Chapter Thirty Seven

Hands were wrapping tightly around his throat as he struggled to breathe. He didn't know what was worse, the pressure around his neck from the hands or the fear that felt like it was squeezing his heart.

He was going to die, though he wasn't sure if it would be from the fear or from being unable to breathe.

He tried to struggle, to fight against the hands, but he couldn't move.

Blazing green eyes swam in front of his face, a triumphant smirk on their owner's face as his vision began to go black…

Kili gasped awake, body instantly wracked with coughs as his bruised throat was irritated by the sudden intake of air.

A hand rubbed gentle circles on his back as he was pulled into a sitting position. "Shh, Kee," Fili soothed, voice sounding as rough as Kili's throat felt. "You're okay. You're safe."

Kili shivered as the coughing died down, turning into the warmth of Fili and leaning against him. Fili lowered them both down to lie back down, pulling the blankets under Kili's chin and tucking the brunet against him.

Kili wrinkled his nose as he registered the cannula feeding him oxygen. That would take some getting used to.

He glanced around at the dark room from the safety of Fili's arms, half afraid that he would find hateful green eyes staring out at him. He frowned in confusion when he didn't see Bilbo and Thorin there though.

"Fee, w—"

"Shh, don't talk," the blond interrupted. Kili grimaced at the pain in his throat just at those two words and figured that was good advice.

His question was answered anyway as he caught movement from over Fili's shoulder. He peered over Fili to see Thorin leaning slightly through the doorway, giving Kili a small smile when he noticed he was awake before turning and focusing back on what someone, no doubt a doctor, was telling him and Bilbo.

Safe in Fili's arms with their parents nearby, Kili let himself drift off into mercifully dreamless sleep.

He woke up again sometime later to an odd snuffling sound. He blinked in sleepy confusion at the soft, barely morning light drifting in through the window. It took him a moment to realize what felt off.

Fili wasn't next to him anymore.

It didn't take him long to figure out where he was, though, as the blond was still on the bed, just further down near the foot. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, face buried in Thorin's chest. Kili couldn't see him very well, as his view was blocked by their dad, who was sitting on the bed next to him, nearer to Kili, with his arm wrapped around the blond's shaking shoulders.

It took Kili a moment longer to register that the snuffling sound was coming from Fili.

With a start, he realized that Fili was crying.

"—could've died," he was able to make out. "I should've been there!"

"You can't be with Kili all the time," Bilbo reasoned gently. "But the important thing is that you got there in time. You and your friends saved him."

"I keep seeing it over and over," Fili whispered. "Only when I get to him, he's…" His voice caught and he wasn't able to finish.

Kili frowned and pushed himself up on his elbows. "I'm okay, Fee," he rasped despite the throbbing pain in his throat, his voice sounding faint and odd to his ears.

In any other situation, it might have been funny the way all three of their heads snapped in his direction. But Kili could never find Fili's tear-streaked face funny. He reached a hand out weakly towards the blond. Bilbo quickly rose from the bed to allow Fili to climb back up to Kili's side and curl around him as if to protect him from the world.

Kili wrapped his arms tightly around Fili's waist to reassure him, hating the slight tremors running through the other.

Hatred towards Smaug flashed through him. If it weren't for him, Fili wouldn't be this distressed.

They lay there in silence, holding each other as the sun rose outside and streamed brighter through the window.

Their parents had settled on the sleep couch that had obviously been brought into the room. They must have assumed he and Fili had fallen back asleep because Bilbo sighed quietly and said in a low voice, "We'll need to get them both into therapy."

Thorin hummed in agreement but Kili scowled. He didn't want therapy, mostly because he was afraid what a therapist would say about his relationship with Fili. He knew he was probably more attached to Fili than was really considered normal. What if a therapist said their relationship wasn't good for them? What if their parents made them spend more time apart, or worse, break up?

He didn't think he could handle that.

Hate for Smaug simmered within him once more. None of this would have happened if it weren't for him. Why had the senior have to target Kili anyway? What had he ever done to him? What was it about Kili that made people like Smaug and Randy and his father want to hurt him?

Kili was afraid of the answer to that last question. What if there was something about him that was wrong? Normal people surely didn't get targeted so much by bad people. What if something about him made people want to hurt him?

He shuddered at that and tried to burrow closer to Fili.

"Kee?" the blond murmured, looking down at him in concern. "You're safe, I promise."

He was glad he had an excuse to not talk because he wasn't sure if he could without breaking into tears.

He jumped as a light tap came from his door.

"Come in," his dad called.

An older woman in scrubs opened the door and smiled at him. "Breakfast time," she said cheerily. "Afraid it's soft food only for you for a while. I've brought you some nice oatmeal and apple juice though."

Fili sat up and fiddled with the bed controls to raise Kili up into a sitting position, settling back down beside him but leaving room for the lady to wheel the table with his food over his lap.

