Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN SHIT!
"Behold. I am smiling."- Person Talking
"Is a seal a dog mermaid?"- Person Talking in foreign language
'Pwned.'- Person Thinking
[Bang]- Specific noises
/Transgender Transformation Technique/- Techniques
:Line Break:- Line breaks
It was the better part of a week before Naruto finally found what he had been looking for. Not Konoha, of course, that was just as out of reach as ever. But Naruto finally found a place where he wouldn't get wet in the rain; he wouldn't be cold whenever it started freezing or getting windy, and a place that wouldn't cost him anything.
'The only real problem is the damp.' Thought Naruto, standing in the center of a great, open, underground circle. Looking over the room, easily two hundred feet in diameter, Naruto tried noting the specifics. There is an island in the middle, separated from the ring of dry(ish) land on the outskirts of the room by a 'moat' of sorts. The ring goes from the wall about 20-25 feet to the 'moat', then the moat goes on for another 10 or 15, then the rest of the room was taken up by the 'island'. The room itself was located a fair distance from any direct surface entrance, close enough for a quick getaway, and far enough away to ensure that no one could just drop in immediately. Even then, there were only four doors in to or out of the room, and all of them were steel and had deadbolts.
'All in all, defensible, spacey, and it has plenty of room for anything I could possibly want. All I need at first is some tarps to separate the rest of the room from the water, otherwise it'll stay all damp and mildewey.' Naruto thought, trying to make a mental checklist of what he would need.
'A shitload of those tarps, this place is massive. I am also going to need a place to sleep, make it a bed with proper sheets and the like, also a desk and a book case where I can put and use any and all maps that I will be getting in order to find some mention of either Konohagakure, or the Elemental Nations at large. I need a supply of food in case things on the surface get too hot, the water down in the moat looks pretty clean, so I should be good there, but just in case I better get it bottled. Furthermore, I should also get some electricity in here, so that means either a generator, or getting the wiring already present and rerouting it here so I can actually power a space heater, or a reading lamp, I am going to need them in the 'winter' months coming up. I can't believe it actually snows here.' Pondering the current line of thought, Naruto realized he had never actually seen snow.
'Getting back on things I need, though. I am going to need a dresser, along with more clothing to fill it, in particular underwear. And I am going to need a store of money, so that way if I get caught with it outside then I can drop it and still have enough for food and things. And I should start training with jutsu again soon. I am getting better at using them, but I need to be more creative with them and faster, especially if I am going to be fighting that crazy guy in his pajamas or the man in black again.'
'Another thing on the agenda is to better learn how to use all of these weapons,' Naruto thought, thinking about the several different knives and projectiles he had picked up over the past week. ' The knives I know how to use, but that gun is still a complete mystery to me. I can't get it to fire!'
He shook his head summing up his list mentally. 'So it's buying the things I need, sprucing the place up a bit to make it livable, researching geography in hopes of illuminating a way home, and training in weapons and jutsu for the inevitable fights I am going to have before I get there.' He gave a nod. 'Yup that's everything.' Cracking his neck, he left his future abode.
'Time to get to work.'
:Line Break:
Over the course of the following week, Naruto spent every waking moment in an attempt to better either himself or his living situation. When he wasn't buying what he needed with stolen money, he was attempting to learn the ways of marksmanship with the gun. He also spent a fair amount of time getting to know the system of tunnels underneath the city.
'I can't believe I ever ran across this room in the first place. I mean, there I was running from the 'Police', when I fell through a hole in the ground. I ran some more, down that tunnel and down another, and after about five minutes of random turns, I come across this thing. They searched for three days but never found a thing.'
By far, though, what he had spent the most time on was developing his jutsu. 'Sure, I still can't do the Bunshin, but I bet none of the others at the academy can do what I can now.' Focusing for three seconds, Naruto forced his chakra outward, moving 20 feet in the blink of an eye.
