Chapter 2: A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools
Hermione awoke at nine the next morning. She would've normally slept in on a Saturday, especially after such a late night, but today she was eager to get out of bed. Without changing from her fuzzy pajamas, Hermione hurried down the stairs that separated her room from Draco's. She knocked lightly but opened the door without waiting for a response.
The handsome Slytherin was sound asleep, sprawled out across the bed on his stomach, and only clad in emerald green sleep trousers. Hermione took a minute to admire the enticingly smooth skin of his bare back. Despite all the times she had scoffed at the notion, the boy really was devastatingly sexy.
She crossed the room silently and climbed into the bed, straddling one of his thighs and resting her knee flush against his perfect arse. Hermione bent down and placed a small kiss at the base of his spine, just above the waistband of his pajamas, before proceeding to lick her way up his neck, which she peppered with kisses.
Draco let out a slight moan and twisted suddenly, pulling the witch down on the bed beside him. She gasped in surprise and he took advantage of the moment to kiss her deeply, probing her mouth with his skillful tongue. After a minute, Hermione pushed him away, panting ever-so-slightly.
"Good morning, Granger," the pure-blood drawled.
"Mmm, good morning," she replied with a smile.
"What time is it?"
"A little after nine. What time do you think Professor Snape gets up?"
Draco stretched his Seeker-honed muscles and yawned. "He sleeps in on the weekends. That's one of the first things every Slytherin learns – don't bother Snape early on a weekend. He doles out some pretty nasty punishment for those that do, no matter what the reason. I think he usually gets up around ten or so. Why?"
Hermione smirked. "Don't you wanna watch the show?"
The blond's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
"I placed a spell on his rooms so that we can watch what happens on that painting by the bookshelf," she replied in a falsely uninterested tone. "It should work somewhat like a Muggle television."
His jaw dropped in shock and then he kissed her again. After thoroughly snogging the brilliant witch, he pulled back and smiled at her, his pale eyes glinting in amusement. "You're unbelievably perfect, Granger. Marry me?"
Hermione chuckled at what she knew was a joke. "I would," she teased, "except your parents would disown you and leave you penniless."
"True," he replied with a grin, "but you can support us both, my dear."
She laughed again. "There's also the small issue of you not being in love with me." This was said without a hint of remorse. She knew that that was how their relationship worked and, strangely enough, she was perfectly fine with that arrangement. "Not that it matters," she quipped, "I'd never marry a pure-blood."
He kissed the tip of her cute freckled nose. "I may not be in love with you, Granger, but I am awfully fond of you. If nothing else, you're unquestionably the most amazing shag I've ever had and that's worth half the Malfoy fortune in my book."
This time it was the Gryffindor who instigated a passionate kiss. Like most boys, Draco didn't talk a lot about his feelings and she had never minded that fact – especially knowing how his family behaved – but every once in awhile, it was nice to hear that he did actually care for her. "Thank you, Draco. I'm quite fond of you as well, you arrogant bastard. Though, I still don't want to marry you."
Draco chuckled and gave her a playful push. "Fine. Fine. Just get out of my bed. I've gotta piss."
Hermione wrinkled her nose and crawled out of the luxurious four-poster. She watched the sleepy blond disappear into his bathroom before walking out to their shared living area. She lit the cold hearth with her wand and called down to the kitchens for some breakfast and coffee, a special privilege that had come with their title. The Head students often mused that Dumbledore had invented small perks such as that to console them for having to live together. Of course, they had never bothered to inform the old man that his continuing efforts were unnecessary.
After placing her order, she walked over to the landscape painting that she had bewitched the night before and tapped her wand against the golden frame. The watercolors instantly disappeared, leaving a blank black canvas for a moment before being replaced by fuzzy static that reminded the Muggle-born of the "snow" on her parents' TV set. As she intoned the necessary incantation, the picture seemed to tune itself until a crystal clear view of the professor's office came into focus. The room was quiet and everything appeared as they had left it the night before.
Draco walked in behind the witch, put his arms around her waist, and looked up at her handiwork. "You really are brilliant," he whispered into her ear, then pressed a tender kiss to the sensitive skin behind her lobe.
Hermione smiled and leaned back against him. "Watch," she told him as she tapped the frame and repeated the charm. Just like changing channels on a Muggle remote, the picture flicked over to a shot of the Potions master's study, which was as uninhabited as his office had been.
