Chapter Forty Nine
While Kili knew that he and Fili wouldn't get to spend a lot of time together that summer, he hadn't thought the time they spend together before that would be reduced so drastically as things settled into their respective routines.
Kili hadn't really realized until that point how disruptive circumstances had been from the very beginning of their relationship, and even before that really. With the threat of Smaug hanging over him, there hadn't really been a time for Kili to settle into a routine at high school, instead sticking as close as possible to Fili and their friends in order to stay safe. And when Smaug had been out of the picture for a couple of months, he had just stayed continued doing the same, wanting to spend as much time as possible with Fili in case it was all a dream.
Then, of course, he was attacked.
Now, though, with Dr. Peredhel encouraging him and Fili both to stake out their individuality, both of them had a pretty full schedule that kept them apart more than Kili was really happy with.
Kili was still doing archery, which had picked up considerably for the Spring semester, as that was when most of their competitions were. In addition to that, Ori had pleaded with him to join the school's freshman science bowl team with him. Studying in the afternoons and on the odd Saturday morning with the rest of the team on days kept him busy when he didn't have archery.
Fili was working hard as well. Mrs. Fitz, knowing that he would also be working on his audition piece for the summer, gave the blond the role of Marius instead of Jean Valjean as she had originally planned. It was still a lead, but it didn't have the same demand as the main character had. Whenever he wasn't rehearsing, though, he was practicing for his audition, which left him with little time with Kili. He had also restarted taking jiu jitsu lessons on Saturday mornings, so he was busier than ever.
They were both still meeting with Dr. Peredhel each week, too, though they were both only going once a week now. Kili was happy Elrond seemed to think he had made enough progress to go from two sessions a week to one, but he didn't really like how he had had gotten there.
"I don't feel like I've made progress," he had admitted during one of his sessions. "I feel like I'm just too busy to have a panic attack."
Dr. Peredhel had just chuckled at that. "That is progress, Kili," he had assured. "You're able to concentrate on things instead of being scared of being hurt and without the constant need to be with Fili. Compare that to where you were two months ago."
"But Fili and I barely have any time for each other," Kili had complained. "We see each other at meals, and though we spend most evenings together, it's doing homework and we barely even talk."
"You have to schedule time together, Kili," Elrond had told him. "You two have to strike a balance between living your lives and sharing your lives. Trust me, it only gets harder when you get older and have more responsibilities. I know this runs contrary to everything your parents and I have been telling you, but you've got to make time for each other."
Kili was far from satisfied with the advice. Balance was such a weird thing. How was he supposed to know when their lives were balanced just right? There wasn't a giant scale he could use to measure his time with Fili against his time without Fili.
When he asked his dad about it in the car, though, Bilbo had laughed.
"Kili, you're overthinking it," he said, not unkindly. "You make time for the things that are important to you."
"But archery and the science bowl aren't important to me," Kili argued, staring petulantly out the window at the passing buildings. "Fili is important to me."
"And why are you on the archery and science bowl teams if they aren't important to you?" Bilbo prompted, as if he already knew the answer.
Kili shrugged. "Because Tauriel and Ori asked me to."
"So because you wanted to spend time with your friends," his dad said with a knowing smile. "Because they're important to you."
"Well, yeah," he said with a frown. "But I like archery and the science bowl stuff. It's just not particularly important to me."
"It's not a bad thing for the people you love to be the most important things in your life, Kili," Bilbo told him. "It's actually pretty admirable. But maybe you should be on the lookout for something that you love as much as Fili loves theater or Tauriel loves archery or Ori loves quiz bowls."
"Like what?"
"I don't know," his dad said, smiling at Kili as they stopped at a red light. "And you don't have to figure it out now. You've got years and years for that, Kili. Just keep it in mind."
"Should I drop the science bowl or archery so that I can make time for Fili, then?" he asked, confused over what he was supposed to make of Bilbo's advice.
"That's not what I'm saying," he replied with a sigh. "You enjoy those things, and you should definitely keep doing them. I'm just saying that you shouldn't be afraid to try new things and maybe find something you're passionate about. As for making time for Fili, you can do that without dropping anything."
"How?"
"Well, generally, people consult the other person for the best time for a date, and then they both arrange their schedules accordingly," Bilbo teased, easing the car forward as the light turned green.
Kili frowned at that and looked down at his hands, bringing his right hand to absentmindedly stroke the infinity symbol on his bracelet. Bilbo's advice sounded an awful lot like the advice Faramir had given him before Winter Break about scheduling his and Fili's time together.
Dates were a common thing for couples to do, but he and Fili never really went out on one, even after Kili had admitted as much to Bilbo months ago. Maybe it was time for him to change that.
