It wasn't until Chiyoko came back from the restroom in the middle of the night the she realized something was wrong.
She hadn't been fully awake when she stumbled to her feet with the feeling that something was off, believing it was her bladder and solely focused on addressing that issue. By the time she left the bathroom, the cold wooden floors were making her regret the decision to shed her socks prior to bed and she was trying to convince herself that she was still feeling ill at ease only because she was in a strange place, was leaving the country of her birth, and her toes were turning blue.
That worked until she lay back down and rolled over, throwing out an exhausted arm so that she could thread her fingers through her daughter's hair. Instead, her hand fell upon an empty pillow. She moved her fingers about, but when she didn't come into contact with a whining four year old she shakily sat up and blinked her eyes open.
"Katsumi-chan?"
The only sound that met her ears was the soft breathing of the female ninja, coming from the other bed. Chiyoko tossed back the covers and then went and tossed Rin's too, for good measure.
"Katsumi?!" She cried again, much too loudly for the middle of the night.
Chiyoko spun around the room, lifting blankets and pillows and bags, not quite sure why it was suddenly so hard to breathe.
She didn't notice the lights coming on.
Or the door opening.
Or the voices increasing in number and volume and—
"Chiyoko-san!"
The voice was accompanied by a cold sensation, like water rushing over her head. Chiyoko blinked tears back from her eyes—When did I start crying?—to realize that Rin was gripping her face with two green hands.
"You have to breathe, Chiyoko-san," stressed Rin, the concerned glint in her brown eyes betraying her calm tone.
Chiyoko realized she was on the floor, back against the wall. She drew in a deep breath and tried to focus on the conversation. Panicking wasn't going to help anyone.
"She's not in the common areas," confirmed Obito, bursting into the room, sounding serious.
Rin kept her hands on Chiyoko, but looked toward her male teammate. "Do we wait for Sensei?" She bit her lip. "Do we go find him?"
Obito punched the wall in anger. "We don't have time," he growled.
"No," agreed the youngest ninja. Kakashi strode into the room with a pack thrown over his shoulder and Obito's shoes, which he promptly tossed into the older boy's face. "We don't."
Kakashi's hands twisted into some strange patterns and with a puff of smoke—
There was an oddly adorable little grey-brown dog in the room with a smushed face.
Katusmi would have loved it.
Chiyoko waved Rin away when the girl turned to the choking woman.
"Pakkun," said Kakashi, looking sternly at the dog. "Our four year old female client has gone missing." He knelt down and held out Katsumi's rabbit for the canine to sniff.
Pakkun sneezed and backed up a few steps, stumbling in the awkward way of a dog not quite out of puppyhood. The three children watched the dog intently as it snuffled about the room, ignoring the human occupants and coming to a stop under the window.
"Woman," said the dog. "Up the window."
Of course the dog could talk.
"Out the window," corrected Kakashi. The six year old hesitated. "Not Sensei?"
"No," confirmed the dog, rolling its eyes. "Woman, up the window."
"Out the wind—"
"Let's go then," said Obito, slipping his goggles over his eyes.
Kakashi looked thoughtfully at the floor for a second, before nodding and grabbing his own pack. "The girl's the mission, but Rin should stay with Chiyoko-san and brief Sensei when he returns."
Chiyoko scrambled to her feet. "I'm coming too!"
"No," rebuffed Kakashi, not even looking in her direction. "You'll only slow us down." And with that the boy scooped up his dog and jumped out the window, Obito hot on his heels.
Chiyoko might have tried to tear after them anyway, not really one to take being bluntly rebuked by a six year old sitting down, but Rin caught her arm as she whirled to run out the door.
"No, Chiyoko-san," said the girl as she pulled her back into the room. "As frustrating as it is, they really will be faster without you."
Chiyoko glared at the child, not caring how apologetic the girl sounded.
"It's best for us to stay here," soothed Rin, taking Chiyoko's wrist in a gentle grip and shepherding her to sit on an empty bed. "I can keep guard for you and we can alert Sensei as soon as he comes back."
Chiyoko swallowed her hateful words, angry at Minato for leaving, at Rin for being reasonable, at the idea that two children were now the only individuals capable of returning her own child. When had she started taking orders from children? When had she lost so much control over her life? Mothers were supposed to keep their children safe, and even though she'd been trying her best, she'd failed. She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes and folded in on herself, keeping as still and as tight as possible; refusing to let Rin see her weep.
No.
"Screw this," Chiyoko said, voice hoarse.
"Eh?" Rin gave a surprised squeak.
Chiyoko stood, rubbing the wetness from her eyes. "Pack up, we're following your teammates. Your Sensei can catch up on his own precious time."
They were on the outskirts of Kinoko no Mori forest, and from there Kusagakure was only half a day's run. It was late afternoon, and the orange of a sunset was just beginning to spread across the sky. Jiro grunted and shifted the bundle in his arms when Azami came to a sudden stop in front of him.
He wondered how likely it was she'd let them take a break in Saigo no Nozomi, the middling sized village at the edge of the forest and the only signs of civilization they'd see until they were in Kusagakure proper. He would literally kill for some onigiri. They hadn't been prepared to leave for a mission when ordered to follow the Konoha-nin and he'd not even had field rations to eat over the past day and a half.
"What's wrong?" He had to ask, because heaven knew the woman wouldn't tell him anything unless he begged for it.
The blonde pursed her lips, shading her eyes with a hand as she studied the horizon line. "The babies are following us."
Jiro groaned. "They must have woken up earlier than you thought then, and that means Babysitter won't be far behind either. Or is he with them too?" He really didn't want to be the one to tell the Kusakage that they'd picked a fight with a team from Konoha. The whole point of this plan was that no confrontation would happen between the two teams, but if the babies followed them to Kusagakure itself—
"No, it's just the babies. The two boys, I think. I don't sense their Sensei anywhere; he must be a few hours behind." Azami was fiddling with some of her pockets, checking the contents. "Give me your rope; I didn't carry any with me."