"Does it have sound, too?" Draco asked.
"Of course," she replied, her eyes straining to ascertain any movement outside the periphery of the screen. "He must not be up yet, unless he went to breakfast."
The wizard shook his head, tickling the back of her neck with his hair. "No, I told you, he doesn't eat breakfast in the Great Hall on the weekends. He's probably still asleep."
Just then, a house-elf bearing a tray laden with their breakfast appeared in the middle of the room with a faint pop. Hermione suggested that they eat while they wait on their sleepy-headed target to make an appearance. The pair sat on stools at the counter that divided their common room from the small kitchenette and ate heartily, hoping that they'd need the energy later that day.
As they were finishing up their coffee, Hermione caught movement out the corner of her eye. Turning toward the bewitched artwork, she saw Professor Snape moving about his study, his trademark black robes billowing out behind him. She shot Draco a semi-panic-stricken glance and they both moved to stand in front of the charmed picture frame. Draco placed his hand on the small of the girl's back in a comforting gesture. "Here goes nothing."
Hermione nodded solemnly, her gaze focused on the professor's projected form as he left his study. She tapped the frame and changed the view to his deserted office. A moment later, the couple watched their hapless victim enter through a hidden door behind his desk and light the candles, illuminating the small room. He stifled a yawn and approached the cold fireplace. With a flick of his wand, flames shot up from the ever-burning logs.
The sullen wizard took a pinch of the Floo powder from a tin on the mantle and threw it into the fire. The room took on a green glow as the magical dust took effect, and he stooped and stuck his head into the flames. Draco and Hermione heard him declare, "Hogwarts kitchen," but was unable to hear anything else as the connection was made. As they had anticipated, he was ordering his usual weekend brunch.
While they waited for Snape to complete his transaction, Draco levitated the couch around and landed it softly, directly behind them. He pulled the Gryffindor, whose attention was still focused on the charmed screen, down onto the cushions, shrugging at her surprised expression. "Figured we might as well be comfortable." Hermione grinned in approval and settled back against his extended arm.
Before anything else was said, their attention was once again drawn to the professor's movement. He had pulled his head from the fire and was moving across the room again. Just as he sat behind the large mahogany desk, his black leather chair sighing beneath him, a house-elf popped into the room, carrying a sterling silver serving tray that held a tea service for one and a covered dish of food.
Hermione recognized their enthusiastic little accomplice immediately and knew that their plan was, thus far, falling seamlessly into place. She and Draco watched in anticipation as Dobby placed the tray in front of the wizard, gave a polite bow, and quickly popped back out of the room, just as they had suggested. Hermione had been especially eager not to get the helpful elf in trouble with Professor Snape or the headmaster for his assistance. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if he got fired from his first paying job because of their prank.
Hermione quickly put those thoughts aside as she watched the deliciously dark Slytherin pour himself a cup of tea and take a sip. He swallowed and then grimaced at the teacup before sitting it down on the saucer and opening the lid on the pot itself. The lines on his forehead creased in confusion as he peered into the murky contents. He picked up his wand and pointed it wordlessly at the unsuspecting pot. With a splash, two large brown seeds flew out of the dark liquid and into the man's open hand. He glared at the unknown items suspiciously and muttered, "What the hell?" before bringing them up to his large nose and sniffing gingerly.
As Hermione had expected, he ascertained their identity immediately. Dried Guatemalan cacao pods. What the witch wasn't sure of was whether or not the Potions master knew their purpose. She had read of their usage while studying the ancient magical civilization of the Mayas, the summer before last. The Mayas believed that these particular pods had the inert power to increase a person's passion if consumed either whole or steeped in boiled water. Hermione had no idea if that was really true or not, but it certainly couldn't hurt. Plus, as Draco had pointed out, if Snape did in fact know of their purpose, which was likely, then his discovery of them would only aid in his comprehension of the purpose behind their prank.
The professor frowned at the dark pods and placed them on the saucer, allowing them to rest against the teacup that he wouldn't be using again. He then removed the silver cover from his plate and gasped in alarm. "Sweet Merlin! What the hell is going on?"
Hermione and Draco broke into a fit of laughter as they eyed the food in front of the Slytherin Head of House. They had given the house-elf some basic guidelines but had left it mostly up to him to decide the menu, and from the looks of the tray, Dobby hadn't let them down.
