Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (it is owned by Masashi Kishimoto), or Marvel (IT is owned by Stan Lee… or Disney… someone who isn't me anyway). So please don't sue me… Please?

"Behold. I am smiling."- Person Talking

"You ain't from round these parts, is ya?"- Person Talking in foreign language

'I feel the need.'- Person Thinking

[Bang]- Specific noises

"DOES ANYONE HAVE A BREATH MINT?"- Demon or greater being speaking

'I ENJOY THE TASTE OF DUMPLINGS'- Demon or greater being thinking

/Transgender Transformation Technique/- Techniques

:Line Break:- Line breaks

Naruto was really beginning to hate this new place.

Ever since he found himself here, without Iruka-sensei, or Jiji or clothes or RAMEN, ('I mean, seriously, what kind of kami-less place doesn't have ramen?' He thought to himself), things just kept going downhill.

First, he had to keep transforming into a clothed version of himself, because it seemed that everyone in this stupid city had to bump into him when he wasn't walking in the street, and cause his technique to fail. Which left him bare ass naked in the middle of a large crowd of people, and when he stopped to change back, people started screaming and running away. Then came the running from the really slow, blue-uniformed shinobi, which was easy to do, sure, but it was still a pain for someone just bumping into him.

Next, when he tried to buy actual clothes, so that would stop happening, they wouldn't accept his money! Ryo were the notes used for currency throughout all of the Elemental Nations, why weren't they accepting it here?

'Isn't it just my luck,' Naruto thought to himself. 'To go someplace away from Konoha, where no-one should know me at all, and they still don't take my money. They still all give me those cold looks or otherwise ignore me. And they when they finally DO look at me with something other than that blank coldness, it's because they're shouting at me in that stupid made-up language.'

Then, because they weren't allowing him to buy the clothes normally, and because he Needed the clothes, he decided to do the less honorable thing and steal them.

'A little mark on my conscience is better than walking around virtually naked all the time.' At least, those were his rationalizations.

Going into a clothing store and picking up a pair of black t-shirt and sandals, and a pair of blue shorts, Naruto was making his way towards the door, when he was stopped by a cashier placing his hand upon Naruto's shoulder. Naturally, Naruto opened up with his signature anti-pervert move to distract and knock out the rotund, male, uniformed ninja at the door, and the cashier. It didn't work quite as planned though…

Both men stumbled back originally, so Naruto held it, thinking that it was working. To his great surprise, however, Naruto was grabbed roughly enough to disperse his transformation and his semi-existent clothing. Confusion invaded Naruto's mind, wondering exactly what was wrong with his /Sexy Technique/. So confused was he, that he stopped thinking about his escaped with stolen goods, his own nakedness, and the ninja in blue about to grab him.

The first thing that brought his attention back to the moment was the cashier behind him screaming in his gobbledygook language.

"Oh My God! It's one of those FREAKS!"

'At least I got SOME reaction out of it, even if no one was knocked out.' Thought Naruto before being tackled to the ground.

'Stay still, you little shit!' spat the nin atop him, who was curiously lighter than he seemed.

Wrestling around with the older man, Naruto turned around to face him, planted his legs in the man's chest, and Kicked.

For a moment, the older ninja flew for over 6 feet before crashing into a group of what Naruto could only assume were combat dummies.

Marveling at his result for a second, Naruto quickly grabbed the clothes and ran out the door. Hearing a shout of that same mumbo-jumbo, "Stop that Kid!" from behind him, he could see a couple of ninja's ahead of him on the side of the road moving to intercept him. Ducking into an alleyway, Naruto transformed into one of the men he saw there, tossing the clothes underneath him before sitting down.

The two blue-clad ninja came rushing in a few seconds later, before running down the end of the alleyway, conveniently going right past Naruto in his hiding place. Smirking to himself, Naruto grabbed the clothes and began backing out of the alley, thinking to himself 'that's right, Konoha's number one prankster always-' before bumping into something behind him, dispelling his transformation technique with a pop and a cloud of smoke.

Turning around to see what he had bumped into, it turned out to be the same heavy-set nin that he had run into not thirty seconds ago. Cursing his forgetfulness, Naruto dodged under the man's slow swing, rolling forward and back into the crowded street.