Kili gave her a polite smile and nod, but only stared at the food after she had left. He wasn't all that hungry.

Fili sighed and nudged him with his elbow. "You need to eat. Come on, don't prove Frodo right."

Kili frowned. Their conversation with Frodo about eating felt like so long ago, though in his head, Kili knew it had just been yesterday afternoon. Knowing he would just worry everyone more if he didn't eat, he reluctantly picked up the plastic spoon on the tray and dipped it into the oatmeal.

He grimaced both at the taste and the unpleasant slide down his aching throat.

"Here," Fili said, reaching over and grabbing a small packet of brown sugar off the tray. He ripped it open and dumped the contents into the oatmeal.

Kili stirred the sugar in and took another bite. It was better. Not great, but still better. He made himself eat the entire bowl, taking sips of his juice when the oatmeal began to feel too thick sliding down his throat.

He pushed the table away when he was finished, immediately curling against Fili. The food sat heavily in his stomach, but the look of relief on Fili's face was worth it.

Fili brushed a kiss to his forehead. "Thank you," he breathed.

Bilbo sat down on a chair on his other side, reaching out and taking Kili's hand. "Are you in pain, Kili? I can get the nurse to come give you more pain medication."

His immediate reaction was to shake his head no, but he knew that would be a lie. His throat felt like it was still being crushed, especially after swallowing his food. And his back and shoulders ached from where Smaug had pressed him against the floor.

Knowing that none of them would want him to be hurting unnecessarily, he nodded his head, earning a soft smile from his dad.

Bilbo pressed the call button for the nurse and a few minutes later a young man dressed in scrubs stepped into the room. "Can he get some pain medication?" his dad asked.

"Of course," he replied with a smile towards Kili, stepping out and coming in a moment later with a syringe. He injected it into the IV that Kili hadn't even realized was in his elbow.

It didn't take long for the medicine to begin working and Kili sank bonelessly into Fili's side. He felt his eyelids become heavy and he let himself drift off to sleep.

He slowly came back to awareness when he heard people talking.

"But why? Why would someone want to hurt Kili like this?" he heard Frodo ask in a small voice.

"Because some people are assholes who don't like to hear the word 'no,'" Fili muttered contemptuously.

Kili frowned. Normally, language like that in front of Frodo would have prompted scolding from their parents, but neither of them commented on it.

"He's gonna be okay, though, right?" Frodo whispered sadly.

"Kili's going to be more than okay," Bilbo replied firmly. "He's strong. He won't let something like this hold him back."

Considering how weak he felt at that very moment, Kili most certainly didn't think that he deserved to be called strong. He couldn't help but think he was going to disappoint his parents. First Thorin and now Bilbo had said they thought he was strong. What would they say when they found out how wrong they were?

He blinked his eyes open with difficulty, unable to keep his lips from quirking up in an almost smile as Frodo's face lit up when he saw he was awake.

"Kili! I was so worried about you!" he gushed, crawling into the very small space on his other side and wrapping his small arms around him. "I heard some kids at the high school say you that boy had choked you and you almost died and I was scared you were and Pop and Dad said I had to go home with Mr. Nori and Mr. Bofur and… and…"

Kili put a finger on his brother's lips and smiled at him, hugging him close to him and rubbing his shaking back.

"Kili's okay, Frodo," Fili soothed, obviously knowing that Kili wanted to say something himself but was unable to do so. "He won't be able to talk for a while, but he's going to bounce back just fine."

Kili didn't miss the look Thorin and Bilbo exchanged at those words and wondered if they knew something he didn't. He nudged Fili lightly with his elbow and nodded towards their parents, hoping he conveyed enough meaning with his eyes to get Fili to question them more.

He must have because Fili frowned at them. "He is going to bounce back fine, right?"

Bilbo opened his mouth to answer but seemed unable to. He shook his head and pursed his lips, giving Thorin a pleading look.

Thorin sighed heavily. "The doctor thinks he'll most likely make a full recovery. There might be some vocal damage though."

"You mean his voice would sound different from now on?" Fili asked.

Terror welled within Kili at that. He never really thought about how his voice sounded, but he didn't want it to change. Not because of this. How would he ever be able to talk without thinking of Smaug?

"We won't know anything for certain for a few days," Bilbo was quick to assure. "And it probably won't be an issue. It's just a… possibility. There might also always be some residual pain."

"That's why the doctor doesn't want you to speak for at least a week to give everything a chance to heal up," Thorin told Kili. "It's better that you don't try to speak and inadvertently strain your voice before you're completely healed."

Kili closed his eyes against the tears that welled in his eyes and nodded. It was just another reminder that things would never be the same. He would never be the same.

Smaug may not have succeeded in killing him, but he had definitely broken him.

And Kili wasn't sure how to put himself together.

tbc…