"Are we going to confront them?" Jiro asked, setting his cargo down. The little girl stood on her own feet shakily, reaching out to steady herself by grabbing his leg. He let her. Poor thing had woken up an hour ago and promptly been sick all over Azami, courtesy of her ether-induced nap.
It hadn't endeared the girl to Azami any, but it was entertainment enough for Jiro. The kid had been quiet and obedient enough after regaining consciousness that they'd decided they didn't need to knock her out again. She hadn't even asked for her Mom, which was a bit strange, considering how clingy she'd been with the woman the other day. Probably just disoriented. I'm sure she'll start piping up soon enough and then I'll be praying for the time I scared her enough to keep her trap shut. He tossed the coil of rope he kept in his pack to Azami.
"I'll go back and see what I can do to deter them," Azami said, securing the rope. "We can't have them following us to Kusa, but I'll be careful not to hurt them enough to warrant Konoha's retaliation." She slid into some stretches, trying to loosen up a few muscles. "You go on ahead, I don't want to take the risk that Babysitter is closer than I think he is."
"Right," agreed Jiro, resigned long ago to the fact that Azami would deny him of any fun the moment the possibility came into existence. "Have a good time! Be careful with the Uchiha, I hear they're fun little fuckers!"
Azami gave no reaction to his sarcasm as she flashed off into the distance. Typical. Nii-san would have at least given me the finger for that one. He sighed, and looked at his newly acquired extra limb. Dazed green eyes looked back.
"Can I have some water?" The kid wrapped a long strand of her hair around her fist timidly.
Jiro's stomach growled. "Sure," he shrugged, eyeing the smoke from Saigo no Nozomi rising in the distance. It was only a half hour detour, and then another half hour for a stop for food. "Why the heck not," he swung the kid up into his arms and took off. Kid's probably hungry too. Don't you have to feed them pretty frequently?
Of course, by the time they made it to the village, found a place to eat, ordered food, and Jiro was three bites into the BEST TEMPURA EVER, the kid had to go the bathroom.
Jiro looked at his food longingly, it was even hot—
"I have to go now," said the girl with a bit of a whine and strange twisty-dancing movements, bare feet kicking against her stool.
He had the feeling he'd regret it if he didn't accommodate her. "Yeah, yeah," he began to push his stool back. "Ok, I'm coming."
"Nu-uh," said the girl, looking at him incredulously. "I can go myself. Besides," she scrunched up her nose. "You're a boy." The look she gave him made him feel like a dirty old man, and so did the stink eye he was getting from the waitress listening in on the conversation. She hadn't seem particularly overjoyed to be serving a full grown shinobi accompanied by a little girl in sleeping attire, but had taken their orders quietly enough. He shrank back down to his food, which was the only thing not judging him in this joint. "Whatever." He'd done nothing wrong. Other than the whole kidnapping thing. On second thought, he pointed to the restroom. "It's right over there, you've got five minutes. And no messing around!"
By the time he finished his meal and his stomach no longer felt like it was eating itself, the girl still wasn't back.
"Hey kid," he knocked on the door, voice gruff. "I said no messin' around." He pressed his ear against the wood. He heard water running, but no answering childish voice. He cursed under his breath and tried the handle—locked.
Ramming the door with his shoulder yielded a satisfying crunch of wood, but also some annoying screeching from the waitress about having a key if he'd just asked. He ignored her, as well as the low bellows of the cook beginning to sound from the kitchen.
The room was empty, but a small table (conspicuously cleared of the vase it had once held) underneath an open window hinted as to what had happened to his charge.
"God-fucking-damnit," he swore, before tearing out of the restaurant; ducking a platter tossed at his head and the yells of the proprietors demanding payment for property damage and meals and other much less important things than escaped kidnapped toddlers.
What drugs is this kid taking? Obito huffed, focusing on keeping up with Kakashi's speed. He swallowed his curses, before remembering that Chiyoko-san wasn't with them at the moment and he could once again be as colorful and uninhibited with his language as he'd like. The Uchiha's face was bright red, and he was dripping with sweat, but he refused to say anything and admit that a six year old was both quicker and had more endurance than he did. A six year old and his puppy.
Ugghh, I'm really going to have to take cousin Masaru up on those extra training sessions. He gulped down some water, thankful he'd thought to fill that up the night before or he really would have been in trouble. According to Pakkun (or at least, Bakashi's interpretation of Pakkun's words—the dog was learning, but wasn't exactly fluent in people-speak yet), they were a few hours behind a duo of Kusa nin—a man and a woman, probably the two that Sensei and Rin had noticed were following them yesterday. They weren't gaining on the pair (stupid short little kid legs), but they weren't losing as much time as Obito thought they would have either. Probably because Bakashi was trying to kill him by inducing heatstroke.
Obito had no idea where the pair were headed with Katsumi-chan, but Kakashi seemed to think it might be Kusagakure itself, which really would be a mess. Obito didn't know how successful they'd be spiriting Katsumi-chan away from a hidden village, but he was sure Sensei would think of something.
Or, miracles might happen, and they could actually catch up to the two miserable excuses for human beings who thought it was ok to take a kid from the arms of her sleeping mother.
Dirtbags.
With a sharp yip, Pakkun tried to come to an immediate stop and instead tumbled head over heels and flew forward five feet. His summoner and Obito skidded to a stop beside the dog, Obito breathing heavily and leaning on his knees.
He was pleased to see that Kakashi appeared to be sweating as much as he was, even if his face wasn't red.
"Woman this way," barked the pug, retreating behind the gennin. "Much fast."
Obito gulped and pulled out some kunai, but he didn't have time to do anything else because suddenly the blonde they'd met the previous day was in front of him, lashing out with a hook kick that Obito barely managed to duck with a strangled yelp.