Looking around, Naruto gave a nod of satisfaction. 'I didn't substitute with anything, I went about twenty feet, and I still have my clothes on. I'll call that a win. Looking for something to improve however,' Naruto thought, going back to his start position, 'I need to get the concentration time down. It's great for breaking out of restraints, but it can't be useful in combat yet. The Transformation, however,' Naruto thought with a smirk, before transforming into a large dark man standing easily seven feet tall. 'All without handseals or chakra smoke. Damn I'm fantastic.'
Frowning, Naruto made three hand signs. There was an explosion of smoke, and when it settled, Naruto could be seen standing behind three, half alive, semi coalesced clones.
'Better than last time, but still not really useful for anything other than a smoke screen, and speaking of smoke screen,' Naruto thought, before holding the Ram sign.
Smoke poured out of the ground around Naruto obscuring the entirety of the cavernous room.
'And that's another jutsu added to those I've made, the Smoke Screen Technique. It's too bad my other techniques don't work here.' Grimacing in remembrance of the epic failure that was his attempt at utilizing his former best technique, Naruto moved back to continuing to practice his jutsu.
Grabbing a chair and lifting it up onto his back, Naruto transformed into himself, but without his burden. 'And all this out of experimentation with one of the most basic jutsu! I wonder what else I can do with these…'
He continued for an hour, trying to get the time on his substitutions down, and attempting new ways to combine or manipulate his techniques.
Naruto had to derive as much pleasure as he could from his achievements in ninjutsu, because the other areas of study he had indulged in were yielding little.
After his hour of practicing jutsu, he went to the shower next to a set of stairs leading to an abandoned sewer treatment facility. Thankfully, it was only five minutes' walk from his hideout.
Having done that, showered, and changed into a fresh set of clothes, he sat at a desk he had gotten a few days ago, staring at the rough sketches he had done of the elemental nations. Taking another moment to get out the world atlas, he paused before beginning his work.
'After nearly three weeks of going through every kind of map book, atlas, and asking whomever could understand me about the Elemental Nations, I have yet to find anything! There is no mention of them in any text I read, there is no mention of them on any map I see, and no-one seems to know a thing about them!' He took a breath and calmed down before he ripped the page he was looking at.
'I know that the villages are supposed to be hidden, but all the nations as well?' Giving a shake of his head, he pulled the rough sketches he had etched earlier over to him. 'Now I have this new idea. Going through to every map again to try and find a match to the coast line of Fire Country. So far, I have had no luck, but I will keep searching.' He took a sad little look at his surroundings, at the dim lighting and the damp walls, and only one thought ran through his mind.
'I need to go home…'
:Line Break:
After picking up a few more things for his new 'lair' Naruto was beginning to run short on money again.
'Weeellll,' Naruto thought to himself, ducking through a crowd on route to his target, 'Not short, exactly, but I have less than I'd like. Renovating that hole is proving to be much more expensive than originally planned.'
Indeed, Naruto had bought a desk for his studying, along with a bookshelf for the same purpose. Then he had also bought a mid-sized bed, a generator, a shitload of tarps, a bureau for holding all of his clothes, the clothes to fill it, knives in abundance (including a set of kunai from one place that he was happy about), a target (which was surprisingly easy to find considering how much trouble he had to go through for the knives), lights for the cave, and food, as well as other expenses while he was looking for home.
'And now I need more cash.'
It was already night, but that didn't matter to the crowded train tunnel. 'I don't think this city ever sleeps.'
Choosing to go through back alleys, Naruto arrived at his target not five minutes later. Standing across from the machine placed on a tantalizingly empty street, he grinned to himself. 'This is gonna be a piece of cake.' He thought, before transforming into a police uniform, and beginning his work.
:Line Break:
Having already opened the front and broken the frame protecting the money, Naruto was nearly homefree, when a voice spoke up behind him.
"Get down on the ground and place your hands on your head!"
'And this was going so well, too.' Naruto thought before standing up, turning around and putting his hands on his head. He saw two police men, one standing on the far side of the car, and the other getting his weapon out and aimed at Naruto.
"I said- wait… Barry is that you?" Hearing the questioning tone, Naruto gave a nod. 'If nothing else, it buys me a little time while I plan what to do.
