Chapter Thirty Two

Tauriel escorted him back to the auditorium with a fierce frown, not letting Kili drag his feet as much as he would have liked. He felt like someone on death march to the executioner's block. He might as well be. Nothing would be the same after he told Fili how he felt.

They ran into Eowyn as she slipped out the auditorium doors. She sighed in relief as she caught sight of Kili. "Kili! Thank God!" she cried. "Fili was about to go out of his mind wondering where you were!" She then shifted baleful blue eyes to Tauriel. "What are you doing here?"

Tauriel looked shame-faced and hurt, and Kili, despite himself, couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her, even if she was blackmailing him into not being blackmailed. Before Tauriel could answer, though, Fili and Legolas stepped out of the auditorium as well, with Fili carrying both his and Kili's bags, bags he dropped immediately upon seeing Kili.

Kili wondered what exactly the blond saw in his face that prompted him to immediately sweep him into his arms, but as soon as he was safe in his embrace, the dam holding back his emotions finally broke. Silent tears fell from his eyes as he desperately clung to Fili, hiding his face in his neck.

"What happened?" Fili demanded to know. Kili looked up to explain, but saw that the blond was glaring at Tauriel instead.

"I found him under the track bleachers with Smaug," Tauriel told him somberly.

Fili pulled back from Kili slightly and his horrified eyes gaze at him. "Why…?"

Kili bit his lip and didn't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I had to."

"Kili," Fili moaned, tightening his arms around him and buried his face in his hair, fear and worry palpable in his grip. Kili was grateful he didn't ask for further explanation. He was under no delusions that he wouldn't ask later when they were alone, and he would have to tell Fili exactly what Smaug was blackmailing him with, but that wasn't a conversation he really wanted an audience for.

Fili raised his head to looked at Tauriel gratefully. "You got him away?"

Tauriel frowned. "Not before Smaug tried to threaten him into some awful things."

"I'm fine," Kili asserted unconvincingly, especially with tears still streaking his face. "Can we go home? Please?"

Fili looked torn, and Kili knew he was fighting the urge to hunt down Smaug and throw a few more punches, but that wouldn't fix anything. If anything, it gave the senior a chance to tell Fili that Kili was in love with him. He couldn't let that happen.

Finally, he nodded, picking up their bags once more and keeping an arm around Kili. He didn't mind, as he clung to Fili right back. He might not have this for very long, so he was resolved to savor it while he could.

"Thank you," Fili said to Tauriel. Kili just gave her a blank look though. He wasn't sure if he was happy she had come along or not. She was threatening him with the same thing Smaug was. He knew she was doing it to keep him safe, but it was just as unwelcome.

They were quiet on the way home. Kili couldn't read the expression on Fili's face, but he knew the blond was upset with him. He didn't know what exactly he was going to say once they got home. He knew he should be taking this time to figure it out, but he really just wanted to take in his closeness to Fili while it lasted.

He didn't know what he was going to do once he lost it.

They entered the house silently and headed up to Fili's room, with Bilbo calling from the kitchen that dinner would be ready in about an hour. Once they were in Fili's room and Fili had led him gently to the bed, Kili just stared at the bedspread, at a loss of what he was supposed to do now.

He knew what he had to do, but not how.

"You snuck out of the auditorium to meet Smaug, didn't you?" Fili asked, voice full of sadness and pain. Kili winced. He had done put that pain in Fili's voice. He nodded, still not looking at him. "Why?"

"Smaug… he… found out something about me…" Kili mumbled hesitantly. "Something I didn't want people to know… I didn't want you to know," he finally admitted. "And he threatened to tell you. And if he did, I knew… things would change between us."

"Kili, there is nothing that Smaug or anyone could tell me that would change how much I love you!" Fili cried, reaching out to tilt Kili's chin up and force him to look at him. "Nothing could change what's between us," he continued in a softer voice.

"This would," he said in resignation. Fili looked like was about to argue, but Kili cut him off. "It would," he insisted.

"And what did that bastard want from you to keep whatever this is secret?" Fili asked with narrowed eyes.

Kili blanched as he remembered Smaug's words and shuddered in revulsion. Had he really essentially asked Kili for permission to date rape him? And had really been considering giving it before Tauriel intervened?

He couldn't tell Fili that. Not in such harsh terms at least.

"Well, Bard told me that Smaug had a bet that he could have sex with me by Christmas," he muttered instead. "And he, um, wanted me to, uh, do that."

Fili's hands gripped his shoulders tightly. "Nothing is worth you letting some asshole… rape you," he hissed, snarling the word.