Everything on the plate was sexually suggestive. There were raw oysters, cherries, ripe figs, miniature chocolate casts of the female anatomy, and several phallic shaped items, including asparagus spears, a peeled banana, and a large sausage link. It was a veritable aphrodisiacal smorgasbord. The professor would've had to be blind not to get the innuendo of the meal in front of him.
Snape's comprehension became obvious when he sneered at the offending plate in disgust. He was halfway to the fireplace, undoubtedly to Floo the kitchens and hex the cooking staff, when the realization hit him. He slapped his hand to his forehead. "April bloody Fools' Day." With a sneer, he returned to his desk and pointed his wand at the tray, shouting, "iEvanesco/i," and vanishing the entire tray with enough venomous disdain that he could've just as easily cast the Killing Curse instead.
Draco snorted but Hermione glanced at the blond uneasily. "I hope we don't make him too angry."
He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Don't worry so much, Granger." She gave him a forced smiled and turned her attention back to the aggravated wizard, who had sat himself back behind his desk.
Having resigned himself to not having a decent meal that morning, Severus prepared to start grading the essays that had been accumulating over the past week. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out his favorite grading quill – a long, sleek black feather with hints of green at the tips and a nib stained blood red from repetitive use, slashing across abysmal assignments. He also pulled an antique inkwell from the drawer before picking up the first sheet of parchment from the pile and beginning to read.
The essay started out wrong, right off the bat. The assignment he had given the fifth-years on Monday was twelve inches on the uses of the exotic Dodo in potion making, not "The Uses of the Erotic Dildo", as this student had thought. Severus smirked at the title before taking his quill in hand and making to dip it into the ink.
When the nib touched the rim if the decanter, two very strange things happened simultaneously. The well Transfigured itself from its usual simple appearance to a beautifully sculpted replica of the female genitalia, the vaginal opening leading to the ink within. At the same time, the professor's favorite quill changed as well, morphing in his hand until he was holding a very realistic, albeit thin, latex dildo. Snape gasped in shock and dropped the phallic object, which landed with a dull thud on his desk. He stared at the two Transfigured items in disbelief.
At this point, Hermione and Draco were almost in tears from laughing so hard. So far, all of their charms were working perfectly and the wizard's comical reaction couldn't have been better.
Severus' expression of shocked disbelief was quickly replaced by a vicious sneer. He ripped his desk drawer open and snatched out another quill. Leaning forward, he cautiously inserted the tip into the disturbingly erotic inkwell. Upon the simulated act of penetration, a very convincing feminine moan of pleasure issued from the altered well. He quickly pulled his arm back, and in doing so, noticed that, like before, the quill had become a plastic cock, this one bright orange.
With a frustrated growl, he dropped the second dildo on the desk and it wobbled next the first one. He stood up, drew his wand, and stalked angrily to the closed door. The room was quiet for several minutes as he tried to detect a magical signature on both the entrance to his office and the Transfigured items. When his spells failed to produce anything unusual, he sat back in his chair with a sigh. Apparently, his stellar record of avoiding all April Fools' Day festivities had come to a crashing end, and he couldn't even take solace in the fact that he could identify the culprits. Blasted children! If he had his way, the whole bloody holiday would be banned.
With another aggravated sigh, he reached into his drawer and extracted every quill in its depths, about ten in total. He laid them out on his desk and, one by one, systematically tested them all.
The dungeon office was soon filled with simulated moans in various degrees of ecstasy, the wizard's growls of frustration, and the muted thuds of each dildo being thrown down. When he had run out of quills, he sat back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose as he glared at the rainbow assortment of latex cocks that covered his desk. Although it infuriated him that someone had taken such liberties with his property, he had to admit that whoever had orchestrated this prank was quite talented. He just wished he knew how the bloody hell they had gotten into his office.
The guilty parties were meanwhile sipping water and trying to catch their breath from laughing so much. The professor had fallen right into their trap. They really couldn't have scripted it any better. Now they just hoped that he'd be able to move from being ticked off to being turned on. That was a big leap.
As they watched, Snape picked up his wand and vanished the former quills and inkwell. He let out an agitated sigh as he reached down and pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk. Reaching in the back, he extracted a long, slender black box.
Hermione and Draco glanced at each other curiously. She shrugged and turned back to the perturbed wizard, who opened the lid of the box to reveal, interestingly enough, an expensive Muggle pen set.
