Chapter Forty Seven

Approaching the school on January 2 with Fili's hand firmly around his own, Kili felt an odd sense of deja vu. He kept his breathing calm and even. There was nothing to be afraid of. No one at the school would hurt him. Even if some of them wanted to hurt him, like that girl in his English class, those people were outnumbered by people who wouldn't let them.

It was okay. Everything was going to be okay.

And it was.

Right up until his homeroom teacher began passing out report cards.

Kili supposed he should just be happy that he passed everything. But when he was staring at a B, B-, and C+, well, he didn't really see anything he should be happy about.

"How'd you…" Tauriel started to ask as she turned in her seat. She trailed off, though, once she caught sight of his face. "Oh, Kili…"

He blinked back tears and took in a shuddering breath. "It's not the end of the world," he quipped, looking up and trying to smile but he knew it didn't come off right. He swallowed thickly and looked back at the paper in his hand, his vision suddenly blurry with tears.

"Kili, it's not so bad!" she assured him, not bothering to keep her voice down. Their teacher wasn't bothering stopping the class from comparing and talking about their grades.

"My GPA is a 2.67," he sniffled morosely. "It starts with a 2…"

"That's just your semester GPA," she pointed out. "Look at the bottom. Your overall GPA is still a 3.08 when you figure in your A+ in Algebra I from last year. That's not bad."

He shook his head sadly. "I will have to get at least an A in everything I take from now on to pull it up so I can get in a good college."

Graduating early was definitely out now. There was no way he could keep his grades up and take such a heavy workload every semester. And that meant Fili was going to go off to college without him. It meant that Kili would have to go to school for a year without him.

"Kili!" Tauriel's worried voice said frantically as the bell rang signaling the end of home period. "It's okay! Just breathe, okay?"

He hadn't realized his breaths were coming in sharp, uneven gasps until then. Tauriel's green eyes were scared when he was finally able to focus on her face. "That's it," she said, reaching a hand out to grab his as the other students milled out of the classroom. "Just breathe."

He inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled slowly through his mouth, trying to calm his racing heart. He was not going to have an attack before he left homeroom on the first day back to school off his pills. He was not that pathetic.

If he did that, Dr. Peredhel would put him back on the pills for sure, and he wouldn't have to worry about not graduating early because he probably wouldn't have the grades to graduate at all.

He took a few more deep breaths and stood up when he felt like his legs would support him. Tauriel stood with him, giving him a smile that did nothing to hide her concern. She kept a tight grip on his hand as she led him out of the classroom, only to nearly butt heads with Fili as he was coming in.

Fili brushed past Tauriel immediately and put his hands on Kili's shoulders, blue eyes roaming up and down in body as if checking for injuries.

"I'm okay," Kili told him truthfully, feeling a lot more steady on his feet with Fili with him. He smiled ruefully. "Just kinda freaked out over my grades…"

"Are you sure?" he asked him, worry still heavy in his voice. When Kili nodded, the blond sagged in relief and pulled him into a hug. "Just remember that grades aren't nearly as important as you are," he whispered as he held him close.

"I know," Kili replied softly, letting himself bask in the comfort of Fili's embrace for a few moments more before pulling away with a smile. "We should get to class before we're late."

The warning bell rang by the time he and Fili reached Kili's AP Biology I class, the blond having insisted on walking with him.

"You're going to be late," Kili said, feeling guilty. "And it's the first day of the term…"

Fili just shrugged though. "Then I'll be late. I'll be here to walk you to your next class."

He rolled his eyes. "Then you'll be late for your next next class too," he pointed out in exasperation.

"Can't argue about that now, Kee," he replied cheekily. "I'm already late for class."

Kili watched him go with a fond shake of his head before steeling his nerves and walking into his classroom. He sighed in relief as he spotted Faramir near the back of the room, at a lab table for two whose other seat was mercifully vacant.

The redhead smiled at him when he sat down. "I was beginning to think I might be stuck without a lab partner."

Kili instantly perked up at that. For half a second, he had forgotten how excited he was for this class. They were going to get to do actual experiments.

He paid rapt attention when their teacher called them to attention and began going over the syllabus for the class before launching into the lab safety rules. And even though that was all they went over for the day, Kili still walked out of the classroom with a large grin and a spring in his step.

Faramir nudged him as they walked out, nodding towards the end of the hallway where Fili was striding their way. "Your other half is here."

Kili gave Fili a mock glare as he met them. "Thought I told you that you didn't have to walk me to my next class," he said.

"And I told you we didn't have time to argue about it," the blond quipped back, throwing an arm around his shoulders with a smirk, not paying his glare any mind as he turned towards Faramir. "Hello, Faramir, how was your break?"