"Jesus you gave me a scare! Thought you were some hood up to no good!" Said the uniformed man, holstering his weapon and moving closer to Naruto. In the distance the other officer was also lowering his weapon. 'Three more steps and he's within striking distance.' Naruto thought, a plan formulating in his mind.
The man slowed down. "Barry? You ok? You aren't saying anything and- jesus who did that!" The policeman yelled seeing the bust open ATM. He never got his question answered as Naruto leaped forward, and nailed the man with a right cross to the throat.
Dispelling the technique, Naruto grabbed at the make shift kunai holster on his hip, throwing one of the knives at the officer on the far side of the car. A scream came from the police man as he clutched at his hand, a knife sticking out painfully.
'Got to get a move on.' Naruto thought, yanking out the bins of money, sorting through to get everything he could as fast as possible.
"Officer down on 28th and Broadway, backup is required! Subject is a mutie shape shifter, armed and dangerous!" Naruto heard from behind him, as he continued sorting the money.
Finally done with his task, Naruto turned back to the street, determined to get out of there as quickly as possible. Running to the end of the street, Naruto almost slammed into the police car that was pulling up there. Taking off before the men could get out of their cars, he ran down the side walk, the wailing siren on the cars behind him growing closer. Seeing one or two police cars coming down the street ahead of him, Naruto looked around for an alley to duck into…but none presented itself.
'Ok, police on all sides, all armed, all of whom would turn me in to a 'proper authority', and I want to avoid any of those, thank you very much. But how to escape when all areas of the street are blocked off?' He thought for a moment before the answer came to him. 'Only the streets are blocked off.'
Concentrating on his chakra, Naruto let it build up under his feet, and in his legs. The cars pulled up right in front of him, the men scrambling out of their cars and holding their weapons in a manner they probably thought threatening.
"STOP OR WE'LL SHOOT!" Shouted one of the officers. "There's no point in running, we have you completely surrounded, mutie!"
"I only caught surrounded. But no," Naruto said to the men assembled in front of him, before leaping onto the street lamp above them. "You don't."
Leaping to the next before the men opened fire, Naruto quickly began to distance them, before jumping onto the roof of a building smaller than the others around it, and using that as a base to leap to the next building over. The police shouting sounded far away.
"He's not on a street, he's flying on rooftops!"*1
Feeling the thrill of excitement as he continued racing away with his prize, Naruto visibly wilted as he realized he made two mistakes. The first he figured out when he looked at his hand. 'I forgot to put the transformation back up!' Naruto thought groaning aloud. The second mistake made itself known when a blue and red fist appeared right in front of his face, sending him skidding along the gravel surface of the rooftop.
"Ehh, what's up doc?" Said the red and blue clad figure lazing against an AC unit.
'Not this asshole again.' Naruto looked up at the crazy man in tights. "I don't suppose you'd mind letting me go?"
"Cute, but this is America, speak 'Merican!" The crazy man shouted at Naruto.
'Now with the shouting, this guy is so annoying!' And with that thought, Naruto climbed to his feet, shouldered the backpack full of money, and said the one line in English that he had focused on and studied until he knew how to say it perfectly.
"Fuck off."
The head of the crazy man snapped back, as if he had just been slapped. "Wow, looks like someone has a pottymouth! And here I was hoping to keep this G-rated. That's the problem with you scumbags, no appreciation for other people. First you start swearing up a storm as kids and then you're stealing from the nice pedestrians, then you go to jail and often enough you come back worse! Seriously, it's like a constant downward spiral with you people!"
'OK, the 'Make-him-stop-talking' maneuver backfired. Let's try something else.' Slipping off his back pack, he tossed it at the costumed freak. "Catch!" The guy was going for it right up until Naruto shouted his technique.
/Substitution/, Shouted Naruto, taking the place of his bag and delivering a jump kick to the chest of the costumed menace.
"And here I wanted to play this nice." The tight'ed teen muttered before launching himself at Naruto.