"What the hell?" Draco muttered. "I wasn't expecting that." The Muggle-born witch just smirked in approval. At least she wasn't the only one who thought that quills were ridiculously outdated and usually more trouble than they were worth.
Severus removed the pen from the case and pushed the box out of the way. He pulled the stack of essays towards him, uncapped the pen, and scribbled across the top of the first piece of parchment. To his immense relief, the black ink appeared just as it should and the pen stayed a pen. He smirked in satisfaction.
He corrected the ridiculous title of the first essay with a scathing remark before reading on. However, he didn't make it through the first paragraph before realizing that the essay had been altered as well. Instead of a sloppy assignment on an exotic potion ingredient as expected, it was complete, unadulterated smut. He flipped to the next page and scanned the lines, then the next essay, then the next. They were all rubbish – not duplicates of each other but each unique, extremely x-rated, and quite raunchy. Against his will, his body started to respond to the stimuli. With a grimace, he pushed the stack of parchment away.
Realizing that he wouldn't be getting any work done today, Severus turned in his chair and made to stand up, only to be suddenly restrained. He looked down and exclaimed, "Oh, for pity's sake!"
Around each wrist was a fuzzy pink handcuff, securing him to the chair. He turned his wrists and pulled at the revolting cuffs and, after a few seconds, they vanished completely, leaving nothing behind. Free once again, the professor smirked. Annoying as it was, that had been quite an impressive bit of magic. It was difficult enough to conjure such a thing out of thin air, let alone to be able to time it to happen while the caster is out of the room. He was starting to seriously wonder who had been skilled enough, sneaky enough, and depraved enough to set all of this up. The Weasley twins were the first suspects to come to mind, but not only were they no longer students at Hogwarts, he was positive that the ginger-haired wizards would never target him in such a manner. He had given them quite a few pointers, after all, on the Potions aspect of their business and, in return, they had given him a very small, silent share of their enterprise. As annoying as they were to teach, the clever little brats had made quite well for themselves.
Contemplating who else could be to blame for today's antics, he stood up – this time unhampered – and headed for his private rooms. Despite the early hour, he was in desperate need of a stiff drink.
Once the dark-haired man had exited out of the office, Hermione stood and recast the spell on the magical painting to switch the view to the study. She sat back beside Draco and watched as the older wizard entered the darkened room and made his way to the liquor cabinet, lighting the fireplace and lamps as he went. He turned over one of the tumblers on the tray, grabbed a bottle of Firewhisky, and poured himself several fingers.
When the former spy downed the glass of whiskey, the Head students grinned deviously at each other. Unbeknownst to him, they had laced the professor's glasses with an undetectable potion of Fred and George's creation. It was an ingenious little elixir that increased the consumer's libido. It didn't perform like a love or lust potion, creating false affections for the supplier; it simply intensified the drinker's sexual desires for several hours. Hermione and Draco had played with the potion several times and thought it was perfect for their prank today.
Severus poured himself a second glass and went to sit in the armchair closest to the fire. He sighed deeply, enjoying the sanctity of his personal space and knowing that no one could have penetrated his wards here. He took a sip from his glass before picking up the book lying on his coffee table. It was a Muggle novel that he had been reading the last few days, and immersing himself in its story sounded like a good way of forgetting the annoyances of the morning.
Before opening the book, he lowered the flames in the Floo and loosened the collar of his robes. Little did he realize, the warmth he felt creeping over him was not from the fire but from the potion beginning to take effect. Feeling only marginally cooler, the clueless wizard opened the novel to the page he had marked the night before and gasped. Instead of the lines of literature that he had been expecting, the pages were filled with erotic moving photographs. He flipped through the book and saw that the entire thing was full of pornography in varying degrees of intensity, featuring a myriad of subjects – men and women, men and men, and women and women. He noticed that a majority of the scenes featured three-way action between two men and a woman.
As Severus perused the pages, he felt his arousal increase and his pants tighten. He wasn't normally into the typical Neanderthal pleasures of Blue Pensieves or porn magazines, but he was beginning to feel quite randy. Perhaps a visit to Knockturn Alley would be in order this weekend.