Hearing more shouting behind him, Naruto really started running, abandoning all stealth in a desperate bid to stay ahead of his pursuers. Flashing past startled passerby, Naruto quickly transformed into his clothed self again, not wanting to die from embarrassment as his 'privates' were on display for everyone to see.

On he went for another five minutes, pausing every so often to either glance back at his pursuers, or to pass between the horseless carriages that crowded the streets. After those five minutes had passed, Naruto looked back, searching for any sign of the ANBU, and smiled when he found none. 'Wow,' Naruto thought, ducking into another alley, 'The ANBU here are really slow!'

Taking a moment, Naruto pulled on his ill-gotten goods, and reveled in the absence of the fear of his nakedness being revealed. Moving around a little in his new duds, Naruto had a thought that would severely change the ways he spent his time in this new place.

'I can do this.' He thought to himself, still marveling at the new fabrics. 'I can take what I need to survive.' Suffering an immediate guilt attack for even having that kind of thought, Naruto attempted to justify his reasoning.

'They don't take my money here, whenever I do ninja skills they just run and grab those guys in blue, and I can't even figure out WHY they run me out because they are all babbling NONSENSE!'

Even with this logic however, Naruto still felt ashamed of himself, for doing something so unclean as to steal, even if it was necessary. 'What would Jiji think of me stealing from helpless civilians?', Naruto thought, scolding himslef.

Still, his logic would come back to him, the next time he went without food.

:Line Break:

It had been two months since Naruto had arrived in this strange new world. It has only been three weeks since Naruto had a debate with himself regarding the morals of theft and desperation. It has been three days since Naruto has eaten. He stared at strange restaurant marked only with a large, arching yellow character of some sort. Therein sat many people feasting upon weird… circle like foods, kind of like a large, hand held dumpling, but a bit flatter. They weren't rice balls, he could see that, but they were something edible, and from the looks that people had on their faces when mid consumption, they were tasty as well.

To a starved Naruto, that was all the incentive he needed to do something otherwise looked down upon.

To get that food, he needed the special Ryo that they carried in his new world.

And to get those notes, he was going to have to steal again.

In the weeks that he had been here, Naruto had learned of many strange things. Things like how the ninja's in this world were really slow, and weak. Like how people here were nearly completely immune to his Sexy Technique. He even learned that nearly nobody wore orange in this new world. But one of the strangest things was how these people kept their money in large metal boxes scattered around the village.

He saw people sometimes going up to these boxes, poking the window on the front a few times, and then taking their special Ryo away. Drawing the conclusion that they kept their money in their, like he used to keep money stuffed in his mattress, Naruto made a plan of attack for getting to the hidden goods inside.

Heng'ing into the form of a thin, middle aged, blond man, Naruto waited across the street from one such box until there was no one in sight. Ambling over to the box carefully, Naruto took a sturdy piece of metal, that he had appropriated during his stay in a large rubbish bin one night, and began to stab at the lock located on the front of the box.

Hey, he's never exactly been a genius, nor does he have any idea how ATM's actually work, so give him a bit of a break on this one.

Breaking the plastic around the lock, Naruto pried the door off of the bottom of the ATM… to be faced with a series of boxes each locked within a steel matrix or frame.

"Damnit…" Naruto hissed as he tried to force the next lock to open. Minutes ticked by as he wrenched and twisted the lock mercilessly. More minutes still as Naruto began hearing sirens in the distance.

Pop

CLANG

The lock finally came loose, and Naruto let off a small victory cheer before taking out one of the four containers he saw.

Popping the lid open, he began pulling out an abundance of sticky, blue colored money.

'Wait…' Naruto thought suspiciously. 'Isn't this money supposed to be green?'

Searching through the rest of the stack, he found only two handfuls of bills not dyed a bright blue color.

'Why are the rest of these Blue? They can't be worthless or else people wouldn't bother hiding it in the box in the first place, so what does it mean?'

Shaking his head, Naruto began separating all of the bills, putting the blue notes in the pocket of a jacket he had managed to procure earlier in the week, and the greenish bills he stuffed in his pants. Setting up this pattern Naruto quickly proceeded to go through the other 'bins' of notes. After going through the next two, and finding a thankfully very diverse number of notes, Naruto was about to go start on the third when a voice spoke up behind him.

