Star Wars: A Bond Awakens
Chapter Twelve: Rey the Light-Force Bringer
Ora sat quietly on the bench behind the holo table. She looked at everything in detail, cherishing what little time she spent with Han on his Millennium Falcon.
It felt so empty without him.
The young Jedi tormented herself with thoughts of "What if" and "What could have been". Tears started streaming down her face when she remembered all the good times and thought about how she couldn't make any more with him. He was gone and never coming back.
What if she had gone with Han and Chewy to detonate the explosives instead of tagging behind Finn and Rey? What if she would have talked to Kylo Ren on that bridge...talked to Ben herself instead of Han who ended up dead and lost in the abyss? What if she hadn't run away from Rey back in Takodana's forest and convinced him to come home with her and Han?
What if, what if, what if.
BB-8 rolled up onto the ramp of the Falcon and rolled over to where she sat. She now had her head down, sobbing as quietly as she could. BB-8 started chirping at her. When she didn't answer, he bumped into her leg to get her attention.
She lifted her head and snapped at him. "Let me alone, BB-8, I don't want to talk to you!"
That's it, the voice sneered in its raspy tone, let it out on the droid. Droids don't have feelings after all. Let the anger flow.
Ora picked up a tool that was next to her and chucked it at BB-8, but missed. "Go!"
BB-8 beeped sadly and rolled off the ship.
Ora rested her head back on the holo table. After a moment, she sat up straight and turned it on. The holocreatures were fighting again, slow and glitching because of how old it is. She rested her head in her hand, placing her elbow on the table and staring at the creatures depressingly. Something burned inside her. She felt the heat rise and anger seep out of her soul.
To think, if it wasn't for his own son, Han Solo would still be alive.
She started beating at her head, tear falling in rivers now. "Get out of my head!" When all her energy had been shot, she lay on the bench trying to calm her heart rate.
She hated herself for having no control over that dark voice.
But she hated Ben even more for what he did.
xxx
Ora spent a lot more time with Rey. They trained together when Luke allowed it, they played holo games together in their free time, Rey tried teaching her how certain parts of machines and droids worked and how to fix them, Ora tried helping her with her lightsaber skills. It was a great time especially for Ora. She had selfishly avoided Ben and the twins when he was with them.
She couldn't even look at him without that taunting voice telling her how much love she was missing out on now that Han was dead.
"You seem so distracted lately," Luke noted, trying to train the two girls at the same time despite their different stages of training they were at.
"No, I'm focused," Ora assured him.
They continued meditated. Luke would give them direction on where to focus in the Force when he felt one of them wasn't doing it right. He seemed to be a lot more patient now that there were only three Jedis he was training versus an entire temple full.
A cry interrupted all three of the meditating Jedi. Ora turned to see Ben walking quickly up to them with Tarrin in his arms. "He's hungry. He needs to eat," he said, handing him to Ora. He seemed upset and irritated.
This only flowed through the Force, through their bond and onto her. Of course, she knew it was more than just that. She couldn't get those dark whispers out of her head.
"I'm training." Ora didn't get up from the ground. She had to train. This was the only way she could try and get the voices out. She had to get them out before she did serious damage to something...or someone.
"You can't be serious," Ben seethed. "He's hungry." He stopped suddenly, clenched his jaw and began walking back into the base. "I'll find someone else to feed him then."
Ora quickly got up and ran to him, taking the crying child. She didn't say anything to Ben, she just walked to her own single room and fed him in peace. There was a little glint of thankfulness in her that she was holding him now. She felt more relaxed and less angry...the whispers were quieter now because of the tiny human in her arms.
Eventually he finished eating and fell quickly asleep. She walked back to the chambers where their cribs were and found Ben was sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands. She ignored him, walking into the infants' room, placing him in the empty crib. She walked out, shutting the door quietly behind her. Ora avoided eye contact with the brooding man on the bed and made her way towards the door, but he stopped her.
"What's going on? You are either avoiding me or angry with me. What are you not telling me?" he asked calmly.
"Nothing. Everything's fine, alright?" she said quietly in fear of waking up the children. She began walking out again, but Ben grabbed her and kissed her hard on the mouth. For a split second, she returned it.
If it wasn't for him, you would still have a father and a family with the Jedi at the temple. But he murdered them, too.
Ora pushed him hard away from her, looking at him with a fiery mix of fear and anger.
She stormed out.
"Are you okay, Ora? You're face is red." Finn walked up to her. He had just come out of his sleeping quarters.
She didn't stop walking. Her pace picked up, so he tried matching it, finding it actually a struggle.
"Hey, Ora, slow down!" He grabbed her arm, willing her to stop. She did. "What's going on? Rey told me you've been...not yourself lately."
Ora looked at him. Finn sometimes seemed like he hated her, other times indifferent. But right now, he seemed genuinely concerned. She pushed him back into his room, following him in, and shut the door quickly. She couldn't let anyone see her tears or her what she could no longer hold in anymore.
"I haven't forgiven him, Finn. I can't forgive him." She was crying now.