He leaned over and downed the rest of his Firewhisky and then stared into the empty glass, suddenly understanding what was going on. If the pranksters who had been tormenting him all morning were able to get into his rooms to alter his book, then who's to say that they hadn't drugged his bottle of Ogden's as well? That would certainly explain his increased state of arousal. He hadn't tasted or smelt anything unusual, but he was all too aware that there were a whole host of ways to make a potion undetectable. He frowned at the half-full bottle before vanishing it with his wand.
Hermione and Draco laughed at his assumption. They had purposely not spiked the whiskey directly, so as not to ruin the entire bottle, but the professor had taken care of that himself. The Head Boy made a mental note to send the wizard a fresh bottle from the case his father had given him for Christmas. He wasn't particularly fond of the fiery bourbon anyway.
Severus huffed and sat back against the stiff cushions of the armchair. It had already been an insufferably long day and he'd only been awake for a little over an hour. Blasted children, or colleagues – at this point, he really didn't know who to blame. The whole sordid ordeal was obviously supposed to be sexual, but who would be delusional enough to make him the target of such debauchery? His students saw him as the Greasy Bat of the Dungeons, so surely none of them would try to seduce him in this manner. And then there were his coworkers. Sybil, if truth be told, had been trying to sink her gin-soaked hooks into him for years, but the crackpot didn't possess a fourth of the magical talent he had been victim to that morning. Albus had both the power and the foolish love of the holiday to accomplish such a thing, but his pranks usually involved all the Potions master's prized ingredients being replaced by sweets – which reminded him, he needed to check his stores immediately. Minerva, on the other hand, hated April Fools' Day nearly as much as he did and no one else within the castle had the nerve to mess with the ex-Death Eater's property. His reputation for hexing first and asking questions later worked in his favor in this instance. Even Peeves generally stayed away from him. Though, if it had been the work of the poltergeist, there'd be a tell-tale smattering of ectoplasm all over his rooms.
Severus sighed as he began to absently thumb through the book in his hands. The solution to the riddle felt like it was staring him in the face, but was just out of his grasp. It was nearly maddening and he soon gave up trying. His hormones were in overdrive, thanks to the depraved individual that had chosen him as their victim today, and his brain wasn't functioning at its usual speed. Instead of fighting the effects of whatever toxin was currently churning in his bloodstream, he figured he might as well enjoy it. He could already feel his body's increasing demand for release and it'd more than likely only exacerbate the problem to ignore it.
With another sigh, he turned his attention to the moving photographs in the book and the attractive witch who was currently sucking off two wizards at once. Her hair was the color of honey-covered almonds and reminded him of someone, but he couldn't quite put his finger on who as the haze began to seep through his mind.
Hermione gasped when the professor began to rub himself through his trousers. "Looks like we're going to get a sneak peek."
"Indeed it does," Draco replied, feeling his own cock twitch excitedly.
The pair stared transfixed as Snape continued to immerse himself in the carnal scenes in the book and rub himself, eventually freeing his manhood from its fabric confines. With lust-filled eyes, they watched as he tentatively began to stroke himself, a small moan escaping his thin lips when his hand first made contact.
It was quite a sight to behold. Hermione had never seen more than the man's hands and face exposed in all the years that she had known him, but here she was, gazing upon the trickle of fine black hair on his lower abdomen, the smooth pale skin stretched taunt across his enormous, hard shaft, and the surprising scarcity of pubic hair. His package, in its entirety, was beautiful, if such a word could be used to describe such a monstrous appendage.
"My gods, he's huge!" the Gryffindor squeaked.
Draco chuckled at her succinct assessment but was truthfully just as surprised. "I guess that's what he's been trying to hide under those bulky robes all these years."
Neither of the spectators could pull their eyes from the screen as the severe wizard laid his head back against the chair, his dark eyes fluttering shut as his strokes increased. Before long, he reached his climax and came with a raspy gasp that left both his students unbelievably turned on and eagerly anticipating the man's reaction to their finale.
Severus cleaned up the mess with a shaky flick of his wand, pulled his trousers back up, and slumped back into the chair, his breathing slightly erratic. But even as his muscles sagged in relief, he could feel the insatiable demands of the suspected lust potion reasserting themselves. Whoever had concocted this humorless prank had apparently wanted him to spend the day wanking off like a schoolboy. He irritably readjusted himself in the chair as blood began to make its way to his deflated cock again. In the movement, the pornographic novel, which had been lying open on his chest, fell to the floor and closed with a snap.
