Soldier – Failure

Soldier was an Atychiphobic.

The thought of failure both disgusted and terrified him. Every time he realized that he had done something wrong, he felt panic wash over him as he ground his teeth in frustration. It was always these times he was glad he was wearing his helmet; no one could see his face becoming flush.

That's why he was so harsh with his comrades.

Whenever the team failed a mission and the feeling of dread that was slowly building up inched into him, he shouted at the others, blaming them for their actions that led them to lose a fight or fail to capture the Intel. He scolded them harshly until he felt all of the blame shift off of his shoulders.

It all started when he was a child.

Whenever he did something that was not perfect or even anywhere near perfect, his father would scream at him and, on particularly bad days, beat him. The American could remember crying over his failures, only for his father to scoff and march off, shouting blasphemies and obscenities at him.

It hurt so much.

He slowly became terrified of his work and actions failing, the thought of another verbal lashing or savage beating chilling him to the bone. Whenever he saw that he had done poorly, he tried to hide it from his father and pray that he never found out.

But he always would.

Even at his age of 48 years, he could never let go of the fear, never stop feeling fists against his ribs and he could never stop hearing the scathing remarks off 'pathetic little brat' or 'piece of dumb dirt'.

He wanted to be perfect.

But it would not always be.

~*~

The whole RED team groaned in anguish as the Administrator announced their disappointing defeat, her ice-cold voice stabbing the air with venomous words. On the other side, the BLU Team were cheering and were generally merry with the results of their victory.

"Damn Spies…" Engineer moaned, rubbing the back of his head with a gloved hand.

"Just when I thought things couldn't get stupid, a bloody Demoman hits me with a couple grenades!" Sniper grimaced as he recalled the rather painful death via explosion.

"I mean what the hell! It just ain't fair that those dumbasses could pull of some stupid ass trick to win!" Scout ranted, trying to fill in any inch of silence that dared to sneak in.

Soldier kept quiet, fear bubbling up in his stomach as he went over what had happened. The BLU Scout had managed to get their Intel quickly and it was all over faster than… well, a Scout. As soon as those wretched words left the ominous speakers, he felt nausea rise up and his father's words skulked into his head...

"MAGGOTS!" He screamed, catching everyone else's attention. "THAT WAS ONE OF THE LAZIEST BATTLES I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"

Spy rolled his eyes with a gentle sigh. "And here we go with the scolding…"

Soldier's obscured eyes darted to the Frenchman in question. "DON'T THINK YOU'RE EXCLUDED FROM THIS AS WELL, FRENCHIE!" He barked loudly, continuing his rant. "YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO IMPROVE IF WE'RE TO WIN THIS WAR!"

As the Soldier continued his reprimanding, he could only let a small amount of relief go through him as he felt the blame for the team's failure slip slowly off of his shoulders.

If only he could always be free from the feeling…

Next:
Pyro