They're pleased as more'n a passel o'kittens let loose in a gallon o'milk later that day when I says as there's no reason two days from now to not set down at Beaumonde near on a week, do some serious restockin' and them as needs it go shoppin', let Kaylee and Simon figure on what they need for a few months out in the Black. "An' if everyone keeps their ears to the ground, maybe we can pick up a job or some passengers as'll pay for somethin' 'side's protein."
'Nara's lookin' thoughtful, like as plottin' on restockin' her wardrobe, and Kaylee and Simon both got on those faces they get when they're totin' up inventory. Jayne jus' looks like he's tryin' to 'member what bars he ain't banned from. Ain't gonna be many, though I think Zo's got a list somewhere. I already got a list o'those things as we've needs for the ship 'sides from postin' mail an' gettin' it an' seein' what work we can scare up in New Dunsmuir.
Since it's end o'River's pilotin' shift as I 'nounce it, I set course and put my feet up, stare out again into the Black whilst I hear Kaylee and 'Nara grab onta River an' start plannin' what they're goin' to do. 'Cept re-visit the Maidenhead. Better mention ain't no settin' foot there for no one. They're likely to shoot us all on sight.
The prospect's got them all buzzin', and' I get most a full day's work in before River's at me in the cargo bay tellin' me there's places for dancin' and eatin' and drinkin' that ain't got any whorin' and Jayne even wants to go there, so I've got to practice my dancin' with her afore we get there.
"He's not a little bird," she says, grabbin' my arms and tryin' to get me to twirl her around, "but bigger and smaller birds can both fly together." Jus' what I need. The whole crew findin' me dancin' wi' the little bird in the cargo bay when I'm on 'em all the time 'bout no slackin' right before landfall.
"Isn't slacking," she says, successfully managing to make me catch her up in a waltz, and she ain't even pushin' at me with that brain o'hers. Just that smile and the way that hair falls back and forth over her face-- unpredictable-like, so's you don't know what you're gonna see next, 'cept that you know it's gonna be beautiful. She smiles as she listens in on the thought, and grabs my hand tighter even as I'm gonna pull off before the real improper thoughts come bubblin' up again, 'specially given the way her hip feels under my hand as I go along with her wantin' to waltz to music only she hears. Problem is-- the longer I dance with her, I start hearin' it too.
"Isn't slacking," she repeats, then whips her head around as Simon calls "River?" from back towards th' infirmary. I take the second to break off the dance and head up the stairs-- but at least I'm a gentleman and give her a bow in thanks for the dance from the catwalk up above before Simon comes out below wantin' to ask her somethin' on what he's thinkin' we need for restockin'.
She looks up at me, though to her brother I'm sure it seems like she's just lookin' up as she's twirlin' around and her skirts trailin' out. "Bigger birds need to dance too," she says before lookin' back at her brother an' sayin', "I'm sorry, Simon. What were you saying?" It's the first time I've heard her call herself "I" in a long time.
Landfall's easy, I'm assured the last Alliance cruiser left nigh on a week ago, as means we're like to have our full week without travel, and we even make it to berth at the docks an' get all that first paperwork done in plenty o'time to let them as want to wander around for the whole afternoon. Kaylee and Simon and Jayne are off at the kiosk, consultin' on where they's as needs goin' for stockin' and where and when to go first, and 'Nara and River are flutterin' off at the side, waitin' on where they're goin' to go first.
"I'll take first shift, sir," Zo' offers.
"You sure, Zo'?" I ask. "Been a while and I'm sure you could use some fresh air." It's about as direct as we get about talkin' 'bout Wash. Zo'll come in my bunk, we'll talk about nothin' and everythin' but Wash, sometimes all night. I don't mind. It's not so much what you're talkin' about as knowin' there's someone as listens sometimes, no matter what it is that you're sayin'.
She arches one of those eloquent eyebrows o'hers. 'Nara's got smiles, Zo's got those eyebrows o'hers. Kaylee? Well, she's just so gorram shiny, it don' matter if she got a speck o'grease on her nose. Shiny shines through a bit o' mechanic's dirt.
"Because you haven't been breathing the same air I have," she says. "No ... I have some ... things ... I want to ... clean, and I'd rather do it alone." Wash's stuff. To get rid of or sell. Don't want to know, just hope more cash'n I can account for don't show up in ship's coffers.