An idea began forming in his head, but he wasn't sure if it was really doable. Pop, he decided, was the best person to consult. Not only would he help with the planning, but Kili knew he was an old softie. If he didn't have enough money to actually see his plan through, he knew Thorin could be counted on to chip in and help.
First, though, he had to make sure Fili was free.
He pounded down the stairs of the basement as soon as he and Bilbo got home, excited to see Fili. He paused at the foot of the stairs, seeing that Fili listening intensely to whatever was playing on his headphones. Probably his latest recording of his audition piece.
Kili hovered hesitantly on the stairs, not wanting to interrupt. Fili's eyes, though, flickered towards him and the blond's face lit up as he tore the headphones off. "Kili!" he greeted before frowning. "Why are you just standing there?"
He smiled shakily. "You were busy."
Fili shook his head and stood up, crossing the room quickly. "Never too busy for you," he promised, wrapping his arms loosely around the brunet's waist and leaning in for a gentle kiss. "How'd your session go?"
He shrugged. "Alright, I guess," he replied, a bit more subdued than he was before but his excitement coming back as he remembered his plan. "I mostly complained about how much I miss you. But I have an idea about that."
"Oh really?" Fili asked mischievously, raising an eyebrow at him, knowing exactly what that did to Kili.
He suppressed the flash of heat that shot through him though. Now was not the time, unfortunately, especially when they were standing right beneath the door and could hear their parents in the living room.
"Do you have any plans for next Saturday?" he asked eagerly.
"You mean for my birthday?" Fili clarified.
"I mean during the day. I know it's your birthday and you may want to do something with everyone that night, but I want to spend the day with you… Like on a date?" Kili ended the question a bit uncertainly. He hadn't thought about the fact that Fili may want to have a party or something that night. It was stupid of him, and maybe a bit selfish, but he hadn't meant it to be.
He just wanted to make their first real date super special.
He didn't have to worry, though, as Fili beamed at the idea. "I'd love to go on a date with you for my birthday," he answered. "What did you have in mind?"
Kili grinned at him. "Nope! That's a surprise," he told him, giving him a quick kiss before moving to dart back up the stairs.
"Hey!" Fili cried, grabbing him and pulling him back with a pout. "I miss you, too, you know, so don't just run off."
He laughed and leaned in for a longer, more thorough kiss, breaking it abruptly and leaping up the stairs. He giggled at Fili's put-out expression.
"You need to practice," he told him smugly. "And I have planning to do."
"Scheming, more like it," Fili muttered as he headed back to his computer and papers.
Kili leaned back from the door as Fili bent over to pick up his sheet music from the floor, unable to tear his eyes away from the denim stretched tightly over the blond's ass. He gulped and ran from the basement at that, really not needing those thoughts in his head as he conspired with Thorin.
His pop frowned after he had told him his idea. "I don't know, Kili, your dad and I have work during the day, and I don't like the thought of you two going into the city by yourselves…"
"We can take the subway," he argued. "And it's probably one of the safest areas in the city during the day with all the crowds and police around."
Thorin gave him a meaningful look. "And will you be alright with all the crowds?"
He rolled his eyes. "I haven't had a panic attack since before Christmas!" When his pop shot him a disbelieving look, he quickly amended the statement. "I haven't had a full-blown panic attack since before Christmas, and I haven't had to do any breathing exercises in over two weeks!"
Thorin took on a considering expression before he sighed. "Do you have enough money for this?"
Kili had to bite back his smirk. He knew he had won. "I don't really know how much it costs…"
"And you thought you'd hit your old pop up for some money to cover what you can't," he surmised, raising an eyebrow at Kili, in an eerily familiar way.
Kili shook that thought away quickly before it could even take root. Comparing Thorin and Fili would never not be weird.
"Well, I kinda hoped you might give me a loan?" he said, trying to look as innocent and pathetic as he possibly could. "It's our first real date and Fili's birthday, and I wanted to make it special… We haven't really had a chance to do something like this together because of everything that's happened…"
Kili knew he was laying it on thick, but he could see Thorin was cracking when he glanced up, giving him puppy-dog eyes in order to seal the deal.
"I know Fili would love it," he told him. "And Fili's done so much for me and been so good about everything. I just want to give him this in return. And it would show him that I support his dreams, which I know he sometimes feels guilty for pursuing because he thinks he's choosing them over me and he's not and—"
"Alright!" Thorin interrupted in exasperation. "You've made your point. Keep your money. I will take care of it."
Kili frowned at that though. "Then it's not a gift from me!" he protested.
"The time spend with him in going is the gift, Kili," his pop said with a roll of his eyes. "Fili doesn't actually care who paid for it. I mean, do you actually care that Fili 'borrowed' money from me that he'll never pay back to buy you your bracelet for Christmas?"