Kili shivered, unable to deny that it would definitely had been rape, but also not wanting to think about it in those terms. "I can't lose you," he said tearfully in a barely audible whisper.

"You won't," Fili promised, pulling him close and holding him tight. "I swear, you won't. Just don't… don't that, okay?"

He snorted humorlessly. "It wouldn't stop you from finding out anyway," he muttered. "Tauriel said she'd tell you herself if I tried."

"Remind me to thank her again later, then," Fili murmured, brushing a kiss over his forehead. Kili squeezed his eyes shut at the innocent gesture, sure it would be one of the last times he felt Fili's lips on his skin.

"She told me I should just tell you," he told him, tucking his head under Fili's chin, needing the familiar comfort. "That you deserved to hear it from me."

He felt more than saw Fili shake his head. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," he replied vehemently. "It wouldn't change anything, no matter what it is, but I don't want you to feel forced to confide in me."

"If I don't tell you, Smaug will," he pointed out.

"I won't let him get a word out," Fili promised. "I'll run away with my fingers in my ears if I have to." He smiled down at Kili and brushed back his hair. "I wish you'd tell me because it's obviously bothering you, but I won't let anyone take the decision from you."

Kili's heart ached with love. Leave it to Fili to try and protect him even in this. He really didn't think he could, though.

"He'd get find a way to tell you eventually," he said mournfully. "Or he'd spread it around the whole school and everyone would be talking about it and you'd definitely hear it."

"Is it really that bad?" Fili asked, bringing a hand up to cup Kili's cheek, eyes shining in concern. "Kili, nothing… happened to you that I don't know about, right?"

He shook his head immediately. "No, this is about what I've done," he assured him. He had to tell him, he knew. But he wasn't ready. He hadn't mentally prepared himself to lose the closeness between he and Fili.

"How many times have I told you that nothing you could do could make me love you less?" Fili murmured, thumb rubbing Kili's cheekbone gently.

"Can I tell you at the end of the weekend?" Kili begged, bottom lip trembling slightly. "I just… want to spend as much time with you as possible before…"

A hot tear escaped from his eye before Fili brushed it away. "You can wait as long as you want," he replied. "I told you, you don't have to tell me everything you don't want to."

"But we can spend the weekend together? Just you and me?" Kili pleaded.

"Of course, Kee," Fili said.

He surged forward to wrap himself around the blond. "Thank you," he muttered thickly. Fili wrapped his arms around him automatically, holding him close. "I don't want to go to school tomorrow," Kili whispered after the silence stretched on between them.

"I'm sure Dad and Pop will let you stay home," Fili said. "We should tell them about your panic attack and Smaug trying to blackmail you."

Kili's breath hitched at that. He didn't know if he wanted to let his parents know what had happened. Bilbo would just worry, and he was pretty sure Thorin might try to shoot Smaug. "Do we have to?"

"Yes," Fili stated firmly. "Smaug isn't going to stop trying to get you to sleep with him, and I'm afraid he'll decide your permission, coerced or not, isn't necessary."

His mind balked at the idea and he shook his head. There was no use being afraid of things that weren't going to happen. "He won't do anything," he said confidently.

Fili frowned at him. "You don't know that."

Kili shook his head with a smile. "Yes, I do. Because even if things change between us, you won't let anything happen to me," he replied with certainty.

Of that, he was more than sure. Fili always looked out for him. Even when Fili found out how Kili felt about him, he wouldn't stop. Things would change, yes, but Fili wouldn't stop loving him. He might be uncomfortable with the easy physicality that they usually displayed, but he wouldn't love him any less.

The knot of fear that had been in his chest since Smaug cornered him in that hallway eased a bit at that realization.

Fili dragged him downstairs to the kitchen after that, catching Bilbo as he put a casserole in the oven.

"We need to talk to you and Pop," Fili said seriously, clutching Kili's hand tightly in his hand.

Bilbo took one at their sober faces and called Thorin into the kitchen. Once they were all sitting across from each other at the table, their dad sighed. "I knew this was going to come sooner or later."

Kili blinked in confusion. "What? You… knew?"

"Well neither of you ever hid it very well," Bilbo said kindly with a smile.

"I don't think we're talking about the same thing," Fili cut in impatiently, tone deadly serious. "Dad, Kili had a panic attack at school today after Smaug tried to blackmail him into having sex with him!"

"What?!" Bilbo cried in horror. "Why didn't the school call us?"

"I told them not to," Kili said in a small voice, staring at the table. "Smaug didn't tell me what he wanted until after the panic attack. I… had to know."

