Welcome Back, Wally

Chapter 3

"for the love of God, SOMEONE PLEASE SHUT HIM UP" Two-Face hollered as Flash babbled hysterically in the padded room. Ever since Batman left and after Wally's little breakdown, the whole Watchtower estate is in a state of bedlam

"what's going on? I can't find Bruce anywhere, the twins have redecorated the entire Batcave and Wally's in a straitjacket babbling nonsense" Helena said, coming home from work

"it's kind of a long story, honey" Two-Face exhaled

"ok, the twins are asleep for their nap" Hippolyta said, coming down the stairs

"apparently Bruce has moved in with that back-stabbing jackass Barry Allen and that floozy Killer Frost" Red Hood said to Helena

"oh" Helena said in response

"so… Wally's the new Spoiler" Red Hood added

"oh this is just great. Now we have a fast-moving psychopath to tangle with" Two-Face grumbled in annoyance

"hey come on, it's not that bad" Black Mask said calmly

"where have you been, Roman?" Two-Face asked sarcastically

"uh… I was taking out the garbage" Black Mask answered wittily

"oy…" Two-Face moaned, burying his face in his hands

"come on dear, I'll make you some lasagna" Hippolyta said kindly, taking her husband to the kitchen

"so… what are we gonna do about Wally? The police don't want him, Blackgate don't want him. Hell, even Arkham fucking Asylum said no!" Green Arrow snapped

"yes, but come on, he's family. Think of how he's feeling" Huntress said

"HeaHFGAGAHAHAHHADFGFGFGFGDFCCVFGDSD" Wally gibbered insanely, his eyes crossed

"…really, Helena?" Green Arrow asked flatly

"oops" Huntress winced

"we're screwed. Wally's officially an A-1 nutso, Batman is out living with a traitor and a hooker, the twins are still on… oh whatever they're on and Superman, well…" Green Arrow started

"HEY GUYS! I'M WEARING MY SUIT BACKWARDS" Superman said cheerfully, running straight into the wall

"…he's still stupid. Very nice and friendly, but incredibly stupid nonetheless" Green Arrow finished

"hmmm… this is a real toughie. It's like that Superman N64 game…" Jade said

"don't even THINK about mentioning that" Green Arrow snarled

"ok, ok, jeez" Jade gasped

"what if… supposing if… the Wally we have in the Watchtower… is NOT the real Wally?" Red Hood asked

"…what?" Green Arrow asked

"are you drunk AGAIN?" Lady Blackhawk groaned

"come on, think about it! Those rednecks knocked out and kidnapped the real Wally and sent us a FAKE Wally instead" Red Hood insisted

"that is the most outrageous theory I've ever heard" Green Arrow snapped

"well, there's only one other guy who can help us on this…" Huntress said, everyone doing a double take

"please don't do it…" Robin begged

…

"I'm doing it" Huntress said, driving the Leaguers to Central City, Robin grumbling angrily in the back

"hey, who'd we leave to watch the twins?" Two-Face asked

"oh Mom's there. Don't worry" Diana assured

…

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" Hippolyta, Kara and Alex snored loudly

…

"I'm TELLING you guys, the Wally in the Watchtower is an IMPOSTER! A spy! Or… oh my god, he's a BODY SNATCHER" Red Hood gasped insanely

"shut it Jason. I don't wanna hear any more of your cockamamie conspiracy theories" Green Arrow snarled

"he may have a point" Huntress agreed

"oh god, not YOU too!" Green Arrow gasped

"what? I like reading mystery novels" Huntress said

"but-but… THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MYSTERY NOVELS" Green Arrow screamed

"yes but I enjoy bringing it up at random times" Huntress replied

"oh my God, this CANT get any worse…" Green Arrow moaned

"uh guys?" Red Hood asked

"dear Hera, Jason, if this is another of your stupid, pathetic theories… I…I cant be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you" Green Arrow threatened, feeling his rage rise and rise

"um… we're out of guzzoline" Red Hood said, Green Arrow noticing they're in Central City

"well, well, well. Look who's here" Batman said

"hello. Long time no see" Huntress said cheerfully

"whaddya want?" Batman asked

"we… we have problems at home. Really, really, REALLY big problems" Hush said

"yeah? Is this about Wally going bananas?" Batman asked

"yup" Jade answered

"funny thing actually; I found him. He's inside with me" Batman said

"oh good… wait, WHAT?" Green Arrow gasped, doing a double take

"HA! I TOLD you it was a body snatcher" Red Hood teased

"dears? We have a situation" Hippolyta panted, arriving with Kara and Alex and Dinah
"how the hell did YOU get here?" Batman asked

"muffin button" Hippolyta answered

"ok… what is it?" Batman asked

"well… it turns out the Flash at home is NOT our Flash" Hippolyta said

"then who is it?" Linda asked

"only the deadliest and devious of all his archenemies…" Batman said forebodingly

"no, not HIM" Huntress gasped in horror

"you… you don't mean…" Linda stammered

"His name… is Zoom" Batman said, ominous thunder clapping

…

"hey, isn't that the James Patterson book about animals attacking people?" Kara asked

"no, no, that's that weird PBS kids show" Hawkgirl replied

"and once again we're off topic" Green Arrow moaned, banging his head on the wall as Kara and Hawkgirl chattered nonsense

…

"GHAHDDDFGRRRFGGHHHHERGNGVFFGFYTYTUUNGOHIGVOGPNPN" Zoom babbled insanely, Neron groaning in annoyance

"shut up, shut up, SHUT UP" Neron roared, slamming his head against the prison wall