A/n: Hi all. I know it's been forever with this fic, it's been on hiatus for way too long. However. It's back with a vengeance. Chapter sixteen is written and just needs editing. Things are starting to hot up now. This is a chapter that is both vital and sort of transitional, however I hope it works. I hate that it's been so long, and I hope at least some of you guys are still with me.

Shameless plugs: I've got three roleplays in progress. Come check them out. My website is being revamped, so check it out. I have a new Cats writing challenge, on my forum, so come check it out. Also, keep an eye out for more Anarchia fics. I think that's about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cats or it's respective characters. I own the other animals in the story though. I wish I owned Alonzo.

Chapter 15 – We Need To Talk

I'd just woken up, having spent most of the night on a fruitless search of the streets for any sign of Mistoffelees. Then Tugger arrived, not even bothering to check if I was awake before coming into the den. That irritated me, but it was a good sign too. It was a sign that he was getting back to normal, that everything was getting back to normal. Still, he had woken me up earlier too, and I liked my sleep after a long night of walking around the city.

"Oh good you're awake."

"Yeah. Just about." I answered, unable to keep a bite of annoyance out of my voice. I watched him sit down, he gave me a funny look, almost as though he was contemplating saying something, then deciding not to. "Is everything okay?" I prompted.

"Yeah. I guess. Uhm… Munk's with Demeter and Jemima. I figured it was time to let them see him, now that he's looking a bit better." He said the words very carefully, as if he was taking his time to choose just the right ones. There was more to it than that, he wouldn't come here just to tell me that Munkustrap was with his family.

"Yeah…." I answered, trailing off expectantly, waiting for him to go on.

"He… uh, he wants to talk to you as well." Tugger said very tentatively. It was like he was scared I would blow up or something. That couldn't be further from the truth, all I felt was a lead weight sinking to the bottom of my stomach. Munkustrap wanted to talk to me? That, I had to admit, I didn't like the sound of. What did he want to talk about? Why? What was I supposed to say to him? How could I explain what I did? That was a lot of questions and I don't tend to ask too many questions. I didn't like this, not at all.

"Alonzo?"

"Huh?"

"You okay? You went kinda quiet on me."

"Yeah… uh, what does he want to talk to me about?" I blurted out the question, unable to help myself. Silence. Why wouldn't he answer me? "Tugger?"

"He wants to talk about everything that's happened. You two need to clear things up, it's the only way you can both move on." He said eventually, confirming what I had both suspected and dreaded to hear.

"Oh. Okay." I answered automatically, too busy thinking to consider my response. I was not looking forward to that conversation, that was for sure. I knew I'd go through with it though, it would look worse if I refused, and part of me wanted to talk to Munkustrap again. I didn't want to be scared anymore, I didn't want to be hated anymore. I needed to do this.

"You'll be alright," he assured me. I knew he was right, it was Munkustrap, for Pete's sake, he wasn't going to hurt me. Right?

"Yeah..." I said vaguely, obviously unconvinced. There wasn't much I could do but wait, so Tugger and I spent the next hour or so sitting outside in the sun, just waiting. He tried to make idle conversation, but I wasn't really in the mood for talking, instead more concerned with trying to psych myself up for the talk with Munkustrap. He asked me why I was happier lately, pushing me to find out if something had happened. It was almost like old times, before everything went to hell, and he coerced me into admitting I'd cleared things up with Bombalurina. However, he wouldn't ever know what it was that needed to be cleared up. I wouldn't have done that to her, I'd done enough to her already.

Eventually we spotted Demeter and Jemima leaving his den, they seemed happier. They were smiling at any rate, and talking quietly as they walked. Demeter still looked a little tense, but Munkustrap had a long way to go before he'd be back to his usual self, so it was understandable. I watched Jemima for a moment, glad that she didn't know her father had thought her dead for months.

"Guess that means it's my turn." I said, getting to my paws with some reluctance. I hesitated, but quickly started walking when Tugger threatened to drag me in there. I paused at the door of his den, taking a deep breath before knocking. I heard him call back, and tentatively poked my head through the door. I had to admit, I was glad to see him looking alive, I really was glad he was better. "Uhm..." That was about all I managed to say, not very smooth I know, but I was really unsure what to say to him. He seemed to be the same, but I wasn't sure if that made it better or worse.