The brunet started at that and looked down at the bracelet that he always wore thoughtfully. "No," he answered. "Cause Fili picked it out for me and told me… well, told me what it meant to him…" He bit his lip at his slip. He wasn't quite sure that Thorin was ready to hear that it was a promise of marriage and forever and everything.
From the glint in his pop's eye, though, he was pretty sure he already knew.
"Trust me, then, Fili won't care if I pay for things. But now you've given me an idea," he said with a conspiratorial wink. "Let me talk to your dad, and we'll see if we can't turn your idea into an even bigger birthday idea."
Kili frowned at that, but grinned once Thorin explained his thoughts more.
They were going to make sure that Fili's sixteenth birthday was one that he would always remember.
The week leading up to Fili's birthday seemed to drag on. The blond kept asking him what their plans were, but he kept his mouth determinedly closed on the subject. There was no way he was going to ruin the surprise.
Finally Saturday arrived, and Kili could barely contain his excitement. He barged into Fili's room at 9 AM and picked out the blond's clothes for the day, much to Fili's amusement, before ordering him to shower and be ready by 10:45.
"Yes, sir," Fili said, playfully snapping to attention and saluting him.
They were out the door by 10:50, Kili bouncing as he led Fili down the street. When they got to their destination, Fili paused just outside the door and frowned.
"You had me dress up to take me to Rosie's for an early lunch?" he asked with an incredulous laugh. "Very romantic, Kee."
Kili scowled at him with no real heat. "We have to eat before we go, and if we eat near where we going, it'll ruin the surprise! Besides, you know you want some birthday pie!"
Fili grinned at that. "You know I never turn down Rosie's pie."
They had a quick lunch, making sure to save room for a couple of slices of pie afterwards, before Kili paid and rushed them towards the subway station.
"So I guess we're going into the city," Fili guessed as they settled into a couple of free seats on the train.
"Yes, we are, Captain Obvious," he answered with a fond roll of his eyes.
The blond mock-pouted at him. "Be nice to me. It's my birthday," he pointed out.
Kili smirked slyly. "Yes, it is, and I don't think I've given you a birthday kiss yet."
"You haven't!" Fili cried, leaning in close with a smile. "What a terrible boyfriend you are."
"Guess I should make it up to you," he quipped before leaning in and bringing their mouths together, wasting no time in deepening the kiss and pressing his body closer to Fili's.
Fili was obviously not expecting his forwardness because he groaned in surprise before fisting Kili's shirt and doing his best to reciprocate.
They made out longer than was probably appropriate in such public place, but their car was mostly empty until they got a bit closer to the city. As more people began stepping on, Kili put pulled away from Fili slightly, not at all comfortable with the scrutiny they were suddenly getting.
He still kept a firm grasp on Fili's hand, scooting closer nervously as they neared their stop and the car became more and more crowded.
"Are you okay?" Fili asked in concern.
Kili swallowed thickly but gave him a nod and a reassuring smile. This was his idea, dammit, and he had promised his parents that he'd be able to handle the crowds. He could do this.
Fili's concern for him at least meant that the blond wasn't really paying attention to where they had stopped when Kili pulled him off the train and up to the street. It quickly became evident to Fili, though, what their plans were.
"You're taking me to a show?" he asked, a pleased smile on his face as Kili continued to lead him down the street, resolutely ignoring the crowds surrounding them.
"Not just any show," he told him proudly as they stopped in front of the Imperial Theatre, the Les Misérables banner clearly displayed in the windows above the door. He glanced nervously at Fili after a moment of silence, only to see him staring at the theatre with a furrowed brow. He bit his lip. "You are sick of it from all your rehearsing, are you?" he asked uncertainly, as Fili's silence stretched on.
The blond seemed to shake himself out of his stupor and looked at Kili in shock. "Are you kidding? I've been wanting to see it in person for forever!" he cried, sweeping Kili off his feet to twirl him in a giant bear hug. "This is the best present ever!"
Kili beamed at him and dug their tickets out of his pocket triumphantly. "Let's go then!"
"Where are our seats?" Fili asked eagerly as they entered the theatre.
He frowned as he consulted the tickets. "Center Orchestra, Row E, Seats 113 and 114."
Fili gave him a knowing look as they were directed to their seats, which even Kili realized were very good. "Pop helped pay for them, didn't he?"
Kili's face fell a bit as he sat down. "He said it wouldn't make the present any less from me," he admitted.
"And it doesn't!" he assured him, nudging his shoulder slightly before taking his hand. "Especially because you're here with me when I know you're not the biggest fan of this stuff."
"I'm a big fan of making you happy, though," Kili told him, smiling once more. "And this stuff makes you happy."
"You make me happy," Fili murmured, leaning in and brushing their lips together. "I love you, Kee. Thank you for this."
"I love you, too. And happy birthday."
