised weakly.

Kili wanted to believe him. Fili wouldn't lie to him, but Kili knew that there was no way that the other boy knew for sure that he would be okay. He didn't like seeing Fili like this. Nothing should be allowed to hurt Fili. Fili never deserved to hurt.

"What's going on?" Frodo's sleepy voice asked as he stumbled into the room rubbing his eyes.

"Fili's sick," Bilbo explained in a forcibly calm voice. "Why don't you and Kili run along back to bed? Pop and I are going to take him to the hospital just as soon as your Uncle Balin gets here to look after you two."

"I want to go with him," Kili protested, tightening his grip on Fili's hand. Fili gripped him right back, silently lending support to Kili's plea.

Bilbo shook his head as Thorin walked back in, dressed and stating that Balin would be there in about half an hour. "It's better if you stay here with Frodo and Balin," his dad said in a distracted tone. "Take Frodo to his room and then go back to bed."

His dad left the room and Kili turned to look pleadingly at Thorin. "Pop…"

"I'm sorry, Kili, but do as your father says," he said, sparing him an apologetic look before turning back to Fili. He carefully scooped him into his arms, blankets and all. Fili whimpered in pain as he was moved, hand slipping from Kili's as he went.

Hot tears finally spilled down Kili's cheeks as he watched Thorin carry Fili out of the room. He felt so helpless and scared. Fili was so sick and was hurting so much. What if something was really wrong with him? What if he…?

A quiet sob escaped his lips before he pressed his hand tightly over mouth, breathing harshly through his nose. A tiny hand wrapped around his free hand and tugged lightly. He looked down to see Frodo looking up at him with big blue eyes.

"It's okay, Kili," he said, tugging him out of the room and into Kili's own room. If Kili wasn't so distraught, he probably would have smiled as his little brother manhandled him into bed. As it was, he just quietly let the small boy push him into the bed and then crawl in after him, wrapping his little arms around Kili's shoulders.

Kili tried to stop his tears, not wanting to frighten Frodo, but he couldn't. Frodo, though, didn't seem to mind, just clinging more tightly to him and telling him over and over that it would be okay.

A little while later, Bilbo came into the room and sighed as he saw Kili's tears. "I promise Fili will be okay," he said, brushing back Kili's hair. "We're going to take him to the hospital now. Balin's going to take Frodo to school tomorrow, but I'll tell him you can stay home, okay? That way you can be here when we get back."

Kili nodded miserably. "Okay."

He felt like that word was being used a lot for a situation that was most definitely not okay. He felt Bilbo brush a kiss to his forehead as he closed his eyes, hoping that Fili would be back home when he woke up and feeling better.

#

It was late morning by the time he woke up. As soon as he was awake enough to remember the night before, he was up and running through the bathroom to Fili's room, stopping just short of the door and peeking in quietly in case the other boy was sleeping. He frowned as he saw that the room was just the same as it had been the night before after Thorin had carried Fili out.

Thinking maybe Fili was awake and watching television in the living room or something, he tore off down the stairs, disappointed as silence greeted him.

"Kili?" the soft voice of his Uncle Balin called from the kitchen. He made his way to where his uncle was pulling a bowl out of the refrigerator. "How about some pancakes?"

He ignored the question. "How's Fili? When's he coming home?"

Balin sighed as he turned the stove on to heat the pan. "He probably won't be home until tomorrow, I'm afraid," he explained, giving Kili a sympathetic smile. "He had an acute case of appendicitis and they were getting him ready for surgery when your dad called me with an update."

Kili's blood ran cold at the word 'surgery.' Surgery was serious. Surgery meant someone was going to cut Fili open.

His panic must have shown on his face because Balin was suddenly pulling him into a comforting hug. "It's not as bad as it sound, I promise, Kili. It's a quick, easy surgery that will have Fili feeling right as rain afterwards."

Kili sniffled into his uncle's shirt. "They're gonna cut him open though," he said, looking up at him with doubtful eyes.

Balin smiled at him. "Yes, they have to get the sick part of him out so it doesn't hurt him anymore. But it's not a big cut, and they know what they're doing."

"What if they mess up?" Kili asked, terrified. "What if their hands slip and they cut too deep and… and…"

"That won't happen," he answered quickly. "Fili's going to be just fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I am," he stated with a smile. "Now, pancakes?"

Kili shook his head. "I'm not really hungry."

"How about this," he said. "You eat some pancakes. And this afternoon, you, Frodo, and I will eat some dinner, bring some to your parents because I'm sure they won't have eaten anything decent all day, and you can see for yourself that Fili is just fine."