Sometimes it sucked to be the visibly older target, meaning he was always going to get engaged before Kakashi. He popped back up to deflect the following punch with a kunai.
"Doton: Arijigoku!"
But then, it did give Bakashi the opportunity to pull off stunts like that. Obito jumped back from the twisting, sinking pit that sucked their opponent into it in a quick second; the woman's head the only thing left above ground, her dark eyes glaring at them furiously.
"I totally had that," squawked Obito, inwardly too relieved the fight was over to complain that much about Kakashi stealing his opponent.
Bakashi scoffed and fished Pakkun out from under a bush. "We should get going; that won't hold her long."
The woman said nothing as they leapt forward, Pakkun once again taking the lead.
"That was a bit anti-climactic, no?" Obito called out, worried the encounter had been just a bit too easy. No matter Bakashi's confidence, they were only months-old at this whole ninja thing, and that woman was, supposedly, a jōnin with at least a decade on them. Well, okay, Bakashi technically had a whole extra year on them, but he was still six.
"She was trying to make sure she didn't hurt us, and she underestimated me." Kakashi's words were muffled by the wind and his mask, and Obito had to strain to hear them.
"She wasn't used to holding back, or fighting children, and those factors put her at a momentary disadvantage," continued the youngest ninja. "If she'd truly wanted to harm us, she would have."
"Right," said Obito flatly, ignoring the chill that went up his spine at the reminder that most foreign ninja wouldn't hesitate to attack them with intent to maim or kill. He was a soldier, from a military family, but that fact of life still slipped his mind at times. He'd been 'playing' ninja as long as he could remember. It had only recently dawned on him that this whole ninja thing wasn't a game, but how he was going to live the rest of his life and, most likely, how he was going to end it.
Fortunately they didn't need to hurt the Kusa-nin either. It was just a race at the moment. If they got to Katsumi before she reached Kusagakure; they won. Neither side wanted to physically harm the other. That would be a formal breach of the current alliance. Obito wasn't too hot on politics, but from his Uncle's rants at the dinner table, he'd gathered that Kusa was allies in name with Konoha and wasn't ready to throw that away just yet.
Which was a good thing; Obito wasn't sure he could have stomached slitting that woman's throat. He glanced at his silent teammate. He bet Kakashi could have. And for some reason, the latter bothered him more than the former.
Pakkun slowed as they came upon a small village an hour or so later. The sun was fading in the sky, dark reds and purples bleeding together above their heads. Pakkun sniffed hesitantly, snuffling back and forth across a few streets, confused.
"What's wrong," Obito asked, lifting his goggles briefly to rub at his tired eyes, wanting nothing more than to sink to the ground.
"Man all over," admitted Pakkun. He looked up at them and blinked his hooded eyes in confusion, nose still twitching.
"Still here?" Kakashi asked, voice low, shoulders tense.
"Fresh," agreed Pakkun, before trotting off at a moderate pace down one of the side streets.
Obito straightened up as a spark of hope flared to life in his chest.
Some type of commotion was taking place in front of a house with a large porch, several people waving their arms and yelling. A large man with a frying pan was poking it at the chest of-
"YOU!" Obito howled indignantly, breaking into a sprint and running into the middle of the crowd.
He could feel Bakashi sighing behind him, but couldn't bring himself to care that much. He'd had enough of running all over Grass Country on this strange chase.
The civilians in the group fell into silence at the interruption of a child marked with the hitai-ate of a foreign military, blinking curiously at the turn of events.
Obito jabbed his finger in the chest of the flustered jōnin he'd seen the other day, the partner to the lady they'd just stuck in the mud with a C-class doton (and he'd have to quiz Kakashi on where he picked that up later, because the brat had been learning raiton, not doton last time he'd checked).
"Where is Katsumi-chan, huh?" Obito growled out, glaring up at the man twice his size.
"Who?" the Kusa nin had the nerve to sound confused.
"Katsumi-chan, retard!" Obito hissed and held up his hands to indicate her height. "She's this tall, has brown hair, green eyes and you took her from her Mom, you Ass, so where is she?" He stomped a foot in anger, which seemed to amuse some of the surrounding crowd, but whatever.
"I don't know what you're talking about," sniffed the Kusa nin, crossing his arms and looking away.
The large man with the frying pan gave a loud guffaw and pulled at his beard. "You've been running around town screaming about the girl for the past hour!"
The Kusa nin gave the man a dirty look. "I have not."
"Yes, you have," contradicted a young woman with a shrill voice, nervously half-hiding behind Frying Pan-san's shoulder. "You lost her at the restaurant and you've been tearing through town, breaking people's things without care—"
"You lost her!" Obito gaped at the man. "What kind of fuckin' kidnapper are you? She's four!"
Obito was fairly certain that if the man did have a dojutsu that it would have manifested as a death glare, but fortunately Obito (theoretically) still held the only trump card in that field.
Well, if Katsumi-chan was missing somewhere in this town then he and Kakashi just had to find her first, and they'd won. Technically, they could just stalk Kusa-nin until Sensei showed up and then find her, because Kusa wouldn't visibly interfere with the mission—right?
Wait, does that mean we've already won?
"Go home, Kusa-nin," Obito straightened with boyish bravado. "We've won this round. You can try your hand at kidnapping another day."
The civilians shifted uncomfortably at the accusations being tossed around.
Obito noticed Kakashi was sitting on the porch, short legs dangling in the air and not quite reaching the ground. Pakkun was cuddled in his arms. Not that Bakashi would ever call it cuddling. Obito trotted over to join him.
The Kusa-nin ground his teeth. "Where's my partner?"
Kakashi looked blankly at the man. "Who?"
"Yeah," nodded Obito, scratching his chin in an exaggerated, mocking gesture. "Don't know who you're talking about."