Naruto launched another high kick only to have it caught by the freak, who then pulled the leg, throwing Naruto dangerously close to the edge of the building.
Getting up slowly, Naruto analyzed his enemy more carefully now, circling around, watching every movement the costumed teen made.
"What is your name?" Naruto said, utilizing the only other phrase he had learned from an Japanese to English phrase book.
"Who, me? I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!" The costumed figure said, so happily that Naruto thought he could see the mask smiling at him.
Suppressing an aggravated sigh at the unduly long name, Naruto said again "What is your name?" this time placing his hands so there was only a little bit of room between them. 'Hopefully he'll get the message.'
"Me Spider-Man," the freak said gesturing to himself, "You Jane!"
"Spider-Man." Naruto tried.
"Not exactly part of the brain trust, are you?" The now identified superhero joked.
'I am really going to enjoy beating the snot out of this guy!' Naruto thought, assuming a basic taijutsu stance, his hand drifting nearer to his kunai pouch.
"NO, BAD BLONDIE! That's a bad, bad blondie!" Spider-Man shouted, seeing Naruto getting ready to fight.
Not taking anymore of the morons shouting, Naruto began the fight, throwing kunai after kunai at the Spider-Man. Ducking, dipping, and diving, Spider-Man leaped about with unnatural ability and grace. Naruto would have even admired it if Grace didn't decide to pop up and kick him in the face.
"Argghh!" Naruto growled audibly, stumbling backwards from the force of the kick. Charging forward again, Naruto engaged the strange man with all he had in a short bout of taijutsu.
Jabbing a body shot, Naruto was surprised when the superhero bent fully in half before kicking at his face. Jumping backwards to avoid the kick Naruto charged in again, trying another jab. Leaning out of the way Spider-Man returned a fist to Naruto's jaw. Unable to avoid it, Nauto was sent sprawling again. Spitting out phlegm, Naruto got back up, charged back in again, now trying a pair of low kicks. Each was jumped over, with Spider-Man returning a drop kcik to Naruto's chest.
"You know," the costumed man began in a joking voice, "You think you'd learn your lesson and stay down. Seriously, do us both a favor and just take a nap, kid."
"Damnit!" Naruto shouted as he tried to think of a way he could get past the other man's defenses. 'He's freakishly quick, and bends like a reed. The only way I am going to get to him is to try something unexpected.
Coming up with an idea, Naruto struggled to his feet, only met with mocking sternness from Spider-Man.
"Oh, come ooonn. I am still holding back and you think you can win? Kid, you need to learn when to stay down."
Channeling chakra to his legs, Naruto started charging towards his masked opponent. When he made it halfway, he used a chakra enhanced leap to close the distance, clipping Spider-Man with a kick.
"Woah, Bessy! Throttle down there, or someone could get hurt! And by 'Someone', I mean you." Spiderman said, thwipping off a web to latch onto Naruto. Using the web, Spider-Man yanked the blond-haired menace off his feet, and right into an uppercut, sent via your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
'Damnit! I forgot he had those things!' Naruto thought, spitting out gravel. 'Ok, time for unexpected plan two!' Making three handseals, Naruto called out his /Clone Technique/, summoning a whole sleuth of clones before following up with a transformation, making himself look exactly like his half alive doppelgangers. Spider-Man just stood in the middle of the rooftop through it all, waiting for Naruto to make his move.
That move came in the form of yet another charge by Naruto and co. Some leapt through the air in exaggerated kicks; other ran along the ground, and one stayed back throwing kunai… And Spider-Man stayed very still.
The leaping Naruto's passed right through Spider-Man, the kunai passed through anything they touched, and still the spider freak stayed very still. 'Does he know that they are just illusions? How?' Naruto thought to himself incredulously, closing the distance on his supposed victim. Moving suddenly, Spider-Man hit Naruto with a straight jab, knocking Naruto down for the last time.