"Understand, Zo'. You just give a buzz when you're ready to go, though, and I'll be back in a clip."
She nods, standing side by side with me as we watch the five of them conferrin' now 'bout where they're goin' and in what order. S'funny. They're all like a bunch o'kids, 'spite of the fact Jayne's got Vera and Suzie strapped on, plenty to take care o'just short of a riot.
"You going to continue your cargo bay waltz?" she asks, bold as brass.
"No," I say quickly, not lookin' at her. "Don't know why I let that girl push me around."
She laughs, and when I look at her, gives me another o'those eyebrows o'hers. "You know why. I do, too. Ain't nothing wrong with it, sir."
"Says you."
"Yes, sir. I do."
My need for the last word's cut off, fortunately, by the fact they're all comin' back over to advise of the basic itinerary, so's we can all agree what time we'll lock the bay down altogether for the night for them as want's to sleep here.
"Cap'n," says Kaylee, that light in her eye says she's up to no good 'cept it's still shiny no good. "There's a place called Rossini's what's got a live band an' dancin' but not too fancy like and there's tell they even got noodles of some kind besides dan-dan."
"And the beer's cheap," puts in Jayne.
Simon just rolls his eyes. "I only ask that the floors have less than a septic level of bacteria so that when one of you inevitably gets in a brawl, I only half to use half of my antibiotics at one go to deal with the inevitable lacerations."
Jayne claps him on the shoulder. "Don' worry, kid. I heard what tell they even wash their floors once a week. Plates and utensils, too."
Simon busts out in a grin. "It sounds quite luxurious. What are we waiting for?"
Inara laughs. "Very little." She extends her arm to him, and Kaylee takes the other, even as River hops up on Jayne's back, carefully avoiding Vera and Suzie. And he lets her. Damn, my merc's goin' soft. Next thing I know, he'll be wantin' a ship's cat.
"You comin', Cap'n?" Kaylee asks.
"Sure he is," Zo' says, pinnin' me down. She's a right pain that way, seein' as we'd agreed never to let the crew seein' us disagree in front o'them. That's for closed doors, iron things out so the crew ain't confused about what we reckon to do. Gorram woman done got the last word this time.
"Thanks, Zo,'" I grit out. "I'm a' be along later," I say. "Gonna make the post and set up a call for whatever post there might be comin' our way, make a few call's what see if'n we can't scare up some work. Be nice if we just had some straight boring agri shipments or somethin'."
Everyone, even Jayne, seems all shiny on hearin' I'm goin' to socialize first day at the docks, and they practically bounce off, merry band o'five as they are.
"Dancin' an' not just dan-dan noodles an' drinkin' an' clean floors? Dunno, Zo', sounds like they really ain't gonna be no whores for Jayne," I say, shakin' my head.
"There's a first time for everything, sir," she says, her tone implyin' more. And then she ain't implyin', 'cause she says flat out "Including taking what's clearly on offer, free and knowing and clear."
"There's some things as ain't no one can know, Zo'," I say, warnin' her wi' what I'm hopin' is a warnin' tone in my voice. "An' it ain't free or clear then. There's things it just ain't right no one knowin', and as got to stay as is if things are to stay shiny for everyone else."
It ain't a good last word, it begs more conversation later, but leastaways it's enough to get off the ramp and into the mainway before she comes up with any response.
"She's better," Simon says as he leans back against the bar next to me. I done finished my own noodles, the kind they called Italian on Earth-that-was, what with tasty red sauce, tomatoes which I ain't had in years, and soft meatballs from beef, and a different kind o'noodle than those as we usually see. Menu here called it spaghetti an' meatballs, and I make a note to myself to find if we can't pick up some tomatoes for a repeat back on the boat.
"Don't you people ever say nothin' like hello, Mal, or hey, Captain, or even sir, may I speak with you?" I'm gettin' truly exasperated. There's a shipwide mutiny to get me sleepin' with River, even her gorram brother, as if I don't know why he's comin' over to talk when usually even after Miranda he's shy o' talkin' to me direct-like. She was right she was gonna keep peckin'-- I jus' had no idea it was gonna be from all sides, involvin' every damned bird on my boat. Nor so soon, neither.
"Nevertheless," he says, smilin' and archin' an eyebrow, "the fact remains. She's better."