The Kusa-nin clenched his fists and looked like he very much wanted to punch Obito's head off, which was an expression with which Obito was intimately familiar. But, instead, the man merely swallowed whatever he wanted to say and stalked off down the road, cursing under his breath. The majority of the civilians went their own ways as well, a few following the Kusa-nin and whining about doors and money. Another group only retreated to a few houses away, casting suspicious glances at the foreign genin and talking in low tones.
Obito and Kakashi relaxed on the porch, their only company an elderly woman who had been content to knit throughout the entire argument without reacting to any of the raised voices. She's probably hard of hearing, like Aunt Keiko.
"Heh," Obito smirked, kicking his feet and basking in juvenile satisfaction. As soon as the Kusa-nin was out of sight, he turned to his teammate. "So, are we gonna' look for her now or let her stay hidden until Sensei gets here?"
Kakashi shrugged. "She's right here."
"What?" Obito asked flatly, turning his head sharply left and right to see if he missed anything.
He heard movement behind him and he twisted sharply, only to see a familiar mop of brown hair appear from underneath the blanket draped over the elderly woman knitting in her chair.
"I'd give that a C minus," said the four year old with a pout, crawling out from under the chair and plopping onto the porch. She turned to give older woman a hug. "Thank you, grandma!"
"You're welcome, dearie," said the elderly woman, patting the child on her head with an absent-minded air before returning to her craft.
"What?" Obito repeated.
Katsumi rolled her eyes. "You're late."
"We had to take a break for a mud bath," Obito explained automatically. "You ok, Katsumi-chan? Your Mom was awfully worried."
"Puppy!" The girl squealed, barreling past him with a burst of energy and scooping up Pakkun from Kakashi's lap.
The younger ninja blinked in surprise for a moment, and then turned cherry red and hissy.
"Pakkun's not a pet!" Kakashi uncurled with a scowl.
Katsumi cooed over the dog, which quickly melted into the girl's surprisingly adept massage. "You have such cute paws!"
"Oh," Pakkun twitched and then licked her nose. "Like you."
"No you don't." Kakashi's eye twitched. "You're a ninken, you don't make friends."
"I'll be your friend, Pakkun," Katsumi crooned. "I'll sneak you treats, and give good belly rubs, and you'll make sure no one ever sneaks up on me, right?"
"Deal," yapped Pakkun, already on his back and twitching in pleasure at the promised belly rub.
"No deal," corrected Kakashi, fussing. "You're my ninken. You don't make deals with strange girls, I don't—" Kakashi abruptly seemed to realize he was the summoner in the situation and cut the chakra connection with a twist of his wrist. Pakkun disappeared in a poof of smoke.
Katsumi blinked at her empty lap, and then her façade of maturity crumbled as the events of the day caught up to her and she burst into tears.
"Oh, good going Bakashi!" Obito hissed, turning to swat at his sulking teammate. "You should've kicked the puppy too while you had the chance!"
Kakashi dodged, of course, and stiffly sat at the other end of the porch with his arms crossed, glaring out at the world.
As if to echo Obito's mood at being found the mediator between an overwhelmed four year old and a six year old's smarting pride, the skies suddenly began to pour.
"Great," muttered Obito as he scooted back further under the awning.
"Now, now Katsumi-chan," soothed a familiar voice. "Everything is going to be fine."
Obito whirled around, startled, and stared at the blond man who was now holding the little girl.
"Sensei?" Obito blurted out, bewildered.
Twenty minutes later, three ninja and a four year old were safely ensconced in a booth at a local restaurant. Katsumi was dozing in Minato's arms with the occasional sniffle and the two boys sat across from them. Kakashi was straight and tense, as if waiting for a reprimand; Obito just scratched his nose, ducking his head sheepishly.
"Kakashi-kun," Minato inquired, "don't you have something for Katsumi-chan?"
Kakashi frowned and then blushed, turning around to reach into his pack and pulling out the stuffed rabbit that he'd carried to help Pakkun keep locked on the right scent. The bunny was a bit dusty from being routinely dug out on the road as Pakkun still had trouble keeping scents for more than a few hours at a time, but it was obviously a welcome sight to Katsumi-chan. She clasped it tightly to her chest and turned back to bury herself against Minato's side, wrapped in a blanket leant to them by the kind elderly woman whose porch they'd crashed. The grandmother wouldn't let them leave without it when her clouded eyes finally noticed that Katsumi was wandering about town barefoot and in a nightgown.
"Let's debrief," said Minato cheerfully.
"We're," Obito darted a quick glance at Kakashi. "We aren't in trouble?"
"I don't think you are," Minato sounded bemused. "Especially considering that I was monitoring the entire situation. I just want to hear why you decided to handle things the way you did and then discuss what you might do better next time."
That's a bit off, Obito tilted his head to the side considering his teacher. Beside him Kakashi curled in on himself a bit. He was—he let it happen as a training exercise? That's not what he's saying, right? Obito straightened, narrowing his eyes. "Are you saying you were aware of what was happening the entire time? That you saw them take Katsumi and didn't do anything?"
Sensei grinned. "Well, I was hoping one of you might be awake to stop the Kusa-nin, since technically you'd been left to guard our charge—but yes, I was aware of the Kusa-nin and what was going on. I thought it would be a good learning experience."
Obito wilted slightly. I guess that's exactly what he's saying.
Kakashi made a noise of embarrassment deep in his throat, probably at the belated realization that they should have had somebody on watch, even in an inn. Textbook failure, that error.
Obito, however, could only gape at his teacher for an entirely different reason. Learning experience? Katsumi was four; no matter how mature or intelligent she was this was bound to be traumatic for her. And certainly it had scared Chiyoko-san half to death.
"Is something wrong, Obito-kun?" Minato looked genuinely concerned.
Obito snapped his mouth shut and leaned backward. "I'm not going to be the one to tell Chiyoko-san that you let her daughter get kidnapped because you were 'playing mama cat teaching kittens to hunt.'"