"Freeze! This is the NYPD! Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly!"

'Well at least they didn't show up till I was done.' Naruto thought as he turned to face his blue uniformed opponents.

Getting a good look at the two men about thirty feet away from him on either side of one of those horseless carriages, Naruto took a second to analyze the situation.

'Ok, so I have the money I need in my pants in jacket, these two wannabe ANBU in front of me. There is an open street to my right, and another street running perpendicular to this on my left. There are several alleyways all about, but the ones I can see look pretty cramped. Best options are the streets, but since I have no idea where the one on the left goes, my only option is the street on my right.'

"I said Put Your Hands on Your Head!" the Anbu-wannabe screamed out tersely.

'This was always the best part of pranks' Naruto thought before yelling out. "CATCH ME IF YA CAN!" and taking off down the street.

One of the nin started booking it after him while the other went back to the car and radioed it in.

"This is car Lincoln 830 in pursuit of suspect in grand larceny. The suspect is a middle aged blond male and is proceeding northwest along east 22n d, passing Madison Green!"

Naruto could almost feel himself laughing as his chest bubbled in excitement, his heart quickening. Racing down the street, and ignoring whatever the men behind him were shouting, Naruto searched for an alley where he could lose his pursuers, just like he used to do after a prank in Konoha. 'It took me years to memorize all the streets.'

Not spying anything useful, he leaped over the fence of a small park, running for the alley on the other side with the men in pursuit lagging, and shouting in the distance.

"Shit, he's fast! He's cutting across to 23rd St! Requesting backup."

Naruto kept running through that alley, straight through to the street on the other side, and through to the alley on the other side, all the while a loud wailing sound was coming from behind him.

'A little more distance between us and I'll be home-free.' Naruto thought, leaping over a trash bin. Looking back to see how far away the ninja were, something slammed into his legs as he ran into the street. Exploding into smoke, and sent sprawling, Naruto's hands quickly flew through handseals.

/Transform/

"He's a fucking mutie!" Shouted one of the nin, before firing the crossbow device with a loud [bang].

The smoke gave Naruto cover to move, as he dove into yet another alley way running for the next street.

"He's heading to 25th! Cut him off! Force him towards the coast, we can corner him there!"

Diving over a large, rancid, green box, Naruto ran out of the alley in time to see two ninja carriages stopping in front of the alley opposite him and another one coming down the street from his left, all of them whining loudly. Jerking right, Naruto was barely missed by the volley of 'bolts' from the nins crossbows, firing with loud [bang]'s.

The apparently tiny bolts whistled as they sailed past Naruto, who was making his way with haste away from the pursuing carriages. Coming across another, larger street, with fast moving carriages going across it, Naruto waited for a moment, the sounds of the carriages and ninja on foot drawing nearer. Concentrating on the carriage traffic, he started timing his jump.

"GET ON THE GROUND! DOWN ON THE GROUND OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE!"

Ignoring him, Naruto concentrated on the carriage he was about to jump on top of.

"DID YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING MUTIE? I said GET DOWN!"

'3…2…1… NOW' Naruto shouted mentally and leaped.

The large carriage, at least 20 feet long, shook as Naruto landed on top off it. Looking back at the ninja, Naruto couldn't help but give a sarcastic salute, the prankster in him making itself known. It was at that moment, however, that the box shaped carriage he was on top of started slowing down, and stopped at a conjunction of two streets.

"What are you doing, the street is wide open!" Naruto yelled at the carriage, stomping a little bit as he did so. As soon as he did, there were a stream of shouts from inside the carriage as an overweight civilian stumbled out, staring up at Naruto, and started shaking his fist and shouting.

The whining nin-carriages were beginning to catch up again, and his carriages wasn't going anywhere. Jumping off of his vehicle, Naruto ran across the intersection. He heard weird honking noises, from his right though, so he looked up. Barreling down on him was yet another carriage, leaping up, Naruto got his legs caught on the top of the speeding vehicle, and was sent sprawling on the ground behind it, his jutsu dispelling, covering him in a cloud of smoke.. Taking a second to catch his breath and make sure nothing was broken, Naruto used his jutsu again, took up a runners stance, and sped after the car that had hit him, moving towards the larger buildings, and parks that surrounded them.