Faramir smiled and shook his head. "It was good, but I've got to run. I've got gym next."

They said goodbye to Faramir as they started in the opposite direction. "So what do you have next?"

"Spanish," Kili answered. "And then I have Psychology, then Health, and then gym."

Fili frowned at him. "I have Psychology that period. That's an upperclassman elective. How do you have it?"

"I got permission to sign up for it instead of having a study period this semester," he explained, smile slipping from his face. "Back when I thought I'd still be able to graduate early. I might have to drop it though…"

"What makes you say that?"

He shrugged and stared at the floor. "I have to get my grades up after last semester. I don't know if I can do that with a heavier workload. I'm sorry."

"Hey," Fili said, stopping them and tipping his chin up so that he had to meet the blond's eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It doesn't matter to me if you finish early or not. Hell, you could drop out of high school and plan to live off of my money and lie around the house watching Netflix all day for all I care! As long as you're happy."

Kili made a face at that. "Sitting around doing nothing wouldn't make me happy," he told him with a shake of his head. He sighed. "I want to do something that I love doing. And the best shot of doing that is to get into a good college."

Fili smirked at him. "Then you should do whatever you think you have to do to do that. I promise you that we'll make things work in our relationship no matter what."

Kili couldn't help smiling back at him. "Okay. But let's see how today goes. I might be able to handle Psychology this semester. I know things will get harder trying to fit four years into three, but I don't want to give up this semester without at least trying to do it."

"Good," Fili said, lacing their hands together as they began walking again. "I want you to do whatever will most make you happy, Kee. Just remember that."

He considered that as they turned the corner towards his Spanish class. "The same goes for me, too, you know," he told the blond after a few moments. Fili gave him a questioning look. "I want you do to what will make you the happiest," he elaborated. "And if that means you become a firefighter, then that's what you should do."

"Thanks, but I don't think you have to worry about that," Fili confessed, shooting him a small smile. "It's one of the things Dr. Peredhel and I have been talking about and I think I finally understand why I wanted to be a firefighter in the first place."

"But I thought—" Kili was cut off by the sound of the warning bell and groaned. "You're going to be late for class again!"

Fili laughed. "No, I won't. I have drama next and it's right by your Spanish class. I'll tell you about the whole firefighter thing later, okay?" he said as they reached Kili's classroom.

"Okay," he agreed, undeniably curious about what Fili and Dr. Peredhel had talked about to make him not want to be a firefighter anymore.

The only good thing about Spanish class was that he had it with Tauriel, Legolas, and Ori. Everything else about Spanish class, in Kili's opinion, sucked.

How was it possible that the very first lesson made him feel so stupid, he wondered as he and Tauriel partnered up to quiz each other on the word list they were given. All they were doing were color and numbers, to "get a feel for the language" as their teacher had said. Why was it so hard?

"Orange?" Tauriel said in a challenging tone.

Kili groaned. Trust Tauriel to start him off on a tough one. The only colors he could remember were azul and rojo. "Um… a-mar-rillio?"

She smirked and shook her head. "That's yellow. Or it would be if you said it right. Your pronunciation sucks. Yellow is amarillo. Orange is anaranjado. Now, what's red?"

"Rojo!" he stated triumphantly. "And blue is azul!"

She rolled her eyes. "And what's purple?"

"Uh… Rojozul?" he answered.

"Did you just smooth rojo and azul together?" Tauriel asked incredulously.

"Well," Kili said defensively, "red and blue mixed together makes purple!"

She laughed at that. "Well, I can't fault your logic, but you're wrong. It's morado."

"I'm bad at this," he moaned, laying his head on his desk in defeat. "I'm never going to get it."

"You just have to practice," she told him in exasperation. "Not everything can come easy to you. Now, what's eight?"

Kili lifted his head and glared at her before sighing. He mentally counted to eight in Spanish and answered, "Ocho."

"See? You can do it," she said smugly before continuing.

Needless to say, Kili was extremely grateful when the bell rang for lunch. He was disappointed, though, when he saw Fili walking towards his drama classroom as he was exiting his own classroom. The blond shot him a regretful smile as he continued inside.

In his head, he knew that there was always the possibility that he and Fili wouldn't have the same lunch period every semester. That didn't mean he had to be happy about it though.

Not that having lunch with Legolas, Ori, Tauriel, and Eomer was terrible, it would've just been better with Fili.

Thankfully, though, he knew he'd see him next period.

Kili grinned as he walked into Psychology as spotted Fili. He hurried to where the blond was sitting and dropped into the desk behind him. "How was drama?"

"Great!" he replied cheerfully. "Eowyn is in it with me, and Mrs. Fitz said she's considering doing Les Mis for the Spring musical!"