Kakashi was giving Obito the 'what barrel of idiocy did you just crawl out of' look, but Sensei actually stilled for a moment, as if trying to think through the reasons why Obito might say that. Then the older blond flushed a bit, running the hand not cradling Katsumi through his hair in a nervous habit that he usually only indulged when his crazy girlfriend was around. "Maybe we won't tell Chiyoko-san about that part of things."
Obito tilted his head back, hitting it against the back of the booth. Sometimes it's hard to remember that as awesome as Sensei is, he's only eighteen.
"Cookies," muttered Katsumi-chan sleepily.
Minato made a confused noise and looked down at the child they'd all thought to be done in for the night.
"My silence for cookies," Katsumi clarified, still clinging to Minato, face buried in her stuffed toy.
Minato frowned. "I—"
"She's totally serious," Obito nodded. "And I agree, if you don't want us to talk, you better put out for dessert."
Minato gave him a funny look, but complied readily enough.
Obito was on his third stick of dango (Bakashi refused to eat his because he was Bakashi), when Rin and Chiyoko-san stumbled into the place, looking thoroughly soaked, miserable, and as if their legs might give out from under them any second.
Obito paused, dango dangling from his mouth. They'd not expected the girls to follow them. They'd just planned on travelling back to meet them tomorrow. Guess Chiyoko-san was impatient.
With a cry of her daughter's name, Katsumi was bundled into a weeping Chiyoko's lap. She cradled her daughter and promptly collapsed on the floor, shaking badly.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Chiyoko mumbled repeatedly, unable to do much more and refusing to uncurl from the protective ball she'd formed around her child.
"Ahh, Chiyoko-san," Minato stuttered, looking alarmed. "Everything really is fine!"
Chiyoko hiccupped and shook her head, continuing to rock her child and shiver miserably.
Obito gave Sensei a knowing look and tried to mimic his oldest Aunt's most disapproving sniff, pleased to see that the man actually had the decency to look a bit embarrassed about the situation. God, sometimes he felt like he and Rin were the only socially competent people on this team.
Rin's teeth chattered as she made pleased noises at seeing them before excusing herself to a restroom to change clothes. "I'll be back to run some basic diagnostics to make sure Katsumi's not been hurt or exposed to any poisons," she said calmly, before ducking out of the room.
Chiyoko broke into a fresh wave of tears.
Scratch that, clearly I'm the only socially competent person on this team.
Obito stepped forward to soothe the woman, because obviously no one else in this shit storm knew how to properly give basic comfort to other human beings.
He caught Katsumi's eyes as she peeked out from under her mother's arms and nearly laughed when he realized the kid looked utterly exasperated.
"You mean Sensei had bunshin on us the entire time," whispered Rin softly, brown eyes wide and a frown marring her pretty face.
She and Obito were gossiping in the back of the store, while Chiyoko shopped for new shoes and a hat for Katsumi. They'd stayed the night in the strange town on the edge of the weird forest. Sensei even let them sleep in, because the girls were all so worn out. By the time everyone had risen to greet a new day, Chiyoko had collected herself and decided that the best way to combat yesterday's events was to carry on as if nothing had happened. This apparently meant shoe shopping.
At least Sensei was sticking around this time, twitching in a vaguely guilty manner whenever Chiyoko turned around to thank him, yet again, for 'rescuing' Katsumi-chan every fifteen minutes.
"Yup," Obito chirped. "He's a mean, mean man."
Obito caught his teacher's sideways glance and ducked his head with a grin. He had probably just volunteered to taste-test Kushina-san's next cooking experiment, but sometimes one had to live on the edge.
Minato made a gesture which essentially meant 'be right back' and stepped out of the store. He was probably going to check on the cart they'd arranged to carry them to the next town. Chiyoko-san had literally run the skin off her feet yesterday trying to catch up to them. Rin had healed what she could, but the new skin would be tender and Rin said the woman should try to stay off her feet for the next few days. Obito bravely repressed the desire to check the windows for invading Kusa-nin now that Sensei had slipped away for a few moments. Surely Sensei wouldn't do the same thing twice, right? His eyes flickered to the store windows involuntarily.
"Well," Rin hesitated, as reluctant as always to doubt a superior's judgment. "At least everything turned out all right. He did point out some things we need to fix, and if he really was on hand to fix anything the moment it went wrong—"
Obito gave a rude snort and let his eyes wander over to where Kakashi was 'keeping guard' at the door. Katsumi had spent the entirety of breakfast begging for Pakkun to come back and Obito was pretty sure Kakashi was thirty seconds from climbing a tree to get away from the brat. Bakashi didn't seem to know how to handle someone he couldn't fight, or learn anything from, or even ignore. Katsumi made it very clear that she considered making a 'spectacle' a small price to pay for getting her way.
He pulled out the box of pocky he'd bought earlier and stuck one in his mouth, enjoying the chocolate as he wondered how long it would take for Kakashi to realize that Katsumi's goal wasn't actually to see the dog (although he was sure she'd be perfectly happy to do so) but rather just to drive the emotionally constipated kid crazy. Just because she could.
Katsumi wandered over to him to show off her new shoes and Rin joined Chiyoko, who was haggling (quite shrewdly from the sound of things) about prices.
"New shoes!" Katsumi beamed, twirling around.
"They're gorgeous," Obito said, nodding sagely. He had three older sisters; he knew that whenever any girl showed off new accessories that was the only acceptable answer.
"Want one," said Katsumi, green gaze calculating as she eyed the box of pocky, latching onto his shirt.
"No way," Obito drawing the box back, "you had a ridiculous amount of sugar last night, and I'm pretty sure your mom would say no anyway." He tried to escape the kid's clutches, but she was an inexplicably clingy little thing. He was beginning to think that part of her master plot for world domination was hugging people to death.
That might actually work on Bakashi.
Green eyes widened innocently. "You said new words yesterday."