Finn stood there for a moment, looking at her weirdly. He tried reaching for her awkwardly, but stopped. He tried again, but it was obvious he had no idea and was uncomfortable. "I'm going to get Rey." He nodded to himself. Good idea.
Ora, wiped her tears away as he left. She wasn't sure where to place herself in Finn's room. She should have just held strong long enough to get into her own quarters.
You forget that Finn was with the First Order. He's killed and murdered. He was helping with the massacre of the village that you watched so passively that one eventful, lustful night.
Ora clenched her jaw. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She repeated over and over again for the voice to be gone.
The door burst open with Rey worried like a small child. Her expression was utterly distraught...concerned and horrified. "What's this about not forgiving Ben?"
At first Ora was confused. She thought she would be horrified of the voices, not concerned for Ben. Then she remembered that she hadn't said anything about the voice.
"All I think about is Han. And when I look at Tarrin, I see the destruction that he could become like his father."
Rey furrowed her brows at an utter loss. "I thought you'd forgiven and forgotten."
"That's not so easy when Han was like your father...the only parent you had."
"I know."
Rey took her hand and sat her down in one of the chairs. Finn kind of loomed over them, listening but not saying anything.
"Now I feel terrible," Rey complained.
"What?"
"I only lashed out at Ben because I felt I could. He had you, so I can be mad and unforgiving. But now that I see you aren't..." She trailed off, unsure of how to put everything into the right words.
Finn understood what she was saying. "We can't all be angry and unforgiving towards him. That's what the dark side does; we aren't like them. At least, I don't think we should be. Besides, I don't know about you guys, but I would rather have Kylo Ren on our side then theirs. Remember when he was on their side last time?"
Rey tried to laugh for his sake, obviously trying to lighten the mood.
It wasn't working for Ora. "That's just it. You can't... You can't depend on a single person, or a group of them to decide whether you are for the light or the dark. You shouldn't put such a responsibility on a person. It's too much."
None of them knew what else to say.
Finn certainly didn't. "Maybe you don't really love him."
Ora stared at him with fierce eyes for the longest time before she hit him square in the jaw. Surprisingly enough, she knocked him unconscious.
xxx
Rey was sitting beside the hospital bed holding Finn's hand. Ora sat in the far corner with her arms crossed over her chest. She stared at Finn sorrowfully. Why would she do such a thing? Where was all this anger coming from? She was a Jedi of peace, not violence. Ora clenched her jaw, unable to figure why this was happening and why she couldn't control herself.
It was like Ben and her switched tempers.
"Ora," Rey began.
"Don't," Ora warned, but Rey continued.
"You've never been such an angry person in the few days I've been around you. What's happened?"
Tears streamed down Ora's cheeks. She leaned her head back against the chair, feeling so hopeless. "I have no idea what's happening. All I know is that there are voices in my head." Her voice began to crack. "And I can't get them out."
Rey stood up from her friend's side and ran over to Ora, embracing her tightly. "We must talk to Luke."
Ora shook her head slowly. "He doesn't do well when his padawan's are turning towards the dark." She tried to smile at that like she made a joke.
The scavenger girl looked at her quickly. "What? The dark? They are just voices, Ora. We have doubts and bad thoughts in all of us, we just need to remember that people care for us no matter how dark or negative those thoughts may be."
"It's the dark side I feel through the Force every time I think about Han and every time I look at his face...Ben's presence sparks something bad in me, and I don't understand why I let this darkness control me."
Poe opened the door seeing the tear fest and Finn unconscious on the bed. "Nurse said he'll wake soon. What's with the crying? Did I miss something? Did the droid lie to me? Is he dying?" He dramatically went into panic mode.
"No, no. We were talking about other things," Rey said. "Finn is fine."
He calmed, nodding. "Cool, cool. So what's wrong then?"
Rey was clearly an awful liar. "Just, you know, Jedi training stress. It's practically contagious."
But Poe let her lie. He walked over to Finn, examining his face. "You really got him good, Ora."
She groaned. "I know, I feel horrible."
"You see?" Rey said, looking at her with a sparkling glint of hope. "You're still you. You aren't of the dark side, Ora. You just need help. Please, let Luke help you."
"Wait, wait," Poe said. "The dark side?"
BB-8 rolled into the room. He beeped loudly. The Dark side?
"What's this about the dark side?" the general asked following BB-8 into the room.
Oh, Maker, why is everyone in the Resistance so damned nosy? She was surprised everyone didn't know everything about her and Ben and what's happening between them and what's happening to each of them individually.
Rey frowned. She glanced at Ora, not willing to betray her confidence. It was too late to lie or come up with something. It was obviously the two ladies had shed tears and there really was something wrong. Even if there wasn't any evidence, Ora wasn't sure she could lie to Leia. Not only because she was a mother to her, but because she was an amazing leader of the Resistance and deserves to know anything she might need to.
When Ora looked at Rey, begging her to do or say something.
Rey hesitated for a moment. "General, Ora is stressing over some things, but for now she would like to keep it between her and I. If we need help, we will come to you and Luke straight away."