"Little known fact about me, is I have this thing called "Spider-Sense"" The masked hero monologued to the oblivious twelve year old. "And that "Spider-Sense" essentially allows me to tell that your little clones aren't real. It's like I said kid," Spider-Man said, before pasting Naruto to the roof with his webbing. "Stay down. Also get a better profession, I'm sure your mommy and daddy aren't very proud of you, being the little thief you are."
'I can already tell I am starting to hate this man, even if I can't understand what he says.' Substituting himself with Spider-Man, Naruto had a moment or two before the hero would break out of his own trap.
"What the heck? How did you do that? Why weren't you doing that during the fight
'If he only used his web caster things at the end, then that means that he was holding back on me the entire time, and if he was holding back the entire time, and I was still losing this fight, then I don't think I can win here, and certainly not on his terms. I could kill him now, and end the fight, or I could run away while he is still trapped.' The wrenching sound of the webbing being torn apart let Naruto know of his limited time frame.
'Wait, why am I even considering killing him? I know it's what I was trained to do, and yes he is certainly an asshat, but death?' Naruto shook his head at the topic raging in his mind. 'That is something I only ever wanted to do if it's absolutely necessary. And right now, I have another option.' Grabbing his backpack, Naruto ran to the edge of the roof.
"I'd love to stick around, but I gotta run! I have some money to spend!" Naruto called over his shoulder, leaping off the building.
What Naruto did not expect was the webbing attached to his ankle. A quarter of the way through his jump the web went taught, swinging the confused blonde back towards the brick side of the building he had just leaped off.
Trying to focus on a destination to transition to, Naruto couldn't build his focus fast enough, and lost it all when smacking solidly against the wall. Dazedly Naruto's hands scrabbled at the stone as he began to fall.
'NO!' Naruto screamed mentally snapping out of his dazed state and grabbing at the wall with a chakra reinforced hand. Preparing to leap off the wall as he fell down further, Naruto was instead perplexed as he clung to the wall via his hand, which stuck to the wall like it was made of fly paper.
'What in the world?' Naruto thought, staring confusedly at his arm. And in that confusion, Naruto also stopped pumping a constant level of chakra into it. Losing adhesion to the wall, Naruto began falling again, passing no ledges, windows, or handholds of any kind. Gathering his legs against the wall, Naruto quickly pushed out some chakra to his legs for a building leap, but in his haste, he made it vastly underpowered, the leap only carrying him over the street
"Ahhh, fuck!" Naruto said, before getting very acquainted with the roof of a police car. Naruto felt his vision starting to darken as his entire body seized with pain. He felt something odd going on in his chest. It felt cold and hot all at the same time. Looking down to see the problem, Naruto got a good look at the piece of metal sticking right through his stomach. "Well that'll do it." Naruto drawled, feeling the beginning of the shock of his injury coming on. His vision started fading out as Naruto drawled, "Not again…". Before he faded completely, Naruto heard one of the officers from the car talking on a radio.
"Yeah, Central? You are not gonna believe this, but we got that mutie thief. Yeah, so we're gonna need an ambulance, and a pickup."
:Line Break:
As he began regaining consciousness, Naruto became oaware of three things. In order, they were the sounds of beeping machinery, the stench of heavy disinfectant, the kind that you only get at hospitals. The third made itself known.
"Ahh, I see you are finally awake." The voice was cold, mechanical, and yet containing a sort of perverse joy. Opening his eyes to get a more complete picture of his situation, Naruto saw a large, obese man with balding hair, dressed in a white lab coat and wearing glasses.
"Well let's get the introductions done then, shall we?" He asked, a little grin. "My name, is doctor John Schaeffer, this man," He said gesturing to his right, "is the renowned Tomi Shishido." Following his gesture, Naruto turned his head slowly. And there stood an imposing man, dressed in a charcoal grey suit, and with long black hair coming down to his chest. Looking up to his face, he saw nothing but a stern, hateful expression, and a pair of sunglasses blocking any view of his eyes.
"And you, my mysterious friend are Naruto Uzumaki." Continued the fat doctor. "And you have been in that bed for about three weeks now."
'Naruto's mind sluggishly struggled with that fact. 'Three weeks? But…how..?'