As if on cue, the mantel over his fireplace suddenly lit up with a series of unnatural lights and caught the professor's attention. From where he sat, the display appeared to be several fairies moving about – dancing perhaps – with their lights ablaze.
Snape stood and walked to the mantel to inspect the show more closely. The lights did, in fact, turn out to be fairies, but he had been seriously wrong about the dancing. There were four pairs of fairies flittering about, each engaged in various sexual acts, perfecting some pretty impressive positions considering that they were airborne at the time. He studied the copulating creatures with a curious expression for a moment before noticing something else out of place. A small sheet of parchment with neat green writing that seemed to glow in the fairy light had been placed unobtrusively on the dark wood. Without the floor show, it might have been days before he found it, which, he suspected, had been the point. Frowning, Severus picked up the short missive and began to read.
Happy April Fools' Day, Severus!
Today's entertainment was brought to you
by Hogwarts' Head Boy and Girl.
We hope you enjoyed it!
'Specialis Finite Incantatem' will put
everything back as it was.
P.S. If you wish to discuss today's events or
dole out some much-deserved punishment,
we'll be available in our private common room at six p.m.
We'll leave the Floo open for you convenience.
Hermione grabbed Draco's hand and they watched with bated breath as the dark-haired wizard stared at their note. This was it. All of their fantasies, plotting, and work culminated into one blaringly silent moment. There was no turning back now and there would be no possible way for them to deny it had been their doing. Hermione felt vaguely sick and the blond pure-blood, sensing the witch's distress, wrapped both his arms around her and pulled her into a reassuring embrace, murmuring words of encouragement into her curls.
Severus stared in shock at the letter in his hands, reading it three times to make sure that he understood it properly. Still, he couldn't believe the words on the paper. He could accept the fact that the two brightest students in the school – possibly in recent Hogwarts history – had the talent to pull off such complex spells, but beyond that, he was dumbfounded.
He sat the sheet of parchment back on the mantel and took a deep breath to steady his magically-frayed nerves before walking back to the coffee table and picking up his wand. With one last glance at the undulating fairies, he muttered, "Specialis Finite Incantatem," and everything went black.
The Head students watched the painting return to the original landscape and then turned to each other.
"Well, we did it," Draco announced, somewhat unnecessarily, as he released his grip on the girl.
Hermione nodded. "I'm pretty happy with the results, too. Everything worked just like we planned."
He kissed her temple. "Your spells were bloody brilliant, Granger."
She smiled at the blond's compliment. "Thanks, but I'm not sure Professor Snape is going to agree. How do you think he took it?"
Draco shrugged. "I'm not sure. I mean, he obviously got turned on by it all, but he didn't show much outward reaction when he read the note. I think he was more surprised by it all than anything. If he was angry, he would have shown it. So, the lack of cursing and fairy homicide works in our favor, but it's still hard to say how he's going to respond."
Hermione, whose stomach was full of butterflies or possibly a herd of Hungarian Horntails, buried her face in the boy's bare chest. "I guess we're just gonna have to wait. The suspense is going to kill me though."
"He'll probably be in the Great Hall for lunch, since we ruined his breakfast," he replied, swatting an errant curl out of his face. "Maybe we'll be able to gauge his mood a little better in person."
The witch suddenly jumped up. "I have to get in the shower! It's nearly lunch time!"
Draco laughed but stood as well and stretched. "Me, too. Meet me here in thirty minutes and we'll walk down together. It'll be better to present a united front."
"Then I better hurry," she said with a wink, knowing that it took the prissy blond far longer to get ready than it took her.
After that comment, they separated, each heading to their private bathrooms. Thirty-two minutes later, Hermione, dressed in hip-hugging jeans and a baby blue jumper, rejoined Draco in the common room. The blond wore tailored black slacks and a dark purple buttoned-down shirt. His silky hair was pulled back and tied at the nape of his neck.
The Gryffindor smiled at her sexy friend. "You look hot."
"I know," the pure-blood replied and then laughed when she punched him in the shoulder. "And you look beautiful as always, Granger." Brilliant or not, all witches craved compliments.
She smiled. "That's more like it."
Draco smirked as he held out his hand chivalrously. "Shall we?"
Hermione linked her arm in his and they left their rooms, heading for the Great Hall. The majority of the student body had gotten used to seeing the Head Boy and Girl together, even though they had been enemies during their prior school years, so no one gave them a second glance as they walked down the Grand Staircase arm in arm.