Ora shrunk slightly in the chair with relief. She would have been okay with Rey if she decided to tell her the whole truth, but she was ever more grateful for buying them time to figure it out.
"Alright, I understand." With that, Leia walked out, BB-8 following her.
Rey looked back at Ora with a bright smile. "I actually have an idea."
xxx
Ora was now dressed in a sleeveless, tight camisole with shorts stopping many inches above her knee. Rey suggested a special kind of stretching and meditated that Luke had taught her when they were away. She said it was one of the first things she learned. Luke insisted on the next time he had padawans, he would make sure to teach them how to keep their mind actively defensive against the darkness.
They two ladies definitely got some heads turned when they walked through the base and out into the grassy hills of D'Qar. Rey laid down two mats on the top of the hill. Ora stood on hers, watching Rey intently on what to do next.
"Alright," Rey said. "They key to this first part of the process is to put your mind and body at peace. It's like stretching and making your body do weird things to find its balance."
Ora adored how she explained things so vaguely.
Rey began to stretch both arms up to the sky in a straight line. You could see every rib bone through her shirt, it was almost as if she never ate. Ora did the same, stretching as high as she could. For whatever reason, she looked directly into the burning purple sun. She smiled and closed her eyes, feeling the light consume her body.
When she opened her eyes again, she saw Rey smiling. "Look at that. It's already working and this is just the warm up! Alright, let's do this." She lifted and bent one of her legs, curving her arm to the send and bending over. She looked like a graceful bird.
At first, Ora wabbled when she tried to copy what her teacher was doing. Ora suddenly laughed.
Rey stopped and relaxed to a normal standing position. "What's so funny?"
"You're my teacher," Ora commented. "Look at you, new Jedi already have a padawan."
"I appreciate the flattery, but I don't specially treat kiss-ups!" Rey said in a fake teacher-kind-of-tone. She continued with the stretches and balanced poses, feeling the peace and Force flow through every vein in her body. "You want to let the Force and all its life flow. Feel it, let it take you to invincible, happy place."
She tried. She watched Rey and focused on every move that intertwined with the Force. It was like an elegant dance that was with a partner you couldn't see. With every slow, careful twist and turn, she felt the beauty of the Force flow about her. She felt the darkness of that voice break its hold of her mind, and in flooded the beauty that the Force was supposed to be.
Finally, after an hour of the stretches and dances, they stopped.
"How do you feel?"
Ora looked around as if the words for it would whisper in the trees. She came to look at Rey with a smile. "I feel free. Oh my Maker, Rey! You are going to be the best Jedi Master and teacher there ever was!" She embraced her dear friend tightly, silently thankful to feel free again.
Rey suddenly let go and grabbed her hand. "I've got another surprise that will be fun!" The scavenger ran wild with Ora's hand in hers. They ran down the hill giggling like small children chasing a drifting kite. When they started up and down another hill, Ora saw exactly what Rey had planned.
They both ran harder.
The two ladies didn't slow as they pounded on the metal dock, reaching the edge, and then jumping into the lack. Ora hit the water feet first, feeling the cool water seep through her clothes. It was refreshing.
Ora swam to the surface, finding Rey already sitting and ripping on the metal dock. "Wasn't that a rush?"
"I'll say," Ora said. The young mother saw a figure at the top of the hill walking towards them.
As he came closer, she saw his face. And this time, she felt love, not darkness. Ora ran to him as hard as her legs would let her. She jumped into his arms, wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him fiercely.
"Well, you seem in a better mood," Ben said in a low, sexy tone. He smiled at her, brushing a wet strand of hair behind her ear.
"I am. And I'm sorry."
"You better be. But I'll get even with you, don't you worry about that." He picked her up quickly, ran hard down the hill and tossed her back into the lake.
She let out a high pitched scream, the biggest smile on her face as she hit the water, this time butt-first. When she got to the surface, she smiled, but looked mad at him. "Get him, Rey!"
Rey laughed, pushing Ben into the water right next to her. Rey jumped in again, splashing the both of them like a child. Ben laughed, all three of them dunking each other deeper into the water.
Suddenly, another body joined in. He resurfaced and grinned. "You guys almost left me out!"
"And me!" Poe yelled, jumping in the water as a tight ball, his arms wrapped around his knees.
"Look who is finally awake! The droids let you out already?" Rey asked, splashing Finn lovingly.
He did the same back. "Yea, and Poe and I were going to ask you guys if you wanted dinner. But who cares? This is more fun!" Finn lifted Rey up and tossed her further away in the lake. She squealed like a little girl.
Ora swam closer to Ben, wrapping her arms around his neck. His hair looked even longer now that it was wet and slicked back with lake water. "I am sorry, love. Can you forgive me?"
"Of course. You don't even have to ask. And I understand if you don't want to talk about it. With me. I don't want you to feel the need to do anything when it comes to me other than do what you want. And be yourself." He stroked her wet hair, kissing her again.
"Ah come on, guys!" Finn whined dramatically. "Get a room!"
Everyone laughed.