When the show started, Kili really didn't know what to expect. Sure, he had heard Fili practicing a few songs here and there, but, unlike when the blond was in Cinderella, Kili hadn't gone to the rehearsals so he didn't have any grasp of the story.
For some reason, probably because it was a musical, he had expected the show to be happy, despite its name. He most certainly did not expect to end up crying halfway through the first act.
When the last notes of "One Day More" finished reverberating around the theatre and intermission began, he couldn't help but look at Fili with awe, tears still glistening in his eyes.
"I think I understand why you like this so much," he said thickly. "I didn't know it was so… intense…"
Fili smiled at him, eyes a little glassy himself. "Yeah, a lot of people don't realize how powerful music can be until they experience it themselves. Don't get me wrong, I love the fun stuff like the Disney musicals, but shows like this show how music can be used to invoke emotions beyond words. It's… freeing."
"I like that," he murmured, leaning his head on Fili's shoulder as they waited for the next act to begin. "Thank you for sharing this with me."
He chuckled. "Pretty sure this was your idea."
"Yeah, but only because you love it so much," Kili pointed out. "Now that I understand it, I feel like I understand you better."
Fili shook his head and looked down at him in amusement. "You understand me better than anyone. I'm not sure you could understand me better."
He shrugged. "There's always more to learn," he replied as the lights flickered signaling the next act would begin shortly. He sat up once more to focus on the stage.
The second act was even more heart wrenching than the first, though Kili was happy to learn that the character Fili would be playing in the school musical did not die. He didn't want to have to watch Fili even pretend to die any time soon.
"So you liked it?" Fili asked once they were back in their neighborhood and walking home.
"This was your present, Fee," Kili reminded him in fond exasperation. "I'm supposed to ask if you liked it!"
"Well, of course, I loved it," he said. "I'm a drama geek. You, however, are a science nerd and I want to know if you liked it."
"I liked it even though it was sad," he replied. "I'm sure I'll like it even more when you're in it."
"Pssh, the guy playing Marius on Broadway is much better than I'll ever be," Fili scoffed.
"I don't think so," Kili told him confidently. "Your voice is better. And once you have half the experience he does, you'll be a Broadway star!"
Fili laughed. "I'm glad you think so, but we'll see." They paused before they walked up the path to their front door. "Thank you for this, Kili. I really did love it."
"Good first date?" he asked shyly.
"This isn't our first date!" Fili protested before a look of dawning horror crossed his face. "Oh my gosh, this is our first date! I'm so stupid! I should have taken you on a date ages ago!"
Kili smirked at him. "It's okay. We're doing things a little out of order."
Fili looked far from mollified though. "Kili," he hissed. "We've sucked each other off without ever having gone on a date! That's more than a little out of order."
"You don't regret the things we've done, do you?" he asked softly, a little worried at Fili's vehemence. "Cause I don't…"
"Of course I don't regret things," he was quick to assure before he sighed. "I just… wanted to do things right with you."
"I don't think there is right," Kili told him, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around Fili's waist, humming in contentment as Fili's arms instantly came up to wrap around him as well. "It's like how Dr. Peredhel says that there is no 'normal' relationship. As long as we're happy and not hurting each other, we're good."
Fili smiled at him. "I can live with that," he said before giving Kili a chaste kiss. "Come on. I'm sure Dad and Pop are wondering when we'll get back."
Kili bit back a smile at that, but let Fili lead him to the house. He hung back a bit as the blond opened the door. Fili hadn't taken three steps into the house before numerous loud voices cried out, "SURPRISE!"
Kili grinned at Fili's gobsmacked expression and surveyed the living room where the main party had been set up. He noted with satisfaction that all their friends had come, along with the Uncles Balin and Dwalin, and Dori, Nori, and Bofur.
Fili laughed. "You got me!" he cried exultantly before quickly being embraced by the crowd.
Kili stayed back a bit, content to just watch Fili's happy expression as he accepted all his birthday well-wishers. After a while, Fili's eyes met his from across the room and they shared a smile before Fili turned back to Aragorn and Eomer, and Tauriel caught Kili's attention.
She gave him a shrewd look before giving him an approving nod, glancing at Fili before looking back at him. "You don't feel the need to rush over there, do you?"
Kili frowned at the question before realizing what she meant. "No," he answered in amazement. "I don't."
She beamed at him. "I'm happy for you, Kili."
He was happy for himself. Given that two months ago, he had nearly had a panic attack at the idea of not graduating with Fili and having to spend a year apart, not feeling the need to cling to Fili was concrete proof that he was improving. Sure, the thought of a year apart from Fili still didn't please him, and honestly still made him feel a bit panicky, but it didn't paralyze him with fear anymore.
He grinned over at Fili, who was completely absorbed in what Aragorn was saying and not paying one ounce of attention to Kili at the moment.
For the first time in a long time, he was sure that they would be okay.
tbc…