Chapter Thirty Eight

Kili was taken to one final CT scan before lunch, and was discharged early that afternoon when the results came back clear.

Walking into the house with Fili's hand firmly in his was a relief. This was familiar territory. He was safe here.

"Why don't you boys go watch some TV while your Pop and I get started on dinner?" Bilbo suggested.

Kili knew exactly what that meant. Bilbo and Thorin wanted to discuss things without them overhearing. If the pain medication he had taken before leaving the hospital had made his limbs feel so heavy, he'd probably try to sneak and listen at the kitchen door. As it was, he let Fili lead him to the living room and get him settled on the couch.

He frowned as the blond made to step away, tugging on his arm insistently to get what he wanted across. Fili smiled at him fondly and let Kili pull him down on the couch as well before rearranging Kili and the pillows Frodo had helpfully brought in so that they were more comfortable.

In the end, Fili ended up sitting in the corner of the couch, pillows piled at the arm of the sofa and over his lap to keep Kili comfortable where he was all but cradled in the blond's arms. Kili liked the position, though he was sure that even with the pillows, Fili's legs would soon get uncomfortable with him draped over his lap. Still, it let Kili stretch out comfortably in Fili's arms and still be able to easily see his face.

Which was a good thing, because Kili couldn't help but give in to the urge to seek out Fili's face every few minutes. Even the other's arms around him weren't enough to reassure him that Fili was there. He had to have the visual confirmation.

Fili must've understood, because the blond kept his eyes glued on Kili's face as well. The intense scrutiny from anyone else would have made him uncomfortable. But this was Fili, so it just made him feel secure.

How would any therapist their parents wanted to send them to understand their relationship? Their situation was undoubtedly unique, but Kili didn't think it was unhealthy. They loved and supported each other. Neither of them would ever try and make the other do anything he didn't want to do.

Kili was maybe willing to concede that maybe Fili was a little too quick at times to give things up for Kili, but that didn't mean that Kili let him whenever he noticed! And Kili was just as willing to sacrifice for Fili! Wasn't that what you were supposed to do for the people you loved?

He felt fingers card through his hair and he looked up to see Fili's blue eyes looking at him in concern. "You're thinking awfully hard about something. What are you worrying about?"

Kili sighed. Even when he couldn't say anything, Fili could still read him like a book. He picked up iPhone and opened a new note before typing:

Pop and Dad want us to see a therapist.

"It's probably a good idea," Fili admitted after reading it.

Kili shook his head vigorously and typed more furiously:

They won't understand us.

Fili looked torn before a steel glint of decision settled in his eyes. "So they don't understand us. I'm not going to let you go no matter what some therapist tells me. I love you, Kee. I can't bear to lose you." His voice cracked a bit at the end and he sounded very sincere.

But Kili didn't believe him for a second and typed:

Even if they told you our relationship was hurting me? Can you promise you won't believe them?

The blond bit his lip. Kili turned the phone back to him and added:

It wouldn't be true. COULDN'T be true. Losing you'd hurt more than anything else ever could.

Tears fell from his eyes even as he typed the words. Fili took the phone gently from his hands and put it aside, barely glancing at what he had written.

"Kili, I promise you. You won't lose me. I won't let anyone take me from you," he vowed, pulling him closer and letting him bury his face in his neck.

He sniffled and pulled backed just a bit to glance towards the kitchen significantly.

"Not even Dad and Pop," Fili added firmly. "Though they wouldn't make us do something that'd make us both miserable."

Kili wasn't so sure about that. Though their parents probably understood their relationship better than most, Kili still wasn't sure they understood completely sometimes. If they did, they surely wouldn't force them to be separated every night, and Bilbo definitely would never have suggested living apart for a year.

"They decided to make you both see Dr. Peredhel," Frodo announced in a low voice as he plopped down on the recliner next to them. "They thought someone familiar with your relationship would be better."

Kili was not a bit surprised that Frodo had spied on their parents' conversation. He was a bit surprised, though, that he was divulging what he had heard.

Fili gave him a stern look. "You're almost as nosy as Kili," he admonished.

"Kili wanted to know!" Frodo protested in affront. "I saw the way he watched Dad and Pop leave!"

He felt a wave of affection for his little brother and shot him a grateful smile. Faced with that explanation, even Fili couldn't pretend that he disapproved of Frodo's spying. Instead, he gave Kili a mock glare.

"You're a bad influence," he teased. Kili just stuck out his tongue at him.

"What's wrong with your relationship?" Frodo asked. "Why would anyone think it was bad for you when you're both so good to each other?"

Fili sighed. "Lots of reasons, really," he said. "Some people just won't like that we're both boys. Some people will think we should be more like brothers. And some people might think we… love each other too much."

Kili felt a knot of tension within him release as he realized that Fili felt the same fears he did. Well, not fears, really. He really didn't care if anyone didn't like their relationship. He did, though, care if a therapist told their parents they needed to be separated and their parents took it to heart.

"How can you love someone too much?" Frodo scoffed. "That's stupid."

He laughed at that, but that quickly turned into a cough as the sudden intake of air irritated his throat. Kili gasped for air, panicking when he couldn't get any in.