"Well, killin' passels o'Reavers, figurin' out why they'd messed her around in the first place, and savin' the 'verse will do that for a girl," I say, not takin' the bait.
He just shakes his head. "She's better because there's someone aboard who understands what she feels like and keeps going anyway. It gives her something to focus on. I have no way of knowing or telling what's going to set her off, much less when she's about to and convince her to come back from wherever she's going."
"There hasn't been call to," I say. "Miranda's the last time she needed remindin' o'where she was. She's been fine ever since." Almost as fine as she'll ever be, I say to myself. Which is perfectly fine as it is. Better than I am, that's for sure.
"No thanks to me," he says, his voice resigned but not bitter. Sprained, she said. He's healin' up, sounds like. "Did you know that they'd done that to her, to make her a ..."
"Took me a bit, but I kinda figured there was more up their sleeves than just makin' her into a reader," I say. shakin' my head. "Too much fuss, otherwise. Readers ain't thick on the ground, but it's not like th'Alliance ain't got none other than her. And ... never know what they're up to, so it's best not to rule anythin' out. So no, I didn't know she'd be better'n me and Jayne an' Zo' an' all our guns put together, but I weren't surprised neither. You get to a point where nothin' surprises you. You just learn to be ready and deal with what comes."
He looks pained and thoughtful. "Part of Shepherd's Book says if thine own hand offend thee, cut it off. I ... there was a point when I might have done that, more or less. Decided she needed to sleep until I could figure out how to fix her. Cut her off from the rest of the 'verse." He trails off, doin' as I do, watchin' his sister and Kaylee an' Nara dancin' circles 'round Jayne, who ain't even drunk an's having a right ol' good time.
"Can't be cuttin' off a hand that's offended you once when it still might be useful. Just because somethin's done somethin' scary once doesn't mean it'll always be scary, or that it needs to be fixed. Can be fixed. Sometimes you just use what you got, an' remember that tools can be used for good as much as for bad." As if I ain't been tryin' to make up for the bad use to which I put my tools in the past. Sometimes I wish I'd just cut my own hand off back then, bled myself out as a result. Sometimes tools are too bad to really be put to good use again.
His voice is level and serious when he responds. "See-- I didn't know that until you made us part of your crew. I probably wouldn't ever have known that otherwise. It's a small part of the 'verse, Captain, the one River and I used to inhabit. And that small part was no good in keeping her safe. I would have brought her back there if I'd had the chance, and I've no doubt she'd be far worse than she was when I first got her-- not as she is now."
"Friend'sll do that for you," I say as I jerk my head at the rest o'them out on the floor and refusin' to bite. I can dance around this all day. "She's as wins herself unusual friends, her an' her ways."
He snorts and looks at me straight on. "You're spoiled as a Captain. You should be a diplomat. You'd never commit to anything ever, and your government would make you a rich man."
"I ain't got no desire to be rich. Just free," I say. "Although enough money to not go scrabblin' for protein's always welcome."
He throws his head back and laughs, an' I'm glad. Spoiled little rich boy like him never'd laugh when he started wi'us. But it's opened him up, this travelin' thing, and now as it's as over as it's gonna be, he seems happy to keep on as our surgeon. Good thing-- he's a right hand at patchin' us up.
"Some vegetables, too," he says, chucklin'.
"You and 'Nara both on about vegetables," I said. "Don' worry, we're pickin' some up 'fore we go, once y'all tire of the gourmet delights on offer here."
I'm still watchin' my crew actin' silly and dancin' their feet off when the music changes from loud and wild to even louder and wilder, which jus' makes 'em all start whoopin' and hollerin'. River beckons me over, Simon too, and Kaylee and 'Nara and Jayne follow suit.
"You should dance with her," he says, meanin' more than just out on the floor.
"I quit dancin' a long time ago," I warn him. "I'm not a good partner. Step on too many toes, can never keep track o'the steps, hell, I even think I'm in the middle of one dance when it's really another. Lousy partner, really."
He shakes his head at me and grabs my arm, a grin on his face. "You just haven't had the right partner," he says, draggin' me out on the floor, and I'm so surprised by his assault on my person that I let him drag me along. With a shove, he aims me at River, even as Jayne sweeps up 'Nara and Simon joins Kaylee, grabbin' hands and twirlin' off and away.