Hearing another car(riage) approaching him from behind, Naruto leaped up again, this time successfully landing upon the roof of a mid-sized vehicle. His soft landing garnered no notice from the driver as they quickly left the ninja's behind them. Waiting a beat or two, Naruto leaped onto the fence of a park located between two tall buildings, before leaping into the trees for cover.

Naruto continued leaping through the trees until he was sure no one was around or even in the park. Then he leapt down from the tree onto a park bench. Getting out the bills that weren't covered in blue, Naruto gave a quick count of the money there, making sure that the trip was worth it after all.

After five minutes of sorting, counting, and recounting, then recounting again to make sure his figures were right, Naruto had the final number.

'I only got 4,000 stinking ryo for that whole trip! I'll be out of money in a week or two, tops! 4,000 ryo was only enough for food for that long back home, and I have no reason to believe differently for here.' Naruto thought, cursing his unsuccessful theft. Shaking his head Naruto started to look on the positive side.

'Ok, but now I have enough for food, and maybe some other stuff for a couple of weeks if I go light on a couple of meals. Yeah, I can get some blankets, and some better clothes, and then I can get some real food, like a giant box of Ramen! Those things are cheap, so I can stretch my money.'

So drawn into his world of imaginary expenditures was he, Naruto failed to notice the presence sneaking up on him.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting your post-crime break?" said the voice from behind Naruto.

"RRRggghh" Naruto shouted, jumping out of his seat and whirling around to face the oddest sight he had seen all day. There, crouched on the bench where he had just been sitting, was a man, dressed in very tight red and blue spandex, with big white eyes on the head, making him look like an insect.

"Whaaat the fuck?" Naruto exclaimed, not believing his eyes.

"Nooooo, it's 'Spiderman'. It's really easy to say. Spi-Der-Man. See? Simple. Now you try!"

Ignoring whatever it was that the clearly insane man had just said, Naruto instead focused on the really pertinent question. "Why are you wearing Spandex?"

The man in the mask seemed a little miffed by this though, as he started talking with exaggerated hand motions, and in an obviously sarcastic tone. "You're messing with me, right? The middle aged, blond hair, blue eyed Obviously American thief, and general criminal lowlife, doesn't speak English? I don't hold much respect… OK, ANY respect for scum like you, but to forget an entire language. Tsk, tsk. That does not say anything positive for your intelligence." Leaping forward, to come eye-to-eye with Naruto's illusionary persona, the crazed man finished his rant, grinding his teeth and spitting every word. "So why don't we drop the pleasantries and the bullshit." The man reached for his left hand.

Yanking it out of reach, Naruto stumbled backwards, away from the unitard man. "What the hell is your problem?"

A thin white strand shot out of the man's wrist, latching onto Naruto's coat. "Get over here!" the man yelled, pulling on his coat. Technique dispelled and billowing smoke, Naruto dropped low, his arms coming free of the jacket it flew towards the now hostile man.

Rolling away from crazy, Naruto leaped into the trees trying to make his escape.

"Oh no you don't!" The crazy shouted, following him into the trees and leaping after him.

Getting back onto the street, Naruto dropped down behind the fence separating the park from the public. He quickly checked to make sure that he looked all right, that is, looked like himself. He grabbed the child sized shirt and pants, his shoes, and the cash in his pockets. It was thankfully all how it was supposed to be, and none of it recognizable to the blue ninjas, and hopefully the unitard man. Getting up, Naruto was treated to the sight of the unitard man jumping over his head, and landing on one of the street lights. The man then leaped away, yelling a curse as a patrolling nin-car started flashing lights and whining. The nin-car took off after the crazy man then, and Naruto thought that they deserved each other. He then ran back into the park to get his jacket before the spaz in red and blue decided to stake it out to wait for him.

Walking away from the park, the entire world seemingly oblivious to him, Naruto had a good feeling about his stay here. Then his stomach rumbled.

'Before tomorrow gets here, though, I think I'll get something to eat.'

AN

Wow… that one took a REALLY long time. Sorry, I've been typing other stories. Mostly Fractured Fate, but also a couple of others. Hopefully the next one will come out sooner.

There is also a beta now, and their name is 7 Winds. He's pretty good, y'all should check him out.

7 Winds?