"Are you coming in, or are you going to stand in the doorway?" he asked abruptly, startling me and causing my ears to flatten reflexively. I cringed, feeling my face grow warm. I was blushing again, feeling stupid for being so scared. I moved into the den properly and sat down opposite him, keeping my distance all the same. Taking a chance, I looked into his eyes and before I knew what was happening, I was rambling.

"Munkustrap, I'm so sorry about everything. I didn't hurt Jemima, I didn't mean to hurt anyone, he made me do it. I'm such an idiot, I should have done more, I should have tried to get hel-"

"Alonzo, calm down. It's okay." he cut me off, only when he told me to calm down did I realise what I was doing and immediately shut up.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly.

"I know," he answered. "I'm sorry too, for doubting you. I should have known you'd never hurt Jemima, or any of the tribe."

Damn. How the hell could I tell him he was wrong. I did hurt the tribe, Bombalurina especially. The kittens are terrified of me, Pouncival can't even look at me. I don't blame them for that, but I can't accept all the blame myself. Some of it's got to be reserved for that ginger fiend.

"I tried not to." Oh great, and I just admitted it too.

"It's not really your fault though, is it?" he said. Was he covering for how he really felt? Or did he understand?

"I shouldn't have let him get to me the way he did. That, is my fault."

"I understand Alonzo. I do, I know you wanted to help us, I haven't forgotten you bringing me food and taking care of me when no-one else could. You took a lot of risks. Nobody's perfect. We can repair the damage done to the tribe, but I can't do it alone. I need Tugger, and I need you. The tribe will forgive, just give them time."

I shook my head, I heard his words but believing them was beyond me. "I was a coward, I just lay down and took orders like a good little puppy."

"That doesn't sound like something you would do, Alonzo. I know he hurt you, I know what he did. He... I... He told me all about it."

I turned away from him, unable to maintain eye contact after that revelation. He knew everything. I didn't want anyone to know how he'd gotten to me, what he'd done.

"It must have taken a lot of work to break your spirit. This was not your fault, Alonzo. He always had a knack for seeking out weakness and exploiting it." He continued, and I was starting to believe him.

"But..."

"But nothing. The damage is done, we can't change what happened. We can't undo what he did, but we can change things for the better from now on. He's gone, we're free."

"We are free," I agreed, finally managing a smile. Munkustrap punched me softly on the shoulder, and I pulled him into a hug. Just like old times, I felt like I had my best friend back. It was all too easy then, to forget everything that had happened but sadly that wasn't going to be the case. It was one thing to talk about repairing the damage, putting things right, but really, something had to be done about it. It could wait a little longer though, I was happy enough with Munkustrap just pretending that everything was okay for a little while. We were even laughing and probably would have ended up in some sort of kittenish wrestling match. If it hadn't been for me. I hadn't gotten this close to Munkustrap for quite some time, and his scent was horribly familiar. I caught it and it sent a chill down my spine, causing me to tense immediately. I pulled away from Munkustrap, trying so hard to forget what that scent had reminded me of. I couldn't, it wasn't his fault but I remembered suddenly that he knew about it. Everything.

"Alonzo? What is it?"

I heard him, but I didn't react. He was worried about me, that wasn't right. I didn't deserve his worry, I wasn't worth the trouble.

"Alonzo!"

His sharp tone made me visibly flinch, and before I could fight it I had adopted a very uncomfortable and very submissive posture. I looked at the ground, not wanting to see his face, my ears held flat against my head, my face burning white hot. Unfortunately it would obviously take a bit more work to fully get over the conditioning, I knew I shouldn't do this, I didn't have to do it anymore. I jumped when I felt a paw on my chin, and was forced to look at Munkustrap.

"It's okay, Alonzo. Really. He's gone, he's dead. We're free now, both of us. I'm here for you, just like you were there for me. I know what he did, he told me every detail but I'd forgotten. I wish I could help you forget it too."

I could see tears in his eyes, or perhaps they were my own blurring my vision and I nodded. "We can help each other. It's good to have you back, I missed you. I wish I could have helped you more, you shouldn't have had to go through that," I told him, still preferring to worry about others and ignore my own pain. Maybe I still felt that I deserved to suffer, or maybe I was being totally selfless. I don't know, but we needed each other and we could help each other through this. Munkustrap pulled me into a hug, and this time his scent didn't frighten me. It was familiar, but now I could recognise it as his, and not Macavity's. I didn't have to be scared anymore and everything had changed for us all at that point. We became a tribe again.