"You ready for this?" Draco asked as they stopped just outside the closed double doors.
She gave him a nervous smile. "Just so you know, if he tries to hex us, I'm using you as a human shield."
The blond chuckled. "A fine display of that legendary Gryffindor bravery."
With that, he dropped her arm and pushed open the heavy doors. Both sets of eyes darted immediately to the staff table at the front of the hall. The Potions master, who had obviously been expecting their arrival, pinned them in an intense glare. His expression practically oozed rage but even from a distance, they could see the residual heat in his eyes, no doubt a side effect from the potion they had slipped him. They each flashed him a cheeky smile and, seemingly against his will, the professor's thin lips curled upward in amusement.
After a quick good-bye and a reminder to stay away from the pumpkin juice, the Head students parted and each went to their usual seats. Hermione sat next to Ginny and across from the boys, who were both grinning from ear to ear. As soon as her butt hit the bench, the food appeared on the tables. Harry and Ron exchanged a conspiratorial wink as they watched everyone begin to serve themselves.
Within minutes, a symphony of loud bangs filled the hall, accompanied by puffs of thick smoke. All four house tables, along with the staff table, were soon eclipsed by the mysterious white vapor. There was an outbreak of muted chatter and whispering but as the smoke began to dissipate, the room erupted in a mixture of screams, gasps, exclaimed curses, and laughter.
Hermione looked around in shock at the rainbow of colors throughout the room. Apparently, everyone who had partaken of the spiked juice had been rewarded by having their hair dyed a violent color. The hall was spattered with neon pinks, greens, oranges, and blues. She laughed out loud when she saw that the headmaster was now sporting a head and beard of long bright purple hair. She also noted with satisfaction that Draco's luxurious blond locks and Professor Snape's silken raven ones were unharmed.
Harry and Ron stood up from the Gryffindor table and appraised their handiwork with huge grins. "Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!" they shouted in unison, which was followed by a round of wild applause and more exclaimed cursing. A blue-haired girl from the Hufflepuff table threw a roll at the back of Ron's head.
The wizards took their seats and looked to the Head Girl, obviously expecting praise for their perceived brilliancy. She was barely able to resist the urge to roll her eyes, but she did manage to congratulate them on a job well done. She was glad now that Draco had talked her out of doing anything so juvenile.
For nearly half an hour, there were more disruptive bangs, puffs of smoke, and peals of laughter throughout the room as the students who hadn't caught on already were victimized and others purposely drank the tainted juice in order to try out the different colors. Hermione, whose nerves were already on edge, was immensely grateful when Dumbledore stood from his gilded chair and cleared his throat loudly to get everyone's attention. The hall fell silent immediately. The old man waved his wand and vanished the remaining remnants of the pumpkin juice before addressing the students. "Happy April Fools' Day indeed! We should all thank Messrs. Potter and Weasley for their practical joke, and I dare say Weasley's Wizard Wheezes deserves a fair share of the credit, as well." His blue eyes twinkled with amusement when they fell upon the cluster of seventh-years at the Gryffindor table.
"Yes, sir," Ron replied with a grin.
"And how long can we expect to be a more colorful Hogwarts, Mr. Weasley?" the headmaster asked, running his fingers through his vividly-tinted beard.
"About twelve hours," the redhead replied, his freckled cheeks turning pink.
"Wonderful!" Dumbledore exclaimed, truly delighted. "A well-executed prank, gentlemen."
The boys both grinned smugly as the violet-haired wizard took his seat again, completely impervious to the disgusted glare that Snape shot them. No doubt, the Potions master was furious that the miscreant Gryffindors had actually been congratulated for such infantile behavior. Hermione, despite her love for the two young men, was in a mind to agree with the professor. If it had been any other students, the reception surely wouldn't have been as warm. It was true that, after all Harry had been through, he deserved a little leniency, but sometimes the headmaster's obvious preferential treatment went a little too far. Those who knew the old man best, knew that his behavior towards the Boy-Who-Lived stemmed from equals parts true affection and residual guilt.
When Snape's eye caught hers, the Head Girl smiled sympathetically and his icy glare seemed to melt away. He nodded almost imperceptibly before looking away. Hermione's heart thumped excitedly against her chest as she glanced at the Slytherin table. Draco, who had seen the quick exchange, winked at her.