"Now, now, that isn't cause for alarm. You did get yourself impaled through the liver. Toxins were running rampant through your body, and you very well could have died." The doctor continued, feigning shock. "Or you would have, if not for that handy little healing factor you seem to possess."
"Admittedly," He said with a laugh, "You had that healed inside of a week. But we needed to see what your body could do under controlled conditions. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Where was I?"
"Healing factor." Came the oily voice of the man in the suit.
He was positively leering now. " Ahh yes, thank you, Mr. Shishido. This is one of the things that turned us onto you. Your medical file from that gunshot wound you had a month or so ago? Not exactly extensive, or thorough, but it's the best you can get from these so called doctors in a midtown hospital, and they did only have three days or so, thanks to you. But it still contained enough remarkable fact to get us interested." Schaeffer smacked his lips.
"The next thing that got us interested was your fight with the vigilante known as Spider-Man. You never really stood much of a chance, but then it seemed neither of you were going all out. You leapt onto the building in a feat of strength not easily equaled, and then you turn around and throw punches and kicks like that? Pathetic. But again, not what we found interesting."
"What really, truly got us interested in little ol' you, was what you did during the fight. Illusions, teleportation, super strength, agility and stamina? Oh yes, that got us very interested. So we took you out of that third rate hospital you were in and put you into our care, citing to everyone your nasty little penchant for breaking out and making mischief. You made it easy for us." He finished, giving that little smile of his that sent cold shivers running down Naruto's spine.
"But then we got into the real mystery of who, and what you are. All we know right now is that you have abilities, several we've seen and a few we haven't. But we don't truly know what you are. Sure, we know what you aren't. You aren't a mutant, because you don't carry the X-gene. But, you aren't exactly human either." The doctor stared at Naruto, as if expecting to find some kind of answer on his drugged up face.
"But I'm sure you already know of all that. Gorgon here," Gesture towards the dark man, "Has already been through all of your memories. Normally that, and a short investigation as we see what is in your blood that makes you special, would be the end of any inquiries that I would have. But you, Mr. Uzumaki, are something of a rarity."
"I'm… flattered." Naruto said, in the long pause that came after the doctor's words.
"You should be. Especially since it is your rarity that is the only thing keeping you alive." He took a moment to let that sink in. "Now, as I said, Mr. Shishido and myself have been through your memories, especially the ones concerning all of your special abilities. And a few of your home, and your past. And we have a few questions we'd like to ask you."
The doctor rolled his chair closer to Naruto's side, and stuck his face not six inches from his. "What, exactly, is Chakra?"
AN
Dun-Dun-DUHHHH!
Sorry, couldn't resist. Hello once again audience! I hoped you liked that chapter, cause it was a pain to write, Spidey is hard! Like really hard! Also, to make him match his on film persona in the Amazing Spiderman (SPOILERS, LOOK AWAY!) He's kinda a dick in this. Don't worry, he gets better, but he starts off as a douche.
Now to answer questions from chapters previous,
I would like to say I'm sorry to that one guy, whose name I forget, who kinda begged me not to get Naruto captured. My bad.
To Secret Weapon 06, there's a reason Naruto didn't do so, and that plays a part later on in the story. Also, he didn't get his lungs blown off, he got a lung hit by a low velocity round, and then crawled away, he didn't brush off a bullet like a boss. Furthermore, Sasuke did knock out a bear with several kicks, and did dodge sound waves that weren't going the speed of sound, while he was powered up with Orochimaru's Juin. But that is Sasuke Uchiha, the genius survivor of the Uchiha clan. Whereas this is Naruto, who runs into walls a few hundred times over the course of the Anime. Not exactly a creature of grace is he. Also, no, the Punisher is not the physical equivalent of a chunin, or an ANBU.
To Daniel 29, I might put those in later, but they are quite silly.
*1 Batman Begins quote.
Next chapter, we have daring escapes, child proofing, and a total copout! Interested? Stay tuned!
Last, but certainly not least, I would like to take a moment to thank our resident beta, 7 Winds. Read his stuff!