"I said what?" Obito wracked his brain, what had he said yesterday around the kid? He'd talked with Sensei, and with Chiyoko-san, but hadn't he said—
"You said it to Kusa-ninja-san," recalled Katsumi, looking as if she was thinking hard to remember the details. "You said what kind of fuc-"
Obito smothered her mouth and desperately looked over his shoulder, making sure Chiyoko-san and Rin were otherwise occupied. He swallowed and returned his attention to the four year old, grimacing.
"That's not nice," he hissed.
Katsumi held up two fingers.
"What?" Obito was about to lose to a four year old, again. Life just wasn't fair. Weren't super smart brats supposed to be rare in the population, statistically speaking? How come he seemed to be routinely harassed by more than his fair share of them?
"That's a two-pocky word," Katsumi leveled a grave look up at him.
"One word, one piece of pocky," snapped Obito, surrendering the candy.
Katsumi held out her hand. "Not when it's cho-co-late," she sang.
Obito felt his eye begin to tick involuntarily. "Fine," he grumbled doling out one more. "But that's it."
"Thank you," she smiled sweetly up at him and skipped away.
"You're welcome," he called out loudly after her, before adding under his breath, "you little dem—"
"Is everything fine, Obito-kun?"
Obito gave a squawk of surprise and jumped a few inches in the air. He held a hand to his heart as he calmed back down again. "Don't do that to me Rin. I think I lost a few years."
Rin giggled.
"We can only hope," drawled Kakashi darkly.
Obito jumped again, but hid it better this time. At least, he was going to claim that he did.
"What's wrong?" Rin repeated, ignoring their youngest teammate's rude commentary. "You looked upset."
Obito watched as Chiyoko dropped a hat onto her daughter's head and rubbed the sunscreen that she and Rin had made across the girl's cheeks.
"I take back everything I ever said about her being a sweet kid," Obito moaned falling limply against some boxes. "She's clearly the spawn of evil."
Rin glanced at Katsumi, who was hopping about with the unrestrained energy of a four year old with too much sugar. She furrowed her brows. "Don't be mean Obito, she hasn't done anything to you. I thought you liked her; you've been so good with her."
Obito couldn't even bring himself to perk up at Rin's compliment. He was pretty sure they'd been roped into babysitting some evil genius child who had declared war against Kakashi. Obito had the sinking feeling that he was going to get inconveniently, and frequently, caught in the crossfire of the campaign.
Even worse, Kakashi had yet to realize that he'd made an enemy and that lines had been drawn and alliances were forming. He'd lost his dog with Katsumi's promise of treats (Bakashi really should work with Pakkun on that one, any respectable ninken ought to have slightly more resistance than that), he'd lost Rin to the joy of being older teacher/sister/mentor (and some secret pact that girls seemed to have which said they would always side with girls over men), and Obito was pretty sure he was being successfully blackmailed over his inability to hold his tongue.
Katsumi caught his eyes as she looked over her mother's shoulder and gave him a crooked little grin.
Oh no, Obito thought, mentally bracing himself for whatever her next move was going to be.
He was relieved when the door of the store chimed and Sensei strode in, catching everyone's attention.
"Are we all ready to head out?" Minato cheerfully addressed them, hooking his fingers into his pockets.
"Yes," said Chiyoko, rising to her feet. "I think we all have everything we need; including a good night of sleep."
Obito huffed. It was a wonderful night of sleep if you didn't have nightmares about demonically clever four year olds promising 'they'd show you.' Whatever that means.
Katsumi toddled toward Minato, gripping the brim of her new hat and beaming up at him. Obito allowed himself to relax, confident that the girl would behave in front of Sensei.
"Minato nii-san, look at my new hat!" Crowed Katsumi, twining about Minato's legs.
"It's lovely, Katsumi-chan," said Minato indulgently.
Wait—
"Nii-san?" questioned a voice.
It took Obito a second to realize that Kakashi had been the one to pose the query, not him.
"Katsumi-chan," sighed Chiyoko, sounding as apologetic as any mother trying to correct their offspring's social blunders. "You can't just go around calling people—"
Katsumi's face scrunched up in protest. "But Daddy said I could call him—"
Suddenly Katsumi was being balanced on Minato's hip and his free hand was gently covering her mouth. "Nuh-uh, Katsumi-chan," said Sensei with a shake of his head. "Let's not talk about that here, ok?" He adjusted the girls weight on his hip and turned to Chiyoko. "She can address me this way. It's fine, I promise."
Chiyoko pursed her lips, a conflicted expression crossing her features. "It's awfully familiar and we've only known you a few days. I'm sorry if it's bothersome."
But she's not saying that it's improper for Katsumi to call him that because he's not a relation. He filed that thought away for later as Sensei waved off Chiyoko's concerns.
Rin darted out of the store ahead of them all as Sensei held open the door for Chiyoko.
"Aren't you two coming," Minato called back over his shoulder, unable to crane his neck to look at them because Katsumi was clinging to him, her cheek resting against his shoulder. Her green eyes danced as she faced the boys.
"Let's go, nii-san," she cooed happily, locking her eyes purposefully with Kakashi's.
Obito glanced at the younger boy.
Kakashi's left eye twitched. Then he set his jaw and moved forward in that tense posture that meant he was supremely unhappy with the world.
Obito hid his snicker in his fist. And there goes Sensei, that's check Kakashi. God, the kid had cut him off completely in two days. And what was even sadder was that despite being a genius, Kakashi was too socially inept to realize he'd been boxed in, much less that he'd already suffered significant losses to the younger girl in any way that mattered.
You know, as long as Kakashi is the 'enemy,' this might not be too horrible a show to watch.
Obito trotted after the group, enjoying the irritation in Kakashi's narrowed eyes and wondering if he might be able to convince Katsumi-chan to let him join her little war. If you can't beat them, might as well join them. He nodded to himself, deciding to ignore the fact that he was essentially acknowledging the superiority of children half his age.