"So, what are you up to this afternoon, Hermione?" Harry asked, drawing her attention back to her own table.
"Nothing really," she replied with a shrug. It was a true enough answer; she pretty much had time to burn until that evening.
"Why don't you come out to the Quidditch pitch with us? We're just going to be playing around anyway. You can sit with Lavender and Luna and be our cheerleaders." Hermione made a face and Harry laughed. "Okay, okay, you don't have to cheer. Just come and watch. We don't get to see you much anymore." He emphasized the last part with a pout.
Hermione rolled her eyes at her bespectacled friend but knew he was being truthful; they had been apart much more this year than they had in the past and really, she could use the distraction. She'd worry herself sick without something to do. "Okay, I'll come."
"Great!" Harry replied with a grin. "Do you think you could get Malfoy to come, too? I'd be nice to have some decent competition."
"Oh, I see how it is," she said, pretending to be annoyed. "Using me to get to Draco."
He chuckled. "Who would've ever thought that that would happen? But I do want you to come, too."
She just rolled her eyes again and laughed before Ginny drew her into a conversation about a sixth-year Ravenclaw that she had her eye on. The rest of lunch passed by without incident.
After they finished eating, Hermione met the Head Boy in the Entrance Hall as the Gryffindors went to retrieve their brooms. "Harry wants you to go play with him," she told the blond.
Draco arched his eyebrow. "Does he, now? That could be interesting."
She snorted. "Quidditch, you prat. Get your mind out of the gutter."
"Pity, but I suppose I do need to conserve my energy for tonight," he replied with a grin. "Quidditch sounds like fun."
Hermione waited as he went to get his Firebolt XP and then they walked down to the pitch together to meet up with Harry, Ron, and the rest of the students that had shown up to play. Hermione sat with the small group of spectators and watched the makeshift teams battle, silently wishing that she had thought to bring a book with her. She had never really enjoyed Quidditch. She, of course, always cheered for Harry during matches but that was more for solidarity reasons than actual interest in the game. As the proud lioness that she was, she refused to lose the House Cup to anyone, including Draco, no matter what their personal involvement was. But without that incentive, she was bored to tears. Since Harry and Draco were flying too fast to actively keep track of them, the only interesting facet of the afternoon was watching the colorful whirls pass overhead as the victims of Ron and Harry's prank flew around the pitch.
After nearly three hours of tedium, the Snitch was finally caught in a particularly flashy move by the Slytherin Seeker. Relieved that the game was over, Hermione stood and stretched her atrophied muscles as she watched the players touch down on the field. Both Harry and Draco were grinning madly after such an exhilarating match. They both loved playing the sport and their skill levels were equal enough to provide them with a real challenge. Without the House rivalry to worry about, they enjoyed the competition immensely.
Hermione smiled when she saw Harry give the blond pure-blood a congratulatory slap on the back after they dismounted their brooms. Her green-eyed friend had matured a great deal in some respects and was finally starting to be able to let the past go. Ever since she and Draco had become friends, Harry had been slowly but surely warming up to the Slytherin. She doubted that they'd ever be best mates or anything, but it was enough for her that they could be in the same vicinity without trying to hex each other.
The Head Girl wound her way down the stairs and across the pitch with the other girls, and by the time she made it to the changing rooms, most of the players were emerging, including Harry, Ron, and Draco. She congratulated both Seekers just as Ron was attacked by his overzealous girlfriend, Lavender. Hermione shot them her best oh-get-a-room glare – a look that was well-practiced on the amorous couple – before strolling off towards the castle with Draco on one arm and Harry on the other.
As the windswept group of students trudged back up to the school, someone suggested a round of hot cocoa in the Great Hall to warm them up and it was no surprise that everyone quickly agreed. The house-elves' decadent cocoa was practically legendary.
After two cups and hearing the details of the game rehashed ad nauseam, Hermione and Draco excused themselves and headed back to their dormitory. If Snape decided to accept their invitation, they had a little over an hour before his arrival and there was much to be done.
More to come... Please Review!
Chapter title courtesy of Douglas Adams. The idea of the cacao pods are courtesy of the movie Chocolat. I also must admit that the idea for the "aphrodisiacal smorgasbord" came from another HG/SS fanfic that I read a long time ago. I honestly can't remember the title or I would give the author credit. Thank you, whoever you are.