With a smile and a tip o'her head, River grabs my hands and drags me off, makin' me lead and yet I'm followin' her. It's bad manners to walk off the dance floor with a lady, and I ain't had no choice the way Simon done thrown me at her.
He done thrown me at her, not t'other way 'round. Funny, that.
"She doesn't need throwing, no," she says with a smile. "He's the one who needs pulling." And then she pulls me on through the rest o'the steps o'the dance.
"That girl just don' let go," I pant as I suck down a beer at the bar. River's got Jayne twirlin' her around on the floor, once I convinced her I was serious parched and had man things to attend to as well.
"No, she don't, Cap'n," Kaylee says with a smile. All my gorram crew gettin' all double-laden in all their conversation with me these days. "Plus, you ain't had your nether parts nowhere nice in far too long."
"Mei-mei," I say, shocked. "Ain't no way to be talkin' bout a girl like River. That's jus' wrong."
"Why?" she asks, curious. "She's grown and done seen more than any of us save you, and she's righter than those as most people'd call right. We're all a little feng kuang, Cap'n, not just her. That don't mean she ain't a woman."
"I ain't sayin' that, mei-mei," I try, backtrackin'. "I'm just sayin', River's ... special, an' she's gonna see that she's too special for an old feng kuang like me." 'Cause that weren't as much as comin' right out and sayin' I got less than brotherly feelin's toward the little bird.
Kaylee looks at me like I done turned into a Shepherd. Hell, maybe I have. Like Kaylee says, I ain't had my nether parts nowhere but my pants in way too long.
"Cap'n, you got a crew you think is all special, right?"
"O'course," I say, thinkin'. "I wouldn't make just anyone my crew. They don't have somethin' to offer the boat an' each other, they ain't gonna stay."
"So why you think you ain't nothin' special? You think all us crew signed on to a-- well, no offense because you know that I love her 'most much as you do-- but she's a rickety old boat held together with refurbbed wings and a prayer. You think we signed on without thinkin' there's somethin' special there at the heart of it all that ain't had nothin' to do with the engines or navigation controls?"
I feel myself blushin', and it's been a while since I done that. Kaylee don't often speak so plain nor them others on praisin' me, not that I want 'em to. "That ain't the point," I say.
"Then what is?" she asks, pokin' me in the arm. "'Cause the way I see it, Cap'n, you're wantin' that boat to keep goin' just to give your crew someplace as they can be happy as much as you want her to keep flyin'. Maybe more than you want to keep flyin'. A boat's no home without a crew to fill her up. But what I don' think you get, Cap'n, is that a Cap'n is part of the crew. So ... if'n the crew all deserves bein' happy as much as they can, then why cain't you? That don't make no sense. And River, well, she's got a strange way of sayin' it, but she knows what makes her happy and she knows what makes everyone else happy, too. An' you got to admit it, Cap'n. Flyin' that bird of our'n is a wonderful thing, but she ain't gonna talk to you over the table or keep your bunk warm. You keep actin' like you ain't got no right to be happy, and it just ain't true."
"Kaylee, you're damned insubordinate," I growl at her, gorram annoyed at her and the rest o'my crew for goin' feng kuang and tellin' me I oughta be ruttin' with an innocent girl. Leastaways Jayne ain't been on my case.
She smiles at me and pokes me again. "An' you love me for it. Alright, Cap'n. I'll leave you alone. For now." And with that threat, she bounces back off to the floor.
I watch my surgeon and merc, my two pilots and my mechanic all havin' a right ol'time. And Jayne still ain't even drunk. Blowin' th'Alliance all to pieces like that been a good influence on him. He been almost as perky as Kaylee, though I'd never tell him so or he'll get wavin' Vera at me. He don't like bein' reminded he's a big ol' softy under that knit cap o'his Ma's. But I'm done. All this bein' yammered at about my gorram love life done got me tired. I jerk my head at Jayne to let 'im know that I'm goin', and he comes over a sec.
"I'm a send Zo' over to set a spell or take a whirl with y'all," I say an' he nods, flickin' a glance back out at the floor straight over towards River.
"Gorram it, Jayne. Don't you start too," I say, and walk off before he can get a word in. Last thing I need's my gorram corrupt merc, hell, the one as tried to sell her out from under us all not that long ago, tryin' now on sellin' her to me too.
I don't need no sellin' on her. And that's exactly the problem.