"Who is your Daddy, Katsumi-chan?" Obito asked at lunch, unable to restrain his curiosity any longer. No one had ever accused him of being subtle, after all.
Katsumi picked at her onigri as she sat next to him, pulling out various pieces of vegetables that were apparently offensive. Or diseased. Or guilty of being the color green, if you asked her about them.
Kakashi straightened a bit, leaning toward them with badly hidden interest.
Katsumi opened her mouth to answer, but Sensei cut her off with a displeased sound.
"No, no, Katsumi-chan," Minato said, shaking his head and motioning her to come over to him.
Minato swallowed a bite of his own lunch and cleared his throat, drawing the attention of Rin and Chiyoko, who'd been chatting about the differences between their country's respective school systems.
"Now that we've lost our Kusa-nin escort and have crossed the border, we should probably have this talk." He pulled Katsumi to him so that he could balance her on his leg and look her in the eyes, probably trying to impart the gravity of the discussion to the child. "Daddy is classified, Katsumi-chan, do you know what that means?"
Obito scoffed, he'd bet his allowance what that kid knew could fill scrolls.
Katsumi just tilted her head to the side and let her eyes widen. "Classified?" She made a show of sounding out the word, as if she hadn't had an opportunity to say it yet.
I wonder how long she's practiced that look in the mirror, what a little actress. He glanced at Kakashi from the corner of his eyes, but Kakashi was focused on whatever Sensei's explanation was going to be.
"Yes," nodded Sensei, "that means that you can't tell anyone who he is. There will be people in Konoha who will know him, and we'll introduce you to them and tell you it's ok to talk to those specific people about him. I'm one of them, and there will be a handful of others. But outside of those select people, you are not to tell anyone who your Daddy is."
Katsumi's pout was immediate. "Why?"
"Because," drawled Minato, tapping her on the nose and winking. "Your Daddy has made a lot of people mad over the years and you don't have a big ninja family to keep you safe. So, one of the ways we're trying to keep you safe is by making sure that not a lot of people know about you."
Obito felt relieved; at least she wasn't one of his clan's 'accidents' then. Her eyes were green, of course, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. However, if she were one of theirs, they'd be bringing her to the compound. And probably without her mom, the clan was weird about that.
"So," continued Minato, "think you can keep it as our secret? Just between us for now, right?" He tickled the girl as she giggled her assent.
Obito watched her carefully. She seemed like any other four year old at that moment, happy and playful and content to do what the adults told her to do. She had all the characteristics that made grown-ups normally dote on children, and none of that too-intelligent gaze that made a chill run up his spine occasionally.
Kakashi looked perturbed by Sensei's words, but didn't appear to be considering Katsumi as an individual who might be capable of challenging him one day, or as a future comrade. Chiyoko's face was far too blank and she held her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Rin looked on in concern for her newest, youngest charge, biting her lip like she always did when she was upset.
Minato glanced up, suddenly much more serious. "That goes for all three of you, as well. I've been given instructions not to tell you about the identity of Katsumi's father, but I'm sure by now you've drawn some conclusions. Correct or incorrect as those conclusions may be, I ask that you keep them to yourselves. I've no doubt that you'll eventually figure things out on your own, especially as I don't expect our contact with Katsumi to end once we've reached Konoha. If you say things where you shouldn't—"
"I understand," blurted out Obito. Sensei only ever felt the need to spell things out like this because of Obito, even though he was the oldest. Gosh, he got it, seriously. He was the one with a coveted bloodline that could be removed from his body and transplanted in others, after all. The Uchiha clustered together as a 'big ninja family' for a reason. He didn't need this spelled out for him. Rin clearly already understood from the way she watched Katsumi, and Kakashi had a notorious father himself. The brat lived with Sensei for good reason.
"We understand, we won't say anything," repeated Obito, calming down a bit.
"Good," said Sensei, relaxing as his teammates echoed assurances.
Of course, that didn't mean that Obito wasn't dying of curiosity about the identity of Katsumi-chan's mysterious other parent. She looked so much like her mother that trying to narrow down the candidates based on her physical appearance wouldn't be helpful at all. And, unlike most other four year olds, Obito highly doubted he was going to be able to coax the answer out of her with a bribe of candy. That plan was pretty much out the window when your target was pre-emptively manipulating you into giving away your material for any bribery.
Tomorrow we'll be back in Konoha. Obito was almost giddy at the thought, eagerly working with Rin to set up camp one final time. Sensei had planned their route carefully, probably because of how young Katsumi-chan was. They'd only stayed outside once before on the entire trip.
Obito and Rin weren't complaining. Bakashi did, once, but Minato had said something about bringing Katsumi-chan home with a cold not being worth it. And then he'd shuddered. Obito didn't entirely understand, but if whatever Sensei worried about was enough to make him shudder, Obito wanted no part of it. Maybe Sensei was just trying to be extra cautious after letting Katsumi-chan get kind-of-sort-of kidnapped and scaring Chiyoko-san half to death and messing up her feet.
Obito got the fire started with ease as Kakashi and Rin quickly collected enough firewood to last the night. Chiyoko and Katsumi found some wildflowers nearby, and Katsumi was entertaining herself by braiding together frail chains from the blossoms. She draped one around a giggling Rin's neck, and the next found itself around Obito's after a few begging looks from the girls. He felt a bit silly, but Katsumi and Rin both beamed so much when he finally caved in that he didn't regret his decision for long. He was such a sucker for little kids. Sensei got the next one, and he put it on with an easy grin that made Obito feel more confident about displaying his own new accessory.
After dinner, Chiyoko kept them entertained with folk tales until her voice went scratchy and she pled for a rest to drink some water. Somewhere along the road, Katsumi had decided Obito was her favorite hair stylist, and he busied himself brushing her hair and braiding it. He stuck some of her flowers into it so she could match the rest of them when she asked. She really is a sweet kid when she wants to be—
"I'd make you a chain, Kakashi-kun, but you have to admit that you're wrong," Katsumi's sing-song words easily carried over the crackle of the campfire.