He smiled at Fili's enthusiasm, but wasn't entirely sure what Les Mis was about so didn't comment on that. "Eowyn is in it. What about Lothiriel?"

"She's not in the class," Fili explained. "You can only take it for credit once and she took it ages ago. How was Spanish?"

"Awful," Kili groaned. "I suck at it."

"You don't suck at anything," he said immediately.

"That's not what you said Christmas," he pointed out with a smirk. Fili's face turned beet red, and Kili instantly realized how that could be taken. "I meant about how you told me I sucked at singing!" he cried in mortification.

"Who sucks at singing?" Aragorn asked as he sat in the desk next to Fili. "And why are you both blushing?"

"Anyway," Kili stated emphatically, wiling his face to cool off unsuccessfully, "I'm not good at Spanish. With taking that and AP Bio, I really don't know if I'll be able to handle this class too. I think I'm going to go by the counsellor's office after school and drop it."

"I've heard this class is pretty tough," Aragorn told him, thankfully deciding not to question them further about their blushing faces. "But I don't think it's anything you can't handle, Kili. And you have Fili and me to help you if you want."

He shook his head. "It's not the difficulty of the class. It's the time commitment. I don't have a study period if I take this class, and then I have archery practice twice a week."

Aragorn made a face and nodded in sympathy.

Fili shot him an understanding look. "Do what you think is best for you, Kee."

Knowing Fili supported his decision, he got through health and gym fairly easily. Fili met him at his locker at the end of the day and walked him to the counsellor's office. It was an easy thing to get the class dropped. The counsellor even seemed a bit relieved at his request.

"I know you were hoping to graduate early," she had told him, "but I really think this is the best for you. You had a rough time last semester, but I want you to enjoy your high school years. Not pile yourself with work and rush through."

When they got home and he told Bilbo what he had done, his dad was relieved as well.

"I'm glad," Bilbo told him with a soft smile.

Kili frowned at that. "Was it really such a bad idea that everyone has to be happy I'm not doing it?"

"It's not that it was a bad idea, Kili," his dad said gently. "It's just that it's a lot to take on after all you've been through. And with the workload you'd have to do, you wouldn't have hardly any free time to enjoy yourself. You would be sacrificing your time with Fili now for a very small amount of more time with him later."

"I never thought of it that way," he admitted, glancing over at Fili, who only smiled at him encouragingly. Kili looked back to Bilbo and rolled his eyes. "Why didn't you just tell me that before?"

His dad chuckled. "As if you would have listened. And I might not have thought of that last argument until just now," he confessed. "Now, you two can go make trouble somewhere else while I start dinner."

Kili needed no more prompting before he dragged Fili down the stairs to the basement, remembering his curiosity from earlier.

"Why don't you want to be a firefighter anymore?" he asked immediately.

Fili huffed a laugh. "You've been dying with curiosity all day, haven't you?"

"Only when I wasn't distracted by the whole class schedule thing. Now tell me," he demanded with an impish grin.

The blond shook his head as he led Kili towards the couch. "Dr. Peredhel helped me realize that the whole reason I wanted to be a firefighter was because I didn't want to be helpless. Or maybe that's a bad way to put it, but… all of us, you, me, and Frodo, lost our parents in one way or another when we were little. I didn't think I could help prevent situations like mine or yours, but I thought maybe I could stop someone like Frodo from losing their parents, you know?"

Kili thought about that for a moment. "It's not a terrible reason to want to do something," he said finally.

"No," Fili conceded. "But it's not the best reason either. Not when I'd feel like an absolute failure and hate myself if I did everything I could and still couldn't save someone. Dr. Peredhel told me to consider what I enjoyed doing and try to find a career that fit with that."

"That makes a lot of sense," he replied with a smile. "Especially since you're in the position where you have enough money in your trust fund that you don't even necessarily need a career to live off of."

The blond rolled his eyes. "You're in the same position, you know," he grumbled. "My money is your money."

"Well, we're both lucky then," Kili said cheekily. "So we can shoot for whatever crazy career we want without worrying about a stupid thing like money. Looks like we just have to figure out what we enjoy doing."

Fili shot him a knowing look. "You already know what you enjoy doing. You like figuring things out. Whether it's science, math, or puzzles, you like figuring out how things work."

"So what do you enjoy doing then since you know what I like so well?" he asked.

"No clue," he sighed. "Since you're so good at figuring things out, why don't you help me?"

Kili smirked. "Challenge accepted," he said, sitting up straighter. "Give me a couple of days, and I'll have some options for you."

He laughed at that and slung an arm around Kili's shoulders. "I look forward to it."

tbc…