"Kili, you shouldn't have—Thorin, where are you going?" he asked, as the detective got up from the table.

"To call the local precinct and have a criminal complaint filed," he barked, walking out of the room.

"What, no!" Kili protested, but it was too late. Thorin was already out of the room and talking on the phone. "Dad, stop him!" he pleaded.

"Kili, that boy's behavior is criminal. Thorin is doing what's best," Bilbo said gently.

Before Kili even knew what had happened, there was a detective friend of Thorin there, asking him for his statement.

He looked at Fili desperately. Things had gotten so out of hand! The police were never supposed to be involved. Then again, what else could he really expect with a detective for a father?

"Just tell them what Smaug said to you," Fili encouraged.

Kili took a deep breath before recounting the past few weeks and his encounter with Smaug that triggered his panic attack, glossing over exactly what Smaug was using to blackmail him. When he got to what happened under the bleachers, he hesitated.

He knew he had to tell the detective everything, but he knew Fili and his parents wouldn't like it.

"Then he described what he wanted to… do to me," he told him, worrying his bottom lip. "He was very… graphic," he added, echoing the word Fili used to describe the words Smaug said to start their fight. "And he said…"

"What did he say, Kili?" Detective Peters asked as Kili trailed off and stopped there.

Fili reached over and grabbed his hand while Bilbo wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"He said he'd make it easy and put something in my drink if I wanted," he all but whispered, Fili's hand tightening into a death grip around his. "Said I wouldn't even know it was happening."

He saw Thorin move out of the room out of the corner of his eye and then heard a loud thud.

"What was he threatening you with?" the detective asked as Thorin walked back in, shaking his hand as if in pain.

"He threatened to tell Fili something I didn't want him to," Kili answered, unwilling to say anything more.

"I need to know what that was," he stated as kindly as possible. "It'll come out eventually, Kili."

"Fili, why don't you take Kili upstairs as I talk to the detective? We'll finish up with the detective," Bilbo said with a frown.

Kili sighed in relief and let Fili lead him up to his room. He dropped down on the bed heavily and dropped his head in his hands.

This had gotten out of control.

"It'll be okay, Kee," Fili soothed, sitting down next to him and wrapping his arms around him. "I promise."

Their parents decided to let them both stay home from school the next day. Kili was extremely grateful because, although he didn't think he could face going to school, he definitely didn't want to stay at home alone. And although he knew his dad or pop would have stayed with him if he had asked, he also knew that he was putting them through enough without having them miss work for him.

Fili and he curled up on the sofa in the living room and watched Pixar movies all day, Kili savoring the easy touches that passed between them, knowing they wouldn't happen after this weekend.

"I'm not going anywhere," Fili murmured, pulling closer even as Kili clung to him.

"I know," Kili said.

That wasn't the problem. The problem was that Fili would treat him differently. That was a certainty.

It was probably for the best, of course. He couldn't cling to Fili forever. Things would have to change eventually. Wasn't it better he do it now instead of waiting until Fili fell in love with someone else? Or went to college and moved out?

That last one he hadn't thought of before. There was going to be a time when he and Fili didn't live together. Why did he have to realize that now?

"I hate seeing you like this," Fili said with a sigh, pausing Cars and turning to face him fully. "If you're going to tell me, why don't you just tell me now? That way we have the weekend to figure out how to get past it?"

Kili considered that. It was a good idea, he knew. But telling Fili now meant telling Fili now. There would be no more avoiding it, no more hoping something would happen so he wouldn't have to do it, like getting struck by lightning or something.

The longer he put it off, though, the more he would dread doing it. Maybe doing it quickly would be better. Like pulling off a bandaid…

Kili looked down at his hands and took a deep breath. "I love you," he said quickly. "As more than a brother, that is," he continued, rushing to explain, looking anywhere but at Fili. "And I know it's weird but I always have. I mean, you were the first person to ever care about me, and you were always so wonderful to me and how could I not fall in love with you, Fili? I know you've always called us brothers. You did the first time we talked. But I… always felt more. Didn't realize it, of course, but you know how I am, and when I did I thought you'd hate me but of course you wouldn't but things would change and—"

He was cut off by Fili putting a finger on his lips. "Sorry, but you were rambling," he said with a smile. Only it was a weird smile. One Kili had never seen on Fili's face before. His heart cracked at the odd look, sure it meant nothing good.

"You were right, though," Fili added, bringing both hands to cup Kili's face. "This does change things."

Before Kili's heart had time to break at the statement, Fili's lips suddenly met his in a tender kiss.

tbc…