He frowned. The afternoon seemed like a long time away. And his stomach felt too tied up in knots to eat. "Can I just have an apple or something for now instead?"

Balin smiled and nodded, turning the stove off and placing the bowl of pancake batter back in the fridge. "Okay, we'll have pancakes for dinner then," he replied with a wink, handing Kili a shiny red apple.

#

The afternoon, like Kili expected, took forever to get there. They did end up having pancakes with Frodo later on, but Kili still didn't really feel like eating, picking his pancake apart and moving the bits around on his plate to make it seem like he ate more.

When they finally got to the hospital, after picking up food for Bilbo and Thorin, Kili was a bundle of nerves, and he didn't really know what to do with himself. He wanted to run up to Fili's room to reassure himself that his brother really was okay. At the same time, though, he was terrified that Fili wouldn't be okay when he saw him.

Then there was the small kernel of guilt that had been steadily growing within him all day. Because Fili had obviously been in pain for a long time last night before Kili had heard his cry of pain. If Kili hadn't stopped sneaking into his brother's bed, maybe he wouldn't have gotten as sick as he did and maybe he wouldn't have had to have surgery. What if Fili had figured that out and was upset with him?

So it was with apprehension that Kili followed Balin into Fili's room. That apprehension faded immediately, though, when Fili lifted his head and smiled at him, raising an arm in obvious invitation. Kili was there in an instant, climbing gently onto the bed next to the blond and tucking himself under his arm, keeping his arms wrapped around himself so he didn't accidentally hurt Fili's surgery incisions.

Thorin and Bilbo had smiled at them but were now talking with Balin and not paying attention to them. Frodo was busy poking around the room, looking in drawers and cabinets and exploring the bathroom.

"Told you I'd be okay," Fili said sluggishly, scooting over slightly and drawing Kili in close to his side.

"They cut you open," Kili pointed out with a pout. "I'm allowed to be scared for you."

"Just a few little cuts," he replied, closing his eyes and leaning his head against Kili's. "Won't take that long to heal. I missed this."

"What?" he asked softly.

"You lying next to me in bed," Fili answered with a lazy smile. "You don't sleep with me anymore."

Kili cringed, his own guilt coming back to him full force. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "If I had been with you, you might not have gotten so sick and needed surgery."

"Nah, I was always gonna need surgery to get my appendix out," Fili slurred, nuzzling his face in Kili's hair. "S'not your fault. Why don't you sleep with me anymore, Kee? S'it something I did? I really miss you…"

Kili frowned. He hadn't realized Fili missed him sneaking into his bed as much as he did. It made him feel doubly guilty, especially since he was pretty sure Fili wouldn't be saying any of this if he wasn't on whatever drugs the doctors were giving him.

"I miss you, too, Fee," he admitted, tucking his head under Fili's chin. "I just… thought it was time to grow up and stop depending on you so much." It was only a partial lie. The reason was because he was growing up, but he liked depending on Fili, though it probably wasn't fair to his brother.

"Don't want you to grow up," Fili muttered petulantly. "Want you to stay with me forever."

"I can grow up and still do that," he argued.

"No," his brother replied sadly. "You'll grow up and find someone you love more than me and then leave me."

Kili craned his head to look into Fili's now tearful blue eyes, shocked that he would ever think that. "Never," he promised. "I'll never love anymore more than you."

The blond smiled at him, but Kili could see the disbelief in his eyes. He wondered how long Fili had thought about this, whether it was just the drugs talking or if Fili actually believed he was replaceable to Kili. Before he could ask, though, Fili's eyes fluttered close and his breath evened out in sleep.

Tbc…

A/N: Wow, guys, so I'm over 100 pages into this story and still haven't gotten to the part of the story that was the inspiration for this entire piece! This is completely crazy for me and I'm hoping you are all enjoying the ride!

Question for those of you who might be interested in reading other Fili/Kili stories from me. As my story "Untamed" draws closer to the end, I find that I am looking for another story to write and I have two plot bunnies in my head so I'm looking for input on which to start (and also taking bets on the likelihood of finishing "His Savior" before finishing the new story that I write, haha). Anyway, here are the two half-formed concepts that I'm thinking of:

Twilight AU - hear me out, not a full-on Twilight AU, but more like werewolf!Dwarves and vampire!Elves, and basically just playing with Meyer's werewolves and vampires to make my own story (and of course, Fili/Kili imprinting will happen, though again, they won't be brothers because I can't write that)

X-Men AU - Fili and Kili as young mutants taking each other as best as possible while trying to stay as far away from the fighting between humans and mutants and among different human groups (there will be some play on the concept of "five armies" here, haha). Obviously, they manage to be thrust right into the middle of the fighting.