"Shh, just breathe with me, okay?" Fili's voice was saying as he was straightened and a hand began rubbing his back. "In… and out… In… and out…"

With an effort, he managed to match his breathing with Fili's, coughing subsiding as he began to breathe normally again.

He looked up and met Fili's gaze, intending to give him a reassuring smile that unfortunately came out as more of a grimace. He glanced around and saw that their parents had run in from the kitchen at the noise. Bilbo was crouching by the side of the couch, as Thorin hovered behind him, Frodo clinging to his legs and staring at Kili with terrified eyes.

He was pathetic. He couldn't even laugh without nearly having a panic attack.

He turned to burrow into Fili's chest, hiding his face away from the eyes of his family. He didn't know if he could take their worry right now. He was so tired of worrying everybody.

"It's okay, Kee," Fili tried to soothe.

But he was wrong. It wasn't okay.

Bilbo made tomato soup for dinner, with chocolate pudding for dessert. It wasn't the most exciting meal he had ever made, but the warm, thick soup felt nice on his throat and the cool pudding slid down easily.

He was given his pain medication and urged to go to bed after dinner. Kili nodded but glanced morosely at the stairs from his place on the couch before curling against Fili and giving him a pleading look.

The blond looked at their parents. "Can't he sleep with me? Please?"

Kili watched as Bilbo and Thorin seemed to have a silent discussion. Their dad frowned as Thorin raised an eyebrow. Bilbo pursed his lips unhappily as their pop looked at him intently with one corner of his mouth twisted upward.

Bilbo finally sighed and gave Kili a sad smile. "I don't want you to become dependent on Fili as a crutch."

"When you're hurt, sometimes you need a crutch to heal," Fili pointed out defiantly.

Kili couldn't help but smile at that. Thorin barked out a laugh while their dad's lips twitched up.

"He has a point," their pop said.

"Fine, but don't get used to it, okay? You'll have to start sleeping on your own eventually," Bilbo warned.

Kili's smile widened a bit as Fili helped him off the couch and led him towards the basement stairs. He didn't take Bilbo's warning to heart. Even after over a year, he still hadn't gotten used to sleeping alone. It's not like spending a few nights in Fili's arms was going to hurt his non-existence progress.

He squeezed Fili's hands in thanks as they slowly navigated their way down the stairs. He sighed in contentment as he was eased down on the bed, Fili quick to follow him and wrap him up in his arms.

Kili looked up at him with heavy eyelids and very deliberately mouthed I love you.

Fili brought a hand up to cup his cheek and smiled softly. "I love you, too, Kee," he murmured before giving him a gentle kiss. "You should get some rest. I'll be here."

He nodded and lay his head on Fili's chest, feeling calmer as he listened to the blond's breathing and let it lull him to sleep.

Sunday past quickly enough, Kili spending most of it in a medicated fog in Fili's room, moving from the bed to the couch and eventually back to the bed as night fell once more. His friends had texted during the day, but he hadn't really had the energy to text back more than a few words. Now, he was currently listening to Fili and Thorin's hushed conversation as he pretended to be sleeping.

"There will probably be a lot of talk at school tomorrow," Thorin was saying. "You can't let it get to you. No matter what anyone says."

"Right," Fili answered in an uncertain voice as Kili quietly panicked.

Fili was going to school tomorrow? Fili was going to school tomorrow without him?!

He supposed it made sense. Fili couldn't just miss school for him. But Kili couldn't just stay here alone!

He shook off his fatigue and snatched his phone off the nightstand and began typing frantically, Fili and Thorin both turning to look at him at the sudden movement.

He thrust the phone out towards Fili with determination.

If you're going back to school, I want to.

"Kili, no, you need to stay home and rest," Fili answered while showing the phone to Thorin.

"Fili's right," Thorin stated. "You'll go back when you get your voice back. For now, Fili can go and get your work."

Kili scowled and held his hand out impatiently for the phone, which Fili handed back to him.

No. If Fili goes, I go.

He held the phone out again, this time towards his pop. Thorin sighed as he read what he wrote.

"Kili, you should really wait for things to die down before going back," he reasoned. "And your medication will make you sleepy. It's better if you stay home."

Kili took the phone back and re-typed his last words.

If Fili goes, I go.

He would not be left at home while Fili went to school. He couldn't. He wouldn't feel safe with Fili. He wouldn't be safe without Fili. What if he had a full-blown panic attack while he was gone? What if he couldn't figure out how to breathe on his own?

Thorin sighed again as he read the words. "How about this? Fili can stay home with you for a couple days, and if you can stay awake without being in pain the day before, you can go back with him."

Kili beamed in triumphant and lay back down, suddenly exhausted again. He heard Thorin wish them both good night before Fili slid under the covers and pressed close to his back.

"I'm glad you convinced Pop to let him stay with you," the blond whispered. "I would've gone crazy worrying about you if I had gone to school."

The brunet turned to face Fili and buried his face in the crook of his neck, a position that never failed to bring him comfort.

"Goodnight, Kee. I love you."

Kili smiled against Fili's skin as his eyes slid close, safe in the knowledge that the two of them would still be able to hide in their sanctuary tomorrow and the next day.

After that, Kili wasn't really sure what was going to happen.

tbc…