-And so not sweet when she doesn't. Obito watched Sensei blink himself fully awake upon hearing the words. It took Obito a moment to realize that Katsumi had managed to coax everyone in the clearing into wearing flowers except the youngest ninja.
Kakashi paused as he sharpened his kunai. "I wasn't wrong."
"Wrong about what?" Asked Chiyoko-san idly, browsing through her pack for something or another, probably her sewing kit to mend the rip Obito had made in his shirt (again). She didn't even ask Obito if he'd torn his clothes any more when they made camp for the night. She just held her hand out and gave him a look if he denied anything needed mending. It made it only a little better that she treated Kakashi the same way, to the point of huffing and searching through Kakashi's pack for his clothes herself as Sensei just laughed at the boys' shared indignation.
"Kakashi said," and Katsumi straightened, pulling away from Obito to turn toward Minato. "He said that he was a professional. And that I was uneducated, inexperienced, and a vulnerable liability because I was too emotional and had friends."
Chiyoko paused and raised her head. "Excuse me?" She looked between Katsumi, who gazed at Kakashi expectantly, and Kakashi. The youngest ninja darted a frightened look at Sensei, which for Kakashi was basically an admission that yes he had said something like that and 'oh please, Sensei save me.'
Obito coughed nervously, deciding it might be best to try and defuse the situation. "Yeah, he did say that," he said casually. "But I'm pretty sure we all know that you're smart, Katsumi-chan. And that Ba—err, Kakashi has weird values. You don't want to be like him anyway."
Kakashi glared at him and Obito held his hands out in a 'what do you want from me' gesture.
"He doesn't," said Katsumi, narrowing her eyes. "He still doesn't think I'm smart."
"Of course, he does," interrupted Minato, probably trying to soothe whatever tantrum Katsumi was working herself into. "Tell her Kakashi-kun." Sensei's tone commanded obedience.
Kakashi's gaze flitted to Minato and then to the fire, which he stared at steadily before muttering an unenthusiastic, "You're smart."
Katsumi scowled with all the offended ferocity her four year old self could muster. "Then you know you're wrong, and you should admit it!" She turned to Minato to complain, pointing her finger accusingly at the youngest ninja. "He's lost and he won't 'fess up!"
Minato gave Kakashi a stern look and Kakashi held his spine stiff in an effort to deny the existence of reality.
"What has he lost?" Minato beckoned the girl over to him.
She glowered up at him with dark green eyes. "I told him that I was better at some things than he was. Not ninja-y things, but that I was still smart and could be better than him at some things."
Well, that was vague and unhelpful. Sensei apparently thought so too, because he tried to coax out a better answer, leaning over so he was eye level with the child. "What are you better at than him?"
Katsumi sniffed. "Making friends."
Ouch. Obito flinched. He'd even seen that one coming and it still hurt.
Minato's gaze flickered over to Kakashi, who was, as predicted, fuming silently.
"Katsumi," scolded Chiyoko, finding her voice. "That's mean. I'm sure Kakashi can make friends just as well as you can."
Obito caught Rin's eyes across the fire and they exchanged dubious looks.
"I'm pretty sure he sucks at it," Katsumi said flatly.
"Katsumi," Chiyoko's tone grew low and stern. "You apologize right now."
"I won't," bit out Katsumi. "It serves no purpose."
"What?" The school teacher sounded as if she dreaded the explanation.
"People apologize in recognition that thye've done something wrong by offending another person, because they've hurt somebody else's feelings," elaborated Katsumi waspishly. "'Kashi-kun has publicly stated that as a shinobi, he has no feelings. It is not possible for me to hurt that which doesn't exist. An apology serves no purpose, it's an un-nessary waste of time."
Obito wasn't going to snicker, he wasn't. Laughing would be immature and childish and not ninja-ish at all. He tried very hard to hide his amusement and looked at his youngest teammate. "Well," Obito said thoughtfully. "She's got you there, Kakashi."
"Friends aren't important," insisted Kakashi, practically hissing in his fury. "Shinobi don't have friends."
"False." Chirped Katsumi, twisting around to survey her audience. "Three out of four of the shinobi on this mission are now my friends; there is a seventy-five percent likelihood that you are incorrect." Katsumi peered at him from around Minato. "Or do you think Minato-nii-san is wrong?"
Kakashi gripped his knee and focused on the ground, so tense he was practically vibrating in anger.
"Oh," Katsumi furrowed her brows. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. You seem so defensive are you ok?"
Kakashi stormed off as Katsumi echoed the boy's words from their first conversation. Or, stormed up, as it were, into the obscuring branches of a tree.
Katsumi relaxed, suddenly appearing perfectly calm and happy. "I win!" She cheered and ran over to the base of the tree up which Kakashi had fled.
"I'm so sorry you feel this way," she yelled up into the branches as she leaned against the bark of the trunk. "I hope one day we can still be friends!"
"She's four?" Rin asked the group, confused.
"I'm so sorry," babbled Chiyoko, wringing the clothes she'd been mending anxiously. "Most days she's fine, but some days are like," she gestured helplessly with her hands, "this, and then I have no idea what to do about her."
"Oh no," wheezed Obito, giving in to his snickers even though he could feel Sensei's disapproving gaze upon him. "She's perfect like this, I love it. Can she be the team mascot?" He tried his best to keep a straight face. "I'm totally in favor of her being the team mascot. We can keep her, right Sensei?"
Sensei rubbed his head, looking bewildered as Obito continued to giggle nonsensically, Rin twisted her hands nervously, Katsumi demanded that she and her rabbit receive another bed time story, and Kakashi refused to come down from his tree.
This is going to be so much fun.
Rev. 5/2/16
Thanks to ElectraSev5n for looking this over and helping polish it up!